Urban Word Wednesday: Clam Burger

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Clam Burger: name given to the vagina as it sometimes resembles a clam in a burger shape.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were at the camp last weekend. On Friday night we watched the movie My Best Friend’s Girl starring Kate Hudson, Dane Cook and Jason Biggs. Hilarious. Definitely rent it if you haven’t seen it before.

That’s where I learned about the clam burger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, this prompted hubby to spend the last week parading questions about my clam burger all over town; at the drugstore, grocery shopping, new shirt shopping, at the movies, when we get home, while BBQing….

Hubby: how’s your clam burger today?

Hubby: what’s your clam burger saying today?

Hubby: does your clam burger have a message for me today?

Hubby: is your clam burger going to come out to play tonight?

Hubby: does the little clam burger miss me?

Hubby: can I give your clam burger a little treat tonight?

Hubby: is your clam burger in need of a poke?

Hubby: have you been listening to your clam burger lately?

Trust me. We’ve been raising eyebrows all over town this week! LOL!

Does your partner have any cute nicknames for your clam burger? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • ROFL – I have a few people I am totally sending to the Piper Bayard and Holmes’ Camp Cheerful. Oh yes…you know who you are!
  • LOVED Julie Winn’s post on having a meticulous gardener as a neighbor. ROFL!!! I can only imagine!
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Stinky flatulence got you down? No more!

So y’all know I can run into some issues with gas when I wrote about my fartriliquist abilities! I mean who doesn’t fart? There’s no way around it. It’s a bodily function we all deal with. It’s just unfortunate that sometimes we deal with it at the most inopportune time. Yikes!

I won’t lie. I’ve been faced with embarrassing situations where it was stay home with a case of raunchy gas or make it to a family gathering.

Or what about those times when you go to a friend’s house for dinner (with a bunch of other couples no less) and for whatever reason, the meal enjoyed reeks havoc on your system. Do you leave early and go home to be alone with your foulness or stay and pray you can pinch it off all night?

And what about those little doozies that sneak out with no dog to blame it on?

Or how about at work? You are in a meeting with just you and another person when you feel the gurgle and know in your butt of butts, it ain’t gonna be pretty. Pretty hard to put my fartriliquism abilities to good use when there’s just two of us in a meeting. Yikes!

You know what I am talking about. You know the shame.

Well my good friend Angela Orlowski-Peart turned me onto a new product that’s gonna relieve all of us from our fear of the smelly fart. Meet the Subtle Butt; disposable gas neutralizers.

Never be embarrassed by ‘escaped’ gas again!

Can I get an amen to that!?!

The ‘discreet,’ antimicrobial pad sticks to your underwear (even thongs) so you can relax and let er’ fly. Any odor is neutralized by the activated carbon layer. Now all you need to worry about is keeping it quiet. There’s even a product demo video (good luck keeping a straight face watching this)!

 

Honestly, what can a person say after that?!?!

You can order a packet of 5 subtle butts for just $11.95 each here. I might have to take out stocks in the company to cover the amount hubby and I would need to purchase but y’all might fare out ok.

How do you handle gas issues? Think you’ll try Subtle Butt or stick to blaming it on the dog? Any embarrassing farting stories to tell? Come on…share the wealth!

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:

  • The love doctors (Piper Bayard and Holmes) are at it again with their romance fantastic advice – hysterical!
  • Poor Myndi Shafer shared her grocery store visit story with us. Hilarious to read but likely not so fun in person. LOL!
  • Did you see Kathy Owen’s post with Isabella Beeton and Martha Stewart where they square off on fine dining tips. Part I and Part II were a riot!
  • Yesterday Jenny Hansen did a fabulously funny post about why bodily functions are funny, including farting (or larting in her case).

Urban Word Wednesday: D*ck flick

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Dick flick: The testosterone-driven movie opposite of a “chick flick”. Generally contains lots of car chases, explosions, and boobs.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby: so did you like our chick flick palooza this past weekend? A little “no one puts baby in the corner” followed up with “it wasn’t over for me…it still isn’t over!!”

Me: Oh my god, sooooo good. You know how to treat a girl right!

Hubby: well, I thought after all those dick flicks you’ve seen with me lately, I owed you a good chick flick marathon. 

Me: you are my very own Prince Charming!

Seen any good dick flicks lately? Got any favs? Do you and your guy balance watching chick flicks and dick flicks? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • Noa Gavin wrote a fantastic letter to whoreons. Honestly, any woman out there looking for love in all the wrong place should read this and get a clue; it all starts with YOU!
  • The Love Doctors (Piper Bayard and Holmes) are at it again with more hilarious relationship advice.
  • Was in stitches reading Myndi Shafer’s post on dishwasher usage.
  • I am not a watcher of Glee but even I got a raving kick out of Jessica O’Neal’s sh*t gleeks say video!

Valentine’s Day: let the love palooza continue

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

 

Given hubby’s recent back injury and our upcoming trip to the Dominican Republic in April, hubby and I are planning for a quiet Valentine’s this year. A romantic dinner at home cooked by us, a luxurious bubble bath enjoyed with some delicious champagne, wonderfully scripted romantic cards, and a candle lit night of romance. Ahhhh…delightful.

