Dear Diary: I Got a Booby Do

So the other night, hubby and I are hanging around the kitchen trying to pull something together for supper when he looks at me kind of strange. Eyebrows raised and with a playful flirt I ask him, “what’s up…you checking me out???

He stands there with a huge grin on his face and says “baby…you got yourself a booby do…

Excuse me…what in God’s name is a booby do???”

You know…when your belly sticks out farther than your boobies do

ROFL!

I’ll admit it, I went off the eating rails most of the summer. I was so dark, exhausted and in so much damn pain. Y’all know how it is when you feel like shit all the time, you seek comfort in whatever forms you can get it. For me, my choice of drug was Parlour’s Heavenly Hash ice cream (or as my bestie loves to call it…old lady ice cream).

And reach for it, I did. Daily. Sometimes for all three meals. I put back at least a litre, if not two, a day. Honestly, if I was awake, I was shovelling ice cream in my face. And it was comforting even if deep down, I knew that a) it wasn’t real comfort and b) it was short-term warm and fuzzies.

I’ve been off the ice cream crack addiction since September but I wouldn’t say I’ve been reaching for salads in its stead. This fall I did an elimination diet for about six to eight weeks, and I learned a ton but, with my pain and lack of energy, it was way too much to keep up. And early this winter, Mom and I took a plant-based cooking class and have talked about eliminating meat, dairy and eggs. Again, the idea of trying to learn cooking all new recipes etc. is daunting and overwhelming.

Interestingly, I talked to my shrink about it last week and she articulated that there’s really no research that shows a huge benefit in fibromyalgia symptoms from any one specific eating program. Of course, eating healthy, fresh, whole foods would provide benefits but what she said is it’s not a “cure”. She told me that for every pound of body weight, we put seven pounds of pressure on joints and limbs so losing a few pounds would likely help me feel “better” but it’s not likely to be life changing.

I am learning that I need to ask myself more often “are the benefits of this activity, given the potential costs, worth it?” Everything now comes up against an invisible criteria:

  • What will I get out of this activity? Laughter, happiness, relationship benefits, short or long-term health benefits that reduce pain, depression or fatigue etc?
  • How might I pay for this activity? Pain, exhaustion, depression etc?
  • What other activities do I have scheduled for the next few days and how might this choice impact those?
  • Is it worth it? Is the cost-benefit there?
  • And if the cost is too high but I really want to say yes, is there an accommodation I can make to lower the cost to make it worth it?

It’s about being a lot more thoughtful about where and how I invest my time and energy to ensure I’m putting it places where it counts instead of just saying “yes” to bullshit stuff that gets me no further ahead and actually sets me back. It’s also about looking at activities that I may want to do but I know are too high cost and evaluating if there is some accommodation I can do to lessen the cost. Now this may sound like pretty straight forward math to y’all but for me, this is really a new way of living. As a chronic overachiever, I am used to saying yes to about everything that comes my way and…somehow always making it happen.

Now I have to learn how to weigh decisions and be ok with saying no…and learn to say no without allowing myself to feel like a failure. This is no small task.

The trip to New York was one of those things that I knew the cost would be high but I also knew that the benefits would be worth it. I rested for the two days prior and ensured my calendar upon my return was supportive of my recovery with limited apts (one being my acupuncture and the other being my shrink knowing these two would aid in my recovery immensely).

A bus tour to see Celine Dion with my Mom this summer was another big event. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as adept to planning and it did cost me weeks to recover. However, it was still definitely worth it to have such an incredible mother-daughter trip…and the lessons I learned from that, I was able to apply to NYC.

Date nights with hubby that are more involved than watching TV together (that ain’t really date night…) I sleep most of the day of to gear up for it and possibly sleep most of the next day…SO worth it!

Cooking new and possibly extensive recipes that require a lot of standing and energy, I’m sorry to say, doesn’t sound like it’s worth it.

That being said, I do think moving to a healthier eating lifestyle would definitely be worth it. I just have to find ways to keep it simple or implement accommodating strategies like perhaps asking family or friends who love to cook to help with more involved dishes. It’s about learning my limits, putting my limited energy into high return things, and not being afraid to ask for help for the bigger stuff. It’s coming…stay tuned! 🙂

And don’t think for one minute I didn’t jab hubby back from his booby do comment.

