Dear blog…it never ceases to amaze me how a book can take you back!

Last week I started reading Karen Marie Moning’s Darkfever, the first book in her Fever Series. It’s the story of a woman, MacKayla (Mac) Lane, a typical 22-year-old whose life is turned upside down after her sister is brutally murdered in Ireland. On a course for revenge, Mac discovers an entirely new world where good and evil wear the same seductive mask. She is sucked into this extraordinary world filled with ancient secrets, vampires, assorted Fae nasties and other tough-to-kill beings where she must learn how to survive and handle a power she had no idea she possessed.

Having just finished the Sookie Stackhouse series, by Charlaine Harris, something “urban fantasy” was still on my reading palate. Funny though because when I found this book in my “waiting to be read” folder on the Kindle, I couldn’t remember how I’d come to download it. When I started reading it and about the world of the Fae, I was a bit confused but I was very pleasantly surprised when my confusion was quickly replaced by a thirst to read more. And I wasn’t disappointed. I loved it. I started it early last week and finished it this weekend. I devoured it. The book, the writing, the storyline, and the plot had me hook line and sinker. I came home from a long weekend at the camp with book one under my belt and ordered up book 2, Bloodfever and I can’t wait to get started.

Throughout the book, there were these poignant and astoundingly profound snippets that struck me; little nuggets of life wisdom that I am sure the writer drew from personal experience and wove into the story beautifully. And, capitalizing on one of my Kindle’s fahhhbulous features, I was able to highlight each one for my own quick reference. And these beautiful pieces of prose were already captured by others because readers can highlight passages on the Amazon Kindle and, if they choose, when they sync with their Amazon Kindle account, they get shared with Amazon. So cool!

I wanted to share one such prose with you:

“One must break with one’s past to embrace one’s future. It is never an easy thing to do. It is one of the distinguishing characteristics between survivors and victims. Letting go of what was to survive what is.”

This spoke to me deeply. I remember that for years I allowed myself to feel broken inside, damaged, and unworthy. I allowed myself to cast myself in that light and taint all my decisions with it. I allowed myself to make unhealthy decisions, poor choices, and to be disrespected and mistreated. I not only allowed it….I enabled it! By choosing to trap myself in the image of who I was, bad choices I made, nasty names I was called, I bought into my shamefulness and felt destined to always be that person. It was a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I remember the day I broke away from my past to embrace my future. I remember the turning point as if it was yesterday. I mean, up until this point I had already undergone years of intense weekly therapy; there was nothing another shrink could teach me – the final lesson was all on me. And it was like a light bulb of clarity went off! I was 29 years old and I called my mother and I said:

“You know what, I don’t need any more Goddamn therapy…I am HEALTHY! I have made the decision that I am reasonable, that I like myself; I embrace myself and all that I am. I respect me and I love me! I am enough and what I want is absolutely ok. I don’t have to change to be loved. I don’t have to fit into anyone’s box. And anyone who doesn’t agree or like what I got…fuck them!”

That was the day I broke away from my past to embrace my future. It wasn’t an easy thing to do because believing in yourself and building yourself up can often be much harder than believe in all the bad and/or not trusting yourself. But it’s that inner belief in myself that distinguished me from being a continual victim of my own demise to not just being a survivor…but being someone who thrived within my own happiness! I let go of who I had been, the choices I had made, the chains I had bound to myself and I forgave myself. I let it be a part of who I was, where I had come from and acknowledged the role everything had played in bringing me to this place; I gave it an honored place of respect but not a place of definition! I gave myself a fresh, blank slate coupled with trust and confidence in myself and the total embrace of everything that made me…ME! Maybe I wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but I was certainly my own and that…was enough for me!

On that day, when my inner world changed so dramatically, my outer world altered just as dramatically.

How have you let go of the past to embrace the future and how has that changed your life?

Stay tuned for other great snippets to be shared…

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  1. […] May, I wrote a post about making the decision that I was healthy and how that was a key moment in my journey to attain […]

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