Get Tantric just in time for doomsday!

Squeee…today Jenny Hansen and I are blog swapping. Squeee! Can you believe she actually gave me the keys to More Cowbell?!?! I know…I was shocked as well. I am over there dishing my thoughts on some age-old dating advice…a must-read before Doomsday (you know…the Mayan prophecy that Friday December 21, 2012 the world will end. It’s ok my fabulous peeps…Jenny and I are here to help you get your groove on before the pending doom).

So enjoy Jenny’s post on how to get all bad-ass Tantric with yourselves and then pop over to More Cowbell to hang with yours truly…take it away Jenny….

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Thanks Nat!!! Wow…things are always exciting over here at Nat’s place! I get to have a great time, crack some jokes, and indulge my naughty side *if you know what I mean*…

I’m going to let you in on a secret.

I might hang out most of the time at More Cowbell and Writers In The Storm, but lately I’ve been expanding my horizons a bit and publishing short articles on some of the SocialIn sites. Have you heard of them? Social In DC, Social In New York, Social In Los Angeles…you get the picture.

This latest bump to my freelance dreams started with a conversation I had with another writer a few months back. She’d received a writing assignment that wigged her out.

[We’ll just call her Monique.]

Monique: Hey! I just had an assignment come across my desk that has you written all over it.

Me: Yeah? How so?

Monique: Well, it’s about sex. Anyone who writes the Undie Chronicles can surely interview a sex therapist better than I can.

Me: Wow! Really?! A sex therapist? I’ve always wanted to chat up a sex therapist.

Monique: Of course you do.

Me: Give me the info…I wanna look this person up. *tap-tapping the keyboard* Interesting…she practices something called Transformational Tantra. [Definition of Tantra]

Monique: I KNOW. I don’t want to talk to someone about their sex lives!

Me: I don’t think she’s gonna talk to you about her sex life. The point is to talk to you about yours.

(I’m continuing to browse the gal’s site this whole time.)

Hey, she runs a radio show called Sex and Happiness. That’s kind of nifty. And she did a movie called Tantric Tourists…it won a bunch of awards. It looks like she takes bunches of tourists on trips to India. They learn “the art of surrender.”

Monique about exploded when she heard this. “You’re telling me that people spend thousands of dollars to go to India just to get tied up?! They can get that for free at home.

Me: *laughing* I think you’re confusing “surrender” with “bondage,” Honey.

Monique: And THIS is why you’re the one who’s going to write this post!

And so I did. I’ve actually placed it below, along with links to this gal’s new movie, Beyond Dinner. It sounds like they’re combining dinner with Speed Dating, but I’ll let you decide for yourselves. For $1.99, I’m totally checking it out.

Beyond Dinner…More Than A New Way To Eat
by Jenny Hansen

Photo by ECooper99 at WANA Commons

Photo by ECooper99 at WANA Commons

December ‘tis the season’ when Americans kick their schedules up a notch, from “really busy” to “downright insane.” The downside to this holiday insanity is it keeps us from paying attention, to our loved ones and ourselves.

Give yourself a unique gift this holiday season and embrace. . .You.

According to Dr. Oz, our four basic needs as humans are food, water, sleep and sex. You heard me – we need all four to be truly well and happy.

Do you take the time to celebrate your body? Your spirit? Do you give yourself the gift of both rest and play?

Let me introduce you to Laurie Handlers. A tantric teacher, Laurie believes, “Sex energy runs the world. The sooner we make peace with that, the better our lives will be.” Between her books and her films, I guarantee she’ll help you banish the word boring from your bedroom and replace it with fun.

Her latest video romp, Beyond Dinner, turns the simple act of eating into a carnival for the senses. Following the basic principles of a Gate Dinner (pronounced gah-tay – gate is Sanskrit for “beyond”), the women and men in this short film are seated on pillows on the floor in a dining area. After a quick workshop on setting boundaries to teach the art of “Yes,” “No,” and “Not now, maybe later,” these diners are off for a night of exploring the senses.

With each course, the men change places at the table until all the participants have experienced feeding and being fed by the others at the table. Red wine and decadent chocolate dessert are served before the meat and potatoes, creating a sensual smorgasbord of food.

Searching for a gift to get your honey’s engine revving this holiday season? Look no further.

