Missed Connections…can you spot the fake?

After last week’s Missed Connections post, Jenny Hansen and I got together and started having an inordinate amount of fun with it. And y’all know we just had to share the laughs with our blogosphere family. I mean…keeping this fun to ourselves wouldn’t be right!

Below, enjoy 5 Missed Connections. I was going to feature just 3 but man; there are so many good ones out there I couldn’t pair it down. So…enjoy 5 Missed Connections. 4 of them are REAL and 1 is fake (written by yours truly and I promise, is entirely a fraud…I am not secretly plotting my escape from hubby). Can you spot the fake? Take a crack at it and vote.

Note: in tomorrow’s post, I will let you know which ones are real and pay due homage with linky love galore.

When you’ve voted here, be sure to head over and see what Ms. Jenny has in store for you!

Missed Connection #1: I missed you…shit

I saw you twice on your bycycle.
You parked it and was talking to another gentleman.
I winked at you while you were smoking a cigarette.(You have a pink back pack).
I did not want to crash your conversation so I walked on.
The guy you were talking to said you showed interest in me.
I held back and waited for him to leave as it just seemed the thing to do.
You left your bycycle tied up and you were gone.
Bummer..I really wanted to get together with you.
Hot short jean shorts and a pretty face.
You’ll probably never see this this but for those who read this post it may head a warning of lost opportunity.

Missed Connection #2: The big blue box

Hey. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I helped you with that weird thing. You asked me to join you in your big blue box for some adventures. I wish I hadn’t declined. Maybe you’re reading this and remember me, if you do please contact me. I’d love to be your companion.

Missed Connection #3: To the cute guy in lime green tank at gym by 6 am

We work out at the same gym. You’re almost always there when I go. Usually on the treadmill or stair master around 6 am. I bet I could bounce quarters off your ass, it’s so tight! We’ve chit chatted. I try to keep my composure. You have no idea that while making small talk, all I can think about is pouring honey down your chiselled chest and licking it off as it trails down your treasure trail. You always smile at me and I hope this means you feel the chemistry to. Maybe you want to pour chocolate on parts of me? I am to shy to ask you out. Today you were wearing tight black shorts with a light green tank. It showed off your great build and great complexion. I wanted to spank you. If you are reading this and you’d like to go for a walk sometime, respond and tell me what I was wearing today.

Missed Connection #4: Just can’t get my head around

The fact you didn’t bother to tell me your actual name before sleeping with me.
You simply cannot imagine the horror of seeing your name changed on your
e-mail address the following day. What kind of person fails to mention their
name and then says we were never introduced? If it was that bad why didn’t
you stop? I told you I had been abused and you just ignored it. What did you
expect? I was nervous you knew that. You’d f*ck me but not be my friend if
it wasn’t perfect the first time. Either you used me or you are simply the most
self centered immature jerk I’ve ever allowed close to me

Missed Connection #5: You stuck my flash drive in your vagina

You stuck my flash drive in your vagina. If you are reading this, you know who you are. I don’t think this is a fad sweeping the city, so this one’s for you.
We met at a Millcreek Tavern. You said you were from Lancaster. You were beautiful, you liked me. It was perfect. But then…
We went back to my apartment. We watched The Breakfast Club. You had never seen it before. We then ended up in my bed, as planned. And had sex, as planned.
You looked beautiful half covered in my sheets when I left to use the bathroom. When I came back, this is what I saw:
You standing naked at my computer. You with your hand on the keyboard, not typing. You grabbing the flash drive.
The flash drive pops out.
You look at it.
You squat a little bit.
You insert it into your vagina, like a tampon.
I am speechless.
You proceed to get dressed, say you have to go home, and leave. The number you gave me doesn’t work.
I am confused. I’d like to see you again. I’d like to see my flash drive again.
Your name is Rebecca. You have long blond hair.
Please get in touch. I am a very understanding person.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There you have it. A whole lot of Miss Connection fun. Can you stop laughing long enough to spot the fake?

Check back here tomorrow where I will let you know the fakes for BOTH mine and Jenny’s blog along with links to the real ones. I wonder if y’all will guess right?!

Which Missed Connection had you ROFL the most?

Don’t forget to keep on laughing over at Jenny’s blog today where she’s having a little Missed Connections fun of her own. And watch Jenny’s blog on Friday where you and she are going to work together to give me some fabulous material for an outrageous post next Monday!

Ever experience a Missed Connection and wish you’d have spoken out and seized the day? Know anyone who got together after a Missed Connection reconnection? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

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Comments

  1. Holy crap, I really home the flash drive one is fake! Either that, or it’s some crazy CIA stuff. Actually, I wish the last three were fake because that makes me a little sad for humanity. You can’t really talk about pouring honey down someone’s chest and then say, “If you want to go for a walk…”. It all makes me feel so normal. Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

    • I know, eh?!?! After doing research for this post, I immediately went out, found hubby and told him in NO uncertain terms that we should each take 10 minutes a day to kiss the other’s feet. Normal…I feel like a super prize now! LOL!!

  2. Flash drive in the vagina? If that one happened, then that is truly one crazy “flash!”
    Thanks so much for the inclusion and shout out Natalie! You made my day!

  3. I already read these and they’re still convulsing me with laughter. I freaking love Missed Connections. Best free entertainment around!

  4. HA-larious! I was torn between #3 and 5 as the fake. I went with 5, namely due to the fact that it’s so grammatically strong, you or Jenny must’ve written it. 😉

    That gym one make me LAUGH and quiver at the same time. I’m so spaced out at the gym (but don’t go every day at 6 or have a coin-bouncable behind – that I know of) that a guy recently said to me, “You’ve been working out here for what, 5 years now? I see you on the elliptical almost every day, and I don’t even know your name.” He didn’t even look vaguely familiar, nor did his intensely pungent smell. YUCK-O-RAMA.

