Four years…seriously!?! It’s been three years since I’ve written a blog post. Wow. I only meant to take a six month hiatus but life just took over and three years have blown by. Oops. So let me bring you up to speed.

  • MADD volunteering – hundreds of hours.
  • Bought a couple of old snowmobiles, blew one up, bought two more old snowmobiles. Lots of snowmobiling during the winter months.
  • A couple trips to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic to help pass the winter months (including a surprise trip for my 40th birthday).
  • Yes…I turned 40. And 41…
  • Tess, my beloved duck toller, died. Check out here tribute video.
  • Hubby launched his Bat Hubby persona (you are gonna get to see lots of Bat Hubby around here).
  • We welcomed a new duck toller puppy into our life, Arizona. Six month later, we adopted her three-year-old sire (father) so our home is now a two duck toller home. I am not-so-secretly hinting away for a third puppy but still working on Hubby.
  • We started feeding our dogs a raw diet (yes, raw…like chicken thighs, ground beef etc). I love it.
  • Put Arizona into agility. Finishing up her training this year and Buddy’s next in 2017.
  • If you hadn’t already noticed, became super obsessed dog person (follow me on Instagram, I post a ton of dog pics).
  • We bought and sold the camp, two tent trailers, two travel trailers and now own a fifth wheel camper. Love glamping.
  • Hubby bought a motorcycle – uber sexy!
  • I lost my job (well I didn’t lose it, I know exactly where it is…four hours away in another city and I didn’t go with it). I found a new job (woot woot) that I have fallen in love with it. Especially the peeps! Best work peeps evah!!
  • Spent a lot of time at beaches, camping, traveling, sight seeing, hiking etc.
  • Put on 30 pounds. Put another 20 this summer. More on that later…
  • Lost loved ones (death, divorce, choice) and found new loved ones (birth, marriage, choice).

Check out the slide show below from the past few years. You may notice a theme.

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So now that we got that out of the way and are all up to date, what’s next?

Lipgloss Redneck
I retitled the blog as part of my re-entry into the world of blogging. A Lipgloss Redneck really sums me up. Deep down a country girl with a dash of city mixed in for good measure. Hope y’all like it. For more deets, check out my updated About Me.

What am I going to write about?
Let’s see…..SHOCKER….my dogs, since I am insanely obsessed with them. I’ll be sharing a mix of personal stories and hilarious lipgloss redneck fun! I am going to embark on a major lifestyle change (and it’s gonna get ugly and ya know I am going to share those deets!!). Urban Word Insanity will definitely be back! And yes….Hubby will be around with hilarity and insanity with Hubby’s Corner and Bat Hubby videos. He’s going to keep you in stitches!

When am I going to post?
I can’t say I am going to stick to a rigid blogging schedule. Part of what has stopped me from getting back into blogging is feeling overwhelmed by the idea of a heavy posting schedule with everything else going on in my life. As Hubby likes to point out, I am slightly OCD about things. I am usually ALL in or ALL out. He reminded me that blogging doesn’t have to be that way. For me, now, it’s about having a creative outlet to have fun with. So that’s how I am going to approach it. I hope to write fairly regularly but we’ll see how it goes.

For more deets, visit my updated About This Blog.

Also wanted to say that if I don’t reply to every comment, rest assured I read every single one and love and appreciate that you swing by on occasion and put your two cents in…If I don’t visit your blog every day or comment on every post, rest assured I do visit regularly and love your work!

This should be fun….

What have y’all been up to the last few years? How’s life? Any specific kind of post you’d love to see?



KIA Canada driving the message to drive sober

I love KIA Canada.

They are participating in Targa Newfoundland, a 2200 kilometer road course competition for die-hard motorsport enthusiasts happening this week and weekend (September 8-15, 2012). It’s the first and only event of its kind to be held in North America.

What is so cool and special about KIA Canada participating in Targa Newfoundland; other than a kick-ass road race?

I am so glad you ask!

To support MADD Canada’s goal to raise awareness of the dangers of impaired driving, earlier this year KIA Canada launched a Facebook app called ‘Sign the Car’. It enabled hundreds of Canadian from coast to coast to take the pledge to drive sober. And in honor of their commitment, each pledge’s signature was digitally imprinted on the “I Pledge” Kia Forte Koup, which will be raced in the Targa Newfoundland and will be featured in Canadian auto shows this winter.