Beyond Dinner has food, wine, candlelight and tons of lighthearted play. This is dinner as you’ve never seen it eaten. I’m eyeing a rental copy as a quick and easy stocking stuffer for my husband, to help kick off a New Year’s Eve romantic date for two. At $1.99, I can’t go wrong. If we love it, I can buy it forever for $6.99.

If you’re looking to add some erotic spice to your holidays, I highly recommend a shopping trip through Laurie Handlers’ holiday deals.

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So, now I’m opening the discussion up to all of you. What do you think about this tantric business? And how about the concept behind the Gate Dinner? (Monique couldn’t get over the idea of someone she barely knew putting their hands all over her food.)

I’m simply dying to hear what y’all think about this concept… ESPECIALLY Hubby!

About Jenny Hansen

By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 15 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Twitter at JennyHansenCA or at Writers In The Storm. Jenny also writes the Risky Baby Business posts at More Cowbell, a series that focuses on babies, new parents and high-risk pregnancy.

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International Mens Day: who are you celebrating?

Today is International Mens Day. This is a day to celebrate the men in our lives and all the amazing things that they are and do. This year’s theme is “positive male role models.” And to commemorate this uberliciously fabulous day, I’d like to take today’s post to honor two very special men in my life; hubby and my step-dad (who I refer to as Dad now). Both of whom have been a major positive role model in my life.

Hubby…my hero!

Y’all know how much I adore hubby. Just this past weekend we celebrated 8 years together and he spoiled me with an incredible bauble…just the kind I like all sparkly and beautiful. He took me out to dinner and to see the Twilight Breaking Dawn Part II.

But hubby is so much more than the ultimate gift buyer and movie goer. He is more than urban word Wednesday fun. He is so much more than the guy who spoils me with new clothes and a panty drawer overhaul. He is an incredible person, best friend, husband, lover, role model and father.

Hubby has taught me how to love and trust in relationships and life again. When he came into my life, I was pretty skeptical. I had lost my father in a car accident 13 short years earlier and the mark of that devastation and lost was firmly tattooed on my heart and soul. I was paralyzed by the fear that any man I loved was going to leave me; one way or another. That fear of abandonment dominated my life and left me unable to love, trust and experience healthy relationships.

When hubby came into my life, there was no doubt I was in the best place I had ever been. I had taken months on my own to build up my self-esteem and self-love but I was still unsure of how to translate that into a relationship…and I wasn’t sure if I even could.

But when he came into my life, hubby took his time. He was patient, open, kind and loving. He shared with me. He bore his soul to me. He showed me what it was to be vulnerable and to put your heart in someone else’s hand with no expectations for the future. He had enough faith in love and “us” for the two of us. And with him as a constant, I began to see the light. I began to fall in love and shared myself in a way I had never done before. For the first time in what felt like a very long time, I was able to let go…and with complete abandonment, love!

With hubby…I finally became whole…and found myself.

But before hubby, came another defining relationship in my life that I believe was instrumental in my healing. My Dad.

My Dad…my other hero!

My Mom had been a window and single for 8 years before my Dad came into the picture. Mom and I had lived together as roommates for most of that time and we had a very close relationship. I knew she was ready to start dating and I really wanted to see her happy. I mean come on…8 years had passed. She was a vibrant, incredible woman in the prime of her life…she deserved to find love again!

It shocked me how upset and angry I was when she did actually start dating and falling in love with another man. In my head, I knew it was a great thing and I knew the man was perfect for her…but my heart was another matter. I couldn’t seem to get passed it. For years, my relationship with my Dad although positive and loving on the surface, had an underlying current of distrust and hurt. I loved him. I was happy for her. But I struggled to truly accept and love him wholeheartedly.

For years, I called my Dad by his first name and held him somewhat at arm’s length. I married my first husband and moved out of the house and a few years passed.

It was when I left my first husband and moved back home that my relationships with my Dad totally changed. Of course, Mom was there for me for hours of counseling and talking but she was also working a lot so it just so happened that my Dad and I were home together, a lot. I was struggling to find the answers to how I had made such a mess of my life and my Dad was there for me at every turn.

All these years he had never pushed or tried to force a deeper relationship with me. And here we found ourselves talking for hours on end. He helped me through the pain and devastation. He taught me about love, acceptance, and self-love. He helped me to take accountability for my choices and decisions that had led me to where I was. He showed me what it was to listen, to be heard, and to feel understood. He enabled and empowered me to figure out who I wanted to be going forward. And in those weeks and months, he became a father to me in every sense of the word.