I quickly followed with “well my darlin’ husband, if I have a booby do, you got yourself a dicky do cause your belly sticks out farther than your dicky do.

Finding the funny in the little things! Y’all know that’s how hubby and I role!!

Happy Day

Natalie

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Dear Diary: Making Changes

Well y’all might notice a few changes around here, yet again. New header and new focus. But trust me, same flavour of fun. I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately where people share their experience with fibromyalgia, and it got me to thinking about how I could use my love of writing through this journey to both help others and as a therapeutic measure. And although I won’t deny that a lot of what I am going through isn’t fun, y’all know hubby and I are using our shock and awe humour to help us cope, together. So along with the tears and torment, hubby and I plan to share here how we find the funny in our journey of learning to live with fibroymyalgia.

I say we purposefully because although I’m the one with the diagnosis, he’s having to learn to live with a chronic illness just as much as I am. Not to mention the family and friends who are having to do the same. So I’m hoping this will be a safe place for them to share as well to try and give readers not just a peak inside my world, but a look into the world of a support-system.

Hope ya like it!

Last weekend I hit New York City for the first time with my best gal pal, Jennifer. She won the trip, and we went to celebrate her 40th birthday. A quick trip, fly in on Friday and leave Sunday. It was a doctor-approved trip. Doc thought the change in scenery would help and given that Jen suffers from a chronic illness herself, I knew we’d take the quick trip with ease and flexibility.

We landed Friday late afternoon at LaGuardia (good lord, we thought we were doing a water landing) and after taking an hour to find our driver, we headed into the city. We stayed at the Waldorf Astoria on Park Avenue. What a gift it was to experience such an old and famous venue considering that Chinese investors have purchased it and plan to start renovations later this year. It was impressive to say the least. Felt a little like what old Hollywood might have felt like.

We checked-in and set out to explore.

St. Patrick’s took my breath away. I am not really a religious person but that cathedral was emotionally moving. Incredible. The top of Rockefeller Centre was stunning in the evening and really showcased the immense size of the city. But that skating rink is WAY smaller than it looks on TV. Those peeps should try some lake skating here in Canada. Afterwards we made our way to Trump Towers. Can you say security?!?! I’ve never seen so many large guns. Then it was to Grand Central Station, which is very grand. We capped off the night with Time Square, which was amazing to see in person after seeing it in so many movies. The billboards. Wowzers! We did manage to get accosted by Iron Man and Mini Mouse for photos.

Saturday we spent most of the day at the 911 Memorial site and museum. It was very emotional. I couldn’t believe the number of people that were there, and everyone was relatively silent. You could sense the raw emotion every where you went. We were both honoured to pay our respects. Saturday was capped off with a dinner at the steakhouse that BLEW our minds with deliciousness.

Enjoy some pics of the trip:

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I learned so much on the trip about how I am going to need to learn to alter my old travel ways to accommodate fibro. And isn’t that what it’s all about, learning how to LIVE as fully as possible with this invisible illness?! A quick weekend trip was an excellent way to explore travel with the new me. Here’s what I learned.

  • Plan for a light evening after travelling all day.
  • Buy or bring epsom salts for a soak at the end of each day.
  • Start taking Tylenol every three hours to stay on top of pain management – possibly increase anti-inflammatories from two-a-day to three- or four-a-day for the duration of the trip or at least on the most physically demanding days.
  • Looks at maps and attempt to plan out walking routes so they are efficient as possible.
  • Get roaming package for the iPhone so I can make better use of it when traveling around the city streets where there is no wifi.
  • Don’t be afraid to use the subway system. On Saturday we realized how amazingly easy it was and could have made much better use of it on Friday night.
  • Since sleeping in a flat bed, take more nighttime medications earlier to try and get as much quality sleep as possible.

All fabulous lessons for next time!

I am not going to lie, by the time we got home on Sunday evening I was in excruciating pain with a considerable limp. That left hip went into over drive. It felt like I had gone 10 rounds in the ring. Everything screamed. But before you ask, yes, it was worth it!

Came home and spent Monday and most of Tuesday in bed heavily drugged. Tuesday I had an apt with Brune Clavatte for acupuncture and massage, which was heavenly. On Wednesday, much to my surprise, my pain was under surprisingly better control and my energy was rising. That evening I had an apt with my shrink (chronic pain PhD), and I felt a lot lighter and less doom and gloom.

I was really surprised at how quickly I recovered from the trip. I think coming back and doing the treatment with Brune, seeing my shrink and having less pain-filled sleep as I was back in the “double-wide” (more on that to come) definitely helped me bounce back. When I did a bus tour with Mom to see Celine Dion in August, it took me about three weeks to recover from that but I was back in my gravity chair and had no other support system in place to help with recovery like I do now.

On Thursday I had an apt with my Occupational Therapist (OT), Courtney, from the Foundation Health Centre (multidisciplinary health centre that LTD is paying for). Until now, I had no idea what an OT really does but they are fabulous. She’s coordinating with my shrink to help me put into practice things to start reprogramming my brain and how it relates pain to everyday activities now. To start, we are incorporating routine back into my life. So as of now, every week day, I am to walk the dogs for 10 minutes, rest and then write for 30 minutes (journal, blog etc.). As well, we are working to create a bedtime routine that will hopefully help me get better sleep. Mediation at 10:30 pm followed by getting in bed with a heating pad and reading. Eyes closed by 11:30 pm. Weekends footloose and fancy free. I’ll keep y’as posted on how it’s going.

Before I close, can I just tell you how much I am enjoying meditation. Mom, who we now know is always right, has been suggesting I try meditating since I was a young teen. I wish I would have started sooner. What an incredible thing! Thus far, it gives me some of the best relief (and it’s all natural and FREE).

I started with Mom in the fall but sort of fell off over Christmas. This weekend I meditated yesterday afternoon and found huge improvement in my pain and energy that lasted the entire day. WTF?!?! I did a mindful meditation for pain relief by Jon Kabat-Zinn. And this morning, before sitting down to write this post, I did a 40-minute meditation I found on YouTube. It was hypnosis for self-healing with Michael Sealey, and, again, I feel much more awake, pain is more in the background and I’m tremendously peaceful.

That’s about it for the update.

Today’s Meditation:

Today’s Sounds:

Happy day!

Natalie

Chronicles of the Dark & Desperate…Part 2

First I’d like to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who is following the blog, leaving comments here and on Facebook, the messages and texts I’ve received with love, support and encouragement. I am so blessed to have you all in my corner!

Highlights:

  • Weight: 201
  • Pain: 
    • Left Ribs: 10
    • Lower Back: 6
    • Feet & Ankles: 3
    • Legs: 2
    • Left Arm: 2
  • Migraine: Monday & Tuesday
  • Water (116 Ounces Daily): No
  • Eating (According to The Plan): No

I saw the Doc Monday morning. I had a complete breakdown in her office. Understandable given my pain level in my left ribs was through the roof, I had a couple of migraines and had slept very little. I was very much still in my dark place.

She immediately sent me to the hospital for X-rays on the ribs. I didn’t really see the point, given my experience, I knew it was highly unlikely anything would show up and what do they do for injured ribs anyway? But I went up and haven’t heard from her so?! She’s also sending me for another complete blood panel since my last one is six months old.

She increased one of my antidepressants, Cymbalta (also on Citalopram). She added a pain medication to try, Tramadol. It’s not narcotic, so I was willing to give it a try. And I am continuing with my anti-inflammatory, nighttime meds and my muscle relaxer.

More prescriptions. More drugs. Disappointing but not surprised. I know it isn’t the long-term answer but I do know right now it’s necessary or I’d lose my mind further than I already have.

So yesterday was another very dark day. I cried most of the day. I felt hopeless, defeated and I wallowed. We’ve had a ton of break ins in our neighbourhood this year, and, as I drove in the yard, I was actually hoping the bastards were there so I could just beat the shit out of somebody. I’m angry. So fawking angry. I’m frustrated. I feel like screaming at my body in a mirror to shape the fawk up. Instead I ate McDonald’s and pizza and basically allowed myself to just throw in the towel.

Monday night I slept on and off in two/three hour chunks. And today, much the same. Even though it was broken, the sleep definitely helped take the edge off my overwhelming emotions. I don’t feel quite as down today. Unfortunately, I am not finding any relief from the meds the doc prescribed…at least not yet. I’ll keep taking them to see if a cumulative approach offers any relief. The migraine has also continued to stock me most of the day and evening. Damn it.