And you know that both hubby and I took the pledge, as did many of our friends and family, so that means our names are somewhere on that car! How cool is that?!

The “I Pledge” Kia Forte Koup will be driven by a team of two; professional driver and Autonet.ca journalist, Jacques Deshaies, will be the driver while his Autonet.ca colleague, Marc Bouchard, will be his co-driver. The two have been deemed Kia’s ‘Designated Drivers’ team (LOVE THAT) and will promote the importance of MADD Canada’s mission – to stop impaired driving while driving in Targa Newfoundland.


Not to mention, KIA Canada is the presenting sponsor of MADD Canada’s school assembly program implemented to reduce impaired driving among youth, which was officially launched in Ontario this week. The program will educate more than 1 million students about the dangers of impaired driving over the coming school year.

As part of this sponsorship, did you know that Kia Canada Inc. also donates the use of 10 vehicles to MADD Canada. Yip. I mean…does it get any better than that? They donate 5 Kia Sedonas that are used by field representatives who deliver the school assembly program to schools across the country and the other 5 Kia Souls are used by Chapters across the country to promote local activities and events. These KIA Canada MADD Canada vehicles are decked out with MADD Canada’s logo and messaging and are uber attention-grabbing. One more tool to raise public awareness of MADD Canada and the need to stop impaired driving.

And…they produce amazing socially responsible commercials that promote not just their vehicles, but an important message:


Be sure to show KIA Canada your love. Like them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, visit their YouTube Channel, and check out their website!

Have you heard of Targa Newfoundland? Did you take the “I Pledge”? Know of any other socially fabulous companies you’d love to give a shout out to?

On August 1, 2009, my beautiful mother-in-law’s life was cut tragically short by an impaired driver and my stepson’s life changed forever. In honor of Donna and Jordan Kennie, please don’t drink and drive. Impaired driving is 100% preventable. Think about it.

Support MADD Canada and follow them on Facebook, Twitter (@maddcanada), YouTube, and on the Web.

More blog deliciousness here:

How can people continue to drink and drive after hearing these stories?

You may have seen on Facebook or in the news the deeply tragic story about a fatal crash that killed a Calgary woman Sunday August 12, 2012.

Kelli-Jo Smith, 38, died after the Ford pickup her husband was driving was hit by a Mercedes about 3:15 am Sunday. What makes the already tragic story even more gut wrenching (as if it could be) is that Kelli-Jo and her husband were actually acting as sober, designated drivers for a very responsible wedding crew who called on them for their assistance.

The best man in the wedding, after drowning a few drinks to give him the courage to make his speech, made the smart choice and opted not to drive impaired. He called his uncle (who had always gladly taken calls in the middle of the night to be a DD) and his stepfather to drive a handful of people home who had been drinking.

After driving everyone home and visiting with a few friends, he and his wife (who had just celebrated their second wedding anniversary) were headed home themselves when their Ford F150 was t-boned by a Mercedes-Benz sedan. The truck spun and struck a large power pole and both Kelli-Jo and her husband, Sean, were thrown from the vehicle.

Reports state that when Sean gained consciousness, he heard his wife cry out and crawled 70 meters to hold her in his arms and say good-bye as she passed away.

Is that not the saddest thing you’ve ever heard? And so senseless! I have tears burning in my eyes.

Sean himself suffered multiple injuries including hand, ankle and spine fractures and severe road rash and is still in hospital while the 27-year-old male driver of the Mercedes sustained minor injuries…and was released on bail not 2 days after the crash.

Makes me sick.

The impaired driver faces charges of impaired driving causing death, impaired driving causing bodily harm, and refusing to provide a breath sample.

I’ll be continuing to follow this case.

This comes not ONE WEEK after a 19-year-old impaired driver killed 49-year-old Jayantha Wijeratne and his 16-year-old daughter, Eleesha, in Toronto. Antonette, Jayantha’s wife, was rushed to hospital with life-threatening injuries.

According to one news report, the family was returning from a 5-day vacation in Florida. Eleesha’s 19-old-brother, Brian, who wasn’t with the family when the crash happened, was informed about the death of his father and sister by two police officers. He then had to tell his mother, in critical condition, that her daughter and husband were dead.

Can you imagine? My heart breaks for these families. Such senseless devastation!

