Dear blog…I am not afraid to take the stand

Sorry for the delay in posts this week; I’ve been cheating on my blog. Alas, it’s for a good cause. Last night, I put the finishing edits on my victim impact statement (VIS) and now I feel like it’s ready to be sent into the courts.

As of right now, I plan to read it out loud in court. I want the no-good-piece-of-dirt-slime-bag that got drunk and slammed into Mamma K and Jordan, killing Mamma K, to have to sit there and hear my painful woes. It’s the least he can be forced to endure and won’t ever be nearly enough. That being said, victim services told us that there is a fair number of VIS being submitted (15-20). I told Scott that I would of course take a back seat if other members of the family would like to read out loud. I leave it to him and his family to decide.

Taking the stand and reading my statement out loud doesn’t make me nervous in the least. I’ve never had any issues around public speaking. I am quite comfortable standing in front of an audience, large or small, and speaking out (and to be honest, the bigger the audience, the better). I’ve done plenty throughout my life and I enjoy it greatly. I assume it has something to do with my love of being the center of attention, life of the party, and all around queen of the night! I know for some people, their nerves bubble up, their throat closes off, and the anxiety of the situation makes them want to run and hide under the nearest desk.

Of course I get nervous. I get a dry mouth. My heart starts pounding and my palms sweat. Sometimes I feel like I am about to throw up. My anxiety swells as I fear saying something wrong or that I don’t know what I am talking about. I get intimidated thinking people will hate it or even worse, hate me. But in the end, I love it all. I thrive on the adrenaline rush. I love the feeling of being fully alive, present and in the moment. Anyone who knows me isn’t surprised by this revelation. I really should have gone into acting.

Years ago, in a previous life, I was involved in pageantry and I fell in love with it. I loved everything about it; the beauty, the gowns, the stage, the interviews, the events, and the other contestants. And most importantly, I loved that I was involved in a pageant system that required contestants to have a platform; a cause to promote and bring public attention to (and the more, the better). I choose self-esteem and through pageantry, I was charged with “getting my message out” to the world. I was enthralled and exhilarated!

Throughout that year, I realize how much I loved public speaking. I had dozens of speaking engagements. I had the opportunity to bring opening remarks at fundraising events, I was a keynote speaker at meetings, I made guest appearances on local radio stations, and I presented a variety of seminars on self-esteem at workshops. I was passionate about sharing my experience and knowledge with others and was deeply fulfilled in doing so.

My days of pageantry are long over but I’ve been able to take that experience with me and apply it extremely well in my real life. And I think come April 5, 2011, if given the opportunity, I will put it to very good use once again!

How do you feel about public speaking; friend or foe?

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