Love at first sight….myth or possibility?

After a first date, a good friend called me last night to tell me that she had a vision that he’s “THE one.” Cue the doves!


Ever the extreme optimist and enthusiast, even I had a tough time with that one. I mean, I am all for miracles and optimism and love at first sight and I so wanted to jump up and down for joy for her but…I found I just couldn’t.

I mean, to her credit, it’s not like she hasn’t spent any time getting to know this new guy. They met via an online dating site a few weeks ago. It’s a paid site so definitely for the “more” serious folks. And it’s a site that does potential mate recommendations based on a long list of compatibility factors, so definitely another positive. They have chatted online for hours and they’ve had a few long phone conversations.

But still? After the first in-person date he’s IT?

On the one hand, I want to tell her that anything is possible; that jumping in with both feet and no fear is what life and finding love is all about. I want to scream “hip hip hooray” for miracles and dreams comes true. I want to believe in love at first sight. I want to start planning the wedding! I want so badly for him to BE IT and for him to make all her relationship dreams come true!

On the other hand, I feel like I need to help her pull the reigns back a little bit. There’s optimistic potential and then there’s putting on blinders that can lead you down a slippery slope where you become so vested in “making this work cause I had a vision, damn you” that you ignore very serious red flags until it’s too late and next thing you know, you are soothing a very badly broken heart.

So what did I end up telling her? A bit of both!

I told her that I loved seeing her so happy and optimistic; that I wished nothing but the best for her and that I hoped this would all turn out perfectly for her. But I encouraged her to not let her emotions sweep her completely off her feet…just yet…

I suggested that perhaps rather than buying into the vision that “he’s IT,” that it might be more useful to think of him as having a lot of great potential. That it’s fahhhbulous to have an air of excitement about what it might lead to but that it’s just as important to maintain a little emotional detachment (just for the first few weeks) so if red flags DO start to show up, you have the fortitude and strength to walk away if need be.

And if he IS IT, a little emotional and optimistic restraint certainly wouldn’t harm anything!

I mean, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news and the buster of bubbles but I also feel I have a responsibility to all my friends to be honest with them. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know everything (seriously…I do know everything but I know how totally wrong it is to say that…) and miracles do happen but?!?!?!

In the end, all I can share is my knowledge based on my experiences and then cross my fingers for her and hope for the best. Isn’t that the best any of us can do for our friends and family?

What would you have told my friend? Do you believe in love at first sight?

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