Dear blog…I am selling my wedding dress

wedding dress for sale

wedding dress for sale

Last week I listed my beautiful wedding dress for sale. It’s a Maggie Sottero in diamond white satin. It’s a strapless number with a rouched bodice and a lace-up corset back so it fits like a glove accentuating the curve of the waist while hiding any hip/thigh flaws you may not want to showcase. It’s got some embellishments across the neckline and around the back with a stunning appliqué that hits just below the hip on the side. I say it’s sophisticated and classy with a good hint of sparkle.

Honestly, selling it wasn’t a tough decision for me. With regards to the wedding, I only have three regrets. Well maybe “regrets” is an overly strong statement. I should say there are three things I would have done a little differently, small tweaks. And my wedding dress is one of them.

I can say looking at the wedding photos that it looked fantastic on me. I was gorgeous. It fit the Caribbean venue and Scott was blown away by it. It showed off every aspect I wanted it to while hiding those I wasn’t as comfortable with. I know that it took some of the attendees’ breath away and my mother quite literally gasped the first time she saw me in it (no one wants a better reaction than that; a mother’s gasp in sheer awe). But me…I never had that “OMG, this is the one…” kind of experience when I bought it.

So why did I buy it? Because I could see the dress for what it was; stunning and perfect for me, my body and the venue. I did love it but I just didn’t “looooovvvveeee” it! It didn’t blow me away or take my breath away. I didn’t well up and cry. I wasn’t overwhelmed by emotion the first time I put it on, or the second, or the third. And to this day, I have no idea why I didn’t.

The moment after I paid the deposit, I sort of regretted it. And in the spirit of “no regrets” I did spend the next five months looking for something to top it. I searched, I tried on, I compared. And that was just it; I never did find anything to top it. So…I wore it quite happily. And it also means I am quite comfortable to sell it. I am not emotionally attached to it.

Looking back…

Honestly, I wish I would have given more thought to the idea of Scott going dress shopping with me. Not because I think the outcome would have been different and not because my very best gal pal wasn’t amazing, wonderful, and patient; she was all that and more. But, one of the things I love most about Scott and I is how we share in everything together; and none more than the wedding. It was a true statement of the two of us, a reflection of us and of our relationship and our commitment to one another. And when we were shopping for his perfect suit, he asked me why I got to be there when he was not welcome to shop with me for my dress. Why indeed?

What is about that tradition that makes us ladies shop for the most important “dress” we’ll ever wear without the opinion of the most important person in our lives? When we got back from the wedding, I saw an episode of TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress and they featured a couple shopping together and it was so ultra-romantique and it made me go “awwwww….I wish we could have done that…” At that moment, I was a bit taken aback and surprised that I hadn’t considered shopping together because, in seeing that couple, I realized Scott and I would have had a blast shopping for my dress together. For me, it wasn’t about bad luck but I think it boiled down to wanting to surprise him, to take his breath away, and watch him gasp at my beauty! But honestly, I think he would have done that anyway. In the end, the time has passed and it was what it was and…it all turned out beautifully!

What was your experience buying a wedding dress? Did you have that all-knowing, head-over-heels, MUST HAVE feeling or did you buy something that you knew looked great but didn’t give you that “wohooo” feeling?

Did you shop with close women friends/family or did you break tradition and bring your beau along?

Stay tuned for posts on my other two wishful wedding tweaks soon to come…

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Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop: Her heart sang with pride

me and Mom

Me and Mom

I am sure that throughout the course of my life, I’ve made my mother proud of me. But there is one time in particular that her beaming pride stands out to me as something really special; maybe because I was so proud of myself at the same time; or maybe because I think it was a real turning point in my life and, in a way, our relationship.

