Just shut up and cuddle

Are you single and miss those nighttime cuddles? Do you yearn to feel those strong arms wrapped around you? Or maybe you are married or in a relationship but your significant other leaves you cold at night, giving you the old butt luv? Or maybe his snoring cuddles leave you sleepless in Seattle?

Well ladies. Struggle no longer! I present to you, the boyfriend pillow!

That’s right; this cute custom cuddler will keep you warm and snuggled up tight all night long.  No more snoring in your ear or drooling on your pillow, the partner pillow will do the job silently and to your exact delight.

Swen (as I have lovingly named him) measures 22-by-9-inches for the body and 36 inches for the arm. You can drap yourself around him and he won’t complain about an elbow in his side or that you are making him too hot. Swen can take it. Swen will meet all of your nighttime needs providing you with firm sleeping support and all the snuggles you could ever want.

I mean…look at that firm hand, gentle fingers, and burly strong chest. Swen is the man to make all your dreams come true and you’ll wake restful and relaxed.

He even comes with a removable microfiber shirt and….is machine washable. How sweet is that?

Regular $45.95, Swen is on sale right now for only $34.95 plus shipping.

And of course, for my male readers, I am not leaving you out in the dark today. Nope. Not me. I’ve found you….Bertha Joe; the girlfriend pillow.

That’s right, snuggle up to ol’ BJ and she won’t say a word when you cup her soft, yet firm breasts. Not one word. In fact…she likes it when you nuzzle her nipples and drool on her.

Yes. Granted BJ does look a tad manly but trust me; she’s there to provide you with all the loving support you desire. Spray a little of your favorite perfume on her and you won’t know the difference. It’ll be like the little missus is right beside you, only better. BJ won’t complain about your snoring and you won’t be attacked by hand flapping aerial combat moves when you cop a feel. BJ’s insatiable!

And she’s ON SALE right now! Only $29.95 (reg: $38.95) plus shipping for all the evening entertainment you can envision.

Ever try a body pillow? Think Swen or BJ would help you get a more restful sleep?

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:

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Comments

  1. Excellent post Natalie! Are they all right armed pillows or do you just flip them over for lefties?

    • Interesting question Barry!! Well, unfortunately the site doesn’t say specifically but I see no “lefty/righty” choice when ordering so my best guess is that means flipping it over. For the boyfriend pillow, not that big of a deal. Swen is very versatile and flexible that way (we knew he would be…I mean, it’s Swen after all?!?!?).
      But BJ is more like your traditional, hard to get along with woman. Lefties could flip her over but then her breast would be face down. I guess if you semi “mount” her, you’d still get to cop a feel?!?! It’d definitely take some practice…but I think ol’ BJ’d be worth the added effort.
      Or maybe a new-age man like yourself could sow some new breasts on her backside to ensure she swings both ways?!?!
      The possibilities are endless, really.
      ROFLMAO!!!!

  2. Natalie's Hubby says:

    I’m going to say this for obvious reasons…”I’d like two BJ’s please!!!”

    I do see one design flaw though – what’s with the nubby little fingers?
    I’m all for small hands but fingers?? Come’on!

    Obviously a woman designed both products because Swen’s fingers are super long! Bahahaha!

    • So typical and not surprising hubby. LOL! And I thought you’d like itty bitty fingers. They are there to ensure your….ummmm…package looks to its maximum potential!! LOL!!!

      • Natalie's Hubby says:

        Please! BJ might have small nubby little fingers – but take a look at that CLUB she has for a hand!

        Swen’s looking all life like with his finely shaped body, lanky arm, normal shaped hand and a nice flannel shirt. What do the men get? A square piece of foam with two round balls on the front, no nipples, no blouse, just a club arm, and nubby fingers. I mean I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers (ain’t that right Crackers?) But the men totally took a burning on this product – I’m gonna have to do a Hubby’s Corner on a more “man-friendly” product now! LOL!!

        • Honestly, I can’t even argue with you. BJ is seriously lacking in the “womanly” department. My twitter friend Graylin suggested some silicon implants but I believe it’s just the tip of the iceberg. You are right, BJ needs a total overhaul. I think this would make an exceptional Hubby’s Corner. LOL!!

  3. Natalie's Hubby says:

    I swear BJ was molded after a world champion arm wrestler!
    She’d be like snuggling a football player with boobs!

  4. I’m very disturbed that the boyfriend pillow is wearing a button-down. Couldn’t it be bare-chested with a little hair on the chest? Is that too much to ask? LOL.

    Almost as entertaining as this post are the comments between you, Natalie, and the Hubby. Maybe we marrieds need to stick to the real thing. I already spend my nights squished between two males–my hubby and my cat; I don’t need another bed invader, thank you very much!

    • Ohhhh Julie likes the manly men! I figure with a little imagination and some sowing skills, the gals could customize Swen to their hearts’ content. Add a little muscle definition, maybe a little bit of soft cotton hair to really amp up his appeal. ROFL!!!

      I woke up this am facing hubby. He had his arms wrapped around one of his 3 pillows (not including his lovely body pillow) which was sideways with the opposite end shoved directly INTO my face. Not the kind of Swen I was looking for. I may purchase him just to get a pillow competitive advantage in our bed. WAHAHAHAHA!!!

      But I hear ya girl. With a cat and a hubby already taking up space, Swen might be overkill. LOL!!

