Death by swimming…in the garage?

So y’all know that hubby and I beat ourselves up weekly in Death by Swimming. After a summer of overindulging in bountiful BBQ and beers, come September through April we actually voluntarily sign-up for an hourly weekly fitness swimming class (the class is actually designed with triathletes in mind…please note, we are NOT even close to triathletes). Every Monday evening, we drag our summer pudged bodies to the local indoor swimming pool where our militant coach issues swimming orders like a well trained captain! Up and down the pool we go as if being chased by sharks. Wheezing, weak and weary, we battle the bulge, foggy goggles and skin-tight swim gear does nothing for the gunt…it’s no Spanks…just sayin’.

Another glorious part to Death by Swimming is the pool walk of shame. Since our class takes place along the far end of the pool, we are forced to trudge our flabby folds past the toddlers and teenagers in training. But that’s not the worse part, because they could care less. It’s their fabulous folks all sitting high up in the viewing hall that makes this a walk of shame.

I try to hold my head high and “work the runway” as always but I gotta say people…wearing the swimsuit from hell and my latex swim cap that’s earned me the nickname “Foreskin”, it’s tough to feel high fashion.

But fear not, I have found the solution.

Meet, the swimmer’s treadmill, by Hammacher Schlemmer.

Now I realize here in New Brunswick, the outdoor pool season is a bit short given that fall and winter weather make it near impossible to be outside, let alone in a pool. But…at only 65 square feet, we could set the swimmer’s treadmill up in our garage (I didn’t want to park the car there anyway…I actually enjoy cleaning off 10 feet of snow every morning) meaning YEAR-ROUND swimming people.

With a harness that wraps around a swimmer’s waist (22 to 42 inches) and flexible elastic tether, the contraption suspends the swimmer in the water so he/she can actually swim laps…all in the space of an SUV. How uberlicious is THAT?!

This means year-round, any-day-of-the-week swimming. And no more pool walks of shame. I mean hell; I could even train in the buff if I wanted to. A new tune comes to mind: it’s my garage and I’ll swim in the nude if I want to.

At 4 and 1/2 feet tall, it can be filled with 1500 gallons of fresh, chlorinated or saltwater and it comes with a pump and filter which maintains optimal water cleanliness. A built-in ladder provides easy entries and exit. Although I’m hoping hubby could hook me up with some kind of jungle rope so I could have some real fun getting in and out. Or maybe rig something up with the garage door opener?!?!?

Wait…it gets better. It also provides varying resistance for stronger strokes or kicks with more resistance. I mean…we don’t get THAT at Death by Swimming!

The swimmer’s treadmill is supported by a sturdy powder-coated steel frame, the pool’s liner is made from rip- and tear-resistant PVC-coated 2,000-denier polyester fabric and the included floor mat provides further protection for the pool’s bottom. Not to mention, if it’s in the garage and we have a little leak, just open the door. Voila! And…it requires no special plumbing or electrical.

As a little bonus, THINK of the garage parties we could have with this. Pull out the harness contraption, toss in the floaties and the remote control hostess and BAM…it’s pool party time in December!

I  mean…where else are can you get an indoor pool for $1400?!?! After 14 swimming classes (about 3.5 years), it’d be paying for itself. Hell, we could even rent it hourly to friends and family to recoup cost.

I say brilliant! Who’s with me?

What kind of in-home fitness equipment do you have? Would you consider a swimmer’s treadmill? Help me convince hubby this is a must have for us. Come on…share the wealth…

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

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