Urban Word Wednesday: Macturbate

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

I am still giggling and teeheeing over yesterday’s guest post with Jenny (gonna have to have that girl visit way more often)…did y’all see the comments? O.M.G. riot! Be sure to check it out today if you haven’t already.

Now…on to today’s fun!

Macturbate: v. to pleasure oneself through use of an Apple product.

Examples Of Use:

On Friday, Hubby and I were on vacay so we decided to hit a matinee. When we got to the mall, where our theatre is, we had about an hour to kill so I lured hubby down to the new Jump+ store. They sell Apple products. Hubby had to remove me from the store when I started drooling on things. The store sales representative seemed to get quite a kick out of us. Since we were the only two in the store, I am sure he couldn’t help but overhear.

Me: OMG, I want one of everything.

*I said as I lovingly ran my fingers over the MacBook Pro with Retina display laptop keyboard*

Hubby: really? I don’t get the big deal? Mac, Dell, whatever?!?!

Me: bite your tongue. Don’t talk so loose! These are MAC babies and they can hear you.

Hubby: if you could have anything in here, what would buy?

Me: one??? I’m torn between a MacBook Pro for the speed and the RETINA display or a MacBook Air for the dreamy light yet still powerful speed…drool! Quite frankly, I could macturbate with either and be quite satisfied.

*I thought hubby was going to choke*

Hubby: macturbate?!?!?! What in God’s name are you going to do to it?

 Me: get your mind out of the gutter hubby. There’s nothing dirty about macturbating. Mac people do it every day…all the time…you know, pleasure oneself through the use of an Apple product. I mean…just touch the keyboard here and feel the ripple of pleasure through your finger tips…ahhhh…

*At this point hubby started pulling me out of the store*

Hubby: we need to go before you get us arrested…

What is your dream computer? Think Macs rule the world or are all laptops pretty much the same? Which Mac would you recommend I get? Do you macturbate? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:



  1. Ha! Love this. I totally understand. I love me some Apple products!

  2. You just put a name to what I do every day. Thanks! Does this mean I have to keep the door closed? I have a feeling people around town are going to start recognizing you guys and loitering nearby just to catch these hilarious conversations!

    • Patricia, I think Natalie has proven that the door really should be closed while you Macturbate…. 🙂

    • Is that what those weirdos are doing? And here I thought they were checking out my gunt?!?! Oh well…HAHAHAHA!! They are welcome to listen in and participate. The more the merrier.

      As for Macturbating, I am with Jenny…preferably with the door closed but hey, if you have no choice (coffee shop, airport etc), let er’ all hang out. It’s a MAC, people will understand. LOL!

  3. I’ve always secretly lusted for a Mac. It’s on my buy list next year – if only to keep my videos from cutting off the top of my head.

  4. gingercalem says:

    You nailed me to a tee! I love me some mac action! I currently am lusting after that Air. It wants me too. I can feel it. We are doing the courting-dance.

  5. Love it! I’m going to have to start using this one. It says so much so succinctly…

  6. So funny. I work in a PC and technical world. When I got a Mac laptop at home recently, I felt like I did the first time I saw a computer. The Finder is the file system–I can handle that. What do you mean you can use two fingers to scroll? Three fingers does something else that I can’t think of at the moment. Yep, I’m still getting lost and losing thing, but I feel the pull from the Dark Side that is Apple. The keyboard lights up! I sense a blog post coming on…

    • I hear ya Diana. I live in a PC world as well. I’ve heard the “switch” can be a bit rocky at first but once mastered, is heavenly?! You’ll have to let us know!!! I see colleagues who harbour MAC’s deep in their offices doing strange finger things and…I want in! Dammit…I want to be part of the dark secret MAC world…

      Can’t wait for that blog post! Woot woot!

    • Diana, the first time I ever touched a Mac was when I went to teach Microsoft Office classes at Hughes Research Lab in Malibu and walked in the classroom. No one had told me the class was on Macs! I put the disc in and couldn’t get the damn thing out. The IT guy had to tell me about Command+Q. It was NOT my most stellar moment.

      When I rocked that class, I knew I’d arrived as a trainer. 🙂

  7. yourothermotherhere says:

    Ah, so THAT’S what went down in the Garden of Eden!

  8. Aha! Blog Heckler Hubby usually eggs you on in your insanity spontaneous spewing of Urban Words. Could it be he was a wee bit jealous?

    Maybe if you’d told him he could watch and play afterwards.

