Hubby’s Corner: What’s crack-a-lackling?

Happy Blogday to me!!!  Today’s post marks one full year since I posted my first Hubby’s Corner.

Now I know my 12 posts do not compare to Natalie’s 400+ posts but I still feel a sense of accomplishment and pride as I think back to the fun and laughs I’ve had over the past year and the sinking realization that our lives are just simply crazy and full of surprises, embarrassing moments, and little incidents that make you belly laugh to the core while tears run down your cheeks.

Just such a moment recently transpired.

Let me paint the mood. We just left our favorite Chinese place where we had a great supper with our friends Laura and Jeremy aka Laremey (portmanteau = Laura + Jeremy). We arrived at our local theatre, cutely titled “The Playhouse”.  We hand over our tickets and are escorted to our seats by a vest clad, flashlight-holding, middle-aged man.

The seats are plush, the lights are dim and we are all snuggled up tightly in our theatre style seating. We’ve got our usual crazy chuckle banter going on amongst ourselves. Always aware of my surroundings, I notice the seats in front of us are occupied and new patrons have just been escorted to the row in front of us. As the people currently seated rise to a standing position – it happened!!!

Directly in front of Natalie’s face – only mere inches away – was a big hairy, toothless grin of an ass crack! So with cat-like reflexes I nudge Natalie’s arm and like a deer caught in the headlights her eyes bulge and her mouth drops and remains open for several seconds. Laura seated next to Natalie, almost simultaneously discovers the spectacular view before her as well.

As I look over at the two of them preparing themselves for the inevitable ‘sit down’ my inner devil is tearing at my flesh in an effort to ask the pair of them “What’s Crack-a-lackling Ladies!” but alas I cannot. As I opened my mouth in an effort to speak nothing came out as the gentleman was in the initial launch sequence of the seated position and WHOOP THERE IT IS!!

We were all a captive audience to this indecent exposure several more times over the next 15 minutes period. Every time a person wanted in or out of the row in front of us, we knew what was coming and we all braced ourselves; white knuckled in our chairs. Some of us squinted, some of us looked away, but then you’d catch someone or someone caught you stealing a glance and the four of us would break out in hysterical laughter and tears.

We went to see some comedy at “The Playhouse” that night but what we couldn’t have guessed was that the most laughs of the night came from “Johnny Ass-Cracker” seated in front of us!

Writers Note: I try to reach out and touch all my readers, never letting any of them fall through the cracks. I do not claim to be a writer but I always take a crack at it. So please don’t crack down on my writing; stay calm; crack open a drink, crack some jokes, crack a window and crack a smile….causing you never know what’s crack-a-lackling here at Hubby’s Corner – a place for pondering!!!

Ever get a nasty, incidental moon show? Come on…share the wealth…

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Hubby’s Corner: What superhero would you be?

When most people stop and think about superheroes, most would tend to reference the more traditional forms of superheroes seen in this picture. Superman; Batman; Flash Gordon; the possibilities are endless.

A superhero is typically someone who has obtained some form of super power through some spectacular event in his life. But it can also be simply someone who is a costumed person of mystery fighting for a personal cause.

How many times have you ever caught yourself daydreaming – If I were a superhero, who would I be? I think everybody has some favorite superhero or super power they wish they had at one point in their lives. So as I sit here pondering my superhero options, I think I finally have the answer!

I have always thought that the Invisible Man would be super cool. The fun I’d have just messing with people and the sights I’d see. Check out the pic of me waiting patiently in the women’s locker room. Can you see me???

Or maybe Batman, with his bat-belt gadgets. He usually has everything on that belt for every occasion. He was a real boy scout prepared for anything.

Then I quickly switched to Spiderman with his wall climbing and web swinging and quick draw web shooting but I was concerned about the costume selection!??  NAH!

Then it came to me!!!

BANG!   POW!   SMACK!

Over the years I’ve occasionally been referred to (by Natalie’s friends) as Nat’s Man.

That’s right this looks like a job for ….dunt-da-da-dahhhh!!!!     

I can just imagine NATSMAN swooping in to aid my damsel in distress; saving her from the hands of evil doers. I picture her looking deeply into NATSMAN’s eyes with awe and amazement of my greatness as I whisk her away to safety while stealing a hot kiss!