You can see an interview between Sun News’ Charles Adler and Brian Wijeratne on what’s happened to his family. Charles asks the question “are our drunk driving laws tough enough?” Brian responded with a sentiment I share. It feels like people don’t view drunk driving causing death as much, certainly not murder. It’s like impaired drivers who kill aren’t considered killers because they were drunk and suddenly that becomes an “excuse” or makes them less accountable for their choices and actions.

I agree with Brian. And I think if you choose to drive drunk, that should be considered intent to kill and it should be treated like premeditated murder. But I realize, I am slightly bias.

I leave you with this…Rethink Impaired Driving!


What do you think? Is impaired driving causing death murder or do you think that because the driver was under the influence, they weren’t in their “right” frame of mind and therefore it’s good that it’s treated like a lesser offence? What do you think needs to change so that impaired driving stops? Is it laws, policies, education or a combination of all three? Or do you think as long as there is alcohol, there will be drunk drivers?

On August 1, 2009, my beautiful mother-in-law’s life was cut tragically short by an impaired driver and my stepson’s life changed forever. In honor of Donna and Jordan Kennie, please don’t drink and drive. Impaired driving is 100% preventable. Think about it.

Support MADD Canada and follow them on Facebook, Twitter (@maddcanada), YouTube, and on the Web.

More blog deliciousness here:

Partying in the spam files

I’ve been ROFL ever since reading Jenny Hansen’s post about things she’s learned from her spam files and search terms. I instantly headed off to visit and play in mine. I’ve been having a grand time ever since; a little ego feeding is good for the soul, isn’t it?! Even if it’s poorly written flattery…

Dive into your comment section…

Andressa got a lot out of my Just shut up and cuddle post. She says:

this really is an awesome post, i’m happy i came across this. i will be back to look at out more of your articles later.

Well Andressa, you are welcome back anytime girl! Even with your poor grammar. Perhaps you should consider signing up for David Walker’s grammar series.

I loved Elisete’s comment:

great blog! the information you provide is quiet helpful, why i was not able to find it earlier. anyways i’ve subscribed to your feeds, keep the good work up.

I don’t know why you hadn’t found me till now. It’s not like I’ve been in hiding. It is a public blog after all. Regardless, thanks so much for subscribing to my feeds because it is the best way to be sure to get my uberlicious posts every single week (hint hint y’all…click the “Sign Me Up Baby” button on the side and you can join Elisete and get my posts emailed to you)! I will definitely keep up the great work. For you…anything! BTW, you may want to consider joining Andressa in checking out David’s grammar series.

I couldn’t agree more UAE escort when he (or she) wrote:

I think other site proprietors should take nataliehartford.com as an model, very clean and excellent user friendly style and design, let alone the content. You are an expert in this topic!

I gotta say, I kind of like my ultra pink layout as well so I’m glad to hear I am not alone. And an expert. Wow, here I thought I was just writing about the first thing that came to mind. I had no idea that made me an expert. Squeeee!!!

And…last but not least, Aniele says:

your blog happens to be not just informative but also very stimulating too.

Well now…Stimulating?!??! That’s new! I had no idea….I’m kind of speechless on that one.

Search Terms Insanity!

The search terms that bring readers to me was quite enlightening and entertaining. In this last quarter, the top way people found me….

  • women peeing

I’ve become the place to go when you want to know about women peeing. Hmmm…not quite the brand I was going for but hey…I’ll take it.

Other top search terms:

  • natalie hartford blog (Phew….)
  • duck dynasty
  • womenpeeing (more of this, eh?!?!)
  • women peeing outdoors (Ok…this is starting to get strange…)

Looks like I might want to consider doing some more posts on…women peeing. Gotta please the readers, right?

Ever spend anytime in your spam folder? What fun things have you found? Any outlandish search terms bringing the readers to you? Come on…share the wealth….

More blog deliciousness here:

How do you sum up the loss of a loved one?

This is the roadside memorial cross that hubby built and installed on the one-year anniversary of the death of his Mom.

This coming week, our impaired driving story takes yet again another turn.

Trent, the man convicted of impaired driving causing the death of hubby’s Mom (Mamma K), is up for parole on July 4, 2012 at 9 am.

