Living with an angry bird

I’ve been reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy for the last couple of weeks. For those of you who have been living under a rock, it’s the new blockbuster mega-hit in erotic romance to hit the streets. Women (and I bet some men) have been lapping it up by the millions.

I’m about half way through the second book and I’ve been enjoying it. I’ve read a number of blog posts where people have complained heavily about the quality of the writing. It’s really less of an issue for me. I am absolutely the type of reader to just lose myself in the story. Unless it’s serious continuous spelling or punctuation issues, I can overlook just about anything for the sake of great characters and a capturing plot. Especially for stories like this that are told in the 1st person. The writing style gives me a sense of the character. I felt the same way about Twilight. The writing quality lent itself to the character and thereby the overall story for me.

So….I’m loving it.

But. I’ve got one huge problem with it.

WHAT woman has THAT much sex and doesn’t get a UTI (urinary tract infection/bladder infection)?

I mean…come on people?!?!? It’s just blowing the whole believability of the book out of the water for me.

Ok, I admit, it’s quite likely a sensitive subject for me right now. I’m sitting reading this deliciously sexual book and thinking about all the wonderful things I’d like to do with hubby while there sits an angry bird screaming its freaking head off at me. I read about this woman having fabulous sex at least twice a day thinking “hey…I could do that…” and I swear at the first thought flames literally shoot out of my hooha.

It’s so bad; I’ve been tempted to shave “BURNING” in my pubic hair as a warning to hubby.

Yes….I am currently dealing with yet again, another bladder infection.

It’s like my 10th in the last year or so. I try antibiotics. I try cranberry. I drink tons of water. I pee after doing the deed. I wipe front to back. I’ve even given up my BATHS (GASP?!?!?)! It doesn’t seem to matter. I take one itty, bitty peak at hubby’s bad boy and BAM…bladder infection.

What’s a girl to do?

I read these books, watch movies or TV and see all these women having all this fabulous sex all the time and it makes me feel….less. I’m 37 years old, in the prime of my life and I want to be all that I can be in the boudoir. I want to shout orgasms from the roof top. I want to dance naked in the rain. I want to scream out in lust! I want to unleash my sexual Goddess divine. Because I know, deep down, buried under the recurring bladder infection, chronic constipation, and fatigue from a sometimes stressful job, she’s in there. Screaming and begging to come out and play.

And alas….the angry vagina burns on.

But have no fear….We continue to fight the good fight. I’m off to make yet again another doctor’s appointment and this time I’ll be asking to see a specialist. Seriously. I’ve had enough. I need to bitch slap that angry bird into tomorrow.

My inner Goddess divine says so!

Look out Fifty (and hubby)…when I get this old girl all fixed up, I plan on putting you to shame!

How do you unleash your inner sex Goddess divine? How do you  juggle life…and maintain a healthy sex life with your partner? How do you come to terms with the portrayal of women and sex in the media with real life? Any bladder infection tips or tricks? Come on…share the wealth….

More blog deliciousness here:



  1. Natalie's Hubby says:

    God help me! It’s not angry – it’s PISSED!

    Here’s hoping you get some “relief” soon!!! But I will miss the ol’flame thrower – it comes in handy for starting fires @thecamp.

    I know you don’t have your receipt but maybe if we took it back to Customer Service, you could get store credit! 🙂

  2. I won’t even comment on the books. But I hope your UTI clears up soon. Those can turn into more serious issues, and they are miserable to deal with. Good luck!

  3. Yipes! I’m so sorry you’re still dealing with all that crap. Definitely see a specialist to get that hooha fixed up! I wish I had some amazing tips for you, but alas I don’t. I’ve only had a few in my life and each time the cranberry thing worked for me.

    So, you and Hubby are going to make a Red Room of Pain? That’s going to be fun to read about! You’ll have to spotlight some of your new toys on your Twisted Tuesday posts.

  4. Aw… UTIs are no fun at all! If you’re prone to them, drinking cranberry juice and eating more blueberries can help. Both fruits have properties that bind bacteria that leads to those yucky infections.

