Strap on shoes???

As you know from my “what do your shoes say about you?” post, I have a slight love affair with shoes. I try not to discriminate; I love everything from sneakers to flip-flops to boots to stilettos. All shoes deserve love…right?

This week, Jansen Schmidt sent me pictures of the most insane shoes I’ve ever seen (I love it when you guys send me the crazy stuff you find online). These pushed even my shoe boundaries. I draw the line when I can’t stand up straight or run from potential assailants. I’m all for fashion and flirty but these seem downright dangerous. And I have to say it…there’s nothing sexy about walking like you need to hit the washroom ASAP (while moving at the speed of smell and like a zombie).


I think they’d give some of Lady Gaga’s wackiest shoes a run for their money.


Standing next to Gaga, there’s nothing in my shoe closet that’d even compare. And I’ve even started branching out. Dang…do I need to step up my game? Have I lost my shoe edge? I mean, the fashion police say you can wear just about anything with a black pant suit, right? Maybe I should invest in some of these sparkly shoe fashion statements. Think I’d turn heads at the office walking in with a pair of these bad boys on? Perhaps not the image I am trying to elicit.

Good for Gaga. Not so good for Natalie.

After watching the first shoe video, I couldn’t let it go. I had to know…why? For who? Seriously? I wanted to poke some serious fun at them.

But it turns out, their insanity was on purpose. They are a collaboration between artist Leanie van der Vyver and Dutch shoe designer René van den Berg to serve as a visual representation of today’s impossible standards of beauty. Ummmm.

When you put it like that….making fun at this point would seem slightly…ummmm…. tacky?!?!

Good job gentlemen – powerful visual (might I suggest some text or voice over to ensure your message gets across…just a suggestion…I’ll shut up now).

Don’t I just feel like the world’s biggest ass.

What are the craziest shoes you’ve ever worn? If comfort and ability weren’t an issue, what’s the most outrageous shoe you’d wear? How do your different shoes make you feel? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:


Urban Word Wednesday: Voicemail Voice

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Voicemail Voice: A more serious, professional tone of voice typically reserved for voicemail greetings. It’s often misused in casual, less business-oriented settings.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were at the airport gearing up to fly home after an absolutely stellar weekend at the MADD Canada leadership conference. We were catching a connection in Ottawa and were running late. I stopped to grab a quick coffee and the barista noticed my new, pink and white I Promise bracelet. We enjoyed a little chit-chat while she prepared my caramel macchiato.

Barista: OMG that is so cute. What’s the promise for?

Me: I know…isn’t the pink and white fabulous. The bracelet signifies the promise I’ve made to drive sober.

Barista: really? Wow. That’s kind of cool. I didn’t know there was such a thing. Where do you get them?

Me: oh you can get them from the company’s website. It’s and the bracelets cost $5 with $2 going to MADD Canada. They have a ton of colors. You should check them out. They even have key chains and you can custom order a bracelet.

Barista: soooo cool!!! Thanks…

*I walk away to join hubby and head to our gate*

Hubby: look at you little I Promise sales rep!

Me: gotta spread the word big guy!

Hubby: absolutely…I think you did a great job but what was that voice you were using? High pitched and all excited…you were like the ultimate used car sales person….schmoozing her right up!

 Me: that was my voicemail voice. I thought it sounded more professional. Too much?

Hubby: never too much…maybe you could bring that voice to the bedroom…and sell me?!?!? Very hot!

Do you have a voicemail voice? When do you break out the ultimate professional tone? Do people tend to respond to you differently based on your voice and approach? How would make out as a sales person? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Score more with a subtle approach?

Hubby and I are thankfully on the same page, reading from the same book, about 90% of the time, if not higher. So whenever we have a misfire of communication, it really stands out. And the one place we seem to cross signals is the boudoir. It can be like a massive land mine with trip wires and booby traps.