Hubby, myself, the Dude and many other family members will be driving to the Westmorland Institution, the minimum-security, campus-style complex that has been Trent’s home since his sentencing on April 5, 2011 to watch Trent face the music and ask for his freedom. If granted (which it’s quite likely it will be) Trent will have only served 456 days in jail for getting drunk and stoned and stealing a woman’s life. How’s that for fair? It’s simply not.

The parole board will receive copies of all the victim impact statements that were issued to the court for consideration at Trent’s original sentencing. You can read mine, hubby’s and the Dude’s here.

Hubby decided to write a new victim impact statement which he will read aloud to the parole board on July 4. When I read it, I cried. He pours out his heart, soul, and you can actually feel the impact and depth of his loss. He…the incredible man that he is…gave me permission to share it with you today.

About Donna Kennie, My Mother, My Friend, My Memory

Before Trent Mallet’s choice to consume alcohol and smoke marijuana and drive a ¾ ton missile toward East Saint John and navigate it across the yellow line, thereby tearing my mother and her car literally in two and leaving my son injured and emotionally scarred for life…my mother was many thing to many people.

I could tell you the usual attributes of someone who was taken from this world too soon by another’s hand:

  • She was a daughter, mother, grandmother, colleague and friend.
  • She was a very kind-hearted woman.
  • She was full of life.
  • She was always smiling and the first person to enjoy life with a good laugh.
  • She was always the first person to extend a helping hand to those that needed it.
  • She was passionate for adventure, animals, camping, travel, and gardening and just life in general.

She was more than a handful of attributes and actions. She was the love and support system for so many people, a selfless woman who always gave more of herself than she could often afford to give financially or physically. She was my Mom!

She was!!

Not words anyone wants to use to describe their mother but they are the words I’ve been left with since Aug 1st, 2009.

On that date, she was returning to a family reunion/camping trip at her daughter’s property in St. Martins where she drove almost 100km to Quispamsis get supplies such as tent pegs, mini sips, and campfire snacks for her six grandchildren and several nieces and nephews.

Then with Trent Mallet’s act of impaired driving and an explosion of plastic, metal and flesh, my 16-year-old son got to watch his grandmother, with all of her devastating injuries, take her last breath and die right in front of him.

For all that she was – as a result of the actions/decisions/choices of Trent Mallet – she is now just a set of pictures that I’ve memorized from staring at them so frequently, an old email that I’ve read a thousand times to hear the tone of her voice in my head, a dial-tone in my ear from a phone I’ve picked up countless time as I thought to myself “I should give Mom a call…”.

Her presence in our lives now consists of a metal container of ashes that sits in my office next to a picture that we take to special events/places that she would have liked. A grave plot to visit on Mother’s Day, Christmas, and her birthday! She lives on in endless stories around the dinner tables, family functions and late night campfires and a million “she would have’s” – but the truth of it all is she’s gone – nothing but a memory now

Emotional impact since Trent’s sentencing:

  • First I would like to point out that Trent Mallet plead not guilty to impaired driving causing death – we now know this plea was ruled false by the court. It took 20 months, over 12 court dates to determine that Trent was guilty – all the while the family was forced to relive the loss, the pain, the anger, and the frustration at each court date – all of which Trent chose to prolong with his not guilty plea. A remorseful individual would have wanted to pay his debt and to not cause the victim’s family more pain and suffering, especially knowing that children were involved. I’d ask this be taken into consideration for his FIRST parole board hearing.
  • It is going on 3 years and not having my mother in my life has changed me as a person. I suffer bouts of depression. I suffer problems sleeping. I’ve gained 50lbs since my mother’s death. My overall level of happiness has been depleted. It has affected my relationships with my son, my wife, other family members and friends. I used to be more happy and carefree and it has been replaced with an underlying deep pain, sadness and seriousness. I now have crankiness, a shortness, and/or very low tolerance with people who I never had before. I feel like Trent not only killed my mother but killed a piece of me and everyone in our family – a piece that cannot be repaired or replaced.
  • Family functions that were based around my mother no longer take place. She was the glue in this family that brought everyone together. She still brings the family together but now she brings us together at MADD Canada fundraisers and Candlelight Vigils.
  • Mother’s Days are the worst day of the year now. Cards, commercials, store flyers and then the hardest part of all – trying to celebrate with my wife and her Mother – all the while every moment tearing at my insides as I’m reminded what I cannot experience with my own Mother.
  • I built and installed my own mother’s roadside memorial – need I say more.
  • I cannot concentrate at work, my head gets clouded with emotions about my mother, my son, Trent, the crash, how she died, how she felt, etc. To the point where it has cost me poor performance evaluations/promotions.
  • I’ve watched the pain and suffering of my son, nieces and nephews endure with the absence of their grandmother in their lives. Helping small kids work through their issues of grief, anger and loss has been torture and we’ve all felt helpless.
  • It’s hard to describe the ripple effect Trent Mallet’s decision to drive impaired has had. He didn’t just kill my mother and injure my son – he has changed the lives of hundreds of people he can’t even imagine.
  • I am currently serving a life sentence for a crime I did not commit; a crime that claimed my mother and injured my son physically but more importantly – emotionally forever!