But alas, I chuckle to myself …who am I kidding?! I have tears running down my cheeks as I sit here tossing around the endless NATSMAN costume possibilities. I’d like to think that NATSMAN would have a manly black unitard; hot-rod red accent colors with built-in body shaping amour – superhero Spanks you might say? But I’m not fooling anybody because if I was truly NATSMAN, I’d be dawned in a hot pink, glitter-covered unitard with perhaps a diamond studded g-knit with large pink stones where my balls used to reside.

My utility belt would be stocked with Nat’s cash, ID and lipstick (because none of her outfits have pockets). On the other side of the belt – a never-ending thermo cup of Butter Pecan Latte, foot cream and purple nail files. The best utility belt option would be my retractable car/house key holder – pink of course – so all doors before my damsel would be opened prior to her royal arrival. What I could not fit into my utility belt, I could store in my quick-as-a-flash hot pink, rhinestone covered murse (Portmanteau = Man + Purse).

On my right hand, I’d sport a feathered glove for giving great back tickles while she watches TV. And my left sleeve would contain magician style flowers that I could whip out at a moment’s notice. And as much as I would love to be a masked superhero…at this point I suspect my only head gear would be a sparkling tiara.

Regardless of the silly costume ideas and the elaborate images, I can’t help but be thankful for the day I met Natalie and every day since. You might say meeting her was the spectacular event in my life…where I obtained my super power and became forever known as dunt-da-da-dahhhh!!!!  

PS: NATSMAN is not the only superhero fantasy in the household!!!!

XOXO – UP! UP!  and AWAAAAYYYYYY!

Now that I told you my dirty little secret…what superhero would you be? Who is the real-life superhero in your life? Come on…share the wealth…

Be sure to check out more blog fabulousness:

Hubby’s Corner: As legends has it…

In today’s today’s society, we run across the phrase “As Legend has it…” all to often followed by some urban myth or a wild tale of a tribal object holding mystical powers.

Every corner of the world has great local legends and stories that are passed down generation to generation. Each tale told holding onto a little thread of hope, doubt, possibility and uncertainty.

It is no secret that Natalie and I love to spend our April wedding anniversary in the tropical land of rum and white sandy beaches. That’s right Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.

And today I pass along a Dominican legend! A drink called Mamajuana.

Yes…this is a bartender holding up a jug of Mamajuana!

Mamajuana is a combination of dark rum, red wine, honey, bark (yes…bark), herbs, leaves, sticks and roots (yip…you read that right…see the picture to the right).

As legend has it, Mamajuana has mythical powers that can cure many ailments; the flu, prostate and ovarian disorders, digestion and circulation aid, blood cleanser, and kidney and liver tonic. BUT the most famous power is quite evident by its unofficial local nickname; “Dominican Viagra”.

This little ditty is normally served as a shot. So swim over to that pool bar and slap down your dripping wet dollar bill and cry out “MAMAJUANA POR FAVOR” and watch the eyeballs of your Dominican bartender come to life with a smile like no tomorrow!!! It’ll be combined with fist pumps, blowing it up, secret handshakes, wink and point combinations, innuendous looks, and celebratory hip thrusting as the bartender pours your shot and usually one for him/herself as you cry SALUT!!! And slam it down!

On one of these trips, I got quite a taste for the Mamajuana. It was the day of our anniversary when Natalie, our friend Mel and I swam over to the pool bar and in appropriate celebratory fashion I slapped down my dripping wet dollar bill and cried out “THREE MAMAJUANA POR FAVOR.”

The bartender quickly lit up and after a combination of fist bumps, blowing it up, secret handshakes, wink and point combinations, innuendous looks, and celebratory hip thrusting, Francisco started pouring our 3 shots into regular sized plastic beer cups. I….feeling a little adventurous (and a bit drunk)…said “No! No! No! Francisco…Fill those puppies to the brim…it’s our anniversary!!

I thought Francisco was going to die! He pointedly grinned at Natalie and assured her in his limited English that she would be having a good time that night and proceeded to indulge both of us in a combination of fist pumps, blowing it up, secret handshakes, wink and point combinations, innuendous looks, and celebratory hip thrusting.

After we left the bar Natalie and Mel refused to drink their Mamajuana, so I did the most logical thing I could think of. I drank all three of those bad boys. Duh!

