Get Tantric just in time for doomsday!

Squeee…today Jenny Hansen and I are blog swapping. Squeee! Can you believe she actually gave me the keys to More Cowbell?!?! I know…I was shocked as well. I am over there dishing my thoughts on some age-old dating advice…a must-read before Doomsday (you know…the Mayan prophecy that Friday December 21, 2012 the world will end. It’s ok my fabulous peeps…Jenny and I are here to help you get your groove on before the pending doom).

So enjoy Jenny’s post on how to get all bad-ass Tantric with yourselves and then pop over to More Cowbell to hang with yours truly…take it away Jenny….

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Thanks Nat!!! Wow…things are always exciting over here at Nat’s place! I get to have a great time, crack some jokes, and indulge my naughty side *if you know what I mean*…

I’m going to let you in on a secret.

I might hang out most of the time at More Cowbell and Writers In The Storm, but lately I’ve been expanding my horizons a bit and publishing short articles on some of the SocialIn sites. Have you heard of them? Social In DC, Social In New York, Social In Los Angeles…you get the picture.

This latest bump to my freelance dreams started with a conversation I had with another writer a few months back. She’d received a writing assignment that wigged her out.

[We’ll just call her Monique.]

Monique: Hey! I just had an assignment come across my desk that has you written all over it.

Me: Yeah? How so?

Monique: Well, it’s about sex. Anyone who writes the Undie Chronicles can surely interview a sex therapist better than I can.

Me: Wow! Really?! A sex therapist? I’ve always wanted to chat up a sex therapist.

Monique: Of course you do.

Me: Give me the info…I wanna look this person up. *tap-tapping the keyboard* Interesting…she practices something called Transformational Tantra. [Definition of Tantra]

Monique: I KNOW. I don’t want to talk to someone about their sex lives!

Me: I don’t think she’s gonna talk to you about her sex life. The point is to talk to you about yours.

(I’m continuing to browse the gal’s site this whole time.)

Hey, she runs a radio show called Sex and Happiness. That’s kind of nifty. And she did a movie called Tantric Tourists…it won a bunch of awards. It looks like she takes bunches of tourists on trips to India. They learn “the art of surrender.”

Monique about exploded when she heard this. “You’re telling me that people spend thousands of dollars to go to India just to get tied up?! They can get that for free at home.

Me: *laughing* I think you’re confusing “surrender” with “bondage,” Honey.

Monique: And THIS is why you’re the one who’s going to write this post!

And so I did. I’ve actually placed it below, along with links to this gal’s new movie, Beyond Dinner. It sounds like they’re combining dinner with Speed Dating, but I’ll let you decide for yourselves. For $1.99, I’m totally checking it out.

Beyond Dinner…More Than A New Way To Eat
by Jenny Hansen

Photo by ECooper99 at WANA Commons

Photo by ECooper99 at WANA Commons

December ‘tis the season’ when Americans kick their schedules up a notch, from “really busy” to “downright insane.” The downside to this holiday insanity is it keeps us from paying attention, to our loved ones and ourselves.

Give yourself a unique gift this holiday season and embrace. . .You.

According to Dr. Oz, our four basic needs as humans are food, water, sleep and sex. You heard me – we need all four to be truly well and happy.

Do you take the time to celebrate your body? Your spirit? Do you give yourself the gift of both rest and play?

Let me introduce you to Laurie Handlers. A tantric teacher, Laurie believes, “Sex energy runs the world. The sooner we make peace with that, the better our lives will be.” Between her books and her films, I guarantee she’ll help you banish the word boring from your bedroom and replace it with fun.

Her latest video romp, Beyond Dinner, turns the simple act of eating into a carnival for the senses. Following the basic principles of a Gate Dinner (pronounced gah-tay – gate is Sanskrit for “beyond”), the women and men in this short film are seated on pillows on the floor in a dining area. After a quick workshop on setting boundaries to teach the art of “Yes,” “No,” and “Not now, maybe later,” these diners are off for a night of exploring the senses.

With each course, the men change places at the table until all the participants have experienced feeding and being fed by the others at the table. Red wine and decadent chocolate dessert are served before the meat and potatoes, creating a sensual smorgasbord of food.