On a positive (because many of you fabulous peeps reminded me to find the wins, no matter how big or small), my aunt Andrea reached out after reading my last post regarding trying a plant-based diet next. Her and my uncle Jack have been doing a plant-based diet for two years now and are experiencing tremendous success. Uncle Jack told me about the amazing results he’s experienced fighting his fibromyalgia with his approach.

So instead of stalking potential thieves in the neighbourhood, I clicked on everything aunt Andrea sent, and I watched a couple documentaries on Netflix that totally blew my mind.

Forks Over Knives was the first one. Then I watched the two documentaries that Joe Cross did “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead” and his sequel “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead II.” Then I also checked out “Engine to Diet” and “Chocolate, Cheese, Meat & Sugar – Physically Addictive.” Mind Blown!

I still have lots more to research and learning to do but I am leaning towards this being my next thing to try. I’d like to sort of combine The Plan with a more plant-based diet but am not 100% sure. So I shall take the rest of the week and weekend to rest and focus on learning everything I can about plant-based diets and then make a plan.

I know things take time. I know I need to be patient. But I find that doing research and expanding my knowledge is definitely one thing that helps me stay focused on what I can do, what might work etc….a wee bit of hope! Not to mention with my pain level so high and my energy in the shitter, sitting back surfing the net and watching Netflix or YouTube between naps is manageable.

Natalie

Today I live in the dark…

Dang. I swear I’ve been meaning to start writing every day. My friends and family have been encouraging me to share more often because my journey might help others. But honestly it feels weird to be posting less then super happy posts, just not my style but then again, not much is my style these days.

I’ve been trying my hardest to focus on how I can contribute to my health improvement. About six or even eight weeks ago, I started an elimination diet to identify foods that cause inflammation in my body. And more importantly, identify foods that don’t. It’s called The Plan by Lyn-Genet Recitas. I have to say the food and recipes are AMAZING, and I’ve felt pretty damn proud of myself for learning to cook, trying new foods and sticking with it. It’s been HARD because the grocery shopping and cooking are exhausting when I already feel deeply depleted but I keep at it. I’m down 10 pounds and have found foods and recipes I love and that work well with my body.

Unfortunately, I haven’t seen the pain reduction I was hoping for. The doc keeps telling me to be patient, it takes time, but I had really hoped this was going to be the ticket. That within a week or two, I would start to feel my body coming back into its own. That pain would release me from it’s constant, never ceasing clutches. Alas, not yet.

I’ve also joined a low-cost gym here in town. I go three times a week for a very light work out (20 minutes cardio and some light weights through a circuit). The gym has a hydro massage bed, which was really the motivation for joining. It’s delightful.

And I’ve started meditating twice a week to learn better stress management techniques. I gotta say this was the thing that has surprised me most – how much I absolutely LOVE doing it. It’s like a dream. Feels. So. Good!

To help me keep on track, I’ve implemented a buddy system. I am doing to the eating plan with my Dad who bought the book and is following The Plan with me. We get together weekly to try new foods and talk about our discoveries. For the gym, my gal pal Jennifer has joined me at this unsuspecting torture chamber. Jen is also helping me research about plant-based eating and…we started JUICING. Julie lending me the juicer to try and always at the ready to help walk and exercise the pups and lend a shoulder and ear. Laura with her limitless compassion, love and support encouraging me every single day….helping me to fight the darkness with understanding. And of course Mom, a meditation guru, is teaching me to meditate. We get together twice a week to zen ourselves into relaxation oblivion. Mom has also graciously signed us up for a weekly plant-based cooking course starting in November. And my amazing coworkers/friends with messages and text letting me know they have my back…

Not to mention hubby who is my champion, my strongest supporter and my world. He eats my food, offers to cook, cleans up after I destroy the kitchen, listens to my complaints and wins with equal interest. He who runs my baths, tickles my back for hours and pulls my hair just perfectly…his endless tender hugs, massages and limitless love…he who never gives up…he is my bright light holding my hand through the darkness….