    Just sayin’…

    Disclaimer: My mind may still reside in or near the gutter. It hasn’t yet slung off the naughty glee from yesterday’s post.

    • I think this was even beyond him. LOL!!! He doesn’t get my MAC (ok…any gadget) obsession. 🙂

      Girl…I am right there beside you – always in the gutter. It’s the hippest place in town. LOL!!

  9. We have to make an appointment if we want assistance or want to buy anything at our Apple store – in today’s economy – it’s the first time I’ve had to make an appointment to buy anything – usually the sales people are knocking you down and they are the ones doing the drooling!

  10. I’d have loved to have seen Hubby’s face during that conversation. BUT was he really flustered, of was he still reeling because of that garage pool you want? And the roof you just replaced? I’m thinking it was more a dollar sign moment than a macturbate/fear of jail time issue. 🙂

  11. This had me laughing out loud, Natalie! I’m a Dell user, but I totally know these people. They are Macturbaters all the way! Apple lovers sure do like their Apple products and swear they’ll never find pleasure again in another brand. So there you go.

    • Macturbaters!! OMG I luv it Julie. LOL!!
      Yes, they are usually very hardcore and devoted…I wonder what would happen if we ate from the forbidden tree…maybe we’d be just like them??? 🙂 Hmmmm…I think this warrants my purchase. I need to test the theory. All in the name of good science and blogging.

  12. I’ve gone totally to the Mac side. Love my stuff! I’d say get the Air, because its so light! Portability is good!

  13. I’m surprised there isn’t a warrant out for the immediate arrest of you two. There are some things you just can’t say or do in public! Fondling the Mac products without proper protection is one of them. That’s how viruses are spread after all.

    Be careful up there in the great white north. I worry about you always taking chances like that. What you need is a Macdom. It’s like a condom for use with Mac products. You Candaians probably call them conMacdoms.

    How’s that for urban word Wednesday?

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    • Bahahaha…I think Patricia just rocked the BLOGJACK! You go, girl!!!


    • WAHAHAHA!!! I love it Jansen!!!

      Ok WAIT…is it Patricia or Jansen?!?! I can’t not ask any longer. I see Jenny used Patricia but I always use Jansen and no I am confused. LOL!!

      A Mac condom. Yes, I must get one because I can’t stay away from the store and fondling the Macs. It’s like an addiction. They CALL to me. Damn them…and I surely do not want to get arrested. Thanks for letting me in on this little tip. LOL.

      conMacdoms….HAHAHAHA…oh yes – you rule urban word Wednesday girl…RULE!!!

  14. LOL! I’m totally drooling at the thought of air Macturbating. You and hubby have got to release an urban word calendar. Just too awesome!

  15. i’m with hubby, I don’t get the apple thing…but i love the word

  16. OMG! Guilty! LMAO!

  17. Thanks Natalie for always thinking of me!!! I would write more, but I’m macturbating and it’s tough to type anything other than, oh oh yeah, oh that’s a good word! Oh, lets check what up in ical! and then photo booth, mmmmhmm, iphoto and time machine!!!!! sorry, where was I?

    • My pleasure Jenny. Your blog rules!! 🙂

      Ok…now I am super JEALOUS!! ical…photo booth…iphoto…time machine…


      I want in the club!!! Some day…I am putting my pennies aside! 🙂

  18. Natalie, I’ve got to tell you…this had me dying! I’m not a Mac fan, but this is very much what my Mac Obsessed peers are like. Your husband should know, you are not alone…and I doubt the Mac employee was very surprised. In fact, I’m sure that if you’d let him, you guys could have had a very satisfying mutual macturbation session…while your hubby watched. 😀

  19. Natalie…for your generous spirit and all the times you’ve made me laugh, I’ve nominated you for Blog of the Year 2012…I’m sure you get these a lot, but it is my little way of letting you know you brighten my day. 🙂


  1. […] Here’s one for all of the Apple product junkies out there. From Natalie Hartford, Urban Word Wednesday: Macturbate. […]

  2. […] can’t do one of these awards without including the indomitable Natalie Hartford and her love of Urban Word Wednesday, pink and bedazzlers. There’s hardly anything out of […]

  3. […] Natalie Hartford. In fact, with my background in retail electronics sales, she slayed me with her Urban Word Wednesday: Macturbate post. Seriously….if you have ever been around a Mac loyalist, this will have you peeing your […]

Don't be shy...tell me what you think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: