Urban Word Wednesday: Pumpkin Goatse

Happy Halloween and welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME, hubby…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Pumpkin Goatse: A carved pumpkin made to mimic a real-life goatse, which a disgusting picture of a man stretching his butt extremely wide.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby’s family hosted their annual Family Pumpkin Day this past Sunday. On Saturday, hubby and I set off in search of the perfect pumpkins to purchase. We hit a local farmer’s pumpkin patch to scour through the hundreds of choices (along with many other families gearing up for Halloween).

As we were perusing, I turned to see hubby bent over, staring intently at a pumpkin while at the same time grabbing his ass cheeks with either hand.

Me: WHAT are you doing? Are you fart constipated again?

*said in a high-pitched hushed whisper*

Hubby: I am farting just fine. I want to do a pumpkin goatse this year so I am visualizing.

Me: what in God’s name is a pumpkin goatse?

Pumpkin Goatse Example

Hubby: you know…a picture of a guy holding his ass cheeks and spreading it wide for all the world to see.

Me: and you want to do this to a pumpkin?

*hubby is still bent over having this conversation*

Hubby: yes…I’ve showed you the pictures. They are hilarious!

Me: ok…but that doesn’t explain why you are bent over doing a clothed demo of a goatse for all these people to enjoy? I mean your ass is hot but I think you might be starting to scare the children.

*finally he lets go of his own ass only to start man-handling the pumpkin*

Hubby: the children are fine! They’ve likely seen worse. I am trying to get a sense whether or not this pumpkin has the right shaped potential buns and crack. I want them perfectly round and supple like my own so I thought a hands-on approach would help in the determination.

Me: good lord…well does that pumpkin fit the bill or not cause I think you are about to get arrested for sexually assaulting it.

Hubby: not quite what I am looking for. You may want to sit in the car. This testing could take a while. I do have a pretty perfect ass.

Hubby opted for a carving that was slightly more meaningful than the pumpkin goatse. At least our trick or treaters won’t be scared for life.

Your spouse ever embarrass you in public? What pumpkin shopping stories do you have? Got a great pumpkin carvings to share? How do you celebrate Halloween? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

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Family traditions: a love/hate relationship

Pumpkin Day

Pumpkin Day

So this weekend, hubby, The Dude and I all took part in one of my fahhhhvorite family traditions: Family Pumpkin Day! Woot woot! Every year, hubby’s family (who all rock by the way) including two sisters, his father, aunts and uncles, his grandmother, and many cousins (and all their significant others and children) gather together at hubby’s middle sister’s house to carve pumpkins. We have a huge pot luck lunch, tons of big delicious pumpkins get carved (see a few of the samples above – mine is the traced out hand), and we spend the afternoon carving, laughing, eating, and bonding.

It’s a glorious day. Yes we all come away with some of the most amazing carved pumpkins but more than that, we come away with great memories and a feeling of connection and family strength.

I love family traditions! But, I gotta be honest, I didn’t always! WHAT?!??!?! Me…not enthusiastic about something?!??!! Yes, I  know…shocking!

When my Dad was killed in a car accident when I was 16, family traditions became a stark, dank reminder of everything that was missing, everything that was torn away from me, and everything I used to have. They were like God’s cruel joke. Christmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Easter, Valentine’s day. My god, for a while it seemed like there wasn’t a month without a blasted holiday or tradition to painfully acknowledge.

Constant never-ending reminders, a stake through the heart as I watched hundreds of Father’s Day/Christmas commercials with perfect “gift ideas for Dad” to remind me that I no longer had one, to remind me of all the fun I’d never have with my Dad again, to remind me that I was missing a part of my world. It was awful! It was torture!

I began to hate family traditions. I became cynical and bitter and I loathed families who enjoyed them. What’s the point? You just get all settled in a tradition and something will happen to tear it away from you?!?!

Fortunately for me, the years passed by and my pain and anger eased. I healed. My mother remarried and I grew to love a new and larger family. More importantly, I came to once again fall in love with family traditions. They symbolized a renewal and I rejoiced in feeling whole again.

And when hubby and I got together, we started making entirely new family traditions. My family grew and expanded. My heart filled with even more joy! I was so tired of living in fear of having everything torn away from me that I gave in, I let go, and I celebrated each and every tradition with enthusiasm.

I really have had a love/hate relationship with family traditions. We’ve come full circle. And after seeing both sides of the fence, I gotta say that for me, I see them as the glue that holds us together. They are the symbols that create our unique blend and flavour of family.

Whether they are inner sanctum traditions, like between a husband and wife or part of a larger family circle, I count on those  crazy, zany, fun, and ok…sometimes even a little torturous get-togethers to keep us close, connected, bonded and strong as a family. 

After having lost the feeling of “family” once before, I now treasure and guard it!

So bring on the Pumpkin Days, Easter, Halloween etc. I am in! Let the traditions begin!

What family traditions do you have and why do you love (or hate) them?

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