I was a difficult teenager, to put it lightly, so I know when I graduated from high school, I surprised not only my mother, but anyone who knew me. Not because I didn’t seem capable but because I gave every indication that I had no intention of doing so. I skipped classes, didn’t do required homework, didn’t study etc. But in the eleventh hour, I pulled a miracle out of my ass and managed to graduate high school. And, on the day of that graduation, although I knew my Mom was proud of me, I think it was less the all out, sing-from-the-heart, you-blew-my-mind kind of pride and more the “thank the lord…praise God…amen….PHEW” kind of pride.

But let me tell you, the day I graduated university was an entirely different story. That was the day I saw my mother’s heart sing with pride.

I remember the day clearly. I graduated from a program that was only three years old so there were only two of us. We stood tall in a sea of other graduates from the many other faculties. As we took the stage, got our degrees, and walked the red carpet for photos, the image of my mother’s tears of pride carried me through. She practically glowed. I don’t think I had ever seen or felt her pride more than on that day.

It was an extraordinary experience for me. I had fought against my need for her approval throughout my teenage years spouting ignorant statements of “who gives a shit what she thinks” only to discover and admit as a young adult that I actually did give a shit; her pride in me mattered deeply. I could no longer deny it – it felt good to see her proud.

It was a turning point in our relationship because graduation signified her and I coming to a level of maturity in our mother-daughter relationship that we hadn’t had before. For me, making the choice to go to university had nothing to do with what she thought or wanted. It was a decision I made for me, entirely, 100%. And then I worked my butt off to achieve it.

And for my mother, she had to learn to let go. And she did so graciously. She let me figure it all out on my own: applying, student loans, books, classes, studying, papers, working part-time, summer jobs etc. She was there for advice if asked, there for support if requested, but otherwise she let me figure it out, which is what we needed for our relationship to grow. She let go and she trusted. I can only imagine the number of times she wanted to speak out, to say something, to push or to guide out of love and experience. But she recognized that she couldn’t “make” this happen for me. She recognized that I had to learn it on my own through trial and error. She recognized that I needed to carve out my own journey.

When I graduated from university, my mother and I graduated from an uninspiring relationship into a new, mature, and thriving adult relationship based on mutual respect, honesty, pride, and equality.

Words simply cannot express how proud we were of each other in that moment.

Mama Kat Writer's Workshop

This post is part of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. This week I went with prompt #3 Describe a time when someone was proud of you.

Dear blog…he was found guilty…thank God!

What can I say; the heading kind of says it all. It was finally our day in court. Today, Trent Albert Mallet was found guilty of impaired driving causing death in the relation to the car accident on August 1, 2009 that caused the instant death of Donna Jean Kennie.

It was a long time coming and a guilty verdict was definitely not a “sure” thing. It’s been an 18-month up and down tumultuous emotional roller coaster with nearly a dozen trips to court, a funeral, a memorial, and countless hours of tears and heartache.

Today started with the judge addressing the admissibility of the medical records containing the blood alcohol analysis done at the hospital. This was in response to the two written briefs submitted by the crown prosecutor and the defense attorney (we hadn’t the opportunity to read them). It sounded like the defense’s grounds for arguing its exclusion were twofold. One, the defense claimed that the validity of the blood couldn’t be accepted by the court given there was no police chain of custody and because the crown did not have the blood analysis person testify to the methods used etc. Two, the defense claimed that the warrant for the medical records was a violation of the defendant’s charter of rights and freedoms. It sounded like the defense claimed that the police found out about the blood analysis from someone at the hospital and that constituted “inside information” which therefore made the warrant invalid.

We were on pins and needles as the judge pointed out quite clearly that if the warrant itself was deemed invalid, the fruits of the warrant would not be admissible in court. There could only be one reason he was pointing that out, right?

My heart was pounding through my chest. I couldn’t stop crying. I thought I was on the verge of hyperventilating or having a panic attack – maybe both simultaneously. My emotions were reeling, my palms sweating, my anxiety sky rocketing off the charts. If Trent walked out with a not-guilty, I simply did not know how our family would cope.

