So the other night, hubby and I are hanging around the kitchen trying to pull something together for supper when he looks at me kind of strange. Eyebrows raised and with a playful flirt I ask him, “what’s up…you checking me out???”
He stands there with a huge grin on his face and says “baby…you got yourself a booby do…”
“Excuse me…what in God’s name is a booby do???”
“You know…when your belly sticks out farther than your boobies do…”
I’ll admit it, I went off the eating rails most of the summer. I was so dark, exhausted and in so much damn pain. Y’all know how it is when you feel like shit all the time, you seek comfort in whatever forms you can get it. For me, my choice of drug was Parlour’s Heavenly Hash ice cream (or as my bestie loves to call it…old lady ice cream).
And reach for it, I did. Daily. Sometimes for all three meals. I put back at least a litre, if not two, a day. Honestly, if I was awake, I was shovelling ice cream in my face. And it was comforting even if deep down, I knew that a) it wasn’t real comfort and b) it was short-term warm and fuzzies.
I’ve been off the ice cream crack addiction since September but I wouldn’t say I’ve been reaching for salads in its stead. This fall I did an elimination diet for about six to eight weeks, and I learned a ton but, with my pain and lack of energy, it was way too much to keep up. And early this winter, Mom and I took a plant-based cooking class and have talked about eliminating meat, dairy and eggs. Again, the idea of trying to learn cooking all new recipes etc. is daunting and overwhelming.
Interestingly, I talked to my shrink about it last week and she articulated that there’s really no research that shows a huge benefit in fibromyalgia symptoms from any one specific eating program. Of course, eating healthy, fresh, whole foods would provide benefits but what she said is it’s not a “cure”. She told me that for every pound of body weight, we put seven pounds of pressure on joints and limbs so losing a few pounds would likely help me feel “better” but it’s not likely to be life changing.
I am learning that I need to ask myself more often “are the benefits of this activity, given the potential costs, worth it?” Everything now comes up against an invisible criteria:
- What will I get out of this activity? Laughter, happiness, relationship benefits, short or long-term health benefits that reduce pain, depression or fatigue etc?
- How might I pay for this activity? Pain, exhaustion, depression etc?
- What other activities do I have scheduled for the next few days and how might this choice impact those?
- Is it worth it? Is the cost-benefit there?
- And if the cost is too high but I really want to say yes, is there an accommodation I can make to lower the cost to make it worth it?
It’s about being a lot more thoughtful about where and how I invest my time and energy to ensure I’m putting it places where it counts instead of just saying “yes” to bullshit stuff that gets me no further ahead and actually sets me back. It’s also about looking at activities that I may want to do but I know are too high cost and evaluating if there is some accommodation I can do to lessen the cost. Now this may sound like pretty straight forward math to y’all but for me, this is really a new way of living. As a chronic overachiever, I am used to saying yes to about everything that comes my way and…somehow always making it happen.
Now I have to learn how to weigh decisions and be ok with saying no…and learn to say no without allowing myself to feel like a failure. This is no small task.
The trip to New York was one of those things that I knew the cost would be high but I also knew that the benefits would be worth it. I rested for the two days prior and ensured my calendar upon my return was supportive of my recovery with limited apts (one being my acupuncture and the other being my shrink knowing these two would aid in my recovery immensely).
A bus tour to see Celine Dion with my Mom this summer was another big event. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as adept to planning and it did cost me weeks to recover. However, it was still definitely worth it to have such an incredible mother-daughter trip…and the lessons I learned from that, I was able to apply to NYC.
Date nights with hubby that are more involved than watching TV together (that ain’t really date night…) I sleep most of the day of to gear up for it and possibly sleep most of the next day…SO worth it!
Cooking new and possibly extensive recipes that require a lot of standing and energy, I’m sorry to say, doesn’t sound like it’s worth it.
That being said, I do think moving to a healthier eating lifestyle would definitely be worth it. I just have to find ways to keep it simple or implement accommodating strategies like perhaps asking family or friends who love to cook to help with more involved dishes. It’s about learning my limits, putting my limited energy into high return things, and not being afraid to ask for help for the bigger stuff. It’s coming…stay tuned! 🙂
And don’t think for one minute I didn’t jab hubby back from his booby do comment.
I quickly followed with “well my darlin’ husband, if I have a booby do, you got yourself a dicky do cause your belly sticks out farther than your dicky do.”
Finding the funny in the little things! Y’all know that’s how hubby and I role!!