I am sure many of you ladies reading are nodding with a knowing smile “oh girl…I hear ya there…” It’s probably a common spot where a lot of couples differ. Ok…I know there are those who have no idea what I am talking about and to you I say “go talk about your budget…

A recent conversation with hubby went like this:

Me: my god, I finally figured it out. I was on Colin Falconer’s blog and he had this fantastic video by Amanda Gore (below) about the differences between men and women!

Hubby: yeah???

Me: she explained it perfectly. You love a direct approach. You love it when I reach down and grab your crotch and say “let’s get it on…” That makes you hot. You get fired up instantly. Zing. Ready for action! Put me in coach!

Hubby: true…

Me: so when you are in the mood, you do what anyone would do – you do onto me as you would like done onto yourself, right?

Hubby: well that makes sense…yes!

Me: but for me, a lot of the time the direct approach is like pouring ice water on my hooha! It makes me tense up and scream. You reach down for a grab and I’m like “what the hell??? You can’t just GRAB her. She’s not a toy or a stick. She’s tender and she likes to be romanced!!!”

Hubby: less direct???

Me: ya…you know….a more subtle approach. Instead of going straight to the business, rub my thighs…rub my upper chest…massage etc. Touch me every where but…there! Squeeee!!! I think your chances of “yes” moments would increase dramatically.

Hubby: here’s the deal. At least with the direct approach I don’t waste a bunch of time. I go in for a sample and get a yes or no immediately. BAM! I am not investing 45 minutes of a subtle only to get the same “no” I’d have gotten with the direct approach. The math doesn’t add up.

Me: lord…

The rest of the weekend was spent with hubby rubbing my inner thighs going “how’s this for subtle???” and me reminding him that it’s not “subtle” if you have to POINT IT OUT!!


Hysterical. My favorite part is when she says men have to get us to the point where we are going “touch the bits…touch the bits…

Ok ladies…have you got my back? Do you prefer the subtle or more direct approach? Guys, which approach has landed you the most success? What are some of the differences between men and women that crack you up? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Alberta implements indefinite license suspension for impaired drivers

I gotta say…Alberta has definitely got my attention.

In Canada, impaired driving kills between 1,250 and 1,500 people every year (that’s 4 people every single day) and injures more than 63,000. In Alberta alone, from 2006 to 2010, 569 people were killed and 8,530 people were injured in collisions involving impaired drivers. And this province is standing up and saying “NO MORE!”

As of July 1, 2012 (Canada Day) Alberta will become the first Canadian province to suspend an impaired driver’s license (driver found to have a blood alcohol over .08) immediately; a suspension that will stay in effect until the criminal charge is resolved before the courts.

I won’t lie. This makes me tingle in my special spot.

One of the most difficult things our family had to go through was knowing that the man who hit and killed Mamma K and injured The Dude was quite literally licensed to drive the DAY AFTER the wreck. He got drunk and stoned, drove, killed a woman and injured a 16-year-old boy and not 24 hours later, was back living his life as if nothing happened; no consequences what so ever. Driving, working, and living while our world was shattered. It took 20 months for this man to be found guilty and sentenced for his crime and in all that time, he was licensed to kill again.

For families affected by impaired drivers in Alberta that will no longer be the case. Hallelujah.

Now that’s not the ONLY thing Alberta is doing either. There’s more good stuff. I know…it’s like CHRISTMAS!!!

A person found to be driving impaired will also have their vehicle seized for 3 days and IF convicted, the driver will be required to install and pay for an ignition interlock device (a device where they must blow and pass before they are able to start the car) for at least one year.


It gives me goosies!

Except I am not sure why, if found guilty, the vehicle isn’t seized permanently given it was used in the commission of a crime. I mean seriously – think about it. My guess is that a person would only have to lose their vehicle once to really get the message that impaired driving won’t be tolerated. But hey…at least Alberta is moving in the right direction and enforcing an ignition interlock device is a great step in keeping impaired drivers off the road.