The judge started out by addressing the defense’s first claim. After a long speech summarizing the facts of the case, the judge basically said if doctors’ and nurses’ rely on the authenticity of these results, delivered in this manner, to make life and death decisions, then he felt they were good enough for a court of law to accept as valid and truthful.

On the second point, the judge said that given the seriousness of the case and the fact that the police were in the room the entire time the defendant was at the hospital, and therefore had witnessed the nurse drawing the medical blood; it was reasonable for them to issue the warrant for the medical records.

At this point, we knew the medical records were in. Relief was flooding over and throughout my body. Scott and I were holding hands tightly. We felt like things were finally going our way.

Then the judge went blow-by-blow through the case. He talked about the two friends that testified against Trent and had spoken about how he had drunk beer that morning and smoked a joint. He went over the testimony of the witness who had been driving right behind Donna who said that Donna wouldn’t have been able to avoid the truck careening towards her no matter what and that it was apparent that she was killed instantly. He went over the testimony of her 16-year-old grandson who was in the car with her and had given testimony that the truck had swerved towards them without notice and that Donna had swerved to try to avoid him. He also touched on his facial injuries along with the emotional turmoil of being a witness to his grandmother’s death. He talked about the first man on the scene to attend to Trent and how he had witnessed Trent crawling out of his truck and had helped him. That witness testified that he did not smell alcohol on Trent nor did he see any signs of impairment and the judge said that he did not believe that testimony. He recounted the two police officers who testified that they believed Trent to be impaired and that they smelled alcohol on him (among other things); one officer being a veteran with much experience in this arena. The judge reiterated how he believed their testimony. He went over the accident reconstruction testimony and report and how it showed that Donna had done everything possible to avoid the accident veering to the right and that the truck had swerved, without breaking at all, into her lane suddenly and without any “just” cause slamming into Donna nearly head on.

All of that, coupled with the fact that he accepted the validity of the medical blood and he accepted the evidence that the blood analysis expert gave as to the level of blood alcohol at the time of the accident and how that would have impacted Trent’s ability to operate a motor vehicle and respond in emergency situations.

That’s when the judge did it – that’s when he said those little words that made our hearts’ sing. He said “I therefore find Trent Albert Mallet GUILTY of impaired driving causing death!

We cheered!

We were told to “shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

And then…unexpectedly….we got the sweetest gift of all; like all of our birthdays and Christmas for the last two years rolled into one.

The defense asked that Trent, as a gainfully employed contributing member of society (who was just convicted of shop lifting and assault in February this year I might add), be released into his own recognizance until sentencing.

And then…wait…the GIFT!

The judge said that giving the finding of guilty and the seriousness of the crime, the only appropriate thing to do what to reprimand Trent into jail immediately until sentencing.

Yes…read that again…reprimanded to jail IMMEDIATELY!!! YIPPPEEE!!!

For the first time since this court gong show started, Trent was finally getting everything he deserved. Trent, who had been self-righteous and indignant; who has actually slept during expert witness testimony; who had not shown up at different court sessions; and who had at every turn acted with ignorance obviously thinking that with his high-priced defense lawyer, he would never be found guilty LET ALONE sent to jail immediately, was squirming! He tried to speak out loud to the judge, he grabbed for the back of his lawyer to try to get his attention but it did not matter. The judge ruled and ruled swiftly and firmly; reprimanded to jail immediately and the case adjourned until sentencing!

“How sweet it is” was ringing through my ears!

Scott and I stayed and watched while Trent was drug off by the police; while he gave his mother a hug and his girlfriend one last kiss. We finally got to watch Trent experience a small amount of pain and discomfort – nothing compared to what his choices have inflicted on us but still – finally it was at least something. And finally, someone is held accountable for this tragic and completely unnecessary accident!

So what happens now?

Trent will be sentenced on April 5, 2011 – how rightfully so – this would have been Donna’s 62 birthday! We’ve been told it will be a minimum sentence of three years. Whatever it is, honestly it will never be enough. At this point, we’ll take the guilty and we’ll take whatever sentence we can get but let’s be clear, nothing will bring Mamma K back and nothing less than life in prison will feel like true justice.