  5. That’ll teach me to read your blog whilst sipping coffee. LOL! Shoulda titled this ‘pillow talk.’ Ahem.

  6. I need one of those! The dog just ain’t cutting it!

  7. ROFL…at the comments between Nat and Hubby. You guys crack me up! The pillow thingy…no thanks. I’ll stick with the real thing. I’m with Julie, where’s the hair on the chest and the muscles? Where’s that strong shoulder to nestle into? 😆

    • LOL!! Glad you enjoyed mine and hubby’s banter!! 🙂

      I know….Swen could use a little sprucing up in the manly department!!! You and Julie are right, the real thing is always better!!

  8. Yes, I’m thinking the manufacturers missed out on a golden opportunity here. Swen needs legs too so we can use him as a body pillow. *pfft* If a woman designed this, she did a poor job. I mean, a button-down? Not even a nice, soft T-shirt or anything? Who sleeps in a button-down?
    *sigh* The inhumanity!

    Thanks for the link too! I always love your unique finds here. 🙂

  9. Natalie's Hubby says:

    The first time I wake up to Swen practising his art of fartriloquism or I find his hand placed in a not so friendly area – he’s out!

    I did get a little satisfaction that some of the ladies on here criticized Swen – until I realized I had no hair or muscles either – then I cried a little!

    BJ is SO wrong!!! I want to like her for what she stands for and obviously the name but come’on! That’s a pillow not even it’s maker could love!

    PS: Natalie when you woke up to my pillow in your face – did you (even for a second) wonder if it wasn’t an accident ??? Hmmmm? LOL! Guess we’ll never know!

  10. I can think of about fifteen improvements each of these pillows needs. I totally agree with Hubby ~ what’s up with that club hand on BJ? Guess it’s so she can smack him around a bit. I also think they need to be body length. If we’re going for cuddles, we need something to wrap our legs around. Seriously. I do like the fact it doesn’t have a head. No chit chat while sleeping, buddy! How do you keep the arm wrapped around you all night? It needs some sort of velcro closure or something. Maybe even a heater inside so it’s all warm and snuggly. And totally ditch that button down! Who needs little indentations on their face from his shirt? Lame!

    • Maybe Sven can put on a v-neck, LOL.

    • Smack him around…ROFL!!! Stellar.
      And yes, definitely body length. Something to toss a leg over would be much more comfortable.
      LOVE the velcro closure idea….SQUEEEE!!!!! And the HEATER?!?! OMG!! Luv…LUV!!!!
      All genius improvements Tameri – hopefully the company takes them to heart….
      We could have Sven DELUXE!!!

  11. ROFL!!! What a riot, Natalie! No snoring or drooling? Sign me up! 🙂

  12. Oh this is right up there with Jenny Hansen’s undie chronicles! LOL. Love it!

  13. Dang, Nat! Hubby is blogjacking all over the place!!

    I laughed so hard, I snorted coffee over this. If they gave BJ a boob job, they’d make millions. 🙂

    • And longer arms!! 😀

    • I know…..blogjacking hubby…
      Quite frankly Jenny (and let’s keep this between just you and me), I think hubby’s got a bad case of the blog envy. I mean, I get it. I understand. It ain’t easy being green. So I try to be….well…forgiving!
      LMAO!!!!
      What I am talking about…his comments SLAY ME!!
      You and hubby (and heck, anyone else) are welcome to BLOGJACK away…LOL!!
      Millions – you are right they would! LOL!!

      • Hubby AKA Blog Heckler says:

        First word on my top 10 words to describe Natalie = FORGIVING!

        Hubby’s Corner is going to real BADA$$ on July 2nd – cause I have a ton of material – I don’t think I can squeeze it all in one post – it might have to be a series!
        Buckle-Up Blog junkies!

  14. Natalie !
    I’m not going to even ask where you find this stuff! I should be smarter than that by now!

    I was ready to purchase Swen until you said “microfiber.” This sensitive skin on my face needs a high cotton count covering. They could have made him p.j.s out of 600+ ct cotton! Then my dear Swen and I would be berfect for each other. I wouldn’t be hot at night – nice, cool cotton! Another bonus would be if his p.j.s came in different colors to match our bedding. Then, we would be set! I don’t think they had a woman on Swen’s design team! ;D
    Thanks for the great laught!

    Monique

    • AMEN Monique. I couldn’t agree more.
      They could have offered us a Deluxe version in high quality cotton and a variety of color combinations. I mean seriously….who wants an ugly old blue button down in bed with them?!?! Obviously they were missing a woman on the team, for sure. Ahhhh…maybe someday a Deluxe Swen will come on the market and we’ll all live happily ever after. One can dream.
      LOL! Thanks for the uberlicious comment Monique – have a FAB day!

  15. That’s hilarious! If only it would take out the garbage, too. 🙂

  16. Elena Aitken says:

    OMG! Bertha Joe…I’m sorry…can’t stop giggling over BJ.
    Bwahaha.

  17. Ha! Hilarious. Are you sure you’re not inventing all of these cool finds? Either that or you have a special gift for finding them. 😉 I love sleeping with extra pillows. Pillows with arms or other body parts (ha!) haven’t occurred to me, but hmm… Might make for entertaining dreams!

    • I should totally be inventing them so I could CASH in. LOL!! Especially with all the design improvement suggestions I get on here – I’d be filthy rich! LOL! Ahhhhh….enhanced never-never land – now that’s a definite draw! LOL!!

  18. That’s hysterical, Natalie! I think you should make the design improvements and set up your own etsy shop. Do your bedazzler thing.

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