    As far as keeping my sexual goddess alive, the first thing that helped was taking a feminist psychology of women course. That was years ago, and since then I have learned to embrace my sexuality and have no problems access the goddess. 😉 Bringing light to these issues helps other women unlock their goddesses and keep them happy. Thanks for doing so!

  5. Oh, and I forgot to mention probiotics. You could try drinking kefir and/or eating yogurt with active cultures routinely. Okay, stepping away from the blog! LOL *hugs*

    • FABULOUS suggestions August and I’ll definitely start implementing. I got a great breakfast recipe from my BFF that includes yogurt so I’ll be moving to that daily. I’ll be sure to choose one with active cultures but low sugar for sure. And I will amp up my cranberry intake (I currently take tablets when the spasms are bad but perhaps I’ll move to daily) and will load the yogurt with blueberries for sure. Any little thing that can help is well worth the effort…thank you for sharing!
      Wow – amazing that a course really helped you bring your Goddess alive – I’m definitely going to check our university course listings to look at something like that. I bet it’d be very interesting.
      Here’s to embracing our inner Goddess divine!

  6. Oh, you poor thing. I used to get them all the time (can anyone say, “honeymoon”?). AZO Standard is now over-the-counter and is a great symptom reliever. You can only take it for three days at a time, but that’s usually enough before the antibiotics start taking over to relieve the symptoms. It turns your pee orange, though, so wear a pantiliner. (Yikes – I CANNOT believe I’m actually typing this on a blog comment! But I’d do anything for you, Natalie!). Feel better soon, hunny!

  7. Oh my goodness, you crack me up, Natalie! I’m so sorry that you’re in pain, though. These are the things that we chicks are not told about in that stupid 5th grade health class on becoming a woman. How about also informing a girl that she should do all of her trampoline jumping before childbirth and age make that prospect less attractive? As a friend of mine once said, “Sneezing just ain’t the same.”

    (And I actually wrote this a blog. You are having quite the influence on Kathy and me.)

  8. Three questions:

    1. Have you been checked for systemic Candida? If it’s in your bloodstream, you can be more prone to this sort of thing and there IS a diet to help fix it.

    2. Has anyone offered you Diflucan?

    3. Have you talked to the doc about positions that would minimize this?

    That’s all this nurse’s daughter has for you, except for a heartfelt wish for a happier bird!

    • God love the nurse’s daughter! THANK you!
      1) nope but I did some quick research and this is something I’ll definitely look into!
      2) nope, never tried Diflucan but I’ll ask the doc about it – sounds promising.
      3) no…there are???? more research to add to my list!

    • OK, I tweeted you with the best doc I’ve ever seen on systemic candida. The fact that you keep getting these means you AND hubby should check in with the doctor. At the very least, read the document. It actually says a lot of the diets are crap, which was interesting.

      Also, in looking at the symptoms: headaches, brain fog and raging PMS are on the list! Hmmmm…

      • Listen to Doc Jennifer. And sheesh! So sorry. I don’t get them, but it used to be how I knew I was pregnant…go directly past UTI and straight to Kidney infection, then I’d get them throughout pregnancy. I’d also look into some essential oils — actually, I’ll look into it and get back to you.

  9. winnwords says:

    Hilarious post, Natalie, and so sorry to hear about your affliction! I had some suggestions to make, but you seem to have already tried them all, so I’ll leave you to the care of the urologist and wish you luck!

  10. So sorry to hear about the recurring problem. Definitely talk to your doctor. It definitely shouldn’t be happening that much–regardless of what you do or don’t do in the boudoir. 😦 I used to have issues with them all the time as a teen (before there was ever any boudoir action to speak of) and discovered that I’m allergic to cola. Seriously weird, but if I drink a Coke, I get one. Since giving them up, I haven’t had any problems. (And I write BDSM erotic romance like 50 Shades, so ya know, my goddess is well-utilized. *ahem*)

    And I second KB about the AZO–that stuff has saved me before.

