Urban Word Wednesday: Walk Blocker

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME, hubby…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Walk Blocker: A person that suddenly stops when they are walking right in front of another.

Examples Of Use:

Although it wasn’t technically Black Friday in Canada, a lot of the stores in the mall had what I like to call fake Black Friday sales all weekend long. I call them fake because they aren’t really that fantastic a sale (saving $25 is not worth lining up for 3 hours people!!!) but they seem to elicit a shopping frenzy anyway.

Normally we’d avoid the mall this weekend but hubby signed up to do racquetball and he needed some new shorts and sneakers so it was off to the mall in the midst of the fake Black Friday insanity. You should know, hubby and I can get a little tense in large crowds…especially large crowds of morons. We were at the local sports store paying for our purchase when we enjoyed this convo.

Hubby: WTF…if one more person walk blocks me I am going to lose my shit!

Me: what is it with walk blockers anyway…like get out of the road if you need to stop for something.

Hubby: I think it’s the new digital age…people gotta stop where ever they are to see what’s on the phone.

Me: I agree…but what is it with people who just stop and conglomerate in the middle of an aisle to talk for an hour walk blocking the whole area?!?! I don’t get it…like step out of the aisle and enjoy your convo. I near rolled up on over some tweens back there who stopped to talk to their gal pals dead center of the aisle. I was going a good clip and nearly didn’t get stopped?! Like…WTF??? Oblivious!

Hubby: I am going to get a cart and get my Christmas plow on. Gonna just drive over those walk blockers. Maybe I should get sign for my cart that says “comin’ thru bitches!”

Me: and a horn…and lights…and definitely a t-shirt!!!! 

What is it with walk blockers? Ever come across them? How do you handle it? Ever been one??? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

For the month of November and December, I am proud to be taking part in the Holiday Yum Blog Hop where a group of uber bloggers will regale you with recipes and funny cooking stories.

This week’s highlights:

Already Posted:

Stay tuned for:

  • December 2: Estee Lavitt’s Latkes
  • December 5: Yours truly with French Lace Cookies
  • December 10: Kathy Owen’s Butter Spritz Cookies
  • December 14: Ellen M. Gregg’s Old-fashioned Buttermilk Sugar Cookies (with Christmas punch)
  • December 17: I am back with a recipe for Cheesecake that is so simple but even I messed it up once
  • December 19: Jenny Hansen’s Holly Candy
  • December 23: Jess Witkins will entice us with either some comfort food or appetizer
  • December 26: Kathy Owen will come through with beef rib-eye roast with currant jelly brown gravy
  • December 28:  I will give you some fabulous Mocktail options for your New Year’s Eve parties

Be sure to check out our ever uberlicious host, Kathy Owen’s Holiday Yum page and leave her some blog hop luv!

Urban Word Wednesday: Kennie

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME (and hubby)…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Kennie: the name for the inner ring of muscles surrounding the anus.

Examples Of Use:

Now I know you are all wondering how in God’s name this term, in this context, happened to come up between me and hubby. Buckle up peeps. It’s hubby’s last name. We were at breakfast on the weekend when we enjoyed this conversation…

Me: alright Kennie…you ready to go?

Hubby: did I mention I looked up what Kennie means in the Urban Dictionary.

Me: you searched your last name???

Hubby: I was curious, what can I say? And I was not happy with what I found.

Me: do tell!  

Hubby: Kennie is the inner ring of muscles in the anus!

Me: seriously?!?! OMG that’s perfect. *ROFL*

Hubby: I didn’t find it very funny!

Me *between giggles*: really??? Because I find it kind of suiting…you can be quite the ass…and it turns out you technically are one. How perfect!

*thought the waitress ringing in our check was going to fall over*

Hubby: you are disturbing!

Me: OMG the fun I am going to have with this. Come on Kennie, let’s get you home so you can relieve yourself. How are you feeling today Kennie…super stretched or tight as a drum? What’s coming down the pipe Kennie? O.M.G this is fabulous!

Hubby: I regret telling you already!

Me: you know you love it. Now get your ass together and let’s go…

Ever google or urban dictionary your first or last name? Any deranged meanings? Any nasty (meant with the greatest of love) pet names for your significant other? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Helicopter

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Helicopter: 1) When you swing your penis around in a circle and make the noise of a helicopter. 2) Sexual act with the female on top. The female does a split and inserts lubed penis into vagina. The male then grabs hold of the female’s legs and spins her around rapidly, similar to that of a helicopter’s blades. Has a high failure rate, roughly 100%.

