Sometimes the grass IS greener on the other side

Honestly, there is nothing I hate worse than clutter. A long reformed slob, it drives me absolutely batty (shut up hubby!). Now with all our electronic gadgets, our kitchen island has become a mass charging station. Two Blackberries, 1 Samsung Galaxy, 2 digital cameras, iPods, Kindles, laptops, tablets…the list goes on and on.

I swear it looks like we are gearing up to power the next space shuttle. It’s an endless collection of gadgets that sends my visual senses into overload. When I come into the kitchen in the morning greeted by the sight of oodles of metal, chords and blinking lights, I cringe. Not the way to start the day…no sirree!

There’s got to be a better way!

You betcha!

Decorative Things Grass Charging Station (

Allow me to introduce you to the top of my Christmas wish list (cause it’s never too late to start wishing): the grass charging station by Decorative Things.

For $28 (plus shipping), I can create a zen-like charging station in my own home! Thassss right!

In this nature-inspired oasis, the coiled wires are hidden in the bottom while all my gadgets sit pretty on the grass charging away. Genius people!

I definitely need a couple for the kitchen but hell…I might just get one for every room in the house. Ya never know when ya gotta do an emergency charge, right? Might as well look good doing it!

And…It comes in WHITE and a MINI version people!

It’s gorgeous and so…calming! Now I’ll actually look forward to plugging in my gear in at night.

Sleep tight Blackberry….night night iPod…rest easy Kindle…sweet dreams tablet…I hope y’all are comfy in your grass bed! I am the world’s best gadget mom!!

How do you handle all the electronics clutter in your home? Do you have a dream charging station or do you just plug them in where ever you have a free outlet? How do you handle clutter? Come on…share the wealth…

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:


Urban Word Wednesday: Five Alarm F*ck

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Five Alarm F*ck (a new slang saying brought to you by hubby): When the hotness factor reaches epic proportions and it becomes imperative to knock boots ASAP.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were shopping for some frozen fruit and lemons at Costco last week. I didn’t think I was wearing anything overly “hot” and sexy. It was just plain old work clothes but hubby was in some kind of a mood and the following convo ensued in the bread aisle.

Hubby: God you are looking good today!

*smacks my ass with an open hand much to the surprise of many customers*

Me: really? I’m wearing my usual work pants?

Hubby: I don’t know what to tell you but that ass is looking fine! Really spectacular.

Me: it must be all the potty squats I’ve been doing as part of Ginger’s WritersButt workouts.

Hubby: whatever it is, it’s working and girl…I think we got ourselves a Five Alarm F*ck on our hands.

Me: what?!?! A five alarm f*ck?

Hubby: yes! You know, at the fire station they have a fire alarm system. One alarm, two alarms etc. The higher number of alarms, the more serious the fire, the more resources they respond with. And girl, you are looking so HOT we got ourselves a five alarm f*ck. We should hit the truck and go parking like RIGHT now!

Me: well as much I appreciate the compliment and you know how I hate to disappoint…I think you’re gonna have to put your own fire out today.

Hubby: seriously?!?! When did you lose your sense of adventurous?

Me: like all women darlin’….as soon as I got the diamond baby!

Hubby: damn!

Ever had a five alarm f*ck on your hands? How would you handle it? Ever sneak off for a little nooner or a parking party on your lunch hour? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • Roy Street gives us the lowdown on an all-natural, tried and testing technique to stave off aging and by keeping it tight and tiny! Minds out of the gutter people!
  • Did y’all see Jenny Hansen’s post this week with her latest edition of the Undie Chronicles where she serves up edible undies for….you guessed it…HUBBY!!
  • Just about died laughing reading Jenny from the Blog’s post on sex or oven cleaning! I hear ya girl! LOL!

Stinky flatulence got you down? No more!

So y’all know I can run into some issues with gas when I wrote about my fartriliquist abilities! I mean who doesn’t fart? There’s no way around it. It’s a bodily function we all deal with. It’s just unfortunate that sometimes we deal with it at the most inopportune time. Yikes!

I won’t lie. I’ve been faced with embarrassing situations where it was stay home with a case of raunchy gas or make it to a family gathering.

Or what about those times when you go to a friend’s house for dinner (with a bunch of other couples no less) and for whatever reason, the meal enjoyed reeks havoc on your system. Do you leave early and go home to be alone with your foulness or stay and pray you can pinch it off all night?

