Urban Word Wednesday: Five Alarm F*ck

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Five Alarm F*ck (a new slang saying brought to you by hubby): When the hotness factor reaches epic proportions and it becomes imperative to knock boots ASAP.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were shopping for some frozen fruit and lemons at Costco last week. I didn’t think I was wearing anything overly “hot” and sexy. It was just plain old work clothes but hubby was in some kind of a mood and the following convo ensued in the bread aisle.

Hubby: God you are looking good today!

*smacks my ass with an open hand much to the surprise of many customers*

Me: really? I’m wearing my usual work pants?

Hubby: I don’t know what to tell you but that ass is looking fine! Really spectacular.

Me: it must be all the potty squats I’ve been doing as part of Ginger’s WritersButt workouts.

Hubby: whatever it is, it’s working and girl…I think we got ourselves a Five Alarm F*ck on our hands.

Me: what?!?! A five alarm f*ck?

Hubby: yes! You know, at the fire station they have a fire alarm system. One alarm, two alarms etc. The higher number of alarms, the more serious the fire, the more resources they respond with. And girl, you are looking so HOT we got ourselves a five alarm f*ck. We should hit the truck and go parking like RIGHT now!

Me: well as much I appreciate the compliment and you know how I hate to disappoint…I think you’re gonna have to put your own fire out today.

Hubby: seriously?!?! When did you lose your sense of adventurous?

Me: like all women darlin’….as soon as I got the diamond baby!

Hubby: damn!

Ever had a five alarm f*ck on your hands? How would you handle it? Ever sneak off for a little nooner or a parking party on your lunch hour? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • Roy Street gives us the lowdown on an all-natural, tried and testing technique to stave off aging and by keeping it tight and tiny! Minds out of the gutter people!
  • Did y’all see Jenny Hansen’s post this week with her latest edition of the Undie Chronicles where she serves up edible undies for….you guessed it…HUBBY!!
  • Just about died laughing reading Jenny from the Blog’s post on sex or oven cleaning! I hear ya girl! LOL!


  1. ROFL, Natalie! I feel like I’m spying on you. Love the diamond reference – work it, girl! No more moving vehicles, hehe!

  2. That is hilarious! And you are sure one lucky girl with a hubby who thinks and talks like that! He is definitely your match! I would have loved to see the faces of your fellow Costco shoppers!

    • Oh yes, he’s definitely a keeper and I am a lucky lady. He has no issue in telling me and showing me how hot he thinks I am and I LUV that about him. 🙂 But it definitely kept the customers on edge around us…hehehe…which we luv! Shock and awe!! LOL!!

  3. Natalie, I haven’t even read it yet, and I’m already grinning. Just had to tell you that immediately. OK, now I’m scrolling back up and reading…

  4. Oh my goodness. You two are TOO stinking cute. Love!

  5. gingercalem says:

    I also grin and giggle through all these posts! LOVE this:

    …you’re gonna have to put your own fire out today

    OMG, cracked up!!

    Love and thanks for the shout out. You are beyond FAB! Love ya.

  6. LOL, Natalie! Where does he come up with these off-the-wall comments? Does he sit at his desk doodling (not to be confused with canoodling, of course) and wonder what he can say to shock you into sweet submission?

    Hey! He’s sextidextrous, right? (sp? Sorry. WordPress hasn’t yet caught up with your hubby). Perhaps he could have taken care of his five alarm f**k with a menage a trois.

    In response to your question: Yes. Lunchtime doesn’t always involve eating a healthy banana. Taking my naughty mind to my WIP now.