Searching for a gift to get your honey’s engine revving this holiday season? Look no further.

Beyond Dinner has food, wine, candlelight and tons of lighthearted play. This is dinner as you’ve never seen it eaten. I’m eyeing a rental copy as a quick and easy stocking stuffer for my husband, to help kick off a New Year’s Eve romantic date for two. At $1.99, I can’t go wrong. If we love it, I can buy it forever for $6.99.

If you’re looking to add some erotic spice to your holidays, I highly recommend a shopping trip through Laurie Handlers’ holiday deals.

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So, now I’m opening the discussion up to all of you. What do you think about this tantric business? And how about the concept behind the Gate Dinner? (Monique couldn’t get over the idea of someone she barely knew putting their hands all over her food.)

I’m simply dying to hear what y’all think about this concept… ESPECIALLY Hubby!

About Jenny Hansen

By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 15 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Twitter at JennyHansenCA or at Writers In The Storm. Jenny also writes the Risky Baby Business posts at More Cowbell, a series that focuses on babies, new parents and high-risk pregnancy.

Cheesecake travesties

I’ve heard cheesecake can be tricky to make. Mom passed me down a recipe that for years I mastered for birthdays and special occasions. It was like my signature dish. I was soooo proud that out of all my cooking and baking fiascos, this was one I was able to rock.

Then I took a hiatus. I didn’t bake a cheesecake for years.

It must have been Thanksgiving 2003 because I was separated from my first husband and living at home with Mom, Dad and my sister Megan. Mom and Dad were planning a spectacular dinner for the whole family and Megan and I were tasked with dessert. Of course I turned to my trusted Cheesecake.

I followed Mom’s recipe to the letter.

Cheesecake

I could tell this was going to be the best cheesecake evah! The crust came out beautifully. As we poured the batter into the pan, it was silky and smooth. Megan and I were going to be the queens of the ball! We preheated the oven, we baked, we timed. Everything was going splendid.

At the 65 minute mark, I took the cheesecake out and did the toothpick test.

You know…where you stick a toothpick into baked goods and if it comes out clean, it’s baked and if it comes out with stuff on it, you got a few more minutes to go (if you are raising your eyebrows at this point…keep reading).

Megan and I looked and thought it was weird that after following the recipe to the letter, the toothpick came out with stuff on it. Who are we to question the baking Gods; back in the oven the cheesecake went.

15 minutes later and another check and…weird…a cheesecake covered toothpick…more baking.

Megan and I must have repeated this process for 3 hours. We baked that cheesecake and then we baked it some more. We thought maybe the oven was broken?!

When Mom and Dad came home, I thought they were going to die of laughter. Of course, any one who is reading this who has any baking knowledge knows, you never do the toothpick test with cheesecake…it will always come out with stuff on it. DUH?!

My cheesecake master ego was shattered.

To their credit, the entire family choked down that super dry cheesecake. It was like eating dry, super-tasty chalk. We just smothered it in loads of Strawberry sauce (I don’t have Mom’s recipe but this one looks about right). God love family!

What’s your favorite cheesecake recipe? Have any baking fiasco stories to share? Or perhaps your friends and family have tortured you with terrible desserts? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

For the month of November and December, I am proud to be taking part in the Holiday Yum Blog Hop where a group of uber bloggers will regale you with recipes and funny cooking stories.

This week’s highlights:

  • December 17: Cheesecake travesties with yours truly
  • December 19: Jenny Hansen’s Holly Candy (OMG can’t WAIT)

Already Posted:

Stay tuned for:

  • December 23: Jess Witkins will entice us with either some comfort food or appetizer
  • December 26: Kathy Owen will come through with beef rib-eye roast with currant jelly brown gravy
  • December 28:  I will give you some fabulous Mocktail options for your New Year’s Eve parties

Be sure to check out our ever uberlicious host, Kathy Owen’s Holiday Yum page and leave her some blog hop luv!

Be the ultimate rock star this Christmas

Air-Guitar-Rock-StarY’all know I’m a closet air guitar player. Ok…so maybe not so “in the closet“! Regardless, let me tell you, no one can rock the air guitar like me. At home, grocery store, work…I’ve been known to break into an air-strumming, arm-swinging air guitar craze. People typically stare mouth-open at my talent…it’s somethin’ to behold.

