Dear Diary: I Found The Secret…Again

Thank You Picture

First, I’d like to start out by giving a big shout out to my new subscribers! Welcome. Hope y’all enjoy! And thanks everyone for the comments over the last couple of posts. You guys rock!!!!!

I woke up this morning at 7 am super groggy. I’m fighting a cold so last night, along with my regular medication routine, I added a flexerol (you know…the little yellow houses) and two Buckley’s nighttime. Shabam!

After feeding the pups, all I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and sleep the day away. But my OT was pretty adamant last Friday that I try very hard this week to stick to my schedule. So at 8:30 I drug my sorry body outside for my 13-minute walk up and down the driveway. It’s such a crisp and bright morning, the walk certainly helped wake things up. When I came inside, instead of letting the call of the bed snag me, I went into my office to meditate.

I am happy to report that I feel much more energized and so far, morning routine is on track. #rockstar

This morning’s meditation was a new one for me, and it turns out it was a great reminder that I’ve wanted to write this post for awhile. Unfortunately, I can’t link to the meditation because it’s not available on YouTube. It’s by Dr. Joe Dispenza, who I got turned onto when Mom started teaching me how to meditate. She and a group she meditates with are following many of his programs. I’d take a crack at explaining his approach but you’d be better off reading his About page since it’s a wee bit complicated.

I am doing his morning and nighttime meditations for the next little while. They are about defining a vision of the future instead of a memory from the past. And although Dr. Dispenza talks about frontal lobe and activating different parts of our brain etc., I realized that the essence of his ideas aren’t unfamiliar to me.

Most of us have watched the documentary or read the book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Or the more academic version, The Power of Intention by Dr. Wayne Dyer. When a friend of mine, Kelly, first started reading my blog posts earlier this fall about what I was going through, she messaged me asking if I had read the Secret, and she told me how it had completely changed her life.

I had read the book a number of years ago when the popularity of the theory seemed to be every where a person looked. And frankly, I thought I was still living the ideology. But I had never seen the documentary and thought I’d give it a whirl. Turns out I haven’t really been living the power of intention at all.

I have been living in the present and the past. Like most of us, yes, I think about the future and what I’d like or hope for but other than fleeting thoughts and ideas, my main concern has been rooted very much in the present and even the past. Pain, depression, anxiety and fatigue have a way of doing that to a person. Without even realizing it, you become entrenched in it.

The meditation was a huge reminder that in order to manifest the future I want, I need to:

  1. Ask the universe for what I really want, specifically and in the present tense.
  2. Believe it is already mine with unwavering faith.
  3. Receive it…feel, as deeply as I can, as if it’s the here and now.

Fantasy to Fact!

In my meditation this morning, Dr. Dispenza led me through an exercise of visualizing future moments that are representative of where I want to go. I pictured hubby and I on stage addressing a huge crowd of folks with laughter, tears and inspiration. I saw us together taking selfies with people and signing books. I saw myself writing…words flowing easily and freely from my mind to the pages of my next book. I played the scenes over and over in my mind.

Then, with Dr. Dispenza’s prompting, I conjured deeply how those moments would feel. Experiencing the emotions, feelings and senses as if I was there. Living and breathing it. For real. The sense of awe that comes from touching the hearts of so many people. The feel of the stage lights, warm and intense, and the echo of our voices through the microphones. The joy that comes from sharing laughter with everyone in the room. The humbled feeling of privilege, honour and respect from sharing our story. A deep hope and desire that we helped even one person.

We finished off the meditation manifesting feelings of deep gratitude and appreciation for this visional life. I gotta say, it was intense, wonderful, empowering and uplifting. I can’t wait to try the nighttime meditation tonight. Stay tuned.

My struggle with the power of intention or the law of attraction is living it every day. Like most of us, I fall into old thought patterns focused on the here and now; the struggles and even the wins. The future feels like some distant thing that I likely have no real control over. I get wrapped up in the day-to-day and forget to consciously work on manifesting the future I desire.

I am reminded of the sayings from last week ‘what you focus on, grows‘ and ‘ what you resist, persists‘. Applied realistically, that means when I live focused solely on what’s going on right now, I put it out to the universe to send me more of that. Well today that would be grogginess and pain. Ohhh sounds fun…not!

I do believe the theory that my thoughts and emotions have an energy in and of themselves. What I think and feel emits out of me sort of like a scene in a movie when a superhero flies and hits the ground and you see the ripple effect of energy being displaced.

Gratitude exercises are rooted in this idea. By taking stock every day of the things I am grateful for, and embracing that feeling of gratitude and deep appreciation, I intentionally put it out to the universe to bring me more of that good stuff. But what if I can take that a step further and actually manifest my best future? My wildest dreams? My deepest desires? Well now…that’s pretty interesting!

Heck…I mean it’s worth a shot right! #youbetcha

Yesterday’s Meditation:

Today’s Tunes (really digging the Fifty Shade soundtracks for writing inspiration):

Happy Day!

Natalie

 

Dear Diary: Pain Is My Friend

What we resist, persists.

What we focus on, grows.