Without knowing or trying, we became a father and a daughter and in that…a piece of my heart that I thought was permanently broken with the death of my father, healed. I became whole again. And I started calling him Dad…because that’s what he had become.

Hubby and Dad…these two men who came into my world later in life but both have played critical roles in helping me shape and define who I am today.

So today…on International Mens Day…I celebrate you hubby and Dad…the two most influencing men in my life. Two of my greatest joys. Two of the most incredible men I’ve had the honor to know and love. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and for everything you continue to do. Without either of you, my world wouldn’t be the same.

I love you both more than words could ever say!

What men do you celebrate today? How have they shaped you and your life? What man has been the greatest role model in your life and why? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Hubby’s Corner: What superhero would you be?

When most people stop and think about superheroes, most would tend to reference the more traditional forms of superheroes seen in this picture. Superman; Batman; Flash Gordon; the possibilities are endless.

A superhero is typically someone who has obtained some form of super power through some spectacular event in his life. But it can also be simply someone who is a costumed person of mystery fighting for a personal cause.

How many times have you ever caught yourself daydreaming – If I were a superhero, who would I be? I think everybody has some favorite superhero or super power they wish they had at one point in their lives. So as I sit here pondering my superhero options, I think I finally have the answer!

I have always thought that the Invisible Man would be super cool. The fun I’d have just messing with people and the sights I’d see. Check out the pic of me waiting patiently in the women’s locker room. Can you see me???

Or maybe Batman, with his bat-belt gadgets. He usually has everything on that belt for every occasion. He was a real boy scout prepared for anything.

Then I quickly switched to Spiderman with his wall climbing and web swinging and quick draw web shooting but I was concerned about the costume selection!??  NAH!

Then it came to me!!!

BANG!   POW!   SMACK!

Over the years I’ve occasionally been referred to (by Natalie’s friends) as Nat’s Man.

That’s right this looks like a job for ….dunt-da-da-dahhhh!!!!     

I can just imagine NATSMAN swooping in to aid my damsel in distress; saving her from the hands of evil doers. I picture her looking deeply into NATSMAN’s eyes with awe and amazement of my greatness as I whisk her away to safety while stealing a hot kiss!

But alas, I chuckle to myself …who am I kidding?! I have tears running down my cheeks as I sit here tossing around the endless NATSMAN costume possibilities. I’d like to think that NATSMAN would have a manly black unitard; hot-rod red accent colors with built-in body shaping amour – superhero Spanks you might say? But I’m not fooling anybody because if I was truly NATSMAN, I’d be dawned in a hot pink, glitter-covered unitard with perhaps a diamond studded g-knit with large pink stones where my balls used to reside.

My utility belt would be stocked with Nat’s cash, ID and lipstick (because none of her outfits have pockets). On the other side of the belt – a never-ending thermo cup of Butter Pecan Latte, foot cream and purple nail files. The best utility belt option would be my retractable car/house key holder – pink of course – so all doors before my damsel would be opened prior to her royal arrival. What I could not fit into my utility belt, I could store in my quick-as-a-flash hot pink, rhinestone covered murse (Portmanteau = Man + Purse).

On my right hand, I’d sport a feathered glove for giving great back tickles while she watches TV. And my left sleeve would contain magician style flowers that I could whip out at a moment’s notice. And as much as I would love to be a masked superhero…at this point I suspect my only head gear would be a sparkling tiara.

Regardless of the silly costume ideas and the elaborate images, I can’t help but be thankful for the day I met Natalie and every day since. You might say meeting her was the spectacular event in my life…where I obtained my super power and became forever known as dunt-da-da-dahhhh!!!!  

PS: NATSMAN is not the only superhero fantasy in the household!!!!

XOXO – UP! UP!  and AWAAAAYYYYYY!

Now that I told you my dirty little secret…what superhero would you be? Who is the real-life superhero in your life? Come on…share the wealth…

Be sure to check out more blog fabulousness:

Dating advice to a misguided missed connection

Last week, Jenny and I embarked on uber Missed Connections fun; our latest discovery in free entertainment. On Friday, Jenny posted a poll where y’all had the opportunity to vote on your favorite of our Missed Connections. And today, hubby and I dish out some dating advice to your fav dud!

The Missed Connection y’all felt needed hubby and I the most – by a 58.82% majority vote:

You farted in Trader Joe’s – m4w (Danbury, CT) (NYC Craigslist “Missed Connections”)

“You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, “Was that you?” You quickly replied “No…Wasn’t me!” You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I’d love to meet up sometime.”