But…a win…definitely a win today! An unexpected win at that!

A huge thank you for all your support and comments throughout this and for hanging on through the ranting posts (I promise there are many more to come).

If you are just tuning in, catch up on the whole story with some related posts:

And just in case you are interested in getting involved (if you live in Canada): answer this Call to Action (for random breath testing, which will prevent these accidents from happening in the FIRST place).

Dear blog…here’s hoping it’ll be a camp weekend…

a "must have" for getting into the camp in the winter

Well Scott is off to HarKen Lodge today; our camp (in the truest sense of the word) in the middle of nowhere. Check out: He should have just headed my advice for some deets and pics of the camp.

Well, he’s not actually at the camp. He is at the first of two roads leading into the camp. He drove out Tuesday night and to his dismay, he found that neither of the main roads to get into HarKen Lodge was plowed.

Now this isn’t unusual. The camp is situated on provincial crown land so it’s not something that has guaranteed year-round access. Luckily, some years, a couple logging mills will get permits to haul wood from around the area near the camp. And then…if the stars align…a couple of fellow camp owners will track down and convince the snow plow driver (who keeps the logging roads clear) to take a quick swipe through the camp roads. I mean, it would literally take them half an hour – short little roads – and it’s RIGHT on their way.

But it doesn’t always work out. Some years we’ve had access for pretty much the entire winter, some winters it’s touch and go, and we’ve also had some winters when we’ve had no access from around mid-January until April. It’s a crapshoot. So far this year, considering we’ve been inundated with snow in Jan/Feb, it had been going well and the road had been plowed. But alas, not for the last two weeks and in that time, we got hit by three major snow storms so…access denied!

Normally we would have just chalked it up to “guess we are waiting until the snow plow goes through,” but since Scott got himself a Rhino with a plow, he decided to see what he could do himself. And another camp owner from out that way (who is as determined as Scott to get in this weekend) was going to meet him with his ATV and plow. They hoped between the two of them, we’d have access for a Friday night arrival.

I am not so sure. That’s a lot of snow to move with two bikes but I’ll keep my fingers crossed!

I’d love a weekend at the camp for reading, writing, and relaxing – that would be heavenly!

The other thing that starts this weekend is NASCAR! We are huge fans in our house. Although we don’t let it consume us through the summer months – who wants to stay inside on a sunny Sunday to watch NASCAR; hello PVR! For this weekend, the idea of curling up by a fire and watching the Daytona 500 sounds simply delicious!

We need a GREAT weekend because Monday is the continuation of the court case for Scott’s Mom (who was killed by a drunk driver in the summer of 2009). During this next court session, we are supposed to find out if the judge will allow the medical blood expert testimony in as evidence, which was presented on December 15, 2011. If the judge allows it in as evidence, we would be nearly guaranteed a guilty verdict. But, if he renders it inadmissible, this would ultimately mean that the defendant would be found not-guilty and would get away with killing Scott’s mother. To catch up on the court story (fiasco), here are some related posts:

And just in case you are interested in getting involved (if you live in Canada): Call to Action (for random breath testing).

So…a lot is riding on Monday. A good weekend is a must have!

Keep your fingers crossed!

Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop: Husbands

Husbands. I called Scott my husband long before we were married. We lived together for five+ years, we were engaged for over three years, and I felt like he was “as good as” my husband so why not? Calling him my boyfriend, with our level of seriousness, didn’t seem to qualify the relationship appropriately. Fiancé got tiring after being asked for the hundredth time “when’s the big day?” given that we had no intention of getting married thus prompting a long explanation. Life partner seemed so…new age! So, husband he was – it was just easier.

