Breaking in spring with fling and flare

As May comes to a close, Hubby and I have been diligently celebrating our most revered month. It’s a month of celebration and glory; a month of happiness; a month of pure JOY; and a month of skipping, hand-in-hand through the tulips. Everything looks brighter, better, more jubilant in May.

Why do we love May so much?

Gardening starts? Nope

Spring is in the air? Nope

Flowers and trees are in bloom? Lovely…but that’s not it….

BBQ season begins? Well…that is a definite bonus but…nope

Golf? Ok, well that is quite yummy!!!! But no…

May 1st marks the official start of outdoor sex season (OSS). Yeahhhhh!!!!

That’s right folks. It’s time to get your groove on in the big bad outdoors. And today, I’m going to share with you some tips and tricks that I’ve tried and tested (the things I do for my readers…) to make sure you get the most out of this year’s OSS!

Location Location Location

I can’t say it enough. It’s true in real estate and it’s true for OSS. You gotta get the right spot. First, you must be on the same page as to your goals. Is it the risk of getting caught that gets you fired up or do you prefer a little privacy? By making sure you are the same page, you and your partner can find the perfect local.

For those exhibitionist types, why not try a quiet park at dusk or a dark alley late at night. Perhaps an evening beach walk to cool off (and heat up), or slip away from the party to find a quiet spot just in the tree line.

If you’d prefer to enjoy OSS without the fear of public observation or police intervention, try the rooftop of your apartment building or perhaps take a little off-trail exploration on your next hiking trip. Why not your own backyard (hubby and I have a very private back deck)? No privacy…no problem! You can make a private area in your backyard with the careful placement of a BBQ, some chairs and a beach umbrella. Get creative people.

Planning for spontaneity = tons of fun

Although you want your OSS to be fun and spontaneous, a little planning will ensure things go smoothly. Make sure to have OSS kits in all the key places; the truck, the camp, the RV, the Rhino etc. You get the idea. OSS kits should contain sunblock, bug spray, lube, toilet paper, baby wipes and hand sanitizer. I also highly recommend keeping small travel blankets here and there since they come in mighty handy for OSS. Nothing kills the mood more than sand in all the wrong places or a burn from a hot car hood.

The right clothing makes all the difference

For those interludes that are more private, clothing is less of an issue since there’s nothing quite as liberating as frolicking totally buck in the bush. But for those outdoor escapades that might be a wee bit more risky (the beach in the DR, for example), wearing the right apparel will only enhance your overall experience. You want to wear items that grants access that can be hidden just as quickly as shown. For men, it’s less of an issue but for the ladies, try a flowing dress to hide a multitude of sins. Apparel that has stretch is your new BFF so skirts with a little bit of Spandex work wonderfully.

There you have it people, my tried, tested and true tips and tricks to getting your nasty on in the great outdoors. OSS only lasts so long so get out there and get busy!

What’s your take on outdoor sex season? Are you game or do you turn your nose up at such ideas? Any tips and tricks to share with my readers who dare to try it? What’s your favorite or craziest OSS spot? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Women peeing standing up?!?! Amen to that!

All right. Y’all know I’m a pretty active lady. I like the outdoors. I like adventures. Camping, ATVing, hiking, fishing; I’m into it. I dig it. I am at one with Mother Nature. So much so, I’m quite comfortable at using nature’s garden as my personal latrine. And I think I’ve mastered the art of outdoor urination!

Natalie’s 10 steps to the perfect outdoor pee:

  1. Location, location, location! You need a spot where you can stand horizontally level but has a slight vertical downward slop. This is paramount to ensure a pant-protection pee stream occurs. Standing on a large tree root, at the top of a slope, or on a large rock works fine. Try to avoid ant hills. Although they do display perfect outdoor urination grade, certain species of ants can bite and it’s better safe than sorry on this one. Trust me. Lesson learned the hard way.
  2. Drop your drawers! That’s right; this is no time for modesty. Strip those pants and undergarments down to your ankles. Trying to hide your naked butt from the bears is only going to ensure a piss-poor urination incident (pun intended).
  3. Go deep! It’s all about the squat and tilt my friends. First, you gotta go wide in your stance and deep in your squat. Get right down there. The closer to the ground you can get, the less likely for unwanted backsplash.
  4. Sit back. Yip, you read that right, now it’s time to tilt your pelvis slightly forward. It’ll feel like you are almost sitting back into your squat. The idea is to aim the firing squad down the slop. Trust me, in this squat pose; it won’t be a little tinkle coming out. If you point straight down this will only ensure nasty backsplash not to mention a urine puddle protruding into the shoe zone. Protect the shoe zone at all cost!
  5. Grip and grin! Just before you “let go,” grip the outside of your pants and pull outward to keep your pants out of the line of fire. This will also help stabilize you in your exposed stance.
  6. Relax and let go! Enjoy the freedom of watering nature’s garden.
  7. Let nature run its full course. Your thighs are shaking, your balance is precarious, and you’re looking around to see if someone’s going to “come up on ya”. I understand your urge to cut the stream short and stand back up. Don’t let anxiety or poor physical conditioning get the best of you or you’ll wind up with urine stains marking your misfortune. Hold your perfect pee pose. If it helps, think of the toning you are getting.
  8. Drip dry. Once your perfect pee is complete you must hold the stance for another few seconds to drip dry slightly. Personally, I like to add a slight bounce at this point. It helps shake off excess and also helps get the circulation back into my feet and legs.
  9. Rise up half way and wipe.
  10. Discard tissue (biodegradable of course) into the trees and reassemble.

Voila – my secrets to the perfect outdoor pee pose.

But even with this expertise there are times when all the squat skills in the world won’t save you from urination incidents. Squatting deep and steady after a few drinks can prove to be very challenging. Any slight wobble and the next thing you know you’ve got a damp pant leg to deal with. Or what about those outdoor concerts with their nasty port-a-potty’s where you have to hover. I mean, I can hold a deep, tilted back squat “pas de problem” but a half-poised hover after 3 beers, give me a break!

I mean, even my good friend Amber West encountered an uncomfortable urination situation on a trip to Mexico. She was touring the countryside when she found herself in high need to relieve and the only option; a sketchy outhouse with no door, just a bowl (no lid, no seat), a cock-eyed rooster, and the hover. Eeekeee!!!

We’ve all been there!

GoGirl

GoGirl

Well, Myndi Shafer turned me on to a perfect solution to all our urination woes: the GoGirl, a female urination device (hubby calls it an FU device – female urination device – definitely another blog post) that enables women to pee while standing up.

I shit you not!

You just hold GoGirl against your body, forming a seal, aim, and let er’ fly! This would greatly simplify my outdoor urination adventures but it’d also come in very handy at concerts, traveling, etc.

GoGirl is made with flexible, medical grade silicone. So you can dispose of it after use if you want…or clean and reuse. Their patented splash guard eliminates messing and spilling and GoGirl fits easily in your purse, pocket, or glove compartment for those “ya just never know” moments!

Check out some videos:

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Check out the GoGirl’s YouTube channel for more videos.

You can order your very own GoGirls here. They come in pink (love that) and camo and come in a variety of order packs; $12.99/single, $34.97/3-pack, $134.99/13-pack etc.

You Go Girl!!!

What do you think, are you an outdoor urination expert? Would you give peeing outside a try? Will my 10 steps help? Think you’d give GoGirl a try?

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

More blog deliciousness here:

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