This post was written in 2009 and although it’s no longer on Craigslist, it is a real Missed Connection post, as seen here

My Advice

I have to question your attraction to a bold-faced liar. I mean…this is what I’d call a major red flag. If she’d lie about something as putrid but petty as flatulence, what else would she lie about? I encourage all my friends to date people who aren’t afraid to owe their shit. Literally, if need be.

Take hubby and I as an example. Sometimes, I can’t avoid crop dusting deadly ass gas. It’s that or serious cramps. We’ll be at the mall and hubby will turn with a quizzical look to which I will giggle and nod…”oh yeah…that was me…” Now that’s honest love. No hidden gems here. We share everything.

You want a lady who’s not only beautiful and can fart like a Clydesdale, but one who can own it with pride. If she was a quality lady worthy of your time and effort, her response to your personal, yet warranted, question should have been “hell yes! Breath that bad boy in…” Any fart that elicits a scent worthy of waving the wheaties is something to be proud of.

You are obviously a chivalric gentleman trying to help her conceal her deal and your romantic loaf gesture should have been acknowledged with a wink, smile and some appreciative “thanks” instead of her storming off angry. Don’t be blinded by the beauty, this is obviously a short-tempered, high maintenance liar. Run my friend…run! Not to mention, if you started dating there’s no doubt she’d likely pin one of her smelly air biscuits on you at some point…think about it!

My advice to you, use this experience as a benchmark tool in your further quests. Ask any dating potentials right up front what their stench potential is and if they are loud and proud or a silent but violent liar.

If you happen upon a beauty that admits to having some serious anal acoustics don’t let that interfere with your relationship. Remember, there’s always Subtle Butts.

Hubby’s Advice

Set the bar higher buddy.

If your dates fart like a horse, there is a problem. This is not the quality you should aim for. Stand on your head and let the blood drain to your real head and then…give your head a shake. Pinch it off. You are obviously blinded by beauty.

Look deeper and for someone who, if she does fart like Clydesdale, does so in the privacy of a bathroom, not the bread line. I suggest you be more selective. Like selecting your bread, whether whole grain, multi grain or white, there are a whole slew of possibilities. But no matter what you choose, you don’t pick the loaf that looks the best ignoring the rancid smell. That would be a taste disaster. You choose the one that looks and smells fresh – picking a quality partner is the same.

Find a gal who is beautiful and smells wonderfully!

What advice would you give this Missed Connection poster? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Missed Connections…the truth revealed

Yesterday, Jenny and I shared a little Missed Connections fun with y’all and I have to say, you guys leave the BEST comments. Here and over at Jenny’s, I’ve been rolling on the floor laughing my butt off. Love it!

So today, as promised, the truth shall be revealed.

Let’s start with my post.

Which Missed Connection was fake?

  1. REAL: I missed you…shit  23.53% voted for it being the fake…But it’s real (although the post has been deleted by its author, it was the real deal).
  2. REAL: The big blue box  11.76% voted for it being the fake…But it’s real. I can’t even begin to imagine what this big blue box is…a new term I am unaware of? Must investigate further!
  3. FAKE: To the cute guy in lime green tank at gym by 6 am  41.18% voted for it being the fake…You guys are BRILLIANT and totally picked me out. All I did was write about what I want to do to hubby…all the time…growl! Maybe that was the dead give away as Gloria suggested in the comments…dang! I am so transparent.
  4. REAL: Just can’t get my head around  5.88% voted for it to be fake. But it’s real. Sounds like this lady has had a bit of a rough time. I’d say go with option 1) the guy is a jerk.
  5. REAL: You stuck my flash drive in your vagina  17.65% voted for it being the fake…but it’s real. I know?!?!?! Who does that and who then WRITES an ad about it?!?! Although this post is from 2010 and no longer featured on Craigslist, it is/was definitely real.

And which one did y’all find funniest?

Now…let’s have some fun with Jenny’s Missed Connections.

Which Missed Connection was fake?