It never occurred to me that anyone would mind. Until one day when I asked a close friend of mine, who sometimes referred to Scott as my husband only to quickly correct herself when she did so, why she corrected herself at all. I reminded her that I often called him husband and wasn’t offended by the term, thinking it was my feelings she thought she was sparing. I was surprised by her most serious response. She told me that in her eyes, I didn’t have the right. To call someone “husband,” a person had to take the legal leap of faith and sign that “piece of paper” and commit to one other with a vow in front of a witness. It didn’t have to be a magical white dream land with flowers and gifts (she got married in hiking shorts and a khaki tank on a mountain top) but it did need to be legal. For her, being able to call one another husband and wife were more like badges of honor, earned and therefore rightfully displayed.

Interesting perspective.

In the end, I didn’t have to ponder the idea much longer. After Scott’s Mom was killed in a car accident one sunny Saturday afternoon in 2009, my perspective on life altered. The knowledge that our lives can often be cut too short rang in my ears like church bells on a Sunday morning. The thumping in my heart and the soulful cry of my spirit sang out “marry that man…” with a knowing that if anything ever happened to him, I’d regret that I didn’t. Regretful lessons that I have learned the hard way in the past.

I asked myself “self…why don’t you want to marry him officially?

The answer screamed back with crystal clarity “because MORON, I am terrified to lose him…and if I don’t marry him, I can still hold back just a weeeee bit…just in case…

Fear – paralyzing and debilitating – was holding me back from making a lifelong commitment to the man I love – to take our relationship to the next level – to let go of the safety net and just jump!

On April 14, 2010, I kicked off life’s training wheels and officially tied the knot with the love of my life.

Now I call him husband, legally….among many other names.

How about you, what’s your take on a couple referring to each other as “husband/wife” before they are legally hitched?

Mama Kat Writer's Workshop

This post is part of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. This week I went with prompt #3 Husbands. A post that hopefully will not get you in trouble.

Dear blog…my heart is breaking…

The life partner of my nearest and dearest best friend died Tuesday evening of a heart attack. He was 43 years old and they have a four-year old son together. They were just getting ready to put their son to bed when he collapsed. A skilled lifeguard, she did CPR for nearly 25 minutes waiting for the ambulance to arrive but he was gone and was pronounced dead at the hospital.

This week when she should be making plans for the weekend to go sliding, or maybe to build a snowman, or perhaps to grab a movie, she’s making funeral arrangements and wondering how she’ll ever put the pieces of her life back together. My mind reels…

I lost a father at 16 and a mother-in-law at 34 – both suddenly in car accidents. I know what that shock and all-consuming grief feels like. I know the devastation. I know the anger, confusion, and pain. I know the fog and the distrust. I know the feeling that your world has just be blown to bits. I know the feeling of lost footing.

But I don’t know what it would be like to lose a life partner. Grief isn’t grief. Not every person grieves the same way, even when it’s two people sharing in the same loss. My brother grieved very differently than I did for our father and has had a 180-degree different experience than myself.

I also believe that the experience of losing different types of loved ones (parent, child, partner, grandparent) and how we lose them (slow disease ridden death, accident, murder, heart attack, natural, old age) is different and has a huge impact on the grieving process. So even though I have experienced my fair share of pretty intense, life impactful grief, I am not her, and I have never lost a life partner suddenly by a heart attack with a four-year old son to raise…so I know that I cannot begin to even imagine how she might be feeling or how she’ll move forward throughout the next few months and years.

When I lost my Dad, my life changed dramatically and the fallout from it played a significant role in the new direction that I took my life. A year after his death, my mother moved to a different city which allowed me to break out from the social stigmas I had placed upon myself in small town NB. This gave me the perceived notion of freedom to become someone new. I felt like I was able to start over with a clean slate and I took full advantage and reinvented myself (or more accurately, came into my own finally). For me, the change in venue allowed me to straighten up, go to college and university, get great jobs and pursue the life of happiness I have been able to create. Whereas, had my mom stayed in small town NB, I don’t know what my life would look like right now. Although I can say this, I don’t believe it would have be anywhere near as wonderful as it is now. I simply do not think that in that environment, I would have had the “cahonas” to make the changes needed. Maybe but…I doubt it.

