Death by swimming…in the garage?

So y’all know that hubby and I beat ourselves up weekly in Death by Swimming. After a summer of overindulging in bountiful BBQ and beers, come September through April we actually voluntarily sign-up for an hourly weekly fitness swimming class (the class is actually designed with triathletes in mind…please note, we are NOT even close to triathletes). Every Monday evening, we drag our summer pudged bodies to the local indoor swimming pool where our militant coach issues swimming orders like a well trained captain! Up and down the pool we go as if being chased by sharks. Wheezing, weak and weary, we battle the bulge, foggy goggles and skin-tight swim gear does nothing for the gunt…it’s no Spanks…just sayin’.

Another glorious part to Death by Swimming is the pool walk of shame. Since our class takes place along the far end of the pool, we are forced to trudge our flabby folds past the toddlers and teenagers in training. But that’s not the worse part, because they could care less. It’s their fabulous folks all sitting high up in the viewing hall that makes this a walk of shame.

I try to hold my head high and “work the runway” as always but I gotta say people…wearing the swimsuit from hell and my latex swim cap that’s earned me the nickname “Foreskin”, it’s tough to feel high fashion.

But fear not, I have found the solution.

Meet, the swimmer’s treadmill, by Hammacher Schlemmer.

Now I realize here in New Brunswick, the outdoor pool season is a bit short given that fall and winter weather make it near impossible to be outside, let alone in a pool. But…at only 65 square feet, we could set the swimmer’s treadmill up in our garage (I didn’t want to park the car there anyway…I actually enjoy cleaning off 10 feet of snow every morning) meaning YEAR-ROUND swimming people.

With a harness that wraps around a swimmer’s waist (22 to 42 inches) and flexible elastic tether, the contraption suspends the swimmer in the water so he/she can actually swim laps…all in the space of an SUV. How uberlicious is THAT?!

This means year-round, any-day-of-the-week swimming. And no more pool walks of shame. I mean hell; I could even train in the buff if I wanted to. A new tune comes to mind: it’s my garage and I’ll swim in the nude if I want to.

At 4 and 1/2 feet tall, it can be filled with 1500 gallons of fresh, chlorinated or saltwater and it comes with a pump and filter which maintains optimal water cleanliness. A built-in ladder provides easy entries and exit. Although I’m hoping hubby could hook me up with some kind of jungle rope so I could have some real fun getting in and out. Or maybe rig something up with the garage door opener?!?!?

Wait…it gets better. It also provides varying resistance for stronger strokes or kicks with more resistance. I mean…we don’t get THAT at Death by Swimming!

The swimmer’s treadmill is supported by a sturdy powder-coated steel frame, the pool’s liner is made from rip- and tear-resistant PVC-coated 2,000-denier polyester fabric and the included floor mat provides further protection for the pool’s bottom. Not to mention, if it’s in the garage and we have a little leak, just open the door. Voila! And…it requires no special plumbing or electrical.

As a little bonus, THINK of the garage parties we could have with this. Pull out the harness contraption, toss in the floaties and the remote control hostess and BAM…it’s pool party time in December!

I  mean…where else are can you get an indoor pool for $1400?!?! After 14 swimming classes (about 3.5 years), it’d be paying for itself. Hell, we could even rent it hourly to friends and family to recoup cost.

I say brilliant! Who’s with me?

What kind of in-home fitness equipment do you have? Would you consider a swimmer’s treadmill? Help me convince hubby this is a must have for us. Come on…share the wealth…

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:

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Bathtub Jesus and HD video recording sunglasses

Hubby and I have been saying for years that we need to get some kind of recording type glasses to capture the amazing sights and sounds that we see throughout our travels. I mean, just the other day we were enjoying fine dining in the car when we were treated to some entertainment that should have been captured for the world to see.

There we were, parked facing a little green space when our favorite non-shirt-wearing, public-pot-smoker waltzed into our world yet again. He bobbed. He weaved. He danced. Obviously a super duper happy guy. Just as he neared our car, he stopped short to grab a leaf off a tree which he used to blow his nose. A few times. Now that isn’t something you see every day but likely not worthy of film. Here’s where it gets freaky. Instead of simply tossing the blown leaf to the ground, he proceeded to sniff the bundle of goo and laugh hysterically…repeatedly…

Now if that’s not Hollywood quality fun, I don’t know what is!!