Examples Of Use:

It all started with August McLaughlin’s post on girl boners on Monday. I read it, loved it, commented and went on my merry way. That is until hubby and I hit the movies. We went to see Flight on Monday evening and went early to ensure we got optimal seats. There we sat munching our popcorn when hubby decides he and I are going to be part of the movie pre-show for all the other early birds.

He pulls out his Galaxy III and reads out loud the following comment fun he had enjoyed on August’s post earlier that day.

Then we proceed to have this conversation.

Me: I cannot believe you mentioned the Helicopter on August’s blog. My god. You know there are probably 18 kinky/nasty things that it means online…good lord, now all the blogosphere is going to think you and I are into even weirder shit than they already do.

Hubby: girl boner in theory is all fine and dandy but I’m sorry…the visual of you growing a wang to suds up in the shower and twirl around and around to do the Helicopter was too much to bare. I lost my shit a little bit.

Me: well duh…I don’t want a physical manifestation either but I think August’s point was more to women’s pleasure being higher on our radar from day 1.

Hubby: and I am all for it…but the term girl boner…I couldn’t get past it.

Me: hopefully Kristy doesn’t think we are into the sexual act of the Helicopter…I mean, who at our age could do the splits and hold the pose while getting turned around on a dick?!? Sounds more like Mission Impossible than the Helicopter to me! We are definitely not into kink like that!  

Hubby: what’s with the “we” shit? I’d totally be into that!

 Me: I bet you would since you wouldn’t the one having to do the splits and get swung around…

Ever seen a version of the Helicopter? Think you’d like a girl boner? Your partner more kinky than you? How do you balance your different needs? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Cropnihilation

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME, hubby…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Cropnihilation (by hubby): the dirty grandfather of cropdusting (the act of farting WHILE walking; leaving a trail behind yourself). Cropnihilation is cropdusting on speed.

Examples Of Use:

If y’all follow hubby on Facebook, you saw his recent post on his experience at Sobey’s yesterday.

Hubby shared this little ditty with me after work while we were waiting in line at Canadian Tire. He also told it with a little more…flare! Had me howling!

Hubby: I think I need to take a shower before cooking supper.

Me: why? Rough day at work?

Hubby: I went to Sobeys today and was following about 10 feet behind an old fella when all of a sudden he balled up his fist and coughed. At the same time, he let out the loudest, largest fart I’ve ever heard! It was insane and RIGHT in front of me. I couldn’t get around it even if I wanted to. I had to walk right into it!

Me: OMG the old dude totally cropdusted you…that’s hilarious.

Hubby: ok, A) it’s not funny and B) that was no cropdust honey…that was a cropnihilation! He might as well of sat on my face. He might as well shit ON me!

*I couldn’t stop laughing at this point*

Hubby: I feel dirty and violated!

 Me: you should definitely sanitize when we get home!

Ever been cropnihilated or even cropdusted? Ever been the perpetrator? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Bed Browsing

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Bed Browsing: Similar to Web Browsing, but done from the comfort of your bed.

Examples Of Use:

I’ve been desperately sick with a head cold this week and been stuck in bed since Sunday; except for my big adventure yesterday to the drug store for Kleenex and other supplies. When hubby got home last night, he took pity on me and offered to take me out in my cozy comfort clothes for comfort food. Pizza. We enjoyed this conversation while ordering our deep dish.

Hubby: I can’t believe you haven’t really left the house since Sunday.

Me: I know…I was feeling a wee bit claustrophobic today although the bed browsing has helped keep me entertained; when I’ve been awake that is.

Hubby: bed browsing? Are you shopping for a new bed?

Me: nope…surfing the web from the comfort of my bed! Bed browsing.

Hubby: hahaha…well I am sure your blogging family has been keeping your spirits up.

Me: the comments on mine and Jenny’s blogs over our Missed Connections fun have definitely helped!

Hubby: nothing better than bed browsing…

Do you ever partake in bed browsing? What kind of set up is most comfortable? 1 pillow or 2? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Bathtub Jesus

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Bathtub Jesus: Decorative lawn ornament, popular through much of New England, where an old cast-iron bathtub is buried standing up, halfway into the ground, and a statue of Jesus is placed inside. Frequently seen near or with a lawn ball. Associated with white trash.