Alberta is putting in a variety of appeal levels in place:

  • Drivers will be able to request a second breathalyzer test by a different machine at the roadside.
  • Drivers charged whose licenses are suspended pending the court decision can appeal through the Alberta Transportation Safety Board.

The province’s new rules also target those caught with a blood alcohol level between .05 and .08. As of September 1, 2012, drivers caught at this level will have their license suspended and vehicle seized for 3 days. Graduated drivers (new drivers) will receive a 30-day suspension and a 7-day seizure.

The province expects that the new rules will stand up against any constitutional challenges. That made me give a little first pump. Hoorah!

I hope all Canadian provinces are taking note of Alberta’s commitment to implementing much tougher impaired driving laws that only work to make our roads safer.

What do you think? Do these new laws push the boundaries of “innocent until proven guilty in a court of law”? If so, do you think it’s warranted? Do you believe they will make the Alberta roads safer? How far should our countries/provinces/states go to make our roads safe from impaired drivers? I’d love to hear your thoughts….

On August 1, 2009, my beautiful mother-in-law’s life was cut tragically short by an impaired driver and my stepson’s life changed forever. In honor of Donna and Jordan Kennie, please don’t drink and drive. Impaired driving is 100% preventable. Think about it.

Support MADD Canada and follow them on Facebook, Twitter (@maddcanada), YouTube, and on the Web.

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Clam Burger

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Clam Burger: name given to the vagina as it sometimes resembles a clam in a burger shape.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were at the camp last weekend. On Friday night we watched the movie My Best Friend’s Girl starring Kate Hudson, Dane Cook and Jason Biggs. Hilarious. Definitely rent it if you haven’t seen it before.

That’s where I learned about the clam burger.


Of course, this prompted hubby to spend the last week parading questions about my clam burger all over town; at the drugstore, grocery shopping, new shirt shopping, at the movies, when we get home, while BBQing….

Hubby: how’s your clam burger today?

Hubby: what’s your clam burger saying today?

Hubby: does your clam burger have a message for me today?

Hubby: is your clam burger going to come out to play tonight?

Hubby: does the little clam burger miss me?

Hubby: can I give your clam burger a little treat tonight?

Hubby: is your clam burger in need of a poke?

Hubby: have you been listening to your clam burger lately?

Trust me. We’ve been raising eyebrows all over town this week! LOL!

Does your partner have any cute nicknames for your clam burger? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • ROFL – I have a few people I am totally sending to the Piper Bayard and Holmes’ Camp Cheerful. Oh yes…you know who you are!
  • LOVED Julie Winn’s post on having a meticulous gardener as a neighbor. ROFL!!! I can only imagine!

Urban Word Wednesday: Famine Underwear

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

I am sticking with the panty theme after yesterday’s post on the C string Thong.

Famine Underwear: The garments you wear during a shortage of underwear, when you haven’t done laundry in several weeks or months. Usually characterized by lack of elasticity, holes (usually large and awkwardly located), stains, and typically are at least 5-10 years old. In some cases soccer shorts, underwear of unknown origin, thongs, bathing suit bottoms, or ‘granny panties’ can be considered famine underwear, but do not necessarily meet the above criteria.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were getting dressed for work the other morning when he totally busted me.

Hubby: WHAT is that you are wearing?!?!??

Me: what???

Hubby: those undies are like putting No Name Brand BBQ sauce on Grade A steak…a real shame!

Me: oh come on hubby! After a 2-week vacation of slinky and sexy I needed a break. I missed my famine underwear! Not to mention, there’s nothing better than famine undies when a gal is feeling all bloated and gross.

Hubby: I get the need for comfort but my god, can’t we toss those and buy you some newer ones that aren’t so…gray???

Me: but these ones are all broke in! It’s like they have morphed to my ass perfectly. They are custom famine underwear. I mean…you can’t just buy that kind of comfort and design. It takes years of wearing, washing, and general beating up to get true famine underwear.

