Solved: the case of the angry bird

In June I told you how I have been living with an angry bird for what feels like forever. It’s been at least one year (maybe closer to two) that I’ve been tormented by chronic bladder infections and a burning vajayjay that’s kept my lustful Fifty Shades of Grey inner sex Goddess at bay.

I’m happy to report, my Goddess divine (who has no scruples when it comes to this sort of thing) finally kicked that burning bird to the curb and we’ve been living burn-free for over a MONTH people! That’s like an eternity in burn-free days!

I didn’t come across the fix right away. After I read all your amazing suggestions, I thought that perhaps I had taking so many anti-biotics, that my vajayjay was like a war zone with all my good bacteria lying down like fallen and wounded soldiers in the field. Perhaps my vaginal canal was a hostile environment? So I promptly headed out to treat the ol’ girl right.

I started with an oral treatment for a yeast infection (just in case). I made probiotics my new BFF ingesting 16 billion live cultures of acidophilus every day. Not to mention the Greek yogurt and berries fetish I’ve developed. I gave up my deliciously, wonderful baths (this has been like torture in and of itself…I love my bath time!) AND…torture number 2…Hubby and I abstained from bumping nasties for two. whole. weeks.

The night came to see if all our hard work paid off. With bated breath we got down to business and BAM…she’s BACKKKKK!! The burning bearded clam returned with a vengeance. I swear flames were firing out of her. I was desolate. Hubby was depressed. I just about gave up. What else could I try?

I was just about to resort to a yogurt douche when a conversation with a BFF years ago came to mind. One of my friends in a similar situation was told by her gynecologist to try olive oil as a lubricant, instead of the store-bought versions.

Hmmmm…ya think?!?!

Was our trusted Astroglide to blame for the past two years of BURN?

I didn’t want to get mine and hubby’s hopes up again. But at this point, we had nothing to lose and everything to gain. So….with great trepidation, hubby and I made the switch. We brought the olive oil from the kitchen to the bedroom and I’m happy to report we’ve been cooking up burn-free banging ever since.

The case of the angry bird….SOLVED!

Who knew…olive oil??? It’s not only heart healthy in the kitchen and great for amazing face and body at-home spa treatments; you can use it to make tasty taco salads in the bedroom as well. This stuff’s gold!

Picked up some EXTRA VIRGIN just for hubby!

What’s your favorite bedroom lubricant? Had you ever heard of using olive oil when you get between the sheets? What other amazing things do you use olive oil for? Come on…share the wealth….

More blog deliciousness here:

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Comments

  1. You are hilarious! “burning bearded clam???” Hahaha! Glad the natural treatment worked!
    Thanks so much for the shout Natalie!

  2. prudencemacleod says:

    Oh my dear, olive oil has so many wonderful uses. Just imagine, you can lube the Jube tube and lower your cholesterol at the same time. Of course, you knew that Mother Nature would surely have a solution to a girl’s problems, right? Happy bumping of boots guys. Party on!

  3. Hilarious, Natalie! So glad you found a solution to your problem! A burning bearded clam is not what they meant when they said ‘light my fire’! LOL

  4. Hubby aka Blog Heckler says:

    Only you could take TMI and turn it into LOL!
    I’m speechless…Smiling big ….but speechless!

    I will say that I had forgotten about the ‘healthy bird’ sign we found in our travels…always fun times and mega laughs!

    PS: check out Hubby’s Corner on Sept 3….he strikes again!

  5. HA! How do you make everything so darn funny, Natalie?!? I’m so happy for you guys. May you and your lovely new extra-virgin share many wonderful years. 😉

  6. Every time I see “angry bird” I think its about the game at first. LOL! I am so glad you found a solution. Sometimes the old ways are best. My grandmother had a grandmother who was a midwife, so she had many pioneer remedies. When my first child got the stomanch flu at THREE months and refused to nurse anymore, I had a serious girls problem. She used warmed oil to help me out. And she mentioned that buttermilk pancakes, warm from the pan can help the girls infection when they get infected. Now I wish I’d spent more time picking her brain for old cures.

  7. Taco salad, LOL! It’s just amazing the things our bodies don’t like sometimes, isn’t it? I don’t know a whole lot about olive oil, other than it’s really good for you…and that I hate the flavor of it on bread (I prefer coconut, which is a medium chain something…my sleep deprived brain can’t come up with the word right now).

    I guess you’d say I had an angry bird on my head. I’ve changed shampoos SO many times over the past year or so…even using baby shampoo, and all of them made my scalp itch. I’m not sure what I’m allergic to, but after much research, I started dissolving Borax (yes, the 20-Mule Team variety) in water and using that to wash my hair. After six weeks, the problem is nearly gone. Another benefit is that my hair is softer than it’s been in a long time…and it shines more. Yay, Borax!

    But you know what? I’d much rather have had my problem than yours. Glad you figured it out, and your hubby is a happy camper again. 🙂

  8. Well, it’s not extra virgin anymore. Gives a whole new meaning to virgin.

    Glad you killed the bird, now let’s just hope the rabbit doesn’t die. Unless that’s what you’re hoping for, in which case, good luck! (I feel like I’m playing Farmville in your bedroom.)

    Olive oil? Can you see the commercials? Good for your health and essential for low fat nookie. Love it.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

  9. charitykountz says:

    Rofl – your blog posts never cease to amaze me. Glad you found a solution. Fortunately for me, lubrication is NOT a problem for me and my husband. There are times where I kinda wish there were a little less lubrication. He turns me on so much that it’s … embarrassing. *blush* Cannot believe I am posting this on the web for the world to see forever. Gonna go now before embarrassing myself any further. Love the post and you’re far braver than I for sharing such details! lol

    • Girl…bless you soul! LOL!! Love it when people find themselves weirdly sharing the details of their lives…all is safe here Charity! 🙂 I have a few friends in the same situation as you…*bitches*! LOL!!

      I share in the name of entertainment and humor girl….LOL!!

  10. Flaming vajayjays should never last months and months. I am SO GLAD you got to the bottom of this (if you know what I mean)!! I’m allergic to all spermicides – they are instant flamethrowers. I have been able to use Astroglide *so far* but it’s nice to have an extra virgin solution if the kitty cat goes to the dogs, so to speak. Thanks for updating us!

    • ROFLMAO!!! Love it Jenny!!! Your comment had me howling…fabulous!

      Yes, I would have NEVER thought it was that…but for whatever reason, I guess my lady is a little sensitive. I am super pumped that I remembered my friend talking about it and gave it a try. God knows how long it would have continued.

      Good to have a plan B in the back pocket. 🙂

  11. YAY! So glad you solved the angry bird case. You know, they say natural solutions are always the best. That olive oil, it’s darn near the best thing nature ever made. Enjoy you flame free fun time!

  12. Olive oil yes and you can put it in a beautiful antique bottle for extra sex appeal – should you be into old lace/soft music/fresh flowers/etc.

  13. I’ve heard from several people that natural coconut oil is a great lubricant. I hadn’t heard of using olive oil. Glad you’re feeling better.

Trackbacks

  1. […] yesterday I was talking about how I’ve recently discovered olive oil as a fabulous new sexual lubricant. One of the great things about using it in that fashion is say mid-session you or your partner […]

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