Urban Word Wednesday: Cropnihilation

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME, hubby…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Cropnihilation (by hubby): the dirty grandfather of cropdusting (the act of farting WHILE walking; leaving a trail behind yourself). Cropnihilation is cropdusting on speed.

Examples Of Use:

If y’all follow hubby on Facebook, you saw his recent post on his experience at Sobey’s yesterday.

Hubby shared this little ditty with me after work while we were waiting in line at Canadian Tire. He also told it with a little more…flare! Had me howling!

Hubby: I think I need to take a shower before cooking supper.

Me: why? Rough day at work?

Hubby: I went to Sobeys today and was following about 10 feet behind an old fella when all of a sudden he balled up his fist and coughed. At the same time, he let out the loudest, largest fart I’ve ever heard! It was insane and RIGHT in front of me. I couldn’t get around it even if I wanted to. I had to walk right into it!

Me: OMG the old dude totally cropdusted you…that’s hilarious.

Hubby: ok, A) it’s not funny and B) that was no cropdust honey…that was a cropnihilation! He might as well of sat on my face. He might as well shit ON me!

*I couldn’t stop laughing at this point*

Hubby: I feel dirty and violated!

 Me: you should definitely sanitize when we get home!

Ever been cropnihilated or even cropdusted? Ever been the perpetrator? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

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Comments

  1. prudencemacleod says:

    Sooo, is that why they call them *old farts*?? maybe it’s not just all the cows that are causing global warming. Sorry you had a shitty experience. Okay, I’ll stop not before I… 🙂

  2. KA-SNORT! with a bonus BWA-HAhahahaha!

    I laughed so hard when I read this, I almost leaked…IYKWIM.

    Once again, making a case for KegelMaster. [Addition to list for customer service. Does being Master of Ones Kegels also give better sphincter control?]

    Nooooo. I haven’t yet made that customer service call. Yes. I intend to.

    I continue to fart around on (sorry) investigate the site to gather as many globular sensational questions as I can. It will be done. Soon.

    Someone I know (a cousin of a friend of the older brother a former classmate of mine) once had an unfortunate reaction to sauerkraut that chose to come out of hiding while said someone was alone on an elevator — right before the doors opened at lobby level with people waiting to board.

    • OMG I can’t WAIT to read the post on that phone call. You should put them on speaker and videotape it for a vlog! 🙂

      SHUT UP?!?! The elevator just happened to OPEN at that very moment! I would have died. ROFL!! Poor thing….

  3. Hubby aka Blog Heckler says:

    In my best William SHATner impression….
    “Was that weird ….or what?”

    • ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

      • Asking Blog Heckler. Need clarification that Natalie didn’t misspell the word. It could have been Crapnihilation.

        Idle inquiring minds (mine and the mouse in my pocket) also wonder if — in your opinion — the clenched fists were used to assist or inhibit the unfortunate gaseous eruptus.

        • Hubby aka Blog Heckler says:

          Gloria ..only if he sharted (one of my fav portmanteaus) would it have been crapinilation…and since I did not have this selective knowledge first hand ….I will stick with cropinilation!!!…..damn clenched fists!!

  4. Hubby felt violated and dirty! That’s awesome. This was funny when I read it on facebook and it’s still funny now. So sorry you were violated, Hubby, but at least it provided us with our morning giggle.

  5. Gotta remember this one, and cropdusting. And yeah, Prudence, I think that’s why we’re called ‘old farts.’ 😀

  6. Too funny! “Cropdusting” has been in our vocabulary (and our repertoire) for some time, but “cropnihilation” is fabulous. Must spread the… um… word.

  7. We call them toxic spills. Sometimes you can sort of see them incoming. The air will waver or turn yellow or green…. LOLOLOL! I am glad your hubs survived! Just watch him for tell tale zombie signs….

  8. createeng says:

    Should somebody have a bad case of gas, I now have a new vocabulary word I can incorporate into a conversation. 😛

  9. My goodness. They’re called old farts for a reason.

    Lesson learned – don’t follow so close next time.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

  10. OMG I have tears in my eyes. My kids must think I’m nuts sometimes, sitting here laughing at the computer when I read stuff like this. This is just as good as the woman who almost lost the man of her dreams to an uncontrollable gas emission.

    I’ve gotten really good at just stopping breathing when in grocery stores…when I pass women (and some men) seem to have bathed in a vat of horrid perfume…and holding my breath when I walk down pet food and laundry soap aisles…but walking into THAT cloud? Yeah, I think I’d want a shower, too.

    You know that old man probably wound up on oxygen from laughing so hard, don’t you? The fist says it all. Gotcha! Yeah, I’d have felt violated and dirty, too. 🙂

    • Happens to me all the time. Just laughing my ass off at someone’s blog or comment and people look at me like I am a freak. I love it. Keeps em’ guessing as to my sanity level. 🙂

      I HEAR ya on the stopping breathing. OMG it’s terrible. WHY must people bath in nasty perfume before leaving the house. OR, worse, not shower for like 2 weeks before travelling on a small plane?!?!?! GRRRR! I’m gonna start packing a mask in my purse. LOL!!

  11. At just stopping…my alter ego…the one who can’t type worth a damn…must have taken control. If there are anymore typos…it’s HER fault, not mine.

  12. Glad I’m not eating right now! LOL I haven’t been cropnihilated, but my uncle had an unfortunate collision with a gassy elephants gas cloud. Does that count? 😉 Hilarious stuff, Natalie!

  13. Hubby aka Blog Heckler says:

    I must be getting old too because if my ‘gag’ reflexes would have been sharper ….When he coughed and ass blasted at the same time….I would have just dropped like I was shot!!! Mid stride!!! Would have been hilarious!

  14. Elena Aitken says:

    That is super gross. but OMG so funny!!!

  15. have you ever noticed that weird stuff regularly happens to you and hubby? Hmmm maybe it’s all taht sex that the universe if trying to balance out. what would that be called?

  16. Note to self – keep a safe *clean air* distance from potential farters in parking lots. (After reading your post to a geezer I happen to live with, he has advised that parking lots are generally considered gas release territory after holding it in during a shopping excursion.)

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