Hubby: ok ok…I give! Keep the damn famine undies but just know…there is nothing sexy about that!

Me: I can live with that. Besides, trust me! You got your own whole compartment of famine underwear that I never say a word about! Rips and holes are just as unsexy as gray! Just sayin’…

Hubby: ….fair enough…

When do you break out your famine underwear? Does your significant other complain and threaten to toss them? Do you threaten to toss theirs? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Crotchcorn

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Crotchcorn: the popcorn that you inevitably drop onto your crotch during a movie that you will eat anyway.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I hit the movies with friends last week. We went to see Cabin in the Woods. Ummm…I am not one for scary movies and it was definitely a jumper for me but at the same time it was a comedy. I am honestly not sure how to review it. I liked it but it was….well…weird.

Anyway, there we sat in the back row; hubby, me, my BFF’s hubby (we’ll call him J-Dog), my BFF (the ever-beautiful Laura), and Laura’s sister (Maggie). The theatre was pretty full. We had people in front of us and beside us. I was having myself a good time munching down on a small bag of popcorn.

Normally I would have gotten a regular size but I was trying to be good. But have you SEEN how small a small is now? It’s like a slightly upgraded kid’s pack. And don’t even get me started on how the theatre person tried to short change me about 2 inches of popcorn. OMG! I had to send her back to FILL the bag to the top. I mean, the stuff cost a small fortune; it’s like gold popcorn so I wanted every kernel they could fit in the tiny bag.

ANYWAY, to make a long story short, given that I LOVE theatre popcorn and it was this itty bitty, tiny, little bag (and this was my supper), I wasn’t letting ONE piece go to waste!

J-Dog: good lord – how much crotchcorn do you have down there?

Me: WHAT?!?!?! What is crotchcorn?

J-Dog: you know…all the popcorn that missed your mouth and landed in your crotch that you are now pecking at like a hen. It’s like a never-ending supply down there. To be honest, I can’t believe you are eating that stuff. Most people toss it on the floor.

Me: really? What a waste. I mean, it’s perfectly good popcorn and now it’s like reheated from hanging out down below. It’s like it just came out of the popcorn maker. I like crotchcorn!

J-Dog (to hubby): she’s all yours big guy.

Hubby: don’t I know it, a real treat.

Me: I am so using this on my blog. My readers will love to know about crotchcorn! And I bet they eat it!

So how about it? Do you eat the crotchcorn or toss it on the floor (all wasteful) like hubby and J-Dog? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Get to know me with a fun game of tag

There is a fahbulous fun get-to-know-you game of tag and something called “11 questions” going around the blogosphere that I thought I’d take part in.

1. You must post the rules. CHECK
2. Answer the questions and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged. CHECK – although I didn’t create new questions since there’s a slew for y’all to choose from.
3. Tag eleven people and link to them. Since just about everyone I know has already been tagged by either game  – consider this an open invite to play along!
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them. N/A

Stacy Green tagged me here, Fabio Bueno tagged me here, and I loved Emma Burcart’s interrogation questions. See all my answers to their combined questions below.

If you could live in a fictional world, where would that be?

You mean I don’t live in one already?!?! Shikes! Ok, well I guess I’d love to be a part of the Na’vi tribe living on Pandora. The beauty of the people and the planet and their connection to nature draws me in. I could watch the movie a hundred times and never tire of it.

Do you read in noisy or quiet places?

I prefer to read in quiet places but…I can read anywhere!

What was the first book you ever read?

Seriously? Lord. I have no idea. I believe it was the Pokey Little Puppy. Does that qualify as a “book”?

Favourite author?

Oh gosh. John Grisham, Nicolas Sparks, Nora Roberts, Jody Picault, etc.

Do reviews influence your choice of reads?

Ummm…I would say not really. I like to make up my own mind so if I’ve come across a book I’m interested in, I’ll buy it regardless. But I will say good reviews from people I know definitely influence me. If a friend of mine says “I just read this awesome book,” even if it’s outside my normal genre, I’ll give it a try.