I mean…this is the stuff the world needs to see. And had we been wearing the HD video recording sunglasses by Hammacher Schlemmer, I’d be uploading this gem for your enjoyment instead of writing about it…and trust me, words do not do the visual justice.

The HD video recording sunglasses are polarized, weigh just over one ounce, and record high-definition video from the wearer’s point of view through a pinhole-sized 720p lens in the bridge of the frame. It captures 1280 x 720 HD video at 35 frames per second across a 72 degree wide-angle.

Not only that, but a built-in microphone records stereo sound, which means hubby and I could provide you with simultaneous COMMENTARY!! And y’all know from our Urban Word Wednesday fun we love to add delicious discourse.

The sunglasses have an internal 4 GB memory, which stores up to one hour of video (which certainly would NOT be sufficient for the insanities we witness on a hourly basis). We’d totally opt for the integrated MicroSD slot that accommodates up to a 16 GB memory card (not included) that holds up to four hours of recordings. Oh yes…that’s more like it!

But wait…there’s MORE!

The sunglasses can also capture 8 megapixel still photos with the touch of a button. This would have come in super handy this weekend.

Hubby and I took a little vacation to visit friends in cottage country. Down the road from where we were staying, the suspected drug dealer had the most darlin’ Bathtub Jesus (an old bathtub buried standing up, halfway into the ground, and a statue of Jesus is placed inside). I totally wanted to get a picture to share the joy with y’all but…not the kind of people you want to catch you strolling around their lawn taking pictures. Had we been wearing our HD sunglasses, we could have casually strolled by in STEALTH mode capturing video AND still photos of Bathtub Jesus! BAM!

Think of the fun people!!!

For about $170 bucks, I think it’s a steal of a deal!

Do you ever wish you had a built-in video recorder to capture some of the strange sights and sounds you come across? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen? Come on…share the wealth…

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:

  • Fabulous guest post by Margie Lawson on Stacy Green’s blog on visceral rules. Amazing!
  • Wished I could have been there in person but Jami Gold’s posts were a great second to Michael Hauge’s workshop on telling powerful love stories. And she followed up with even more fab deets in this post, this post and this post. It’s an amazing series to read.
  • Loved Jane Kindred’s guest post on Janice Hardy’s blog on being a panther!

High-tech keyboard delight!

Seems I am a bit of a gadget geek. I love anything new and techie. Even though, according to hubby (my very own in-house IT tech guy) I seem to have a force field around me that sends anything electronic and computerized into spasms of shock. I like them but they do NOT like me. I think the only electronic gadget I haven’t had issues with yet is my Kindle (knock on wood). Ahhh…it’s a torrid and drama filled love affair!

So, given my obsession with electronics, you know I’m a HUGE lover of the new tablets out there! Although, I have to admit I hesistate in my purchase of this new shiny and wonderous toy because…well…I hate touch keyboards! With nails and large fingers tips it’s a recipe for typing disaster. I am constantly back spacing and facing auto-correct insanity. Not to mention, those keyboards take up precious screen real estate!

Well sit down and hold on to your panties cause I’ve got the solution for us! It’s techno and it’s fahhhbulous!!! Say hello to my new BFF the virtual keyboard!

It’s LASER-GENERATED!!! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!

Seriously, this is the shit! It’s like electronic techno heaven.

The Bluetooth box projects a laser-generated keyboard onto any flat, opaque surface, providing an instant keyboard. I mean, can’t you just see this for your iPad, iPhone, or Android phone.

The keyboard it generates is 9 3/4″ wide by 4″ deep with 3/4″ keys. It recognizes keystrokes in 3D by an optical sensor that detects finger placement at different areas on the keyboard. And wait…it actually distinguishes between a finger hovering above a key and actually touching the key. Seriously?!?!?!? Yes! Using an invisible infrared horizontal plane projected JUST above the surface, it detects actual contact with “keys”. NO WAY?!?!?!?! Can you say ahhmazing!!!

It can keep pace with typing speeds up to 400 characters-per-minute (A) impressive but B) who the hell can type THAT fast…seriously?!?!?!). With a full charge, the virtual keyboard lasts for a solid 2.5 hours.

That means I can take this baby anywhere and voila, instant fully functioning keyboard! I can see it now. Hubby and I are out touring around the trails in the Rhino. We stop so he can have a little fish and I can whip this bad boy out, hook up my phone and get to writing! O.M.G. I bet I could project the keyboard right on the tailgate of the Rhino. Set up a little stool and there I’ll be; writing my book on the back of my bike!!! I’ll be forever known as the tailgate writer. I’ll be famous. People will line up to get my books. This is gonna be GREAT! Wait…hmmm…I wonder if it’s dust proof???

