Urban Word Wednesday: Pudge and a few of its dirty relatives

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Pudge: Belly fat; the fat over your abs. For an extreme amount of pudge, more u’s can be added for emphasis (puuuuuuudge).

You haven’t been around the block till y’a met pudge’s dirty cousin (she’s totally into women); Pussy Fat: The fat surrounding the pussy. And her super raunchy auntie (she comes by it honestly…and the two go everywhere together…total ho’s!); Gunt: A protruding sack of fat which extends from the lower abdomen to the upper genital area (gut+cunt=gunt).

Examples Of Use:

I started a Hip Hop dance class this week. Kill me now. After I staggered home hardly able to walk, I headed straight to the bathtub for a soak in Epsom salts where hubby and I had the following discussion as I was drying off; much to our own private delight. Enjoy the peak into our fabulous insanity.

Me: this aging thing is for the birds. I’ve noticed that even my feet are starting to wrinkle. And don’t even get me started on this new piece of pussy fat. What in God’s name is that?

Hubby: pussy fat…where?

*I demo by grabbing the new slightly fleshy part above my hooha*

Hubby: So what?! You’ve got a little gunt. No big deal.

Me: WHAT?!?! I HAVE A GUNT?!?!

Hubby: it’s tiny…seriously! To be honest, it’s more like a wee bit of pudge. You are just a bit pudgy.

Me: OMG I have a gunt…I can’t believe it. I wonder if there are any exercises I can do to flatten it. I don’t mind a little belly fat but there’s no way I can tolerate a gunt. This has gone too far.

Hubby: honey, seriously…I should have never used the G-word. You are ok…relax…you do not have a gunt! And even if you did, it’d be the sexiest little gunt around.

 Me: I’m gonna need more than Hip Hop to fix this.

Ok people, I need some lower abdomen work out tips and tricks. Gotta flatten and tone the gunt before it gets out of control…Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • Got a great kick out of Leanne Shirtliffe’s post on flea market vocabulary…cause I could totally see my hubby in his place. LOL!
  • JUST about peed myself laughing so hard when I read Noa’s post are you a strong lady or just an enormous asshole? OMG! I am totally forwarding that around. I know some gals that need this as a benchmark! Myself included.
  • Funniest. Blog Post. EVER! Tameri Etherton had the strangest massage and had us all in tears laughing about it. Join in.

Urban Word Wednesday: Flavorgasm

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Flavorgasm: when eating food so good that you let out an involuntary moan, usually the first bite; also as an adjective – flavorgasmic.

Examples Of Use:

Last week I told you about hubby and I enjoying making our waitress bust a gut over our fartability conversation. Well, the fun didn’t end there. After our pizza was served, she, as is customary, came back to check on us.

Waitress: is everything ok? How’s the pizza?

Me (with mouth full of pizza): Ohhhhhh….ummmmm….YESSSSSSSSSSSSS….soooooo gooooodddddd!!!! 

*not quite When Harry Met Sally style….but you get the idea*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hubby: I apologize for her…We were in the Dominican for 2 weeks and this is our first pizza since getting back….she’s been having a total flavorgasm each bite.

Waitress looks at me like I have 18 heads.

I stare up and start moaning again.

Hubby shakes his head giggling.

Waitress: uhhhh…ok. Can I get you a refill on your Pepsi?

Hubby: that’d be great!

What dish always guarantees you a flavorgasm? What’s your favorite flavorgasmic food? Ever actually moan out loud…in public? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Turdburglar

Oh and pssstttt…I am also guest posting today over at Myndi Shafer’s on my love of beauty pageants so be sure to drop by for a visit! I’d love to connect with you there. 

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Turdburglar: An annoying person who rudely interrupts you while taking a dump by either knocking on the stall door or attempting to open it.

Examples Of Use:

As most of you know, hubby and I were down south for the last two weeks enjoying a lovely, most romantic vacation together. There was lots of hand holding, kissing, staring into each other’s eyes for what seemed like hours lost in the wonderment of our love…and there was turdburgling to keep us grounded in urban word reality!

I was in the bathroom enjoying a quiet morning read when all of a sudden hubby strolls in.

Me: excuse me????

*looking all horrified*

Hubby: what?

Me: ummmm….a little privacy please?

Hubby: oh, I’m sorry, are you pooing? I thought you were just doing number 1. Sorry.

*quickly making his exit*

Me (hollering): you are a total turdburglar! Now I can’t go. Everything’s locked up like fort knox. You’ve terrified my turd. It totally has stage fright now. Great!

Hubby: sorry honey!! Well…maybe the urge will come back later. Can I come back in and finish my hair?

Me: might as well….

Ever been attacked by a turdburglar? Come on….Share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Glamping

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Glamping (a most beloved portmanteau): Shorthand for glamorous camping; luxury camping. It’s like regular camping but with nicer things than usual, being warmer, and more comfortable.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were doing some shopping at Canadian Tire when I struck gold.

Me: OMG! It’s perfect. I can’t wait to go glamping with this treasure!

Hubby: glamping?!?

Me: you know…DUH….glamour camping!

Hubby: I should have known if there was such a thing, you’d find it.

Me: I am totally taken that as a compliment!

Me: don’t you think this stainless steel wine glass says rustic, glamour? It’s glamping baby. It’s our new camping style! Consider it like an upgrade…

Hubby: I must say, it suits you perfectly!

Me: I know, doesn’t it?!?! I think I’ll bedazzle it with some hot pink rhinestones to really glamp it up!

Hubby: that’d be swell – can you make me one in blue?

Me: absolutely…and I found you a little glamping treasure I think you’ll love. I mean, you know I wouldn’t want you to feel left out. How about THIS for cooking up our yummies while we are roughing it?