Fiction or Non fiction?

Both! I tend to read more fiction but I love biographies and true stories as well.

Have you ever met your favourite author?

Nope. Not even close.

Audio books or Paperbacks?

Paperback although I think I’d love audio books, I just haven’t tried one yet. I can’t read while laying in the sun so I think audio books on my iPod would rock!

Classic or Modern Novels?


Book Groups or Solitary Reading?

Solitary thus far. I’ve never been a part of a book club.

What is your favorite historical period and why?

The here and now baby. I am all about reality.

List your top five favorite movies.

Pride and Prejudice (new and old), Notebook, Ever After, Flying, and Bridges of Madison County

Your house is on fire. Your loved ones–humans and pets–are already safe outside. They have your driver’s license and a flash drive with all your backups (files and all the media you own). You have time to save one more object. What would you get?

Family photos.

You can invite any three people in the world for a dinner – anyone alive. Who are your guests?

My Mom, Hubby and Oprah.

Congress/the gods/smiling extraterrestrials said you can only have one type of food every meal for the rest of your life (they’ll supplement your diet with vitamin pills). Which food would you choose?

Chinese….oh yeah!!!

In an episode of “Friends”, they all reveal their freebie list: five celebrities with whom they can hook up without upsetting their partners. Who’s in yours?

Sorry but hubby is my very own in-house, superstar celebrity!

Some people think the Hunger Games is bloody. In Harry Potter 6, fifteen characters die. In HP7, the body count is over fifty (see here). JK is rewriting the series, and she let you choose one character from any of the seven books to get a reprieve. Who would it be and why?

Y’all are going to fall over but…I’ve never read the Harry Potter series and haven’t really watched the movies either. I know I know…insane isn’t it!?!

What’s your worst fear?

Hubby dying suddenly/accidentally.

You can choose your own nickname, with an assurance that no one would ever mock you. Tell us your choice.

Princess. I know, not very original but I love it.

What’s the best vacation you have ever had?

My wedding trip to Punta Cana

If you could write yourself into any TV show or movie, what would you choose?

Eat Pray Love

What is one thing you’ve always wanted to do but been too scared to do?

Write a book. LOL!

Would you rather get a pedicure or go hiking?


What is your favorite part of a man’s body?

Shoulders – O.M.G.

If you could be trapped anywhere with anyone, where you be and who would you be with?

Beach resort with hubby – funny – heading there tomorrow. LOL!

What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

Took a cramp while up in the trees doing Tree Go (obstacle course in the trees). I barely made it to the ground and when first aid got on scene, she thought it was menstrual cramps that had me crawling on the ground on the verge of passing out. She told me the nearest bathroom was 20 min away. I told her…”I am not going to make it…” By this point, I had attracted quite a crowd – all very concerned. Hubby knew what the issue was and quietly explained things to her. She pointed to the thick woods – I took off at a sprint….can you say HUMILIATED!

Sweet or salty?

Salty all the way!

What was your biggest childhood fear?

Water where I could not see bottom

If you were a shoe, what type of shoe would you be?

Strappy stileto sandal with tons of bling. See above picture. One of hubby’s most fahhhbulous Christmas presents to me.

What is your nickname, and where does it come from?

Nat. Everyone has always called me Nat – way boring, I know.

If you were a character from Sex and the City, who would you be? (Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, or Samantha)

Sooooo funny you’d ask. I have a friend who tells me ALL the time how I remind her of Samatha in my tone, style etc (not in the have hot sex with everyone kind of way). She’ll comment on different photos on Facebook “SAMANTHA!!!” LOL – so I am going with that!!

If you want to take part in the game, no need to wait to be tagged. Do a self-interview with a few or all of the questions and consider yourself tagged by me! Or answer a couple in the comment section.