  1. REAL: I Saw Your Thong  13.04% voted for it being the fake…But it’s real. I give the guy points for his sense of humor. Perhaps if he paid homage to Bathtub Jesus, the God’s would shine on him and answer his Craigslist prayer.
  2. FAKE: Naked In The Trash  26.09% of you nailed it – total fake! Well, partially. This Missed Connection was inspired by Jenny’s hubby who did see a naked lady change in the trash area outside his work. Although it was not a missed connection experience…more like a 16-year-old boy getting his first show!
  3. REAL: My Next Happy Meal  43.48% voted for it being the fake…But it’s real. I know…like who posts on the web only being able to last 2 minutes?!?!
  4. REAL: Strong Legs On Kelly Drive  17.39% voted for it being the fake…But it’s real. I hope he helped the poor girl up after her near miss of duck poo!

And which one did y’all find hilarious?

  • I Saw Your Thong  52.38% outstanding choice y’all. I’ve been busting my gut all day about this one.

Be sure to visit Jenny’s Blog on Friday where she’s going to do a compilation of all our Missed Connections fun so you can vote on your ultimate favorite. Then…stay tuned for Monday’s post here where I…with all my esteemed experience and knowledge…will offer some dating advice to the winning Missed Connection. Of course with my own urban redneck flare. Should be…interesting!

And since it’s Twisted Tuesday, I leave you with this Craigslist Missed Connections parody fun:

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It’s your turn…why don’t you take a crack at writing your own Missed Connection – fake or real? Or take a few minutes and find a favorite or outrageous one to share with the group…there are so many out there ripe for the picking! Come on…share the wealth…

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:

Missed Connections…can you spot the fake?

After last week’s Missed Connections post, Jenny Hansen and I got together and started having an inordinate amount of fun with it. And y’all know we just had to share the laughs with our blogosphere family. I mean…keeping this fun to ourselves wouldn’t be right!

Below, enjoy 5 Missed Connections. I was going to feature just 3 but man; there are so many good ones out there I couldn’t pair it down. So…enjoy 5 Missed Connections. 4 of them are REAL and 1 is fake (written by yours truly and I promise, is entirely a fraud…I am not secretly plotting my escape from hubby). Can you spot the fake? Take a crack at it and vote.

Note: in tomorrow’s post, I will let you know which ones are real and pay due homage with linky love galore.

When you’ve voted here, be sure to head over and see what Ms. Jenny has in store for you!

Missed Connection #1: I missed you…shit

I saw you twice on your bycycle.
You parked it and was talking to another gentleman.
I winked at you while you were smoking a cigarette.(You have a pink back pack).
I did not want to crash your conversation so I walked on.
The guy you were talking to said you showed interest in me.
I held back and waited for him to leave as it just seemed the thing to do.
You left your bycycle tied up and you were gone.
Bummer..I really wanted to get together with you.
Hot short jean shorts and a pretty face.
You’ll probably never see this this but for those who read this post it may head a warning of lost opportunity.

Missed Connection #2: The big blue box

Hey. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I helped you with that weird thing. You asked me to join you in your big blue box for some adventures. I wish I hadn’t declined. Maybe you’re reading this and remember me, if you do please contact me. I’d love to be your companion.

Missed Connection #3: To the cute guy in lime green tank at gym by 6 am

We work out at the same gym. You’re almost always there when I go. Usually on the treadmill or stair master around 6 am. I bet I could bounce quarters off your ass, it’s so tight! We’ve chit chatted. I try to keep my composure. You have no idea that while making small talk, all I can think about is pouring honey down your chiselled chest and licking it off as it trails down your treasure trail. You always smile at me and I hope this means you feel the chemistry to. Maybe you want to pour chocolate on parts of me? I am to shy to ask you out. Today you were wearing tight black shorts with a light green tank. It showed off your great build and great complexion. I wanted to spank you. If you are reading this and you’d like to go for a walk sometime, respond and tell me what I was wearing today.

Missed Connection #4: Just can’t get my head around

The fact you didn’t bother to tell me your actual name before sleeping with me.
You simply cannot imagine the horror of seeing your name changed on your
e-mail address the following day. What kind of person fails to mention their
name and then says we were never introduced? If it was that bad why didn’t
you stop? I told you I had been abused and you just ignored it. What did you
expect? I was nervous you knew that. You’d f*ck me but not be my friend if
it wasn’t perfect the first time. Either you used me or you are simply the most
self centered immature jerk I’ve ever allowed close to me