Anyway…last year, when I found the electric rock guitar shirt, I thought it was the bomb. I knew it would enable me to step up my air guitar game so I could truly become the rock star I was always meant to be.

But now, we’ve blown the electric guitar shirt out of the freaking water….with the gTar.

The gTar is a new digital guitar that allows you to maximize the power of your iPhone (soooo need to get an iPhone now). It’s like a real guitar and a Rock Band/Guitar Hero guitar hooked up for a freaky one night stand and had a baby.

The gTar has strings, frets and everything else that makes a guitar the hardcore rock instrument that it is. But the gTar has something more…something special…it has an APP!

You just dock your iPhone in the gTar, load up the gTar app, pick a song and then you can follow the song on your iPhone while little LEDs light up along the fret board. The fretboard actually illuminates to show you where to put your fingers.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

The gTar will make it so that I can start playing songs I already know instead of Twinkle Twinkle. Can you believe it? It’s that freaking simple.

Rockers have a choice of three levels of difficulty: easy, medium, and hard. At the easy level, gTar will guide you to play the open strings and with its SmartPlay Technology, if you hit a wrong string, no sound is produced. At the medium level, gTar adds fretwork to the mix allowing you to feel like the true rock star genius that you are. But there is still no danger of messing up due to the built-in SmartPlay feature…oh yeah….BAM! Now when you get the hard level, you’ll need to step up your guitar-playing game because at this level every mistake (or uber new creation) will be heard. Once you get tired of having your rock star brilliance stifled with specified notes and fretwork, you can switch to free play and really show off your mad skills.

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GlockSince it’s paired up with an iPhone, the gTar is not limited to guitar sounds. WHAT??!?! Yip, you can actually rock out to a grand piano by plucking the notes instead. I wonder if I could channel my old junior high school band days and rock the glock again?! Hmmm…

Made by Incident, a company based in Santa Clara, California, the gTar is initially being sold through a Kickstarter project. Incident asked for US$100,000 to fund the initial production run and has now raised $353,392 with 956 backers. Duh…people know a good thing when they see it. I guess the original backers paid US$350 each to get their hands on the first 200 gTars produced. Now there is a waitlist on the company’s website if you want to sign-up for one. Snifff…I was hoping to pick one up at Future Shop this week but with a possible retail price tag of US$449, I might be waiting awhile.

Regardless, I think the gTar would allow me to fully channel my inner rock star Goddess.

How do channel your rock star God/Goddess? Play any musical instruments? Did it come natural or did you learn after years and years of practice? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

For the month of November and December, I am proud to be taking part in the Holiday Yum Blog Hop where a group of uber bloggers will regale you with recipes and funny cooking stories.

This week’s highlights:

  • December 10: Kathy Owen’s Butter Spritz Cookies (OMG I want some…especially those Hershey filled ones)
  • December 14: Ellen M. Gregg’s Old-fashioned Buttermilk Sugar Cookies (with Christmas punch)

Already Posted:

Stay tuned for:

  • December 17: I am back with a recipe for Cheesecake that is so simple but even I messed it up once
  • December 19: Jenny Hansen’s Holly Candy
  • December 23: Jess Witkins will entice us with either some comfort food or appetizer
  • December 26: Kathy Owen will come through with beef rib-eye roast with currant jelly brown gravy
  • December 28:  I will give you some fabulous Mocktail options for your New Year’s Eve parties

Be sure to check out our ever uberlicious host, Kathy Owen’s Holiday Yum page and leave her some blog hop luv!

Driving while…shaving?

There is a strong likelihood that most of you have heard of this story considering I believe it came out in 2010 but it’s so insane, it bears repeating! Thank you Trudy for sending it my way! And thank you Celia Rivenbark for your witty take on the story. ROFL! 

Now y’all know I am all about keeping my nest lean and mean but while driving?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand wanting to be “good to go” but was her date honestly going to tear a piece as soon as she walked through the door? Couldn’t she have just packed her razor and shaving cream in her purse and took a little bathroom break prior to getting her groove on? You see it in the movies all the time…the woman excuses herself to powder her nose and unmentionables, right?