Last week I entered hubby and I into a contest to find our city’s ultimate couple and win a night on the town for Valentine’s Day. The prize includes transportation, flowers, spa treatments and dinner at one of our fav restaurants. Perfect! To enter, I had to explain, in 1300 characters, why I thought we were the “ultimate couple” and deserved the night out.

Now, y’all know I believe that hubby and I rock (as you may have noticed from yesterday’s post)! But to put into words why was harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to go beyond the wild romantic gestures that hubby chooses to bless me with; beyond our love of public displays of affection; and beyond our crazy fun and adventures. I wanted to go deeper.  What do I think sets us apart? What makes us special? What truly makes us, in my opinion, an ultimate couple?!

Here is what I came up with:

Scott and Natalie are the ultimate couple because we believe in a living marriage, romance found in everyday stuff, and that it’s the little things that count. We believe in being best friends, you complete me, yin to my yang, K.I.S.S.I.N.G., and that love makes the world go around. We believe in supporting each other through anything and everything. We believe in having each other’s backs; no matter what. We believe in putting each other’s needs and wants first; every time. We believe in investing in each other’s happiness. We believe in fighting clean and always being willing to forgive and forget. We believe there is no such thing as right or wrong and that there is always room for negotiation, compromise and win-win. We believe in living responsibly and having a lot of FUN. We believe in honesty, integrity, monogamy, compassion, empathy, and thinking the best of each other; always. We believe in laughter, snuggles, cuddles, vulnerability, and hugs that last forever. We believe in champagne bubble baths, candle lit dinners, long walks on the beach, holding hands, kissing whenever the mood strikes, love letters, and flowers…just because. We believe in miracles, fairy tales, dreams come true, soul mates and life partners. We believe in each other! We believe in true love forever.

What a wonderful exercise! To spend some time putting into words our unique beauty as a couple…was amazing! So win or lose the actual contest (they announced the winners this morning, it wasn’t us…sniff), I know we already won! In celebration of that, I thought I’d share some of hubby’s love notes to me and some photos of our Valentine’s Day fun from throughout the years. I hope you enjoy!

You inspire me to be a better person and a better man. The rest of the world fades away with you in my arms.

Everything about you makes me love you more everyday…your father would be so proud of the woman you’ve become.

Valentine's Day

My day starts and ends with you and looking forward to the rest of my days with you.

You are truly a gift in my life. Thank you for sharing all you have to give. You are such an amazing woman.

Valentine's Day

Nothing means more to me than you and what we have together.

Together we can conquer life’s challenges. Together we can do anything. And as long as we are together, I don’t care what we are doing or conquering because I will have everything I need…you!

Valentine's Day

I truly do think of you as a miracle.

You are the highlight of all my days and evenings! You make my world go around and my head spin! You are a dream come true for me.

Valentine's Day

Growing old with you sounds like a dream come true for me. You really are the “sparkle” in my life.

You put the Happy in my Valentine’s day.

Valentine's Day

You are the giddy comment on my blog; the happy place in my heart! xoxox

Being with you is such a gift to me!

Valentine's Day

Just so there is no confusion, I’m crazy about you!

I do get lost when I am with you. Happy Valentine’s day!

Valentine's Day

You are the best Valentine a guy could wish for. xoxox

I love being a love bird with you! You are and always will be “the love of my life” and my Valentine!

Valentine's Day

What makes you and yours an ultimate couple? What sets y’all apart? If you are single, what makes YOU an ultimate person? What are some of your favourite and/or most romantic Valentine’s Day stories? Got any special plans for this evening? 

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

If you enjoyed this post, check out more blog deliciousness here:

Thursday’s blog love fest…

It’s Thursday and that means it’s time to share the blog luv.

Social Media Out Loud:

  • You’ve seen it around WordPress: Press This. I know…what the heck is it? Well our furry friend, Woodie (on behalf of Carrie Spencer) brings us the deets. Thanks Woodie…phew!

Write Out Loud:

Life Out Loud:

  • Last week I wrote about living our passion. This week I read an amazing post by Liza Kane on the art of letting go, which was super timely for me. It’s about letting go of the sometimes automatic overachiever in each of us so we keep the real priorities in sight.
  • So…I’m always worried after cleaning my bathtub how much residue is left behind that I end up soaking in!?!?!? Ever thought of cleaning your bathroom with a grapefruit and some salt??! I know…me either! Well, Myndi Shafter tested this little ditty out and says it works like a charm!! I can’t wait to give it a go!
  • This time of year, a lot of people lean towards the idea of giving puppies as pets. And who wouldn’t want to pass along that ADORABLE little face?! But is it the best idea?!?! Our resident pet expert, Amy Shojai, gives us some amazing tips and resources on puppy gift giving you must check out IF this is something you are considering.
  • Fears. They can wreak havoc in your life sometimes totally unbeknownst to you! Barbara McDowell wrote a fantastic post with some uberlicious resources on how to run toward your fears!
  • Have you heard of the Layaway Angels? I cried when I read this post by Diana Murdock and then the subsequent news piece. Wow. I had no idea and how cool is that?!
  • Christmas. A wonderful time of year for most people. But for some, it’s an extremely painful time of year dealing with grief and loss (my family still struggles with the pain of our third Christmas without Mamma K). Debra Kristi knows about that pain too well herself and she offers some most amazing suggestions on how to deal with grief through the holiday season. Thanks Debra – loved the candle burning idea!
  • Did you visit August McLaughlin’s blog and check out her ORIGINAL Holiday Tune (her gift to each of you). Ahhhmazing and beautiful!!! Thank you August!

