Score more with a subtle approach?

Hubby and I are thankfully on the same page, reading from the same book, about 90% of the time, if not higher. So whenever we have a misfire of communication, it really stands out. And the one place we seem to cross signals is the boudoir. It can be like a massive land mine with trip wires and booby traps.

I am sure many of you ladies reading are nodding with a knowing smile “oh girl…I hear ya there…” It’s probably a common spot where a lot of couples differ. Ok…I know there are those who have no idea what I am talking about and to you I say “go talk about your budget…

A recent conversation with hubby went like this:

Me: my god, I finally figured it out. I was on Colin Falconer’s blog and he had this fantastic video by Amanda Gore (below) about the differences between men and women!

Hubby: yeah???

Me: she explained it perfectly. You love a direct approach. You love it when I reach down and grab your crotch and say “let’s get it on…” That makes you hot. You get fired up instantly. Zing. Ready for action! Put me in coach!

Hubby: true…

Me: so when you are in the mood, you do what anyone would do – you do onto me as you would like done onto yourself, right?

Hubby: well that makes sense…yes!

Me: but for me, a lot of the time the direct approach is like pouring ice water on my hooha! It makes me tense up and scream. You reach down for a grab and I’m like “what the hell??? You can’t just GRAB her. She’s not a toy or a stick. She’s tender and she likes to be romanced!!!”

Hubby: less direct???

Me: ya…you know….a more subtle approach. Instead of going straight to the business, rub my thighs…rub my upper chest…massage etc. Touch me every where but…there! Squeeee!!! I think your chances of “yes” moments would increase dramatically.

Hubby: here’s the deal. At least with the direct approach I don’t waste a bunch of time. I go in for a sample and get a yes or no immediately. BAM! I am not investing 45 minutes of a subtle only to get the same “no” I’d have gotten with the direct approach. The math doesn’t add up.

Me: lord…

The rest of the weekend was spent with hubby rubbing my inner thighs going “how’s this for subtle???” and me reminding him that it’s not “subtle” if you have to POINT IT OUT!!


Hysterical. My favorite part is when she says men have to get us to the point where we are going “touch the bits…touch the bits…

Ok ladies…have you got my back? Do you prefer the subtle or more direct approach? Guys, which approach has landed you the most success? What are some of the differences between men and women that crack you up? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:



  1. charitykountz says:

    Oh yeah, I know what you mean. Some mornings my husband wakes up ready to go and wow, to go from sleep to being groped is a bit of a rude awakening! Fortunately, his direct approach will sometimes get me really fired up as long as I am awake.

  2. prudencemacleod says:

    Oh dear god, so much truth and wisdom expressed in laughter. All men have to do is read a few erotic romances written by a woman. The how-to is in there, guys; it just like an “owner’s manual” Touch the bits, touch the bits…

  3. gingercalem says:

    Amen, Sista!

  4. Hubby aka The Blog Heckler says:

    I’m subtle all day long every day! I’m doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, buying flowers, ice cream, giving back rubs and hair pulls, holding hands, laughing and having fun, flirting, etc. – I’m MR. Awesome -sauce for Pete’s sake!… okay! okay! so MAYBE there’s some “directness” mixed in there throughout the day somewhere …if you look hard enough…you MIGHT be able to find a couple of small examples of directness….JEEZ!!!

    • Oh yes darlin’ – you are awesomesauce for sure!!!

      A “couple small examples”??? Pllleeeasssee???? LOL!!!!

      • Hubby aka The Blog Heckler says:


      • Hubby aka The Blog Heckler says:

        My Insights Color Profile is Red.
        Reds use logic, vision and determination. From a Red perspective, emotion has nothing to do with completing tasks.
        Red Strengths Reds are: Action oriented, Assertive, Confident, Decisive, Determined, Disciplined, Independent, Leaders, Logical, Pragmatic, Proactive, Productive, Responsible, and Task-Dominant.
        Red Limitations Reds often have to be right. They may come across as harsh and critical, even when they don’t mean to. Reds may be poor listeners.

        My directness all makes sense now! HAHAHA

    • I’ve got your back, but I’ve got to admit it…Hubby’s version of subtle isn’t all that bad. 🙂 At least he’s found the age-old clue to unlocking a mother’s thighs: Help me be less freaking tired by taking on a good share of the work!