Bloody insane…there’s no way I’d put a razor down by my girlie parts going 75 miles per hour trying to run the gas, brake and steer! I have enough issues trying to get a straight line and avoid razor burn shaving the girl in the shower where I can spread eagle, use a mirror and bend into a pretzel. Can you imagine taking a swipe sight unseen? Yikes.

And let us not forget her ex-husband, the real hero of the story. I mean, have you ever heard of such a gentleman before? He actually steered the car while she shaved her hooha in preparation for a date with another man. Then tried to take the blame by claiming he was the one driving after the accident…and they say gallantry is dead? I think not! This guy is a real peach. Why he is her ex is beyond me? She obviously had a real keeper in her midst. Slipped through her fingers…dang!

Given her long (and recent) criminal driving history, my only question is this…why wasn’t the ex driving? I mean…wouldn’t that have just made the most sense?

Although this story is meant to be entertaining, y’all know how serious I am about driving sober and alert. Enjoy the giggle but let’s all remember to driver sober and to put our phones (and razors) away while driving.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done while driving? Or what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen or heard about someone doing while driving? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

For the month of November and December, I am proud to be taking part in the Holiday Yum Blog Hop where a group of uber bloggers will regale you with recipes and funny cooking stories.

Our tentative schedule looks like this:

  • November 17: Jenny Hansen’s Gluten-Free Thanksgiving Meal – talk about an extravaganza!
  • November 19: Kathy Owen’s Spiced Pecans – OMG I so want to try these.
  • November 26: Ellen M. Gregg’s Chocolatiest Chocolate Cake Evah (and lemonade) – how will I EVER follow a diet now?
  • November 28: Jenny Hansen’s Almond Roca…I hear it’s to DIE for!
  • December 2: Estee Lavitt’s Latkes
  • December 5: Yours truly with French Lace Cookies
  • December 10: Kathy Owen’s Butter Spritz Cookies
  • December 14: Ellen M. Gregg’s Old-fashioned Buttermilk Sugar Cookies (with Christmas punch)
  • December 17: I am back with a recipe for Cheesecake that is so simple but even I messed it up once
  • December 19: Jenny Hansen’s Holly Candy
  • December 23: Jess Witkins will entice us with either some comfort food or appetizer
  • December 26: Kathy Owen will come through with beef rib-eye roast with currant jelly brown gravy
  • December 28:  I will give you some fabulous Mocktail options for your New Year’s Eve parties

Stay tuned for link updates as posts go live and for more to be added to the schedule. Be sure to check out our ever uberlicious host, Kathy Owen’s Holiday Yum page and leave her some blog hop luv!

OMG…we are all going to eat like Kings and Queens….

International Mens Day: who are you celebrating?

Today is International Mens Day. This is a day to celebrate the men in our lives and all the amazing things that they are and do. This year’s theme is “positive male role models.” And to commemorate this uberliciously fabulous day, I’d like to take today’s post to honor two very special men in my life; hubby and my step-dad (who I refer to as Dad now). Both of whom have been a major positive role model in my life.

Hubby…my hero!

Y’all know how much I adore hubby. Just this past weekend we celebrated 8 years together and he spoiled me with an incredible bauble…just the kind I like all sparkly and beautiful. He took me out to dinner and to see the Twilight Breaking Dawn Part II.

But hubby is so much more than the ultimate gift buyer and movie goer. He is more than urban word Wednesday fun. He is so much more than the guy who spoils me with new clothes and a panty drawer overhaul. He is an incredible person, best friend, husband, lover, role model and father.

Hubby has taught me how to love and trust in relationships and life again. When he came into my life, I was pretty skeptical. I had lost my father in a car accident 13 short years earlier and the mark of that devastation and lost was firmly tattooed on my heart and soul. I was paralyzed by the fear that any man I loved was going to leave me; one way or another. That fear of abandonment dominated my life and left me unable to love, trust and experience healthy relationships.

When hubby came into my life, there was no doubt I was in the best place I had ever been. I had taken months on my own to build up my self-esteem and self-love but I was still unsure of how to translate that into a relationship…and I wasn’t sure if I even could.

