Urban Word Wednesday: Pumpkin Goatse

Happy Halloween and welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME, hubby…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Pumpkin Goatse: A carved pumpkin made to mimic a real-life goatse, which a disgusting picture of a man stretching his butt extremely wide.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby’s family hosted their annual Family Pumpkin Day this past Sunday. On Saturday, hubby and I set off in search of the perfect pumpkins to purchase. We hit a local farmer’s pumpkin patch to scour through the hundreds of choices (along with many other families gearing up for Halloween).

As we were perusing, I turned to see hubby bent over, staring intently at a pumpkin while at the same time grabbing his ass cheeks with either hand.

Me: WHAT are you doing? Are you fart constipated again?

*said in a high-pitched hushed whisper*

Hubby: I am farting just fine. I want to do a pumpkin goatse this year so I am visualizing.

Me: what in God’s name is a pumpkin goatse?

Pumpkin Goatse Example

Hubby: you know…a picture of a guy holding his ass cheeks and spreading it wide for all the world to see.

Me: and you want to do this to a pumpkin?

*hubby is still bent over having this conversation*

Hubby: yes…I’ve showed you the pictures. They are hilarious!

Me: ok…but that doesn’t explain why you are bent over doing a clothed demo of a goatse for all these people to enjoy? I mean your ass is hot but I think you might be starting to scare the children.

*finally he lets go of his own ass only to start man-handling the pumpkin*

Hubby: the children are fine! They’ve likely seen worse. I am trying to get a sense whether or not this pumpkin has the right shaped potential buns and crack. I want them perfectly round and supple like my own so I thought a hands-on approach would help in the determination.

Me: good lord…well does that pumpkin fit the bill or not cause I think you are about to get arrested for sexually assaulting it.

Hubby: not quite what I am looking for. You may want to sit in the car. This testing could take a while. I do have a pretty perfect ass.

Hubby opted for a carving that was slightly more meaningful than the pumpkin goatse. At least our trick or treaters won’t be scared for life.

Your spouse ever embarrass you in public? What pumpkin shopping stories do you have? Got a great pumpkin carvings to share? How do you celebrate Halloween? Come on…share the wealth…

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