Merry Christmas…hope you like your new roof!

Current roof shingles being removed

To all my friends and family who were hoping for fabulous Christmas presents from hubby and I, we have exciting news to share. Hubby and I decided that since you are all the BOMB we’d treat y’all right and go BIG! That’s right…as a token of our appreciation for your friendship, love and support and for all the glory you’ve shown us, this year we are treating you to….wait for it…a new roof!

I KNOW!! I am super pumped too!

We knew when we bought the house 3 years ago that the previous owner had experienced a leak issue around the dormer. But we thought we had fixed the issue last year….for $100 bucks no less.

And it rained all summer. And we stayed dry. We thought we were set!

The home ownership Gods teeheed at our ego….bastards!

A couple of weeks ago, we came home to find it raining in our house. After a long day at work, I came into the kitchen to set down my bags and heard it. I looked over to where our leather chair and Ottoman sit to find water pouring in from our once-gorgeous tray ceiling in the living room.

I cursed. A lot.

My house is only 9 years old people. It should not be raining in the living room!

After we got over the dread, hubby ventured into the attic to remove the wet insulation and to put some strategically placed totes to catch the water. While I handled clean up in the living room. Thankfully, the chair and Ottoman were saved but our hardwood floors did not fare so well with definite water damage. Dang!

We called the roofer.

He came later in the week when the sun finally came out. Turns out, our roof is boarded – not tongue and groove plywood. Ok, it is to minimum code but y’all know with my Mike Holmes obsession how I FEEL about minimum code?!?! Please…it would have cost the builder an extra couple hundred bucks to do it right. Douche!

But then…we also discovered that the builder had the audacity to not bother putting ANY tar paper under the shingles. Excuse me?!?! Isn’t that like a code violation or something? I’m going to try to find the guy who built this house and kick him in the bag…repeatedly!

Great…so we’ll tear off the shingles around the dormer and fix just that part, right?

WRONG!

It turned out that our current shingles were no longer manufactured (fabulous…more bag kicking!!!) so we had to redo the entire front part of the roof and the little roof that’s above the garage. Now we have different color shingles on the front and back of the house. Hopefully buyers (someday) won’t notice. Good grief.

The douche bagness doesn’t stop there! When the roofers tore off old shingles, they found the problem. The builder nailed the water barrier for the dormer with the nails about 1 inch from the seam – ummmmm – yes RIGHT where the water runs (more bag kicking required!!!!). The roofer told us it was a good thing we were redoing it; we’d have never found the leak.

So, less than a week after the “raining in the house” episode, the roofers came and tore off the entire front half of the roof off. They put down tarp paper, ice/snow barrier and sealed that dormer up tighter than a nun’s “you know what”! They assured me (with a 5 year guarantee I might add) that it’ll NEVER leak again. From his lips to God’s ears.

$3000 later our Xmas budget is now totally blown…and then some…on a new roof.

That means every one is getting a card for Xmas…with a picture of the new roof and maybe a turn at kicking our home builder in the BAG!! What fun!!!

The joys of home ownership…I think I want my apartment back.

How do you prepare for unforeseen expenses? Do you have a savings account for home emergencies? What’s your funniest/worst/best home ownership story? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • I was swept away with Susie Lindau’s eye candy photo essay. Beautiful!
  • I lose myself every day on Patrick Latter’s Canadian Hiking Photography blog. The photos are spectacular and so deeply moving and inspiring. His pics from the Calgary Zoo were ahhhmazing! And his recent hiking trip to Moraine Lake…words cannot describe! Be sure to check him out!
  • Jenny Hansen’s post on missing her Mom was a beautiful tribute. I can see where Jenny gets her fabulous sense of humor. What an outstanding lady. Made me miss my Dad.
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Missed Connections…can you spot the fake?

After last week’s Missed Connections post, Jenny Hansen and I got together and started having an inordinate amount of fun with it. And y’all know we just had to share the laughs with our blogosphere family. I mean…keeping this fun to ourselves wouldn’t be right!

Below, enjoy 5 Missed Connections. I was going to feature just 3 but man; there are so many good ones out there I couldn’t pair it down. So…enjoy 5 Missed Connections. 4 of them are REAL and 1 is fake (written by yours truly and I promise, is entirely a fraud…I am not secretly plotting my escape from hubby). Can you spot the fake? Take a crack at it and vote.

Note: in tomorrow’s post, I will let you know which ones are real and pay due homage with linky love galore.

When you’ve voted here, be sure to head over and see what Ms. Jenny has in store for you!

Missed Connection #1: I missed you…shit

I saw you twice on your bycycle.
You parked it and was talking to another gentleman.
I winked at you while you were smoking a cigarette.(You have a pink back pack).
I did not want to crash your conversation so I walked on.
The guy you were talking to said you showed interest in me.
I held back and waited for him to leave as it just seemed the thing to do.
You left your bycycle tied up and you were gone.
Bummer..I really wanted to get together with you.
Hot short jean shorts and a pretty face.
You’ll probably never see this this but for those who read this post it may head a warning of lost opportunity.

Missed Connection #2: The big blue box

Hey. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I helped you with that weird thing. You asked me to join you in your big blue box for some adventures. I wish I hadn’t declined. Maybe you’re reading this and remember me, if you do please contact me. I’d love to be your companion.