Missed Connection #5: You stuck my flash drive in your vagina

You stuck my flash drive in your vagina. If you are reading this, you know who you are. I don’t think this is a fad sweeping the city, so this one’s for you.
We met at a Millcreek Tavern. You said you were from Lancaster. You were beautiful, you liked me. It was perfect. But then…
We went back to my apartment. We watched The Breakfast Club. You had never seen it before. We then ended up in my bed, as planned. And had sex, as planned.
You looked beautiful half covered in my sheets when I left to use the bathroom. When I came back, this is what I saw:
You standing naked at my computer. You with your hand on the keyboard, not typing. You grabbing the flash drive.
The flash drive pops out.
You look at it.
You squat a little bit.
You insert it into your vagina, like a tampon.
I am speechless.
You proceed to get dressed, say you have to go home, and leave. The number you gave me doesn’t work.
I am confused. I’d like to see you again. I’d like to see my flash drive again.
Your name is Rebecca. You have long blond hair.
Please get in touch. I am a very understanding person.

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There you have it. A whole lot of Miss Connection fun. Can you stop laughing long enough to spot the fake?

Check back here tomorrow where I will let you know the fakes for BOTH mine and Jenny’s blog along with links to the real ones. I wonder if y’all will guess right?!

Which Missed Connection had you ROFL the most?

Don’t forget to keep on laughing over at Jenny’s blog today where she’s having a little Missed Connections fun of her own. And watch Jenny’s blog on Friday where you and she are going to work together to give me some fabulous material for an outrageous post next Monday!

Ever experience a Missed Connection and wish you’d have spoken out and seized the day? Know anyone who got together after a Missed Connection reconnection? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Hubby’s Corner: One person’s junk is another person’s treasure!

Here at HC Headquarters we’ve previously detailed the relationship differences of Hot vs Cold.  Today we are dumpster diving head first into the relationship difference of Junk vs Treasure.

I’ve been a die-hard dumpster diver from as far back as I remember. It all started back when I was a kid and my father would take me along to our weekly dump run. While Dad was off-loading a truck full of boring garbage bags, I was lost in a fantasy world of wrecked metal cars and scrap metal looking for that one significant object that could be used for unimaginable fun; building something uber-cool! The possibilities – endless!

After the truck was empty, I’d throw my treasures in the back and Dad would always chuckle and say “I came to drop garbage off – not bring it home!

And that’s where it all began…

My sweet wife Natalie – let’s just say, does not share the same vision and imagination when it comes to my “treasures.”  She likes things fashionable – great packaging – showroom condition and top shelf all the way!

More than once I’ve brought something home from walking the dog on garbage night. Only to hear “they threw it out for a reason!

{Note from Natalie: let us not mention the broke-ass screen tent that you brought home and spent hours putting together only to discover, it really was a piece of shit. Don’t even get me started on the junk Christmas tree stand you insisted was fine. Might I remind you of the pine needle explosion followed by the emergency trip to the hardware store to pay top dollar for the last remaining deluxe tree stand that you tip your hat to every. single. Christmas! I will however concede that the washing machine inner drum that you literally dumpster dove for WAS in fact…genius! It served us for many a wonderful fires. All that to say…the treasures do NOT outweigh the trash albeit, the adventures are always good for a zillion laughs! And ain’t that what life’s really all about.}

One of many “treasure” signs you can find at the Flea Market

Our differences in this area were never more apparent than recently when I took Natalie to the NB Antique Auto Club annual flea market in Sussex. This place had it all; $5 parking, $10 admission, food vendors, and a full afternoon of junk treasure exploration in the 4-6 hours range. There was bounty as far as the eye could see.

We are talking knick-knacks, antiques, car parts, etc. Anything my wildest imagination could muster – I’m sure it was there…and up to me to uncover and discover.

Then I saw it – THE LOOK – it was the same look I got when I returned from walking the dog on garbage night. Similar to Lynnette Conroy’s Look of Death!

It was then that I knew that my little Love Peddle…my Flower…was not having it and not feeling the same excitement and magic as I was. I will say, my little Trooper held on for a full 2 hours below waving the white flag!

We still had a great day together holding hands and laughing. And as I walked through the flea market, I recalled the day we first met….and I realized Natalie must have been dumpster diving and thought to herself “one significant object that could be used for unimaginable fun; building something uber-cool! The possibilities – endless!“ when she stumbled upon me.

And I obviously thought to myself “hmmm! Fashionable – great packaging – showroom condition and top shelf all the way!

So I guess we aren’t that different after all and one person’s junk IS another person’s treasure!