Back to my point, I was 16 and although losing my Dad had great impact in a lot of arenas of my life, it didn’t entirely alter my view on my long-term goals or dreams. Although I had planned on him “being there” throughout my life and at those momentous occasions, his physical presence wasn’t required for me to get married, have kids, graduate school etc. Yes, he was missed desperately but he wasn’t going to be the main character in those parts of my life story.

Whereas for my best friend, she just lost the main character in her life story. He was her world. They had plans, dreams, goals. Everything in her present and future revolved around what “they” were doing and what they were going to do. Not only was he ingrained in her past and present, he was ingrained in everything in the future. And not just for the next month or two years, he was a part of every idea for the next fifty years.

That’s what we do with our life partners. That is the vulnerability we open to. That is the shift we make. We ingrain our life partners into nearly every aspect of our being; past, present and future. They become a part of us, an extension, and an integral player in our world.

So it’s not only the death of him in the present sense that makes her grief devastating but it’s the death of all the dreams, ideas, goals, and plans that she made that makes the devastation that much more mind-boggling. Losing a loved one at any time, in any way, is terrible but I think losing a life partner, or a child, has got to be the most heart breaking sadness there is.

In wondering how I can best support her through this, I think about how my mother might have felt having lost her life partner with two children still to raise. What helped her? What gave her small bits of peace? What comforted her, if for only a second or two? What eased her mind? What allowed her to catch a few hours of sleep? What made her smile, if only slightly? What gave her the strength to get out of bed? What gave her hope?

As I drive two hours to be at my BFFs side, I will ponder these questions. In all likelihood, in the end the only thing any of us can do for those around us grieving is to simply be there – to be an ear, to lend a shoulder or a hand, to share in some tears, and to spread the love.

How have you comforted grieving friends and family throughout your life? Or in your time of grief, what has brought you great comfort?

My request of all of you tonight, is to go home and tell your family how much they mean to you and how much you love them because forever is no guarantee.

P.S. I’ll be gone today through Sunday so likely no posts coming this weekend and I apologize if I don’t reply to comments until early next week.

Net neutrality – WTF?

it could look like this...

Okay, so I’ve been hearing little news bits here and there about the Canadian Radio-Television Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) and usage-billing for Internet Service Providers (ISPs) that deliver residential Internet access. But, head in sand, I paid little attention until I read a great post by spydergrrl on the web that put everything into perspective and woke me up!

To summarize spydergrrl’s post, in a nutshell, net neutrality is the idea that all data on a network is created equally. So…what’s that mean to me? Well right now, I receive the same monthly bill for Internet access at home. It doesn’t matter if I download 10 movies, watch piles of YouTube videos giggling for hours, or give in to my severe Facebook addiction all night, every night. I pay the same amount each month for unlimited play and…unlimited access. In this net neutrality environment, my ISP can’t monitor my traffic and they have to treat all my data and all my traffic as equal.

The big scary future…

The CRTC just approved usage-based billing for ISPs that deliver residential Internet access. WTF? That means that not only will I have to pay for the Internet at home, now IPS will be free to charge me for how much I use. And as spydergrrl pointed out so eloquently, that’s just one step away from charging me based on what I download and access. YIKES!

To view a really simple, easy-to-wrap-your-head-around graphic, check out the open inter.net, which explains how ISPs would like to run their shops. In viewing this, my ALARM bells starting going off and I quickly completed spydergrrl’s to do list (bullets below) without a moment of hesitation:

Here’s hoping we can join together to ensure that Internet life as we know stays the same! I cannot imagine having to pay to access YouTube or Facebook in the same costly fashion that I do to subscribe to the Movie Network and NASCAR HotPass via the satellite. God help me.