Laugh Out Loud:

  • I nearly died reading Leanne Shirtliffe’s naughty letter to santa…OMG!
  • Piper Bayard and Holmes did another hilarious rendition of holiday survival advice that had me snorting coffee!
  • Are you at a loss at what to get that hard-to-by-for person on your list? Well then I have a real treat for you. Ellie Ann Soderstrom did a holiday gift buying guide for JUST that person…it’ll be just perfect! I nearly peed myself!
  • I don’t have children but I still got a huge kick out of Paige Kellerman’s post on how to have a cup of coffee after children. Thought all you parents out there might enjoy it!

I hope you enjoyed this week’s line-up of fantabulous blog posts. Stay tuned for next week’s. I promise to go and spend oodles of time (time away from friends and family I’ll have you know…) to bring you this do-or-die information…My god…you guys must really love me!!

Got any ditties of your own to share? Let me know and maybe they’ll be featured as part of next week’s line-up…

The latest (and greatest) around the blogosphere…

It’s Thursday and that means it’s time to share the blog luv.

Social Media Out Loud:

Write Out Loud:

  • A really poignant post of discovering yourself in your writing by the Hack Novelist. I loved it and I think it summed up quite wonderfully why we take our writing so personally!
  • Jami Gold did a great guest post over at Girls with Pens on how to make the most out of a scene. Whether you are a plotter or a pantser, this post will have appeal. I printed it off as another resource (my file folder is getting huge…)
  • Jenny Hansen serves up some writing gold with her post on how to use track changes in Word (she includes screen shots and everything…such a techie!). In my professional capacity, I’ve become quite a track changes pro and we’d be lost without it. I absolutely agree with Jenny on this one, a huge tool for writers.
  • I thought Jody Hedlund’s post on handling contradictory feedback was spot on! What…you mean not everyone’s gonna love my book? She provided fantastic examples to illustrate her point and when I read them, and put myself in her shoes, I could only imagine the sense of contradiction you’d be left with as a writer. Her advice was amazing!
  • Kristen Lamb gave us another FAB post on amping up our stories by working hand-in-hand with our antagonist. I loved how she gave concrete examples of different types of antagonist. It really helped me sink my teeth into the concept.

Life Out Loud:

  • When I read Kait Nolan’s post on why it’s necessary to dare to fail so that we dare to live, I was inspired and touched. It’s so true. If we live too cautiously, afraid to take a chance, we’ll never really experience Life Out Loud and our true potential.
  • Do you know a child with special needs? What have you taught your children about how to treat others with special needs? I read a touching post by Stacy Green on how she helped her daughter see and engage with special needs children in a loving and open way. It brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful!
  • And, with that, have you HEARD of Toronto’s Famous People Players?!?! OMG, you have to go check out Patricia Sands’ blog where she does a feature on this fantastic theatre troop that’s been entertaining audiences for over 20 years. Watch the video – totally uber!
  • Shopping for Christmas and no idea what to get your man? Well friends, Marcia Richards has combed the Web and found YOU some delightful little Xmas gift ideas that are SURE to put a smile on his face. PantyGrams, need I say more?!?!?!

Laugh Out Loud:

  • Piper Bayard and Holmes will have you rolling over in a huge giggle fest when you read their holiday survival post. Some damn fine advice guys!
  • I wasn’t sure whether to put Lani Wendt Young’s post under writing or laughing. It’s a cute and funny post about why writers hate Christmas. Cracked me up but you know, I could totally see it! While you are there, for God’s sakes check out her left hand bar and click to watch her book trailer for Telesa: The Covenant Keeper. It’s ahhhhmazing! I LOVED IT! You can also watch it on YouTube here. Wowzers!
  • And for my grand finale of laughter, did you SEE Jenny Hansen’s post on coffee-snorting holiday videos. OMG it’s HYSTERICAL!!! And…practical too because we finally get an answer on how to distinguish togs from underwear…thanks for that Jenny!
  • If by chance THAT wasn’t enough (by god you should all be on the floor after those videos…if you aren’t, check your pulse), check out Tameri Etherton’s blog for a delightful little dish of LMFAO’s video Sexy and I Know It! Now those boys know how to work the tog! I wonder if they’d teach hubby?!?!

I hope you enjoyed this week’s line-up of fantabulous blog posts. Stay tuned for next week’s. I promise to go and spend oodles of time (time away from friends and family I’ll have you know…) to bring you this do-or-die information…My god…you guys must really love me!!

Got any ditties of your own to share? Let me know and maybe they’ll be featured as part of next week’s line-up…

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