So I know you are chomping at the bit. Where can I get this? How much is it? Well, you can order yours here for a mere $199.95. And of course, it comes with the Hammacher Schlemmer lifetime guarantee, which means that if you don’t like it for any reason; you can return it for exchange, credit, or refund.

Do you think you could make use of the virtual keyboard? How do you like touch keypads?

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

If you enjoyed this post, check out more blog deliciousness here:

  • Jenny Hansen’s been delivering funny in spades! First, the post on her elicit encounter with a chatty check-out girl! Then the post on hot yoga. OMG I could NOT stop laughing. Hysterical. I hope she takes pictures or does a live vlog of her hot yoga experience! LOL!! Brave woman!
  • Amber West recently did a Friday Inspiration post that had me in giggles all afternoon. It’s about the things we’ll put ourselves through, when traveling to get to that ahhmazing view/photo. I loved it! And I could soooo relate with a few of my own potty adventures.
  • Roy Street says he’s found the fountain of youth. And you know…I think he might just be onto something!

The latest in snowball fighting gear

You’ve heard me talk about our New Brunswick winter; tons of snow and cold beyond your wildest imagination. Lord, last week as part of the weather reports we were advised to keep our dogs and cats indoors. That’s cold!

So how do we combat the winter blues with all this cold and white stuff? Well, some people downhill ski. Some go show shoeing. There’s always ice skating. Or…one of my personal and all time favs, snowball fights!

Snowball fights are like dodgeball played outside with snowballs. And we take our snowball fights pretty seriously. We build massive snow forts to hide behind as we plan our snow attacks with tactical military precision. It’s a hoot!

Well, this year I found the latest and greatest in snowball fighting weaponry that’s going to ensure my team’s success on the winter field.  First, meet the snowball slingshot!

This bad boy will take my snowball throws to a completely new level. It’ll hurl my white fluffy balls of pain an amazing 60 feet giving me a real edge against the competition! All I do is place a softball-sized snowbullet into the slingshot’s muzzle, draw the handle back and release it, which then launches the snowball. With technology like this, I am guaranteed many more withdrawals and surrenders.

And get this, it will also allow me to engage in indirect fire opportunities, such as shooting over the crest of a hill. They won’t even SEE me coming! How insane is that!?!?!

But wait. This only allows me to load one snowball at a time. What if I am in the midst of an onslaught attack from the enemy and I need more fire power?!?! What if I have to go on foot and need to be prepared for MUCH more fire power.

That’s when I break out the big guns! Meet, the snowball launcher!

Grrrowwwwllll!!! This beast makes and blasts softball-sized snowballs up to 50 feet AND allows for a rapid, long-range assault. I just load my snowballs in the forming chamber, close the lid and now I’m locked and loaded packing 3 snowballs of destruction. 

Imagine hubby and I armed and dangerous with this kind of snow weaponry. Him with the slingshot, me with the launcher. With such distance potential, we’ll have the opportunity to dive bomb the neighbors with a snow fiesta while hiding neatly away in bushes or behind lamp poles. They’ll have no idea what or who hit them…eeekee…hubby and I will rule our snow laden neighborhood!

For only $39.95 US plus shipping, you can order your snowball slingshot here and for 29.95 US plus shipping, you can order your snowball launcher here. Now you can join me in becoming king of the hill.

And of course, the both products comes with the Hammacher Schlemmer Lifetime Guarantee so if it sucks, for any reason, we can return it for exchange, credit, or refund. Eeekeeee…love that!

Any snowball fight stories to share with us? What’s your technique? What do you do to make an unfavorable season pass by faster?

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

If you enjoyed this post, check out more blog deliciousness here:

  • Poor Myndi Shafer is on the brink of pregnancy insanity. Ok, let’s be serious, she’s leapt over the edge. I feel for her but…couldn’t help laughing hysterically at her post about it. OMG. Reason 10028485 why I will never become pregnant or have children. LOL!
  • You’ve all read my posts on my battle with jeans last year. Well, Paige Kellerman outdid herself with a RIOT of a post on the value of high-waisted slacks. I nearly hyperventilated I laughed so hard. Long live high-waisted slacks!
  • Do you understand the secrets to man-speak? Jenny Hansen goes deep into the recesses of a man’s mind to bring us the answers here and in part II here. RIOT!
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