Hubby: that’s certainly an upgrade to our frying pan over an open fire. I could adjust…I think I’m gonna like glamping!!!  

What’s your camping style? Would you go glamping? What other glamping gems have you seen that are “must haves”?


P.S. Remember, hubby and I are on vacation until April 23, 2012 but have fun and talk amongst yourselves!

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Vacationitis

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Vacationitis: The lack of concern for any of one’s responsibilities in the days (or weeks, or months) leading up to a vacation. Physical symptoms include the wearing of capris and jeans at work, flip-flops, or Uggs, and a lack of makeup or grooming. Dishes begin piling up in the sink, and the afflicted’s response to most questions is: “Uh, I’ll worry about that later.” Can happen as early as the date of vacation planning, or as late as the hours before the flight leaves.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby: so what’s on tap for Wednesday’s post this week? More of our sexual conversations, bedroom exploits, noon-hour rendez-vous, or shopping expeditions? Is nothing sacred between us any more????

Me: oh hubby, stop it, you know you love it! But no, I am afraid I will be disappointing you and our fans. I’ve got a terrible case of vacationitis!

Hubby: what!?!?!?

Me: given that we are flying out IN 12 HOURS for our 2-week vacay in Punta Cana, I can’t concentrate on anything…blog…work…urban word fun…it’s all totally escaped me. I am mush!

Hubby: well I can’t say as I blame you. I can’t concentrate on anything but grabbing our suitcases and flying outta here! Ola Punta Cana!

Me: knowing my readers, they’ll forgive our little bout of vacationitis!

Yip, you read it correctly – hubby and I are flying out of here for a little FUN in the SUN!! We are going to be in Punta Cana for the next two weeks. Squeeee!

No worries, I have the ever fabulous Jessica O’Neal swinging by for a guest post on Monday (squeeeee…thank you Jessica) and I have a few more surprises in store for you while we are away.

I hope y’all will continue to make yourselves at home here! Talk amongst yourselves, frolic in the comments, blogjack one another, enjoy shameless self-promoting, and have an all around party!!! I’ve taken the “first-comment” moderation off so all hell could very well break loose…FUN….have at er’ and let the good times roll.

I will catch up in person upon my return April 23, 2012! Till then…have fun everyone…I will miss you but will console myself with girlie drinks on the beach as I say “cheers” in each of your honor!!!

Have you ever suffered from vacationitis? How you stay focused when you are so close to jet setting to your vacation destination?

Urban Word Wednesday: Five Alarm F*ck

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Five Alarm F*ck (a new slang saying brought to you by hubby): When the hotness factor reaches epic proportions and it becomes imperative to knock boots ASAP.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were shopping for some frozen fruit and lemons at Costco last week. I didn’t think I was wearing anything overly “hot” and sexy. It was just plain old work clothes but hubby was in some kind of a mood and the following convo ensued in the bread aisle.

Hubby: God you are looking good today!

*smacks my ass with an open hand much to the surprise of many customers*

Me: really? I’m wearing my usual work pants?

Hubby: I don’t know what to tell you but that ass is looking fine! Really spectacular.

Me: it must be all the potty squats I’ve been doing as part of Ginger’s WritersButt workouts.

Hubby: whatever it is, it’s working and girl…I think we got ourselves a Five Alarm F*ck on our hands.

Me: what?!?! A five alarm f*ck?

Hubby: yes! You know, at the fire station they have a fire alarm system. One alarm, two alarms etc. The higher number of alarms, the more serious the fire, the more resources they respond with. And girl, you are looking so HOT we got ourselves a five alarm f*ck. We should hit the truck and go parking like RIGHT now!

Me: well as much I appreciate the compliment and you know how I hate to disappoint…I think you’re gonna have to put your own fire out today.

Hubby: seriously?!?! When did you lose your sense of adventurous?

Me: like all women darlin’….as soon as I got the diamond baby!

Hubby: damn!

Ever had a five alarm f*ck on your hands? How would you handle it? Ever sneak off for a little nooner or a parking party on your lunch hour? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • Roy Street gives us the lowdown on an all-natural, tried and testing technique to stave off aging and by keeping it tight and tiny! Minds out of the gutter people!
  • Did y’all see Jenny Hansen’s post this week with her latest edition of the Undie Chronicles where she serves up edible undies for….you guessed it…HUBBY!!
  • Just about died laughing reading Jenny from the Blog’s post on sex or oven cleaning! I hear ya girl! LOL!

Urban Word Wednesday: Ambisextrous

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Ambisextrous: having the ability to masturbate successfully with both hands.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were in the ice cream section of the grocery store picking up supplies for my birthday dessert.

Hubby: I discovered the neatest thing last night.

Me: really? What’s that?

Hubby: I am ambisextrous.

*weird looks from passerbys*

Me: what in God’s name is that?

Hubby: I can make my own pleasure palace with either hand!!! It used to be that if I used my left hand, it was like a stranger (which was fun and rocked in its own way) but I think I overused it and now…I am ambisextrous. Right, left, either, both; it’s all the same difference.

Me: well, that is a talent baby. I’m so proud.

Hubby: I know…sooo cool!

What do you think? Is ambisextrous a natural talent or a learned skill? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Nowhere story

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Nowhere story: a tale or recount of an event or events that doesn’t ever reach a particular point or meaning.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby: have I ever told you about the time I fell off the jungle gym when I was 8 and broke my elbow. We were living in Sussex and I was climbing. Suddenly out of nowhere my foot slipped and…

Me: wait a minute…is this another one of your nowhere stories? Cause I don’t have all night! I need to get writing. My WIP is a priority you know? You said you supported me?

Hubby: I hate you sometimes…

Me: I know….

Ever find yourself telling a nowhere story? How do you get away from someone telling you a nowhere story? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

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