On Aug 1, 2009, the world could have lived with one less person but it shouldn’t have been my mother!

I waited 1069 days for Trent to take responsibility; to own what he did; to look the family in the eye and say “I did this to your family, it wasn’t just 3 beers and the world’s smallest joint. I was drunk, impaired and I killed your mother and narrowly missed killing your son”. If he cannot say this and take responsibility then he’s not ready for society and society is not ready for Trent Mallet.

It’s time for action to be taken to put a stop to impaired driving. It’s time for society to stand up and demand that our roads be as safe as possible. It’s time to set an example and send a message that “people are not going to be mowed down on our roads!”

My Mother’s last words were “what’s this guy…??”  Today I hope the answer to this question isn’t “Free to go!!


Hubby and I share this with you not so you will feel sorry for hubby (or any of us for that matter). We share it as a message of hope, awareness and prevention. We share so that you can put a face and real consequences to impaired driving. We share it so that if anyone reading this blog has ever driven impaired or gotten in a vehicle with someone who was impaired, that you will think twice next time and realize that it’s simply NOT worth the risk.

It’s not worth being the person that tears a family apart just to save a couple bucks on a cab.

What would you say to someone asking for parole after killing your mother/daughter/father/brother? How would you convince a parole board to deny parole? Or do you believe parole is an important part of the criminal justice system to bridge between incarceration and the return to the community? I’d love to hear your thoughts?

On August 1, 2009, my beautiful mother-in-law’s life was cut tragically short by an impaired driver and my stepson’s life changed forever. In honor of Donna and Jordan Kennie, please don’t drink and drive. Impaired driving is 100% preventable. Think about it.

Support MADD Canada and follow them on Facebook, Twitter (@maddcanada), YouTube, and on the Web.

More blog deliciousness here:

Saint John event raises $11K towards impaired driving awareness and prevention

So y’all know hubby and I took part in MADD Canada’s Saint John Chapter Strides for Change walk-a-thon on June 2. I wanted to give you an update on what you all helped us accomplish!!

The event raised over $11,000!!!

Can you believe that?!?! Ahhhmazing especially when you consider this was just one of 19 events across the country. Of that, hubby and I raised $816 in large part due to all of YOU. Yeahhh!!! Thank you!

The monies raise through Strides for Change go towards MADD Canada’s:

  • Victim Services: printed material on grief and coping with injury, resource guides, “We Care” program, emotional support, annual Candlelight Vigil and Victim’s Weekend (hundreds find comfort in each other and facilitated sessions), court monitoring, court accompaniment and support (we couldn’t have gotten through it without them), victim impact panels (again support was crucial for us), victim services volunteer training, and death notification training (helping police deal with the sensitivities of contacting families).
  • Chapter Events: project red ribbon, campaign 911, R.I.D.E./Sobriety checkpoints, educational assembly show for high schools and elementary schools, and public awareness presentations.
  • Public Policy: MADD Canada works with chapters and community leaders to create, strengthen and enforce impaired driving laws. MADD Canada and local volunteers work tirelessly meeting with government officials to have new Federal and Provincial legislation implemented.

Here are a few pics from the event for your viewing pleasure.

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What types of fundraising events do you enjoy taking part in most? What do you think works best at raising funds and/or awareness? Any tips or tricks if we organize the event in our home town next year? I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

On August 1, 2009, my beautiful mother-in-law’s life was cut tragically short by an impaired driver and my stepson’s life changed forever. In honor of Donna and Jordan Kennie, please don’t drink and drive. Impaired driving is 100% preventable. Think about it.