Examples Of Use:

Yesterday, I talked about meeting my first ever, real life Bathtub Jesus on the weekend. Well, you had to know hubby and I would have some fun with that! On Sunday we golfed Pine Needles Golf and Country Club’s 18-hole River Course. This course ain’t for sissies. It’s a tough 5500-yard (women’s tee) course with lots of length, water, trees, and sand to test your skill. But I love it.

The first time I golfed it (3 years ago…my first year golfing), I scored a 270 (par for women is 73 but most people I golf with are around 110 to 120). I practically played the course twice. But you’ll be happy to know, I shaved a few strokes off my score since then. I’ve been averaging around 150.

Hubby and I enjoyed this conversation in the club house as we returned the key to our cart.

Hubby: I can’t believe you beat me…by 1 stroke…first time ever, eh?! You even pared a 500+ yard hole. A 120 is amazing! Great game…congrats honey!

Me: I owe it all to Bathtub Jesus.

Hubby: what does Bathtub Jesus have to do with anything?

Me: well, this morning when you thought I went to the bathroom, I actually walked down to the drug dealer’s Bathtub Jesus and had a little chat with the old fella…I asked him and his Dad to show me some golf luv!

Hubby: you know, I think their Bathtub Jesus is actually a Bathtub Mary?

Me: whoever it is…I think we need one! It’s obviously bringing the drug dealer some good luck and look how I golfed today?!?! We could put him or Mary near the cedar bush…it’d look fahhhbulous!

Hubby: God help me…

Me: that’s who I am trying to hook you up with…I am tellin’ ya!!!

Do you have any yard ornaments or decorations displayed? Seen any good ones lately? What [insert sport of choice here] God do you pray to? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: When Jesus Comes

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME, hubby…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Is this how you want to be when Jesus comes back?: a slang saying hubby jokingly asks me to see if I am comfortable with my behavior or (more likely) my choice of words and/or continued joking. Gets asked a lot when we are bantering back and forth. Originally from the movie Joe Dirt (see 4:41…it’s one of hubby’s favorite movies).

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were at the campground on the weekend and had dinner at the little canteen Friday evening. They make the BEST chicken strips. YUM! Given there was a good size crowd waiting to order and get food, hubby and I (as usual) decided to indulge in some friendly marital shock-and-awe bantering to keep everyone entertained. You know us when we get around a crowd of strangers. The gloves come off and laughter follows.

Note: there were no children scarred for life in the making of this Urban Word Wednesday post.

Hubby: so…we…ummm…gonna get it on later? Get the trailer a rocking?

Me: well with foreplay like that…absolutely! How could I resist??? I am wet just hearing the words. I nearly had an orgasm right here. Blew. My. Socks. Off. How about we skip dinner and go behind that tree right there?

Hubby: give a guy a break. I am not investing all that time and effort in foreplay just to get an “I’m tired…” I gotta know upfront if I stand a chance or not. Then I’ll invest. Just sayin’!

Me: sweep me off my feet Mr. Romance. We women can’t commit in advance. Lord. With all my hormones ranging around, I don’t know how I’m going to feel in 2 minutes, let alone 2 hours. Even if I said “sure thing hot stuff” right now…it ain’t a guarantee…sorry…but you’ll just have to take your chances…

Hubby: is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?

Me: bring it on hubby…I ain’t afraid! Me and Jesus are hooked up! He’s got my back.

Hubby: seriously?!?!

Me: hell yes…triple z snap!

What are your favorite slang sayings that you and your partner share? Any inside jokes you wanna share? What phrases does he/she have that always crack you up, put a smile on your face and make you laugh? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Foo Foo Drink

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Foo-Foo Drink: An alcoholic beverage that is way too pretty or feminine. These drinks are usually characterized by lots of whipped cream, multiple fruit decorations and/or umbrellas. Also, they tend to be low in alcohol content.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I went to the liquor store last night to purchase some samplings for our upcoming beach/cottage weekend; much to the amusement of the staff. This is the convo we had at the cash register.

Hubby: what in God’s name are those?

Me: Blue Curacao and raspberry Sour Puss…why?

*handing bottles to the guy at cash*

Hubby: what concoction are you going to make with those?

Me: holy water.

*guy at cash near spits out his water*

Hubby: holy water????

Me: remember the foo foo drink I had at the restaurant last week? The blue and red thing that you scoffed at till you tasted it?