Missed Connection #3: To the cute guy in lime green tank at gym by 6 am

We work out at the same gym. You’re almost always there when I go. Usually on the treadmill or stair master around 6 am. I bet I could bounce quarters off your ass, it’s so tight! We’ve chit chatted. I try to keep my composure. You have no idea that while making small talk, all I can think about is pouring honey down your chiselled chest and licking it off as it trails down your treasure trail. You always smile at me and I hope this means you feel the chemistry to. Maybe you want to pour chocolate on parts of me? I am to shy to ask you out. Today you were wearing tight black shorts with a light green tank. It showed off your great build and great complexion. I wanted to spank you. If you are reading this and you’d like to go for a walk sometime, respond and tell me what I was wearing today.

Missed Connection #4: Just can’t get my head around

The fact you didn’t bother to tell me your actual name before sleeping with me.
You simply cannot imagine the horror of seeing your name changed on your
e-mail address the following day. What kind of person fails to mention their
name and then says we were never introduced? If it was that bad why didn’t
you stop? I told you I had been abused and you just ignored it. What did you
expect? I was nervous you knew that. You’d f*ck me but not be my friend if
it wasn’t perfect the first time. Either you used me or you are simply the most
self centered immature jerk I’ve ever allowed close to me

Missed Connection #5: You stuck my flash drive in your vagina

You stuck my flash drive in your vagina. If you are reading this, you know who you are. I don’t think this is a fad sweeping the city, so this one’s for you.
We met at a Millcreek Tavern. You said you were from Lancaster. You were beautiful, you liked me. It was perfect. But then…
We went back to my apartment. We watched The Breakfast Club. You had never seen it before. We then ended up in my bed, as planned. And had sex, as planned.
You looked beautiful half covered in my sheets when I left to use the bathroom. When I came back, this is what I saw:
You standing naked at my computer. You with your hand on the keyboard, not typing. You grabbing the flash drive.
The flash drive pops out.
You look at it.
You squat a little bit.
You insert it into your vagina, like a tampon.
I am speechless.
You proceed to get dressed, say you have to go home, and leave. The number you gave me doesn’t work.
I am confused. I’d like to see you again. I’d like to see my flash drive again.
Your name is Rebecca. You have long blond hair.
Please get in touch. I am a very understanding person.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There you have it. A whole lot of Miss Connection fun. Can you stop laughing long enough to spot the fake?

Check back here tomorrow where I will let you know the fakes for BOTH mine and Jenny’s blog along with links to the real ones. I wonder if y’all will guess right?!

Which Missed Connection had you ROFL the most?

Don’t forget to keep on laughing over at Jenny’s blog today where she’s having a little Missed Connections fun of her own. And watch Jenny’s blog on Friday where you and she are going to work together to give me some fabulous material for an outrageous post next Monday!

Ever experience a Missed Connection and wish you’d have spoken out and seized the day? Know anyone who got together after a Missed Connection reconnection? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Solved: the case of the angry bird

In June I told you how I have been living with an angry bird for what feels like forever. It’s been at least one year (maybe closer to two) that I’ve been tormented by chronic bladder infections and a burning vajayjay that’s kept my lustful Fifty Shades of Grey inner sex Goddess at bay.

I’m happy to report, my Goddess divine (who has no scruples when it comes to this sort of thing) finally kicked that burning bird to the curb and we’ve been living burn-free for over a MONTH people! That’s like an eternity in burn-free days!

I didn’t come across the fix right away. After I read all your amazing suggestions, I thought that perhaps I had taking so many anti-biotics, that my vajayjay was like a war zone with all my good bacteria lying down like fallen and wounded soldiers in the field. Perhaps my vaginal canal was a hostile environment? So I promptly headed out to treat the ol’ girl right.

I started with an oral treatment for a yeast infection (just in case). I made probiotics my new BFF ingesting 16 billion live cultures of acidophilus every day. Not to mention the Greek yogurt and berries fetish I’ve developed. I gave up my deliciously, wonderful baths (this has been like torture in and of itself…I love my bath time!) AND…torture number 2…Hubby and I abstained from bumping nasties for two. whole. weeks.

The night came to see if all our hard work paid off. With bated breath we got down to business and BAM…she’s BACKKKKK!! The burning bearded clam returned with a vengeance. I swear flames were firing out of her. I was desolate. Hubby was depressed. I just about gave up. What else could I try?

I was just about to resort to a yogurt douche when a conversation with a BFF years ago came to mind. One of my friends in a similar situation was told by her gynecologist to try olive oil as a lubricant, instead of the store-bought versions.

Hmmmm…ya think?!?!

Was our trusted Astroglide to blame for the past two years of BURN?

I didn’t want to get mine and hubby’s hopes up again. But at this point, we had nothing to lose and everything to gain. So….with great trepidation, hubby and I made the switch. We brought the olive oil from the kitchen to the bedroom and I’m happy to report we’ve been cooking up burn-free banging ever since.

The case of the angry bird….SOLVED!

Who knew…olive oil??? It’s not only heart healthy in the kitchen and great for amazing face and body at-home spa treatments; you can use it to make tasty taco salads in the bedroom as well. This stuff’s gold!

Picked up some EXTRA VIRGIN just for hubby!

What’s your favorite bedroom lubricant? Had you ever heard of using olive oil when you get between the sheets? What other amazing things do you use olive oil for? Come on…share the wealth….

More blog deliciousness here:

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