Support MADD Canada and follow them on Facebook, Twitter (@maddcanada), YouTube, and on the Web.

More blog deliciousness here:

Video that will give you pause

This video brought tears rushing to my eyes.


It hit so close to home for me. At the sentencing for Mamma K’s case, one of her very young grandchildren read his victim impact statement about how he and his Mom choose a star in the sky and named it for his Nanny….and how he looks at that star every night and talks to his Nanny. Every single person in the courtroom, including the judge, cried.

I think it’s important to remember that the loss of a loved one by an impaired driver has a ripple effect. For us, it wasn’t just Mamma K’s children and siblings that feel her loss deeply but also her young grandchildren whom her loss was for the most part their first experience with the loss of a loved one.

I hope this video speaks to you and if you or anyone you know heads out to drive impaired (even after just a couple of beers when you think you are fine), that this video will come back to you and cause you to take pause. Or to speak out to someone. And let these sobering words fill your mind and heart “it’s simply not worth the risk…

Have you had young children deal with the loss of a loved one? How did you/they cope? What tips and tricks did you find helped them deal with their grief? I’d love to hear…

On August 1, 2009, my beautiful mother-in-law’s life was cut tragically short by an impaired driver and my stepson’s life changed forever. In honor of Donna and Jordan Kennie, please don’t drink and drive. Impaired driving is 100% preventable. Think about it.

Support MADD Canada and follow them on Facebook, Twitter (@maddcanada), YouTube, and on the Web.

More blog deliciousness here:

  • I got an absolute TON of good, useful information from Jane Friedman’s guest post at Sarah Bartlett’s blog about how to use facebook effectively as an author. Made me completely rethink how I’ll use Facebook down the road!
  • Have you seen other people’s Contact Me form and wondered how they did that. Well if you have a WordPress.com blog, WordPress Woodie (AKA Carrie Spencer) can hook you up!
  • Loved August McLaughlin’s post this week on how to create Pinterest-friendly blogs – GREAT tips you won’t want to miss.

Breathalyzers in bars ~ what’s your vote?

I recently read a news piece on CBC about a Moncton businessman hoping to install breathalyzer machines in bars and nightclubs across the Maritimes. The man said he believed that the coin-operated machines could save lives because they’d educate customers and make them more aware (and thereby, hopefully more responsible for their actions).

He already has 2 in a club in Moncton. For $2, a person can get a blood alcohol content reading. Ideally if a person got a reading that was near or above the legal limit, they’d be less likely to take the chance and drive. The bar owner said that this type of things is very popular in Montreal and Toronto.

That being said, there’s always a flip side. A representative from CAA said in the article that people should be very careful relying on coin-operated breathalyzers because there’s no way to tell just how accurate they are. He said that people should take it as a clear indication that they shouldn’t drive if they felt the need to test themselves to begin with.

Hmmm…good point!

Reliability and liability. I know the police breathalyzers are maintained on a regular schedule to guarantee their reliability in a court of law. If I used one of these coin-operated machines and it said I was under the limit and then I drove, got stopped and blew over, I’d be pretty pissed!

In the article, an RCMP spokesperson said that people need to know that the only reading that counts is the one measured by police.


Even still, I do think it’s a good thing. Especially if bar owners are willing to do some maintenance and care to ensure the machines are fairly accurate. I think anything that helps people take pause, for even a moment, to question whether they should drive is a step in the right direction. Maybe more often than not someone would decide it’s just not worth the risk.

I took part in the poll on CBC and was happy to see that (at that time) 72.85% (110 voters) agreed that bars should have coin-operated breathalyzers for patrons while only 27.15% (41 voters) disagreed.

What do you think?

The absolute best way to avoid risking blowing over is to commit to zero alcohol when you are driving.

Two years ago, my beautiful mother-in-law’s life was cut tragically short by an impaired driver and my stepson’s life changed forever. In honor of Donna and Jordan Kennie, please don’t drink and drive. Impaired driving is 100% preventable. Think about it.

Support MADD Canada and follow them on Facebook, Twitter (@maddcanada), YouTube, and on the Web.

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Famine Underwear

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

I am sticking with the panty theme after yesterday’s post on the C string Thong.