  7. Shannon Esposito says:

    OMG…halirious! What a good girl you are doing your #writersbutt workouts, glad they’re paying off for ya…lol

  8. roystreet says:

    Oh, no! A five-alarmer for Natalie. Time to call the fireman for a major league hosing.
    BTW — thanks much for the blog luv. 🙂

  9. Oh, no! A five-alarmer for Natalie. Time to call the fireman for a major league hosing.
    BTW — thanks much for the blog luv. 🙂

  10. As I mentioned on Jenny’s Sexting post….anticipation baby, it’s all about the anticipation. Hell yeah, the lunch hour isn’t just for lunch 😉

    LOL, can’t say we’ve ever referred to it as any alarm but I think we’ll implement it 😀

  11. Have I ever? I think I have a dim memory . . .

  12. LOL, so funny. You’re lucky to have a hubby who matches your level of perve, Natalie. Loved it!

  13. HIlarious! I love!

  14. The Dude's Dad says:

    As you can see this “five alarmer” was doused with a cold bucket of Natalie! Lesson learned on that diamond thang!

    This blog jacking has been brought to you by Hubby’s Corner! That’s right Hubby’s Corner – first Monday every month right here on this Blog!!!

  15. Natalie's Hubby says:

    Again that’s Hubby’s Corner!!! (Had to post comment to change my handle from Dude’s Dad to Natalie’s Hubby)

  16. Wow, it’s dinner and a show at your local Costco!! I was very happy to give you a whole new line of gifts for hubby in the Undies post (thanks for the link love).

    Now I’m off to Ginger’s place to figure out what this WritersButt workout is. (Whatever the hell it is, I NEED IT!!)

  17. I should’ve known by the title that this wouldn’t be a good thing to read while talking to my dad on the phone yesterday. When I started laughing, he wanted to know why ~ apparently he was telling me about his dog’s displaced hip. For the second time. Ooops. I am such a lame daughter! But I told him why I was laughing and now he thinks Natalie is way cooler than me. I gave him your number, Nat. Now you can hear about the dog and my step-sister’s drama!

  18. Ha! LOVE it, Natalie. Gives a whole new meaning to fire alarms… 😉

  19. Jessica O'Neal says:

    Hahaha, oh Natalie, how I have missed your posts. Life has been so crazy the past several weeks that I have not even had time to read my most favorite blogs and I have missed the laughter I get every time I come visit you. This is another winner. 😀

  20. Damn girl! Grinning from ear to ear. LOVE IT!

  21. Awesome!!! This will be my husband’s new favorite term….I’m out for a month super sick with surgery in May. Hubby’s already threatening to knock holes in the wall or hire shady prostitutes. Of course, our friends think it’s strange that we joke about prostitutes, but we’ve been together since high school and closing in on 20 years, so it works for us. Can’t wait to share this with him.

  22. This is the first blog post of yours that I was introduced to, and I LOVE IT!!!!!! I adore the fact that your husband finds you hot and wants to knock boots ASAP! As I read from the comments, you know that you have a winner. When I was in my 30s I had “lunchtime” in the car with my beau many times! He also wanted to do store dressing rooms as well – I was a little too nervous to relax for that one. But sex like that is fun and keeps us very young. The clothes thing – I understand. I gained a lot of weight when I got chronically ill. But I have found that you can look good in any size. But that desire to just hang out in your sweats is so tempting. It’s how I write!
    Natalie – I’m glad I found your website!

    • Awwww…Monique, what a FAB comment. So happy you found me and shared your thoughts. Luv it. Totally made my night. I’ll be off to visit your digs shortly.
      I am definitely going to have to try out this nooner thing. LOL! Hubby is ALWAYS trying to get me to “adventure” in the dressing rooms but thus far, I’ve refused. Way to terrified to get busted. LOL!!
      You are soooo right – it doesn’t matter our size – it matters how we feel inside and that we let that shine out to the world. Sweats or dress pants – sexy is all attitude.
      Thanks so much for swinging by…SQUEEEE!!! 🙂


  1. […] Urban Word Wednesday: Five Alarm F*ck by Natalie Hartford – Once again, Natalie and her husband have a hilarious conversation out in public that teaches us new urban lingo. This post will have you in stitches. […]

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