And what about those little doozies that sneak out with no dog to blame it on?

Or how about at work? You are in a meeting with just you and another person when you feel the gurgle and know in your butt of butts, it ain’t gonna be pretty. Pretty hard to put my fartriliquism abilities to good use when there’s just two of us in a meeting. Yikes!

You know what I am talking about. You know the shame.

Well my good friend Angela Orlowski-Peart turned me onto a new product that’s gonna relieve all of us from our fear of the smelly fart. Meet the Subtle Butt; disposable gas neutralizers.

Never be embarrassed by ‘escaped’ gas again!

Can I get an amen to that!?!

The ‘discreet,’ antimicrobial pad sticks to your underwear (even thongs) so you can relax and let er’ fly. Any odor is neutralized by the activated carbon layer. Now all you need to worry about is keeping it quiet. There’s even a product demo video (good luck keeping a straight face watching this)!


Honestly, what can a person say after that?!?!

You can order a packet of 5 subtle butts for just $11.95 each here. I might have to take out stocks in the company to cover the amount hubby and I would need to purchase but y’all might fare out ok.

How do you handle gas issues? Think you’ll try Subtle Butt or stick to blaming it on the dog? Any embarrassing farting stories to tell? Come on…share the wealth!

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:

  • The love doctors (Piper Bayard and Holmes) are at it again with their romance fantastic advice – hysterical!
  • Poor Myndi Shafer shared her grocery store visit story with us. Hilarious to read but likely not so fun in person. LOL!
  • Did you see Kathy Owen’s post with Isabella Beeton and Martha Stewart where they square off on fine dining tips. Part I and Part II were a riot!
  • Yesterday Jenny Hansen did a fabulously funny post about why bodily functions are funny, including farting (or larting in her case).

The joy of bad Christmas presents

When I receive a terrible Christmas present, I cover my distaste by being overly enthusiastic. I put on the biggest smile, scream in delight, and talk about the million ways I can use said awful thing. I go on and on for at least a good 5 to 10 minutes in the hopes that the gift-giver has no idea how appalled I am at their insanity! I figure regardless of how nasty it is, they still went out and made an effort, right?

As an adult, I’ve received some real doozies in my life! Lord, I hope the gift-givers aren’t reading my blog?!?!? A single pizza baking sheet (that I knew had come in a pack of two), a set of used wrenches, regifted gifts (finding the tag of the original gift giver on the back), coupons, a neon red plastic bowl, a pair of children’s socks, and my all-time fav…a red and blue foam sword. Yes…a foam sword.

OMG, I LOVE IT!!! A form sword…I’ve like always WANTED a FOAM SWORD!!! How did you know?!!!?!?! This is fantastic!!! I am going to spend the rest of today beating people with it…it’s ahhmazing!! I love that you guys get me THE BEST and funnest gifts EVER!! WOW….THANK YOU!!!

Yip….no joke! I was THAT enthusiastic! I mean, I won’t lie…I did have a blast assaulting everyone at Christmas dinner with it but…a foam sword as a Christmas gift to a woman in her 30s?!?! Not sure what the thinking was there but hey…I tried to be gracious!

Well, these parents put my terrible Christmas presents to shame! I am sure most of you heard about Jimmy Kimmel’s YouTube challenge?! He asked parents in America to play a little trick on their kids. A couple of weeks before Christmas, let them open one gift early but give them something really terrible. Capture their reactions on video and upload it to YouTube.

It’s HYSTERICAL. I love how honest kids are. Maybe I should give that a try next time I receive a bad gift?

Lucky for me, this year I scored and averted the terrible Christmas present. Phew! Huge relief. It can be exhausting putting on that kind of show.

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

Time to dish the dirt! Tell me about your most terrible Christmas presents ever! How did you cover your reaction or…did you? Come on…share the wealth! Your secrets are safe here!

If you enjoyed this post, check out more blog deliciousness here:

  • I am still chucking from Jillian Dodd’s interview with Piper Bayard and Kristen Lamb as their Presidential Campaign tour stopped by her blog!
  • Get some fantastic beauty dos and don’t (and some laughs) from Leanne Shirtliffe who is one sassy mom.
  • I just about died laughing when I read Jenny from the Blog’s post on the top 10 resolutions anyone can keep for 2012. I think I actually snorting out pop when I read number 5 on staying out of touch and number 10 on gossiping more. OMG riot.
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