What are some of the different quirks or interests between you and your partner that you indulge? Do either of you like to dumpster dive or hit flea markets? What trash treasures have you brought home? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Missed connections…online cupid fun

Ok. I am sooooo out of touch! I had NO IDEA. I can’t believe I didn’t know. Why didn’t someone tell me?!?!

About. Missed. Connections.

I came to it almost by accident. I discovered the YouTube talk show Dirty Talk Dating (fabulous – love these people!) with Tess and Lou’s interview with Melissa Center who started Missed Connections Live where she produced funny videos BASED on real New York Missed Connections postings.

If you are like me, your first question is “what’s a missed connection post?”

Well…I guess people all around the world write and post these “missed connections” advertisements on Craigslist detailing their “missed connection” with someone. Perhaps it was someone you locked eyes with on the subway but didn’t have the guts to talk to; maybe an arm brush at the coffee shop with a cute guy and as you went to say hi, he turned and walked away; or maybe it was an incidental urinal meeting between two men where you wish you’d have had the guts to introduce yourself but felt the moment wasn’t quite right.

Shut up? I know! It’s true!

People actually post this stuff. And then someone makes funny videos about it.

ONLY on the Internet could we be so fortunate.

Although sadly, it seems like Melissa isn’t posting any more videos. We can all console ourselves by watching the ones she did put together. Here are a couple of my personal FAVS!

Hey Beautiful Lady

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Be My John Roberts

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OMG hilarious!

Then for shits and giggles, I went on Craiglist to see if Missed Connections is for real and guess what…it IS!!! Here are some samples from yesterday’s Toronto’s Missed Connections section on Craiglist that I just had to share…

JEWISH BAKERY/RESTAURANT – m4w – 42 (Very specific)

Date: 2012-08-27
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Today I was at a very well known toronto jewish bakery/restuarant for lunch. You were sitting with there with a friend. We casually exchanged glances and I have to say you looked terrific. If this is you and you read this..what restaurant were we at

Goodlife gym – m4m (Kingsmill (Etobicoke))

Date: 2012-08-27
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We were side by side at the urinal today. You – bearish, goatee. You were playing with yourself and you caught me looking at you. We made eye contact as I turned to leave. Hope to see you back there again. If you see this, tell me what I was wearing so I know it’s you.

Gorgeous ebony in black and white dress waiting in bus stop – m4w – 50 (Albion Road and Armel Court)

Date: 2012-08-27
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This is a long shot, but I felt compelled to post an ad just in case you or somebody who knows you sees this. I was driving northbound on Albion Road around 10:15 AM today, and when I got to Armel Court, you were standing in the bus stop, wearing a black and white dress, to the best of my recollection. I was driving by in a black vehicle. Our eyes met as I passed you, and you flashed me a great smile which I returned. I was going to turn around immediately and go back and talk to you, but alas, I didn’t. In any case, if you do see this, please contact me. I would love to meet you and see more of that gorgeous smile!

Goodlife chat – m4m – 40 (North York/Toronto)

Date: 2012-08-27
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This is going to sound way too cryptic but here goes. I’ve seen you around this location of GoodLife (not a downtown location btw) for about 3 years and only recently have we started acknowledging each other – to the point where last week I introduced myself – N___ to you by name and you told me your name S___. We’re both over the age of 40 – (i assume you are – i know i am). We’ve only talked about your fitness regime and my running. I’d like to take it further. It never seems to be the right time to strike up a conversation with you, but damn I’d like to! I think you’re married (to a woman no less!) but my senses tell me something more is going on. Anyway in the rare chance that you read this we had a very brief interchange this morning and i wish i’d continued it beyond what was said. Write me back if you recognize any of this. – i’m keeping it cryptic for obvious reasons.

Just call me cupid!

Did you know about this Missed Connections thing (and if so…why did you not tell me?!?!)? Have you ever posted a Missed Connection? Ever had a Missed Connection you wish you would have posted about? Come on…share the wealth…

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:

Tasty tacos and tube steak delight

So yesterday I was talking about how I’ve recently discovered olive oil as a fabulous new sexual lubricant. One of the great things about using it in that fashion is say mid-session you or your partner wanna head downtown for a little nibble, you can. No more worrying about ingesting store-bought lubricants. You can lower your cholesterol with heart-healthy olive oil while you pleasure your partner. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

I mean, hell, why not toss some garlic or oregano down there and make a salad out of it?!

Ok, maybe that’s pushing the olive oil envelop since I doubt my hooha would appreciate being sprinkled with garlic…nor would hubby be thrilled with me making his rod a balsamic salad stick…

But…this did get me thinking.