Ever since that memorable day and every trip to the Dominican since, I have not been allowed to par-take in even the tiniest sampling of their sweet Mamajuana.

Natalie will not allow it.

Now…whenever the topic of Mamajuana comes up and I get asked “does it work? Is it really like Viagra?” my usual answer is a combination of fist pumps, blowing it up, secret handshakes, wink and point combinations, innuendous looks, and celebratory hip thrusting….

Followed by the phrase:

“AS LEGEND HAS IT…

AS LEGEND HAS IT!!!!”

Know any “as legend has it…” stories that you found out were true…or false…or better yet are SELF MADE??? Have you ever tried Mamajuana and lived to tell? Come on…share the wealth….

More blog deliciousness here:

  • Beautiful guest post by Tami Clayton at Sherry Isaac’s on wildflower women! A great reminder for all we have to be grateful for.
  • Loved August McLaughlin’s post on lessons she learned from her acting career that she’s using to benefit all aspects of her life!
  • LOVED Ginger Calem’s post on what feeds your soul. Beautiful and really got me thinking about what passions I should invest more time in!

Hubby (AKA Mr. August) gone WILD!

I am shaking things up this week. First Wednesday, with a tribute post to Mamma K. And now today….well have I got a treat for y’all!

My good friend Tameri Etherton made hubby her…CRUSH OF THE MONTH for August! Squeee….she secured an in-depth interview with him and did an amazing write-up.

Yours truly worked behind the scenes to secure her some…PHOTOS!!!

You aren’t going to want to miss this one folks…head over there and show hubby your luv.

What do you think – is hubby a hotty or what!?!?!

Hubby’s Corner – Supply vs Demand

As this big ol’world turns, there is one constant concept that remains untouched – and that concept is supply and demand.

Many things will change in this world over time but the primal concept of supply and demand will always come out the winner. If you want it – there will be somebody there to provide it. Simple! Quick! Easy! Right?….Wrong!

As you may or may not know here at Hubby’s Corner we live our lives to the fullest. We are very active and have many interests. Some of these interests include: tubing, stock car races, canoeing, fishing, BBQing, kayaking, camping, bicycling, music concerts – you name it and we are into it. And at most events there is group that accompanies us and the one question that always arises at every activity/event is…

Who’s gonna be the Designated Driver?

And since we usually end up taking many vehicles we usually require many designated drivers! AH-HA! We have DEMAND!!!

It was at this point the hand of God reached down and touched my soul and presented a vision! A dream you might say! There in the corner of the parking lot of our local Canadian Tire shadowed by clouds and illuminated by a single ray of sunlight engulfing it entirely sat my chance to SUPPLY! There sat an old shorty school bus like the one here.

Yes! It needed a little work but at a mere $2000 purchase price, how could we go wrong?

I pitched the idea to my lovely wife that we could buy this bus, and transform it into a functional transport device that could take us and all our friends to activities and events and with only a single designated driver.

Voila! Perfection.

Natalie quickly thought about the idea….

And *poof* came back to reality and quickly opposed the idea as ridiculous. I on the other hand began brainstorming:

  • We could tie tubes down the sides.
  • We could put bikes on top.
  • We could put canoes/kayaks on top.
  • We could all go in on it together to reduce the cost.
  • The list went on and on.

And as Natalie’s eyes rolled back into her head – I was already off in fantasy land, conjuring up ideas and inventions on how to incorporate this vessel into our daily living.

I even came up with a way for it to become revenue generating by converting it into an “after bar” transport taxi called the FRY N’RIDE! My vision; for a “nominal fee” clubbers could get a French Fry and a ride home. This idea was followed by hideous laughter – not quite the support I was hoping for! And as the idea churned out the worse it got.

  • We could build a deck on the back with a BBQ.
  • Instead of shooter girls we were going to have “Fry Girls”
  • Disco balls, stripper poles, lights, music –  the works!

It quickly became a running joke between the two of us and eventually all of our friends and family. Every once in a while we’ll see some grease wagon or fry truck and it will resurface or the occasional dig; “If we only had the Fry N’ Ride!

So there I stood….one defeated man…ONE VOICE…ONE HEARTBEAT….ONE DREAM!

And then….

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ALAS I AM NOT ALONE – SUPPLY AND DEMAND LIVES ON!

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