More blog deliciousness here:

  • Carrie Spencer has got incredible fashion sense and loved the video on 25 ways to wrap a scarf! So fabulous!
  • Ever hit a fancy, high-end mall just to see how the other half live? I vicariously live through Piper Bayard and her daughter as they toured the Country Club Plaza.
  • OMG, can you imagine taking every 7th year of work OFF to nurture your creative side. LOVE it! Ingrid Schaffenburg showcases a video of Stefan Sagmeister where he talks about the value of doing just that. And I gotta say…I WISH!!

Stinky flatulence got you down? No more!

So y’all know I can run into some issues with gas when I wrote about my fartriliquist abilities! I mean who doesn’t fart? There’s no way around it. It’s a bodily function we all deal with. It’s just unfortunate that sometimes we deal with it at the most inopportune time. Yikes!

I won’t lie. I’ve been faced with embarrassing situations where it was stay home with a case of raunchy gas or make it to a family gathering.

Or what about those times when you go to a friend’s house for dinner (with a bunch of other couples no less) and for whatever reason, the meal enjoyed reeks havoc on your system. Do you leave early and go home to be alone with your foulness or stay and pray you can pinch it off all night?

And what about those little doozies that sneak out with no dog to blame it on?

Or how about at work? You are in a meeting with just you and another person when you feel the gurgle and know in your butt of butts, it ain’t gonna be pretty. Pretty hard to put my fartriliquism abilities to good use when there’s just two of us in a meeting. Yikes!

You know what I am talking about. You know the shame.

Well my good friend Angela Orlowski-Peart turned me onto a new product that’s gonna relieve all of us from our fear of the smelly fart. Meet the Subtle Butt; disposable gas neutralizers.

Never be embarrassed by ‘escaped’ gas again!

Can I get an amen to that!?!

The ‘discreet,’ antimicrobial pad sticks to your underwear (even thongs) so you can relax and let er’ fly. Any odor is neutralized by the activated carbon layer. Now all you need to worry about is keeping it quiet. There’s even a product demo video (good luck keeping a straight face watching this)!


Honestly, what can a person say after that?!?!

You can order a packet of 5 subtle butts for just $11.95 each here. I might have to take out stocks in the company to cover the amount hubby and I would need to purchase but y’all might fare out ok.

How do you handle gas issues? Think you’ll try Subtle Butt or stick to blaming it on the dog? Any embarrassing farting stories to tell? Come on…share the wealth!

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:

  • The love doctors (Piper Bayard and Holmes) are at it again with their romance fantastic advice – hysterical!
  • Poor Myndi Shafer shared her grocery store visit story with us. Hilarious to read but likely not so fun in person. LOL!
  • Did you see Kathy Owen’s post with Isabella Beeton and Martha Stewart where they square off on fine dining tips. Part I and Part II were a riot!
  • Yesterday Jenny Hansen did a fabulously funny post about why bodily functions are funny, including farting (or larting in her case).

Urban Word Wednesday: D*ck flick

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Dick flick: The testosterone-driven movie opposite of a “chick flick”. Generally contains lots of car chases, explosions, and boobs.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby: so did you like our chick flick palooza this past weekend? A little “no one puts baby in the corner” followed up with “it wasn’t over for me…it still isn’t over!!”

Me: Oh my god, sooooo good. You know how to treat a girl right!

Hubby: well, I thought after all those dick flicks you’ve seen with me lately, I owed you a good chick flick marathon. 

Me: you are my very own Prince Charming!

Seen any good dick flicks lately? Got any favs? Do you and your guy balance watching chick flicks and dick flicks? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • Noa Gavin wrote a fantastic letter to whoreons. Honestly, any woman out there looking for love in all the wrong place should read this and get a clue; it all starts with YOU!
  • The Love Doctors (Piper Bayard and Holmes) are at it again with more hilarious relationship advice.
  • Was in stitches reading Myndi Shafer’s post on dishwasher usage.
  • I am not a watcher of Glee but even I got a raving kick out of Jessica O’Neal’s sh*t gleeks say video!
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