      • Girl got my BACK! Yeahh….

        Yes…hubby is a DREAM…likely the issue is that although I am not a mother and therefore with all his help, should have tons of energy and spirit, come the evening I am a SLOTH! LOL!

  5. Hubby aka The Blog Heckler says:

    PS: El Dorado was called the Lost City of Gold….as Legend has it! Check out Hubby’s Corner Aug 6th!

  6. If men only knew how very little it would take to please us, but signals fly by their heads all day. LOLOL! After 37 years of marriage my hubs has sort of learned one major thing: everything is his fault. (very big grin)

  7. OMG! this just happened to me this morning! Hubs loves to just grab and thinks it’s going to turn me on as much as it does him! Not! I just emailed him this video. Can’t wait to hear his reaction! 🙂 Awesome post, Natalie!

  8. “What is a man’s definition of foreplay? Half an hour of serious begging!” 🙂

  9. Ha! Your hubby made quite a point with that thigh-rubbing subtleness. 😉 I love the gentle and the direct. The variety makes me excited, so do those spontaneous grabs. And sometimes I wonder if I’m part-male. I also love the fast approach. And am now treading onto TMI-land. LOL! Honestly, I think women are most turned one when we feel sexy and sexual. This can take time, but often takes too much time and effort, IMO. We should all feel as beautiful as we are inside and out. Then look out world! 😉

    Thanks for the lovely shout out! I appreciate the support, from you and among those other links especially.

    • Hubby aka The Blog Heckler says:

      Umm! I’ll take one seat for the “WANA be part male” course! 🙂

    • Love your comment August! 🙂 I think hubby would say I am much the same, hence his sometimes “frustration” cause lord knows WHICH mood I am in for a particular approach and timing. LOL! Alas, the joys of being woman. I do agree, it helps when one feels sexy and more sexual. And that’s all about inner attitude!! Gotta channel our inner Goddess!! LOL!!

      My pleasure sweetie!! Thanks for always swinging by and leaving your thoughts. I so appreciate!

    • I’m part male too, August!

  10. Oh. My. GOD! I love this…talk about Girl Brain V. Boy Brain! Just the other day I had to tell hubs, “Back off, they’re not oven dials!” Can I re-blog this?

    • ROLF – back off they’re not oven dials – LOVE THAT!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I’m gonna have to use that…squeee!! LOL!!

      Yes, talk about girl brain V boy brain, eh?!?! The bedroom or foreplay edition. HEHEHE!

      And by gosh, yes…I’d be HONORED if you reblogged it. Have at er’! 🙂

  11. Touch the bits, touch the bits!

    Ohmygawd. I’m laughing so hard I don’t know what the Kid thinks of me (I’m in the man cave using the big computer). Hmmm, maybe I need to replay it with the sound on since I had on headphones. Would that traumatize him too much? I don’t mind a little traumatization, but we can’t scare him away for life, right?

    • I believe it is your job…nay your DUTY…as a parent to appropriate traumatize your children just a little bit here and there…LOL!! And I think this is JUST the right amount Tameri. LOL!!

  12. Reblogged this on Rant Rave Write and commented:
    And because I’m not the only one with Girl Brain V. Boy Brain issues, here’s a post from the hysterical Natalie Hartford. If you’re not following her, you should – her Urban Dictionary posts make me laugh out loud, every time!

  13. Can you tell I’m done with conferences and house guests and ALMOST done with the stomach bug running around my house?? I’m slow but I’m ba-a-a-ack!!

  14. Anne Marie Hartford says:

    OMG, Natalie, you are so funny!

  15. Joanna Aislinn says:

    Subtle works but every now and again time tells you different 😉
    Fun post, Natalie!


  1. […] But the biggest (and dirtiest) secret of all is put right out in the open. If you know what you’re looking for, you should have no problem discovering it. (Why do I have a feeling Natalie/Natalie’s husband is going to love this part?) […]

  2. […] with sex.’ Women tend to think sex is an expression of love where men, well not so much. Natalie Hartford has a hilarious video on her blog that talks about the differences in the way men and women approach sex. If you haven’t seen […]

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