I’ve got a bunch of single gal pals (the Singles) that come to me for relationship advice. I gleefully and enthusiastically deliver all tidbits of advice I have to offer acknowledging that it’s based solely on my personal experience.
In one area, me and the Singles ALWAYS differ!
How long do you wait before going ALL the way?
My advice; 4 to 8 weeks, depending on how quickly the relationship progresses. To be honest, I think the longer you wait, THE BETTER! Now let’s be clear. I am not saying you shouldn’t have any intimate fun…there’s lots of boudoir frolicking that can be had that does not involve going the whole way. I am merely suggesting that you keep things to 1st and 2nd base for while.
The Singles gawk, throw their heads back in disgust and usually look at me like a 3-headed dragon.
“We have NEEDS Natalie….” they scream at me.
My response: “do you want to get laid or find a life partner?” because I think the two goals require two totally different approaches.
To back me up, I saw an interview between Dr. Phil and Steve Harvey, comedian and author of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and Straight Talk, No Chasers, where Steve suggests women make the men they are dating wait 90 days before they have sex.
“The biggest mistake that women make is they find out the information too late. You find out he’s married too late, you find out something’s wrong with him, he’s not really working, he’s not really a committed-type guy,” he says. “You can get this figured out in 90 days if you give yourself a chance, but once you commit yourself physically to a guy, you become emotionally involved, and you try to force it to make it work because ‘I slept with the guy.’ And you end up dragging yourself through the mud with a relationship that you really need to get rid of.”
I emailed that little ditty around to all the Singles.
Most of them did not reply. Go figure.
Steve shared his thoughts on his 90-day rule and dating in general on the Ellen show and I gotta say, I was sold on his theory!
To all my Singles out there, here are my final pieces of relationship advice:
- Set your BAR sky high!
- Shout it from the rooftop! OWN it!
- Demand to know his intentions/plans on the first date!
- Set a 90-day (or something similar) no-sex rule so he knows you ain’t here to PLAY, you here to PLAN!
If he’s worthy, he’ll stick around!
I know, you are all wondering….do I practice what I preach?!?!
Hubby and I waited 4 weeks from the time we started dating exclusively.
Why didn’t I wait 90 days, which was my rule at the time? There were a couple of factors that I think made the timeline exception warranted.
Relationship intensity was fierce: for hubby and I, 4 weeks together was like 90 days for most. We spent nearly every single day together from the time we met. And it wasn’t all flirting and fun during that time. I took Steve’s advice to heart and grilled hubby extensively (who grilled me right back), we explored the nitty gritty details like our mutual interests, our values, and the kind of relationships/life we wanted with a partner. We were both dead honest with each other from day one. It was intense but it was also as natural as breathing.
Hubby got rave reviews from multiple credible sources: hubby had worked at my then workplaces for years but was gone by the time I was hired. So all of my coworkers (all women – varying ages) had known him for ages. These women didn’t just speak highly of him…they adored, worshipped and loved him. To most, he was like a son to them. In their eyes, I could do no better and they all told me we’d be perfect together.
How right these ladies were!
But I still made him wait 4 weeks! And when we took things to the next level, I knew what I was getting myself into and I knew he was worth it. And vice versa.
So…have y’all got my back? How long do you think the Singles should wait before jumping in the hay with a new man…and why? What’s your best piece of relationship advice? Come on…share the wealth…
More blog deliciousness here:
- LOVED Myndi Shafer’s post on 12 things she knows for sure – what do you know for sure?
- This post on Albert Einstein’s secret to a creative life by Marcia Richards on the Life List Club’s blog is beautiful and inspiring.
- LOVED Julie Winn’s post on the joys of working out. Funny and motivating!