Hubby: yeah…

Me: it’s called holy water. It’s a shot of Blue Curacao, raspberry Sour Puss and sprite. I’m going to add some fresh orange pieces and real raspberries and maybe some of those little umbrellas to really dress it up. I mean…wouldn’t that make a great beach foo foo drink for this weekend? A taste sensation.

Hubby: couldn’t just be easy and take beer, eh????

Me: I wanted something tasty…and pretty….

*hubby looks to cash guy who nods his head in total guy understanding*

Me (to both of them): whatever…just ring in my bottles!

What are your favorite summertime foo food drinks? Come on y’all…share the recipes!!! I need to keep hubby on his toes.

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Famine Underwear

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

I am sticking with the panty theme after yesterday’s post on the C string Thong.

Famine Underwear: The garments you wear during a shortage of underwear, when you haven’t done laundry in several weeks or months. Usually characterized by lack of elasticity, holes (usually large and awkwardly located), stains, and typically are at least 5-10 years old. In some cases soccer shorts, underwear of unknown origin, thongs, bathing suit bottoms, or ‘granny panties’ can be considered famine underwear, but do not necessarily meet the above criteria.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I were getting dressed for work the other morning when he totally busted me.

Hubby: WHAT is that you are wearing?!?!??

Me: what???

Hubby: those undies are like putting No Name Brand BBQ sauce on Grade A steak…a real shame!

Me: oh come on hubby! After a 2-week vacation of slinky and sexy I needed a break. I missed my famine underwear! Not to mention, there’s nothing better than famine undies when a gal is feeling all bloated and gross.

Hubby: I get the need for comfort but my god, can’t we toss those and buy you some newer ones that aren’t so…gray???

Me: but these ones are all broke in! It’s like they have morphed to my ass perfectly. They are custom famine underwear. I mean…you can’t just buy that kind of comfort and design. It takes years of wearing, washing, and general beating up to get true famine underwear.

Hubby: ok ok…I give! Keep the damn famine undies but just know…there is nothing sexy about that!

Me: I can live with that. Besides, trust me! You got your own whole compartment of famine underwear that I never say a word about! Rips and holes are just as unsexy as gray! Just sayin’…

Hubby: ….fair enough…

When do you break out your famine underwear? Does your significant other complain and threaten to toss them? Do you threaten to toss theirs? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Urban Word Wednesday: Crotchcorn

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Crotchcorn: the popcorn that you inevitably drop onto your crotch during a movie that you will eat anyway.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby and I hit the movies with friends last week. We went to see Cabin in the Woods. Ummm…I am not one for scary movies and it was definitely a jumper for me but at the same time it was a comedy. I am honestly not sure how to review it. I liked it but it was….well…weird.

Anyway, there we sat in the back row; hubby, me, my BFF’s hubby (we’ll call him J-Dog), my BFF (the ever-beautiful Laura), and Laura’s sister (Maggie). The theatre was pretty full. We had people in front of us and beside us. I was having myself a good time munching down on a small bag of popcorn.

Normally I would have gotten a regular size but I was trying to be good. But have you SEEN how small a small is now? It’s like a slightly upgraded kid’s pack. And don’t even get me started on how the theatre person tried to short change me about 2 inches of popcorn. OMG! I had to send her back to FILL the bag to the top. I mean, the stuff cost a small fortune; it’s like gold popcorn so I wanted every kernel they could fit in the tiny bag.

ANYWAY, to make a long story short, given that I LOVE theatre popcorn and it was this itty bitty, tiny, little bag (and this was my supper), I wasn’t letting ONE piece go to waste!

J-Dog: good lord – how much crotchcorn do you have down there?

Me: WHAT?!?!?! What is crotchcorn?

J-Dog: you know…all the popcorn that missed your mouth and landed in your crotch that you are now pecking at like a hen. It’s like a never-ending supply down there. To be honest, I can’t believe you are eating that stuff. Most people toss it on the floor.

Me: really? What a waste. I mean, it’s perfectly good popcorn and now it’s like reheated from hanging out down below. It’s like it just came out of the popcorn maker. I like crotchcorn!

J-Dog (to hubby): she’s all yours big guy.

Hubby: don’t I know it, a real treat.

Me: I am so using this on my blog. My readers will love to know about crotchcorn! And I bet they eat it!

So how about it? Do you eat the crotchcorn or toss it on the floor (all wasteful) like hubby and J-Dog? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

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