Dear blog…it snowed again…

Dear blog,

Well another dumping of snow arrived overnight. Although now with the sun is shining and the temperature warming up, it’s actually pretty nice out there. The fresh snow makes everything look so pristine, clean and beautiful, especially when the sun hits the snow and it shimmers. I could sit and stare out to our backyard all day long.

Snowy Backyard

view from my bedroom

It resembles an oasis of white diamonds that you might come across after snowshoeing or cross-country skiing into the wildness for a couple of hours. It’s the perfect mix of openness, trees, snow, and sparkle all mixed into one with the occasional bunny rabbit track. How much better can it get? I feel so blessed and so utterly grateful to have a home that I love so completely. The house itself and the layout are amazing but it’s more than that. It’s the entire surrounding yard that is my idea of perfection turned into reality. I couldn’t have created it better if I had drawn it out for a contractor myself.

It’s like the previous owners had a window into my soul and knew that we’d be coming so they erected this perfect piece of heaven for me. How many people get to relish in that level of pure joy about their home? I don’t know but I sure wish everyone did. It brings me such…peace!

Snowy Backyard

view from my bathroom

What else is new? Well I’ve been battling yet again another cold. I assume it’s because I have been feeling very overwhelmed at work and usually my body will speak up quite venomously and loudly when that happens forcing me to take some much-needed down time to gain perspective and clarity. So be it. I stayed home Thursday and Friday and rested and relaxed and although I am still feeling quite stuffy, I know I am on the mend.

Last week we booked our trip to Punta Cana – woot woot! We are going in mid-April for two weeks to celebrate our one year wedding anniversary and to say we are excited is to put it lightly. We really enjoyed the two weeks last year for our wedding. I am not sure if two weeks will suit us without quite as many people and distractions. I know a lot of people say that they find two weeks in the Caribbean a bit long but we figure we’ll give it a try to see how we feel. Scott did take to the Dominican lifestyle quite naturally so I have no doubt we’ll love every second of the trip. Although come summer with little to no vacation to take, we might regret it but alas there’s only one way to find out. I am pumped.

Given the pending DR trip, we’ve been trying to focus on creating a healthier lifestyle since January. We haven’t done too badly. Scott’s dropped about 10-15 pounds and I’ve lost a whopping four pounds. Okay, so I need to step it up; especially if I am going to fit into my shorts and bikinis from last year. My best friend Mel, who came with us last year for both weeks and who will be joining us again this year for both weeks, is a fitness and nutrition guru having worked in the industry for seven years and she’s gone hard-core on my sorry ass – good thing! I got a scathing email from her on Friday night after I admitted to eating theatre popcorn at the movies (albeit, no additional butter). Alas, the “talking to” was something I desperately needed and she quite rightly put me in my place. I got myself into this place/body through my choices and the only way to something different is through my choices. Tell me something, why is it soooo easy to put it on but so bloody hard to take it off? Anyway, Mel’s promised to stay “on me” to help me with accountability and I think with her motivation and emails, I may be able to do it. I just gotta stay away from the theatre and restaurants – I am simply too weak to resist.

Well dear blog, that’s about it for me today – laundry calls. I wish everyone a very happy, warm, relaxing and peaceful Sunday!

Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop: A prenuptial agreement

In 2008, Statistics Canada suggested that 38% of married couples in Canada would be divorced by their 30th wedding anniversary. With those kinds of statistics, thinking and talking about a prenuptial agreement before two people get married is both responsible and reasonable.

Personally, I am both “yah” and “nay” towards prenuptial agreements, depending on different circumstances.

Take mine for example. When Scott and I got together, we were essentially in the same boat debt/asset wise. For nearly our entire relationship, we’ve had similar annual earnings and have both contributed to the household equally. When we decided to get married, neither of us felt the need for a prenuptial agreement since we came in with the same level of stuff and everything we were building and acquiring, we were doing so equally. In our case, it seemed pretty cut and dry – a prenuptial agreement is for protecting assets that were yours before the marriage – we didn’t really have any so?!