All this work and effort and the pain is still as excruciating as ever. In some respects, worse because I know I am doing all the right things, but it feels like I am just banging my head up against a brick well. Hanging on by a thread. Frustration and anger threatening to swallow even more of my fragile spirit. What’s the point? I have such little energy and mental capacity to draw from, without seeing vast improvements, it’s hard to stay motivated. It’s hard to find the will and strength to keep trying.

I know it doesn’t help that yesterday and especially last night was an especially bad one. My back….my ribs (new pain that started a couple weeks ago)…my feet and ankles…my legs…and a migraine from hell just to top it all off. By 8 pm, I felt utterly consumed by pain. Unable to think, unable to breath, unable to move…my body torturing me for hours none stop. No matter what I ate, medication I took, relaxing breath I took…the pain wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t let up. It feels like I live constantly in its clutches…in the dark. Endless tears sliding down my cheeks as desperation fills my soul. I want to crawl into bed and never get out.

How does one stay centered on doing “all the right things” when bad days still outnumber decent days??? When the results you need to see, ache to experience, yearn to feel…are as elusive as winning the lottery…

Today I give in to the darkness…today I wallow in self-pity…today I give myself permission to throw in the towel and just be in pain and sadness. Today I allow myself to wonder if I’ll ever come out of this on the other side…today I eat McDonald’s and cry.

Tomorrow, I’ll hit the gym, cook and meditate. Tomorrow I’ll hope for better…

Fibro what????

Some people know. A lot don’t.

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I’ve been off work on sick leave most of the summer. Honestly, I think this has been a few years coming. Things slowly started getting more and more overwhelming. But hey, I had lost a job, got a new job (albeit not permanent), got permanent, wasn’t sure if it would last and was volunteering A LOT. I had every reason to feel overwhelmed, foggy, dizzy, exhausted and slightly sore (like all over….a lot).

I threw my back out three years ago and it never really got better. I seemed to experience a lot of muscle injuries (going up one flight of stairs could debilitate my walking ability for days but I’m out of shape so that’s normal right???). I didn’t really realize or maybe I didn’t want to accept that it kept getting worse. Little by little so the impact on “normal” was so subtle I never really noticed the slow but detrimental deteriation going on.

imageLast year I fell out of my chair at work a couple times because I was so dizzy, couldn’t tell if the car was actually stopped at street lights because it felt like I was on a boat. I couldn’t concentrate. Felt really burned out. I thought depression or anxiety. I saw the doctor and started on Celexa and it helped. A lot. Phew…dodged a bullet.

Then early this year, the pain became unbearable. Excruciating pain in my back and my left arm left me sleepless for weeks. The pain was so intense, I didn’t really clue in that I was also hurting all over. Getting out of bed in the mornings felt like I was eighty years old, crippled and achy. I couldn’t get moving. My spirit felt like it was dying. My sparkle was dim. People were noticing I wasn’t myself. I thought it was just sleep deprivation so hubby and I took an impromptu trip down south just the two of us to se if that helped.

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I didn’t sleep any better through the night but I was able to nap and rest more during the day than I had in months. I came back and felt better. Felt more myself. Not 100% but better. People commented….people had noticed I seemed better. Phew…I just needed a week away.

But it didn’t take long for the pain, exhaustion, dizziness, mental incapacitation and depression to come back and when it hit, it hit like a ton of bricks. I was no longer able to hold it together. I started crying…like all the time…everywhere…at work. Someone would come in and ask how I was doing and I’d fall apart like a blubbering idiot. I had extensive. bloods work, I went to physio, I had X-rays (that showed arthritis in my back but nothing to explain the severe and debilitating arm pain I was experiencing), not to mention my entire body felt like it was breakdown…inside I felt helpless and consumed by darkness.

I saw the doc and fell apart. She put me off work for a week and upped my anti-depressant. She added an anti-inflammatory to help with the never-ending pain and a sleep aid to help my muscles relax so I could get some continuous sleep. I felt hopeful. I thought onice the medications kicked in and I started sleeping, everything would be fine. Everything would go back to normal. A week turned into eight and here I am. A little better but no where near healthy.

Fibromyalgia….The mayo clinic defines it as a “disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals.

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I’ve been on the medications for about eight weeks now and my doctor says this is about as far as I’ll get with the current protocol. And to be honest, I do have more good days then bad but let’s be real, my “good” days aren’t what they used to be.