    • Shut up?!? Cola?!?! Wow! I would have never thought. I’m definitely going to have to pay close attention to my diet to see if that’s playing a role in it.
      Thanks for sharing your experience.
      Gonna have to get your books to get some boudoir tips and tricks. LOL!!

      • She sure is right, Natalie. Soda, especially caffeinated colas, are one of the causes of UTIs. As for relieving symptoms, I always got Diflucan. Also, for some people eating a couple Tums with a glass of water, neutralizes some of the acid and helps you fell a little better. My Urologist swears it shouldn’t work, but it does for me and others every time AND I read about it one of the brochures he gave me. Just make sure it’s calcium citrate.

        Hope you feel better soon!

        Oh, and my Goddess sleeps, A LOT these days, but I’m working with some supplements to wake her up! When I was younger, she was ON all the time! Unleashing her was and sometimes still is easy because hubs and I are always playful. Erotica works and sometimes she needs no prompting at all. We don’t play with toys much but more often with massages, warming oils, and sexy intimate wear for both of us.

        • GREAT suggestions Marcia – thank you!
          Ohhhh I have you no doubt you are gonna wake her up in NO time girl! Oh yes….she’ll be a force to be reckoned with. I LOVE how you and hubby keep it spicy – squeee!!!

  11. Aw…{{hugs}}…no fun at all.

    I will say the cranberry tablets don’t work for me when I have a full blown UT infection only the purest cranberry juice I can get my hands on. I get cold sores so take acidophilus and L-lysine daily as a preventive measure and one or both are helping with UT as well, which probably goes back to the probiotics August mentioned. As Kathy mentioned, AZO Standard is over the counter and works well…says the woman whose hubby whined like a baby when he had an infection, LOL…but it will stain so take care with your clothing.

    Feel better soon!!

    • Very interesting Raelyn – what works for people and what doesn’t. I have never found cranberry juice helped because there is actually so little cranberry in it. I found I had to drink a gallon before I got any relief whereas with the tablets, if I take them every couple of hours, it will control the spasm – but doesn’t cure the infection so as soon as I miss some, BAM, the burning tickle is back. LOL!
      I’m definitely going to try all the suggests above, especially looking at probiotics and fruit. Perhaps a clean diet for a couple of weeks to see if that helps is warranted. Dang, right in the height of BBQ season. Such is life, right?!

  12. This wouldn’t be nearly as funny if I hadn’t experienced some of the same things with the bladder infections. It truly is a curse. I laughed while reading and had to stop and read out loud to my hubby. Thanks for the humor fix.

  13. Oh, that’s the WORST! I’ve never struggled with that, but after all the health issues I had after Took was born I had one. It wasn’t severe – at all – but it was not any kind of fun. Having them chronically would be a bitch. Here’s to hoping you get it figured out soon so you can go GET IT ON! And on….and on….and on…

    I still haven’t read 50, but since all my gal-pals have and are literally wiping the drool from their mouths, I think I need to get on the bandwagon. I’m with you. All kinds of sins can be made up for in writing if you have characters that sing and a story that kidnaps.

    I just love you, sweet Natalie!

    • Nope, it’s not fun dealing with health issues, especially ones that are chronic and seem to hang around – grrr! Ya just wanna get ON with it. LOL!
      You haven’t read them yet…girl, I think you’d enjoy them! LOL!!
      Awwww…I just love you too adorable Myndi…MUAH and big hugs!!!

  14. Holy UTI advice column, Natalie! Talk about excellent information sharing. I’m always amazed how you get conversations going like no one else! I’m sorry you have this ongoing issue but somehow I feel your answer may well lie somewhere in the comments above. It seems to be such an individual problem and what works for one, doesn’t for another. Dr. Jenny’s advice about you and Hubby having a double-date with a doc makes a lot of sense. Your 50 SOG *wish list* awaits! (Yes, even this grandmother has read it and I agree the writing is lamentable …)
    Hugs to you, dear girl, and hope springs eternal this nastiness will be banished.

    • Awwww…thanks Patricia. I got the “all clear” from the doc today and we are waiting on hubby and with all the great advice and suggestions, I am hoping it means I am on the mend. Fingers crossed!!!

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