Now that I’ve been seeing a shrink, I have started thinking a lot about my relationship with pain. I have to admit, it felt strange at first. A relationship with pain? Isn’t it just what is? Do I honestly have any control over pain?

The answer surprisingly came to me in an “aha” moment when I thought about the above two statements in relation to how I feel about pain. Honestly, I hate it. I mean, who doesn’t? It’s pain for God sakes! Beyond that, I am angry about it. I fight it. I rail against it. I push through it. I show it who’s boss (or so I tell myself).

But….by being constantly focused on how much I hate pain, how much I have lost, how much I feel limited, could I be contributing the consistent persistence of the pain? Even contributing to the intensity? Are my thought patterns and feelings about pain making things worse?

Don’t get me wrong, I realize that I can’t “think happy thoughts” to a cure (working on acceptance…more on that soon) but what if I can reduce my pain by improving my relationship with it? What if I can improve my quality of life by…embracing…pain? Is such a thing possible?

There’s really only one way to find out. Change the thinking game and see what happens. So I am trying to see my pain as my friend. My constant companion. My partner in crime.

Pain in a very important guidepost in life right now. It plays a very pertinent and crucial role in telling me when I am starting to hit my limit. If I listen to it and respect it, it can be a powerful tool and friend to help me ensure more good days than bad. On the other hand, when I give it the finger and tell it to pound sand, it generally smacks me upside the head and knocks me on my ass with bad day after bad day.

Just like my BFFs, my pain doesn’t pull any punches. It’s raw honesty. It doesn’t play games or manipulations. It speaks the truth, and it always give me the oppportunity to have my say. Sometimes it will compromise. Other times, it will draw a line in the sand but, as I am starting to learn, never for some arbitrary reason.

I am learning to trust it. I am learning to appreciate the role it’s playing in my life right now. I am learning to think about it differently so we can thrive as best as we can in this body. I am learning to even love and embrace it because damn it, it’s part of me right now, and I am committed to loving all of me (now more than ever before). I am learning to walk hand-in-hand with it…trusting it, knowing it’s here for a reason.

And frankly, hating something that is with me every. single. day is exhausting.

I won’t say that every day I walk the BFF pain train because some days I still do want to punch it in the face multiple times…and some days I let myself wallow in anger or sadness over it. Some days are just too tough not to. But now, more days than not, I wake up and say hello to my good friend pain, who is always especially present in the mornings. We have a frank conversation about what’s on tap for the day and the week to come…and we negotiate…we talk it out just like good friends ought to.

Today’s Meditation (it was lovely):

Today’s Tunes:

Happy Day!

Natalie

Dear Diary: I Got a Booby Do

So the other night, hubby and I are hanging around the kitchen trying to pull something together for supper when he looks at me kind of strange. Eyebrows raised and with a playful flirt I ask him, “what’s up…you checking me out???” He stands there with a huge grin on his face and says “baby…you […]

[Continue reading...]

Dear Diary: Making Changes

Well y’all might notice a few changes around here, yet again. New header and new focus. But trust me, same flavour of fun. I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately where people share their experience with fibromyalgia, and it got me to thinking about how I could use my love of writing through this […]

[Continue reading...]

Chronicles of an Ice Pack Queen

So the battle continues. It’s been about a week and a half since my last post and not much has changed. The rib pain and I continue to do our dance. It’s driving me bonkers and making what little gains in sleep I had been getting (amen to four hours in a row) regress back […]

[Continue reading...]

Chronicles of a Gravity Chair Addict

img_3675

Bad week. What can I say, the pity party has continued in full force. The left side rib pain has been excruciating. Nothing seems to help. Medication, bath, ice, heat, massage…doesn’t matter, the pain just continues. It’s like a dark shadow hanging over me, weighing me down, tearing at my hope… Sleep has proved equally […]

[Continue reading...]

Chronicles of the Dark & Desperate…Part 2

First I’d like to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who is following the blog, leaving comments here and on Facebook, the messages and texts I’ve received with love, support and encouragement. I am so blessed to have you all in my corner! Highlights: Weight: 201 Pain:  Left Ribs: 10 Lower Back: 6 Feet […]

[Continue reading...]

Today I live in the dark…

Dang. I swear I’ve been meaning to start writing every day. My friends and family have been encouraging me to share more often because my journey might help others. But honestly it feels weird to be posting less then super happy posts, just not my style but then again, not much is my style these […]

[Continue reading...]

I confess damn it…I’ve been avoiding WordPress

It’s 3:30 in the morning. My dog woke me up because she felt she was being squeezed out from her comfy spot. I made room, she came back but now sleep is elusive. So I figure fawk it, it’s time to write a post. Yes, I promised you the ever enthralling “When a shit isn’t […]

[Continue reading...]

Fibro what????

image

Some people know. A lot don’t. I’ve been off work on sick leave most of the summer. Honestly, I think this has been a few years coming. Things slowly started getting more and more overwhelming. But hey, I had lost a job, got a new job (albeit not permanent), got permanent, wasn’t sure if it […]

[Continue reading...]
%d bloggers like this: