Urban Word Wednesday: Helicopter

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Helicopter: 1) When you swing your penis around in a circle and make the noise of a helicopter. 2) Sexual act with the female on top. The female does a split and inserts lubed penis into vagina. The male then grabs hold of the female’s legs and spins her around rapidly, similar to that of a helicopter’s blades. Has a high failure rate, roughly 100%.

Examples Of Use:

It all started with August McLaughlin’s post on girl boners on Monday. I read it, loved it, commented and went on my merry way. That is until hubby and I hit the movies. We went to see Flight on Monday evening and went early to ensure we got optimal seats. There we sat munching our popcorn when hubby decides he and I are going to be part of the movie pre-show for all the other early birds.

He pulls out his Galaxy III and reads out loud the following comment fun he had enjoyed on August’s post earlier that day.

Then we proceed to have this conversation.

Me: I cannot believe you mentioned the Helicopter on August’s blog. My god. You know there are probably 18 kinky/nasty things that it means online…good lord, now all the blogosphere is going to think you and I are into even weirder shit than they already do.

Hubby: girl boner in theory is all fine and dandy but I’m sorry…the visual of you growing a wang to suds up in the shower and twirl around and around to do the Helicopter was too much to bare. I lost my shit a little bit.

Me: well duh…I don’t want a physical manifestation either but I think August’s point was more to women’s pleasure being higher on our radar from day 1.

Hubby: and I am all for it…but the term girl boner…I couldn’t get past it.

Me: hopefully Kristy doesn’t think we are into the sexual act of the Helicopter…I mean, who at our age could do the splits and hold the pose while getting turned around on a dick?!? Sounds more like Mission Impossible than the Helicopter to me! We are definitely not into kink like that!  

Hubby: what’s with the “we” shit? I’d totally be into that!

 Me: I bet you would since you wouldn’t the one having to do the splits and get swung around…

Ever seen a version of the Helicopter? Think you’d like a girl boner? Your partner more kinky than you? How do you balance your different needs? Come on…share the wealth…

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An intimate apparel overhaul

A weekend for a total intimate apparel overhaul

We laugh a lot about underwear here and over at Jenny Hansen’s (her undie chronicles are a staple in blogosphere hilarity). Here, we’ve partied to the panty anthem (you know…music that makes you want to take em’ off), panty’s for two (oh yes…get jiggy with your favorite person), kegel panties (cause tighter is always better), famine undies (cause we all got some nasties in the drawer…you  know you do!), and who could forget c-sting undies (the stand-alone thongs).

Today, I want to talk a little more seriously about the underwear drawer.

When hubby and I first got together, my underwear drawer consisted of a colorful collection of Hanes bikini undies in pink, white, black and blue. I am ashamed to admit, most of them were in famine undie state but whatever…they were comfortable, right? Broken in. Like an extension of my ass.

That was until hubby told me that those undies were like putting no-name steak sauce on a piece of Grade A steak.

Ever since, hubby and I have been in a panty drawer battle. I upgraded from Hanes to Calvin Klein bikinis with a 3-year-old nude bra. Voila, right? Not quite what he had in mind but he seemed to acquiesce. Then, last week, hubby said something to me that stopped me in my tracks.

I don’t get it. You are so into fashion, sexy, cute and sparkle when it comes to your clothes. You love feeling gorgeous. I don’t get why that doesn’t translate to your under clothes. I’d have thought you’d have wanted to have fun and feel super cute and pretty with bras and panties that sort of complement your personality.

Hmmmmmmmm…

I knew he wasn’t talking about sultry sous vêtement for him…in a sexual, lingerie-wearing kind of way. He was talking about me wearing things that make me feel as beautiful on the outside, as I do on the inside, from tits to toes.

I think I’ve always sort of categorised fabulously fun bras and panties as “uncomfortable” while cotton and plain with comfort. But…when I really stopped and thought about how my constant companion Calvin’s and brutal beige bra made me feel, I wouldn’t have exactly equated them with sexy, fun or fabulous. More like beige blaze.

I “save” my fabulous knickers for those special occasions, which just so happen to come around about twice a year. And although I’ve written about my realizing that no matter my size, I can wear clothes that make me feel uber hot, I don’t think I translated that lesson into my intimate drawer. I’ve told hubby time and time again that when I drop 30 pounds, I’ll expand my bra and panty repertoire.

Huh? What does being smaller have to do with it? Don’t chubby girls have the right to feel fabulous underneath their curvaceous clothes?

The scene from The Devil Wears Prada comes to mind.

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I am definitely more like Anne Hathaway right now but I am realizing I want to transform into those sexy undergarment wearing models…only a plus size version (or real size as I like to call it).

I want to break out my “saved” fancies for every day wear. I want to find gorgeous, cute, sparkling bras and undies that are ALSO comfortable. I want to feel hot in my business suit and underneath it.

I set out on a mission this weekend. I hit the local intimate apparel store and tried on 20 or 30 bras in search of those that I could meet my criteria of A) comfortable and B) fabulously fun. And you know…I found a bunch! I stepped up my game with a palooza of matching panties in a variety of styles (no bikini) to experiment with what styles I find comfortable.

I came home and gave my intimate apparel drawers a total overhaul. Now when I open them, I see a cluster of color and sparkle. I am excited to embark on this new journey and will keep you posted on how I make out.

I do want to put a call out to the intimate apparel stores like La Senza, La Vie en Rose, Victoria Secret etc. PLEASE adopt a REAL-size line of products and marketing that reflects today’s REAL women! Come on people…full figured women like to feel pretty underneath their clothes too.

What does your panty drawer look like? Is it in need of a total overhaul? Do you think your under garments play a role in how hot you feel, no matter your size? Do you believe sexy and comfy can co-exist in intimate apparel? Do you save your fabulous knickers for those special occasions? Come on…share the wealth…

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