    • Ahhhh…well we’ll see?!?!?!?!

      HAHAHAHA!!! The guy obviously knew you…unfortunate he chose to intro himself AFTER a work out…major ewwww factor! Just cause we are at the gym doesn’t mean we like smellly smells!!! LOL!!!

  5. Ohmigawd I’m laughing too hard to type! Those are hilarious. I really hope #4 was fake, but I suspect it’s not. I’m thinking #1 was the fake. Doesn’t matter because they were all hilarious. I know some ladies who would do the flash drive in the vagina thing. I could tell you about them, but then they’d have to kill me. 🙂

    Happy Monday! What a fun way to start the week.

  6. I’m thinking industrial spy in that last one! I think they all should be fake! LOLOL! What a way to start a Monday! LOLOL!

  7. I’m loving watching all the voting, over here and at my place. GREAT job, Nat!! What did Hubby say about these two posts?

  8. These are crazy! It was hard to decide between #3 and #5. Where do you find them? Goodness.

  9. Karen McFarland says:

    Y’all know that I am old, right? LOL! I have been connected for so long now that I have forgotten what it’s like to be miss-connected. Hmm. Okay, I could be way off here, yet I am a little suspicious about number five. But as you can see, I certainly am not knowing about this miss-connected thing. He, he, he, you guys have come up with some crazy stuff.

    Oh, and by the way, thank you very much Miss Natalie for mentioning my post today! That was super special! 🙂

    • The means and lengths people will go to continues to astound me. The search and quest for love and love at first sight…knows no bounds and I think it makes people go a little CRAZY! LOL!!!
      My pleasure Karen…I was showing hubby your two posts with those animal pics. O.M.G. we melted!!!

    • Karen, Nat is the one who turned me on to these (pardon the pun). Now I can’t stop laughing at them. Each one is a bigger train wreck than the last. ROFL…

  10. Please, Natalie – It’s only Monday . . . .

  11. LOVE THIS!

    Must get more votes pumped over here. I feel a pingback coming over me. I second guessed my vote at More Cowbell, but I’m sticking with the teasure trail for you, Nat. Why? Because I can so visualize you purring those words to Scott during one of your shock-’em public escapades. Okay. Okay. I did a fake lost connections on Jenny’s site. Shall I do one here, too? Thinking, thinking, thinking…

    To the man in seat 7D on flight 555 from LAX to Honolulu on August 31st. I hope you remember me. I sat in seat 7C ad spent the last two hours of the fight in your lap sucking on your earlobe while you licked my tonsils. That bossy flight attendant made you change seats before we could–you know–(Ha! Ha!) exchange telephone numbers. Anyway, I’m sorry I sucked the diamond stud (Ha! Ha!) out of your earlobe. I recovered it and cleaned it for you (Dawn, Antibacterial). If you read this and would like to meet again, please post a message to Muffin from Stud.

    • I recovered it for you? And washed it with Dawn Antibacterial?? BAHAHAHAHA. *clutches sides laughing*

      Did you happen to see the “you fart like a Clydesdale” in the comments over at More Cowbell? We’re freaking dying over that one too.

      • I saw and HOWLED over that one, Jenny. Too. Much. Fun!

        This is addictive.

        My lost connection is partially based on a true story. We witnessed true lust happen en route from DFW to Honolulu on one of our flights. Total strangers when they boarded. But, the woman was in the man’s lap getting it on before the flight landed.

    • DYING!!!! O.M.G Gloria you are a genius. People should hire you and pay big bucks to have you author their missed connections. ROFLMAO!! HYSTERICAL!

      • My dream job, Natalie!

        I cursed after I pressed send b/c I forgot to include “it was a real clunker” after the line on recovery of the diamond stud. I could have earned a bonus for that one.

        Send your singles my way. I’ll make those connections for them.

      • Oh my GOD! We’d never get anything done. Ever. We’d be too busy peeing out pants over the MC’s. We’d be running them ourselves just to put them in our blogs. What a crazy hot mess…

  12. Those are indeed some good ones. I’ll be waiting not-so-patiently, for tomorrow’s reveal. I hope I guessed right. I just hate being wrong.

    Fun stuff. Your blog never disappoints.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

  13. Hubby aka The Blog Heckler says:

    I saw you across the room, you were holidng that pink rhinestone studded mobile device like nobody’s business. I could tell by your grip that I had to meet you. I said “hey baby” you responded “uh-huh” head bobbed and never lifted focus from the hand held device – it was love. I leaned closer give you some of the best sweet nothings in your ear…you replied “Scott I’m trying to respond to my blog comments JEEZ!” You were wearing your gym pant sex offender uniform – write me back when you are done blogging and tell me what I was wearing – would love to hook up…email me and I’ll give ya my digits!

  14. *wiping off keyboard* – What a way to start the day. HTF am I supposed to get any work done between you and Jenny this morning? And the comments … ROFL!

  15. Today, I went to the beachfront with my children.
    I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter
    and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her
    ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
    She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to tell someone!

  16. I like reading an article that can make people
    think. Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment!

Trackbacks

  1. […] the comments on mine and Jenny’s blogs over our Missed Connections fun have definitely […]

  2. […] week, Jenny and I embarked on uber Missed Connections fun; our latest discovery in free entertainment. On Friday, […]

  3. […] at Natalie Hartford’s Life Out Loud, the contest is over, but still hilarious when she asked visitors to spot the fake. (Don’t forget to follow the link to Jenny Hansen, cause she played, too and it’s a […]

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