A good day means four or five hours straight before being woken up by pain, somewhere in my body. It means I can get up in the morning even though the pain in my back, ankles, calves and shins threatens to flatline me. It means if hubby gives me a little leg massage to help loosen me up, he can actually touch me without it feeling like he’s surgically carving me up. A good day means once I am up and around for an hour or so, the pain seems to settle to a dull, constant ache. A good day means no migraine but maybe a headache. A good day means maybe I can take the dogs for a 10 to 2o-minute walk (no hills) or throw the ball with the launcher for them without suffering from excruciating leg, arm and back pain. A good day means I can visit with one person for maybe an hour or two before  exhaustion takes over. A good day means I am sporadically vertical for four or five hours before I need to lay down (gravity chair preferred) and rest for four or five hours so that I will be coherent enough to enjoy supper, a chat and maybe watch a show or two with hubby.

More good days than bad. Before the medications, there were next to no good days. Now, I am averaging about two to three good days a week, with one or two “so-so” days and the rest….hell. And once a bad day hits, it can feel like forever to get the good days back.

A bad day means literally no sleep the night before, every toss and turn feeling like being struck by a hot poker startling me awake gasping for breath. My hands going so numb that it feels like I am wearing giant mittens. A bad day means a migraine and body pain in my arm, back, legs, neck and ankles so intense hubby can hardly touch me, and I usually drug myself into oblivion to try and somewhat sleep through it. A bad day means every. single. time. I get up to pee it feels like pins and needles attacking my entire system while a 200-pound man surprise punches me every two to three minutes. A bad day means that wearing a bra feels like someone is going 10 rounds on my ribs. It means crying, isolation, hopelessness and feeling so overwhelmed by a sense of complete and utter sadness and despair that sometimes I wonder what is the damn point?!?!?! Bad days….leave me feeling so desperately betrayed by my body.

And that’s just the physical. The mental issues have been challenging to say the least. And they don’t seem to respond to the ebb and flow of good and bad days. They remain a constant. Hubby says that the brain fog is so bad, it’s not even fun to torment me anymore. You know it’s bad when…I know stupid is an ugly word but it’s the only one that sums up how I feel. Stupid. Numb. Dense. Seriously, sometimes I sit for nearly an entire minute trying to remember the damn word I wanted to use. Now that happens to all of us but it happens to me FREQUENTLY every. single. day! It feels like my beautifully sharp mind has turned to mush.

The fog, forgetfulness, depression, dizziness….it’s paralyzing. It makes me feel like an integral part of what makes me….me…is missing. It’s just gone. And I often wonder if it’ll ever come back.

I gotta say. I’ve gone through some shit in my life but this one has truly kicked me on my ass. It’s been hell. But in the darkness, comes the light. And y’all know I haven’t been alone. And I can’t express the gratitude I have in my heart for hubby and for my family and friends who have been the most amazing support system ever.

The next step is seeing a specialist. While I wait for an appointment (New Brunswick healthcare for my worldly friends who wonder “why is she waiting….”), God help me, I am going to implement a major lifestyle change. It’s either that or more intense medications.

Although the lifestyle changes will be WAY more arduous and require a determination and commitment that frankly I am not sure I even have in me…it’s the step I’ve chosen to take. From my research, I can’t discount the power that nutrition and supplements, relaxation and meditations, along with some light exercise could have on improving my health. And although popping a pill might seem easier, in the long run it won’t be. Medications come with their own hazards, and going any further down that road is my last resort. I need to see how far I can get with a lifestyle change before I am willing to take on those side effects.

So be prepared my friends because relaunching this blog is part of my healing journey and lifestyle changes. I plan to take y’all with me through the ups and downs, the good days and bad, the successes and the fails. Every. Painful. Step. Starting mid-September, I am going to embark on implementing some pretty significant changes that involve eating very differently  (I am going to have to learn to cook…you know like fresh food…), implementing a supplement regime that gives new meaning to the words “excessive and complex”, using meditation and relaxation techniques along with a stretching and exercise program daily.

Even though this blog is going to be part of my healing journey, I promise this isn’t going to be all doom and gloom…y’all know I got some hilarity that MUST be unleashed (if I can find my words)….like my next planned post “When a Shit Isn’t Really a Shit…” Stay tuned for the fun…

What about you? Any summer struggles this year? How do you live your best life?

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