Chronicles of the Dark & Desperate…Part 2

First I’d like to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who is following the blog, leaving comments here and on Facebook, the messages and texts I’ve received with love, support and encouragement. I am so blessed to have you all in my corner!

Highlights:

  • Weight: 201
  • Pain: 
    • Left Ribs: 10
    • Lower Back: 6
    • Feet & Ankles: 3
    • Legs: 2
    • Left Arm: 2
  • Migraine: Monday & Tuesday
  • Water (116 Ounces Daily): No
  • Eating (According to The Plan): No

I saw the Doc Monday morning. I had a complete breakdown in her office. Understandable given my pain level in my left ribs was through the roof, I had a couple of migraines and had slept very little. I was very much still in my dark place.

She immediately sent me to the hospital for X-rays on the ribs. I didn’t really see the point, given my experience, I knew it was highly unlikely anything would show up and what do they do for injured ribs anyway? But I went up and haven’t heard from her so?! She’s also sending me for another complete blood panel since my last one is six months old.

She increased one of my antidepressants, Cymbalta (also on Citalopram). She added a pain medication to try, Tramadol. It’s not narcotic, so I was willing to give it a try. And I am continuing with my anti-inflammatory, nighttime meds and my muscle relaxer.

More prescriptions. More drugs. Disappointing but not surprised. I know it isn’t the long-term answer but I do know right now it’s necessary or I’d lose my mind further than I already have.

So yesterday was another very dark day. I cried most of the day. I felt hopeless, defeated and I wallowed. We’ve had a ton of break ins in our neighbourhood this year, and, as I drove in the yard, I was actually hoping the bastards were there so I could just beat the shit out of somebody. I’m angry. So fawking angry. I’m frustrated. I feel like screaming at my body in a mirror to shape the fawk up. Instead I ate McDonald’s and pizza and basically allowed myself to just throw in the towel.

Monday night I slept on and off in two/three hour chunks. And today, much the same. Even though it was broken, the sleep definitely helped take the edge off my overwhelming emotions. I don’t feel quite as down today. Unfortunately, I am not finding any relief from the meds the doc prescribed…at least not yet. I’ll keep taking them to see if a cumulative approach offers any relief. The migraine has also continued to stock me most of the day and evening. Damn it.

On a positive (because many of you fabulous peeps reminded me to find the wins, no matter how big or small), my aunt Andrea reached out after reading my last post regarding trying a plant-based diet next. Her and my uncle Jack have been doing a plant-based diet for two years now and are experiencing tremendous success. Uncle Jack told me about the amazing results he’s experienced fighting his fibromyalgia with his approach.

So instead of stalking potential thieves in the neighbourhood, I clicked on everything aunt Andrea sent, and I watched a couple documentaries on Netflix that totally blew my mind.

Forks Over Knives was the first one. Then I watched the two documentaries that Joe Cross did “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead” and his sequel “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead II.” Then I also checked out “Engine to Diet” and “Chocolate, Cheese, Meat & Sugar – Physically Addictive.” Mind Blown!

I still have lots more to research and learning to do but I am leaning towards this being my next thing to try. I’d like to sort of combine The Plan with a more plant-based diet but am not 100% sure. So I shall take the rest of the week and weekend to rest and focus on learning everything I can about plant-based diets and then make a plan.

I know things take time. I know I need to be patient. But I find that doing research and expanding my knowledge is definitely one thing that helps me stay focused on what I can do, what might work etc….a wee bit of hope! Not to mention with my pain level so high and my energy in the shitter, sitting back surfing the net and watching Netflix or YouTube between naps is manageable.

Natalie

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