Famine Underwear: The garments you wear during a shortage of underwear, when you haven’t done laundry in several weeks or months. Usually characterized by lack of elasticity, holes (usually large and awkwardly located), stains, and typically are at least 5-10 years old. In some cases soccer shorts, underwear of unknown origin, thongs, bathing suit bottoms, or ‘granny panties’ can be considered famine underwear, but do not necessarily meet the above criteria.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were getting dressed for work the other morning when he totally busted me.

Hubby: WHAT is that you are wearing?!?!??

Me: what???

Hubby: those undies are like putting No Name Brand BBQ sauce on Grade A steak…a real shame!

Me: oh come on hubby! After a 2-week vacation of slinky and sexy I needed a break. I missed my famine underwear! Not to mention, there’s nothing better than famine undies when a gal is feeling all bloated and gross.

Hubby: I get the need for comfort but my god, can’t we toss those and buy you some newer ones that aren’t so…gray???

Me: but these ones are all broke in! It’s like they have morphed to my ass perfectly. They are custom famine underwear. I mean…you can’t just buy that kind of comfort and design. It takes years of wearing, washing, and general beating up to get true famine underwear.

Hubby: ok ok…I give! Keep the damn famine undies but just know…there is nothing sexy about that!

Me: I can live with that. Besides, trust me! You got your own whole compartment of famine underwear that I never say a word about! Rips and holes are just as unsexy as gray! Just sayin’…

Hubby: ….fair enough…

When do you break out your famine underwear? Does your significant other complain and threaten to toss them? Do you threaten to toss theirs? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

The latest innovation in women’s panties gives new meaning to wired up

My good friend Jenny Hansen is the queen of all things underwear related. Her multiple volumes of the Undie Chronicles feature gems like Christian panties, garter-string knickers, thunderwear, portmanteau-mania, knitted man styles here and here, and incredible edibles and naughty knickers for men. They are hilarious. She even coined the Twitter hashtag #pantypeeps (long live the #pantypeeps).

In honor and admiration of the Undie Chronicles, today I’d like to feature the latest innovation in underwear. Allow me to introduce you to….the C string Thong.

I know. At first glance you might think “Ummmm…I don’t think so Natalie” but wait. Give them a chance.

We are all looking for the best bang for a buck and I am telling you, these delicate drawers are super multipurpose. They are…3 products in one!

They are underwear!

Say goodbye to nasty panty lines and uncomfortable straps. With C string Thongs (also known as the strapless thong or the world’s smallest thong) you will enjoy a new kind of panty freedom. They are made with a flexible internal frame that is shaped to hug your body and stay in place securely and comfortably.

These bad boys definitely give the g-string a run for its money in the barely-there category.

Although websites tout that the C string Thongs can be worn under all your fav clothes, I think I’d be a wee bit hesitant. I’d hate to walk into that all important meeting only to find my panties fell out of my skirt and bounced on the floor. Or perhaps just slipped out a pant leg? Eeeekkeee…how potentially embarrassing.

They are swimwear!

C string Thongs can double as SWIMWEAR (for those of you who are super brave)! I am not sure I agree with the website’s claim that they are “Comfortably secure so your modesty remains safe” since to me, there’s nothing “modest” about the C string Thong but hey, to each their own.

They are headwear!

Not to mention if something happens and you are having a bad hair day, you can whip that bendable brief out and suddenly it’s a Fascinator. Sweep those nasty bangs back and grin and giggle while you receive compliments from your coworkers. You’ll be thinking to yourself “if only you knew where these have been…” And if nothing else, you can give the royal wedding a run for its money!

You heard it here first. It’s a panty, a swimsuit, and a Fascinator.

That’s 3 unique uses in ONE product. Like….where else can you get that kind of VALUE people?!?!

But Wait. There’s more….

C string Thongs are now available for MEN!

Yes, you read that right. Since I know hubby will be dying to see me pouncing around in these pretty little panties, now I can get him the MATCHING pair so he can enjoy all that coziness and comfort as well! I mean, what couple doesn’t want matching undies, right?!?!?

On another good note, I think the C string Thong would definitely show off my vajazzling!

Think you’ll head out tanning in the C string Thong anytime soon? Is that modest enough for you? How far will you go to attain no panty lines? My question is this, if I am THAT concerned about panty lines or about being comfortable, why not just go commando?

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

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