Dating advice to a misguided missed connection

Last week, Jenny and I embarked on uber Missed Connections fun; our latest discovery in free entertainment. On Friday, Jenny posted a poll where y’all had the opportunity to vote on your favorite of our Missed Connections. And today, hubby and I dish out some dating advice to your fav dud!

The Missed Connection y’all felt needed hubby and I the most – by a 58.82% majority vote:

You farted in Trader Joe’s – m4w (Danbury, CT) (NYC Craigslist “Missed Connections”)

“You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, “Was that you?” You quickly replied “No…Wasn’t me!” You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I’d love to meet up sometime.”

This post was written in 2009 and although it’s no longer on Craigslist, it is a real Missed Connection post, as seen here

My Advice

I have to question your attraction to a bold-faced liar. I mean…this is what I’d call a major red flag. If she’d lie about something as putrid but petty as flatulence, what else would she lie about? I encourage all my friends to date people who aren’t afraid to owe their shit. Literally, if need be.

Take hubby and I as an example. Sometimes, I can’t avoid crop dusting deadly ass gas. It’s that or serious cramps. We’ll be at the mall and hubby will turn with a quizzical look to which I will giggle and nod…”oh yeah…that was me…” Now that’s honest love. No hidden gems here. We share everything.

You want a lady who’s not only beautiful and can fart like a Clydesdale, but one who can own it with pride. If she was a quality lady worthy of your time and effort, her response to your personal, yet warranted, question should have been “hell yes! Breath that bad boy in…” Any fart that elicits a scent worthy of waving the wheaties is something to be proud of.

You are obviously a chivalric gentleman trying to help her conceal her deal and your romantic loaf gesture should have been acknowledged with a wink, smile and some appreciative “thanks” instead of her storming off angry. Don’t be blinded by the beauty, this is obviously a short-tempered, high maintenance liar. Run my friend…run! Not to mention, if you started dating there’s no doubt she’d likely pin one of her smelly air biscuits on you at some point…think about it!

My advice to you, use this experience as a benchmark tool in your further quests. Ask any dating potentials right up front what their stench potential is and if they are loud and proud or a silent but violent liar.

If you happen upon a beauty that admits to having some serious anal acoustics don’t let that interfere with your relationship. Remember, there’s always Subtle Butts.

Hubby’s Advice

Set the bar higher buddy.

If your dates fart like a horse, there is a problem. This is not the quality you should aim for. Stand on your head and let the blood drain to your real head and then…give your head a shake. Pinch it off. You are obviously blinded by beauty.

Look deeper and for someone who, if she does fart like Clydesdale, does so in the privacy of a bathroom, not the bread line. I suggest you be more selective. Like selecting your bread, whether whole grain, multi grain or white, there are a whole slew of possibilities. But no matter what you choose, you don’t pick the loaf that looks the best ignoring the rancid smell. That would be a taste disaster. You choose the one that looks and smells fresh – picking a quality partner is the same.

Find a gal who is beautiful and smells wonderfully!

What advice would you give this Missed Connection poster? Come on…share the wealth…

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Bringing out the best in YOU

Hubby and I went and saw This Means War (great movie…we laughed out loud at various scenes…a definite must-see) last weekend. The premise of the movie is a gal torn between two guys. At one point, she goes to her best friend for advice because she’s fallen for both. Her best friend says:

“Don’t choose the best guy;
choose the guy that brings out the best in you!

 

DING DING DING! Bells started going off and I was totally blown away by how bang on this statement is.

I have a lot of single friends out there in the trenches searching for their dream partner. And I have a lot of friends in mediocre relationships trying to turn a frog into a prince. And I dish out a ton of advice, tips and tricks based on what worked for me. But I’ve never mentioned the above advice and it shocked me how obvious it is and how key it is to a truly successful relationship.

I mean, we’ve all had those relationships where that person just brings out the worst in us. You know…the relationship that for whatever reason you stay hating yourself and who you’re becoming the entire time. The relationship where you find yourself doing crazy things (like setting up a fake email account pretending to be another woman…), saying outlandish things (maybe a screaming match in the middle of a mall) and just acting like an all around crazy person…The relationship where you look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the person staring back.

Did you know that the opposite can be true?

I didn’t…until hubby!

That’s when I realized that “the” one is the guy that brings out the very best in me. He’s the guy that makes me love myself more than I ever imagined. He’s the guy that makes me feel like the most amazing person, the most beautiful woman, and the best person in the entire world.

I can list a long laundry list of reasons and characteristics that A) set hubby apart from all the others (y’all know he rocks) and B) were definite signs that he was the one for me. But beyond the lists and the amazing person that he is….hubby has always brought out the absolutely best in me. And I think I bring out the best in him.

That’s what we do for each other. That’s what we bring to the table. That’s what sets US apart. That’s how I knew he was the one.

With him, I am more confident, happier, funnier and more honest. With him I feel incredible, empowered, intelligent, and more authentic than ever before. With him, I am the best woman, person, employee, friend, lover, companion etc that I’ve ever been.

With him, I am the best me I’ve ever been.

How does you’re your significant other bring out the best in you? What’s some of the best “finding love” advice you’ve received?

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