God help us!

I got to thinking about products that enhance that taste of giving oral pleasure. I’ve never found the intimate canned whip cream too tasty (go for the real deal on that one) but hubby and I have tried some flavored gels that work wonderfully. Chocolate, mango, BANANA…yummy!!! Though if you plan on getting back to basics afterwards, not so sure I’d want that sticky stick on the inside, if you know what I mean?!?! And although they might “enhance” the flavor…they don’t always completely hide the taste…

Till NOW that is…

One of my loyal readers (THANK YOU) forwarded me this fabulousness: MASQUE Sexual Flavors.

Developed by a team of scientist and researchers, MASQUE is like the fellatio version of Listerine dissolvable strip. It’s an engineered formula that combines individual taste blockers which are microencapsulated on a paper-thin, orally dissolvable strip that you place on your tongue moments before the big event. It’s specifically designed to completely conceal the taste of semen. Shut up?!?! Seriously!??!

The strips enhances the taste with either chocolate, strawberry, watermelon or mango flavors (all with a slight hint of mint) while, supposedly, completely neutralizing flavors associated with oral sex on men, especially the taste of semen (salts, bitters, and proteins).

Although not designed to be used the other way around, if you want to pleasure your lady friend and send her man in the boat sailing, the FAQ portion of the website says that they’ve received reports of women enjoying the hint of mint in the downtown region.

And they last up 15 minutes.

Although if hubby last 15 minutes, I won’t be talking right for a week!

How do you keep things spicy in the bedroom? Know of any fabulous oral pleasure taste enhancers? Would you give MASQUE a try? Come on…share the wealth….

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

(P.S. I LOVE it when readers come across little delights and forward them my way…if you find something you’d love to see featured on a Twisted Tuesday, send it over via the Contact Me form)

More blog deliciousness here:

Solved: the case of the angry bird

In June I told you how I have been living with an angry bird for what feels like forever. It’s been at least one year (maybe closer to two) that I’ve been tormented by chronic bladder infections and a burning vajayjay that’s kept my lustful Fifty Shades of Grey inner sex Goddess at bay.

I’m happy to report, my Goddess divine (who has no scruples when it comes to this sort of thing) finally kicked that burning bird to the curb and we’ve been living burn-free for over a MONTH people! That’s like an eternity in burn-free days!

I didn’t come across the fix right away. After I read all your amazing suggestions, I thought that perhaps I had taking so many anti-biotics, that my vajayjay was like a war zone with all my good bacteria lying down like fallen and wounded soldiers in the field. Perhaps my vaginal canal was a hostile environment? So I promptly headed out to treat the ol’ girl right.

I started with an oral treatment for a yeast infection (just in case). I made probiotics my new BFF ingesting 16 billion live cultures of acidophilus every day. Not to mention the Greek yogurt and berries fetish I’ve developed. I gave up my deliciously, wonderful baths (this has been like torture in and of itself…I love my bath time!) AND…torture number 2…Hubby and I abstained from bumping nasties for two. whole. weeks.

The night came to see if all our hard work paid off. With bated breath we got down to business and BAM…she’s BACKKKKK!! The burning bearded clam returned with a vengeance. I swear flames were firing out of her. I was desolate. Hubby was depressed. I just about gave up. What else could I try?

I was just about to resort to a yogurt douche when a conversation with a BFF years ago came to mind. One of my friends in a similar situation was told by her gynecologist to try olive oil as a lubricant, instead of the store-bought versions.

Hmmmm…ya think?!?!

Was our trusted Astroglide to blame for the past two years of BURN?

I didn’t want to get mine and hubby’s hopes up again. But at this point, we had nothing to lose and everything to gain. So….with great trepidation, hubby and I made the switch. We brought the olive oil from the kitchen to the bedroom and I’m happy to report we’ve been cooking up burn-free banging ever since.

The case of the angry bird….SOLVED!

Who knew…olive oil??? It’s not only heart healthy in the kitchen and great for amazing face and body at-home spa treatments; you can use it to make tasty taco salads in the bedroom as well. This stuff’s gold!

Picked up some EXTRA VIRGIN just for hubby!

What’s your favorite bedroom lubricant? Had you ever heard of using olive oil when you get between the sheets? What other amazing things do you use olive oil for? Come on…share the wealth….

More blog deliciousness here:

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