If something happened right now and we split up, as tough as it would be to negotiate who got what, I wouldn’t begrudge ensuring that Scott got 50%. I wouldn’t feel like I had invested more and got short-changed.

However, I do think when two people get married and they are at different asset/debt and/or financial earning levels, a prenuptial agreement is a definite “yay”. For me, marriage shouldn’t grant the other person automatic inheritance of 50% of your acquisitions and earning potential if starting out, one had a lot more than the other. I mean, I am not heartless; obviously there are circumstances that warrant appropriate compensation when a couple splits and one is far better “off” than the other. For instance, when a couple agrees that a woman will be a stay-at-home-mom for a number of years etc. Prenuptial agreements can be written to any number of circumstances and can be altered and changed as the marriage and life changes.

But in the general sense, I am talking about when two people are getting married and one person has more “stuff” than the other does, then yes, I think a prenuptial agreement is reasonable and warranted. Marriage is about coming together to share life experiences, to live together, to love etc but it doesn’t give one person free rein to “take it all” with them if the marriage doesn’t survive. It’s there to enjoy while you are together but if you go your separate ways, you leave with whatever you came in with and contributed.

I think a prenupt is a great, legal way to put a couple whose livelihood may not be equal, on equal footing. It protects each from feeling resentful or vulnerable to be “taken,” financially at least.

That’s just my take on it. Honestly, if Scott and I had got together and I had the house, the car, and a $1 Million dollars in my bank account, I’d love to share it with him while we were together – to live, to enjoy it, to have fun etc. But if we went our separate ways, I wouldn’t be happy to just hand over half to him. What would entitle him to that? And vice versa.

What’s your take on prenuptial agreements?

Mama Kat Writer's Workshop

This post is part of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. This week I went with prompt #1 Prenuptial Agreement…Yay or Nay? Explain.

Blog of the Month – Mama Kat

Today I’d like to share the love by highlighting a favorite blog of mine: Mama Kat Losin’ It.

I really enjoy Mama Kat’s blog and the glimpse she gives us into her life with her unique sense of humor and joie de vivre. One of my fav things is her Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, which is a weekly writing activity that anyone can take part in. The great thing about her writing workshop is twofold; one) Mama Kat gives her readers a list of prompts every week that will inspire you to be creative and think outside the box and two) the way she’s structured her workshop will give you the opportunity to connect with other bloggers at the same time.

The writing prompts are posted (or you can have them emailed to you) on Tuesday. You choose the one that sparks your writing inspiration, write a blog post, then go back to Mama Kat’s blog on Thursday (or anytime) and share the link to your post within her list of links, which are displayed on her blog.

What’s so great about this? It’s all about creating connections. Anyone can click on your name and head over to your place to see what you wrote. And more than that, Mama Kat encourages all her readers to click on at least the three links so that you can read what other people are writing and learn more about them. And with her lists of prompts, who isn’t going to be curious to see what other people wrote, going click crazy discovering amazing, new, fun blogs! And think about the comments you’ll be sparked to write, the people you’ll meet, and the traffic you’ll drive to your own blog – my imagination is soaring!

Mama Kat Moto: “And remember the more comment love you give, the more comment love you get so comment comment away.”

Why don’t you join me and jump in this week? All we gotta do is choose a prompt that inspires us and write. The Prompts from her site:

  1. Prenuptial Agreement…Yay or Nay? Explain.
  2. You’re not always right…no you’re not…no you’re not…no you’re not….tell us about a time you were wrong.
  3. Describe the last thing that made you laugh really hard.
  4. A letter to your future teen.
  5. Valentine’s Day is coming…share a favorite Valentine’s tradition.

On Mama Kat’s blog, the list of links to everyone’s posts went Live today and they will stay up for the entire week so we are free to add our links at any time. I shall get something done between now and Sunday and I am leaning towards prompt #1. What about you? Any prompts jump out at you?

I love it – I think I’ll sign-up to get the prompts delivered to my email.

Mama Kat Writer's Workshop

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