But when he came into my life, hubby took his time. He was patient, open, kind and loving. He shared with me. He bore his soul to me. He showed me what it was to be vulnerable and to put your heart in someone else’s hand with no expectations for the future. He had enough faith in love and “us” for the two of us. And with him as a constant, I began to see the light. I began to fall in love and shared myself in a way I had never done before. For the first time in what felt like a very long time, I was able to let go…and with complete abandonment, love!

With hubby…I finally became whole…and found myself.

But before hubby, came another defining relationship in my life that I believe was instrumental in my healing. My Dad.

My Dad…my other hero!

My Mom had been a window and single for 8 years before my Dad came into the picture. Mom and I had lived together as roommates for most of that time and we had a very close relationship. I knew she was ready to start dating and I really wanted to see her happy. I mean come on…8 years had passed. She was a vibrant, incredible woman in the prime of her life…she deserved to find love again!

It shocked me how upset and angry I was when she did actually start dating and falling in love with another man. In my head, I knew it was a great thing and I knew the man was perfect for her…but my heart was another matter. I couldn’t seem to get passed it. For years, my relationship with my Dad although positive and loving on the surface, had an underlying current of distrust and hurt. I loved him. I was happy for her. But I struggled to truly accept and love him wholeheartedly.

For years, I called my Dad by his first name and held him somewhat at arm’s length. I married my first husband and moved out of the house and a few years passed.

It was when I left my first husband and moved back home that my relationships with my Dad totally changed. Of course, Mom was there for me for hours of counseling and talking but she was also working a lot so it just so happened that my Dad and I were home together, a lot. I was struggling to find the answers to how I had made such a mess of my life and my Dad was there for me at every turn.

All these years he had never pushed or tried to force a deeper relationship with me. And here we found ourselves talking for hours on end. He helped me through the pain and devastation. He taught me about love, acceptance, and self-love. He helped me to take accountability for my choices and decisions that had led me to where I was. He showed me what it was to listen, to be heard, and to feel understood. He enabled and empowered me to figure out who I wanted to be going forward. And in those weeks and months, he became a father to me in every sense of the word.

Without knowing or trying, we became a father and a daughter and in that…a piece of my heart that I thought was permanently broken with the death of my father, healed. I became whole again. And I started calling him Dad…because that’s what he had become.

Hubby and Dad…these two men who came into my world later in life but both have played critical roles in helping me shape and define who I am today.

So today…on International Mens Day…I celebrate you hubby and Dad…the two most influencing men in my life. Two of my greatest joys. Two of the most incredible men I’ve had the honor to know and love. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and for everything you continue to do. Without either of you, my world wouldn’t be the same.

I love you both more than words could ever say!

What men do you celebrate today? How have they shaped you and your life? What man has been the greatest role model in your life and why? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

An intimate apparel overhaul

A weekend for a total intimate apparel overhaul

We laugh a lot about underwear here and over at Jenny Hansen’s (her undie chronicles are a staple in blogosphere hilarity). Here, we’ve partied to the panty anthem (you know…music that makes you want to take em’ off), panty’s for two (oh yes…get jiggy with your favorite person), kegel panties (cause tighter is always better), famine undies (cause we all got some nasties in the drawer…you  know you do!), and who could forget c-sting undies (the stand-alone thongs).

Today, I want to talk a little more seriously about the underwear drawer.

When hubby and I first got together, my underwear drawer consisted of a colorful collection of Hanes bikini undies in pink, white, black and blue. I am ashamed to admit, most of them were in famine undie state but whatever…they were comfortable, right? Broken in. Like an extension of my ass.

That was until hubby told me that those undies were like putting no-name steak sauce on a piece of Grade A steak.

Ever since, hubby and I have been in a panty drawer battle. I upgraded from Hanes to Calvin Klein bikinis with a 3-year-old nude bra. Voila, right? Not quite what he had in mind but he seemed to acquiesce. Then, last week, hubby said something to me that stopped me in my tracks.

I don’t get it. You are so into fashion, sexy, cute and sparkle when it comes to your clothes. You love feeling gorgeous. I don’t get why that doesn’t translate to your under clothes. I’d have thought you’d have wanted to have fun and feel super cute and pretty with bras and panties that sort of complement your personality.

Hmmmmmmmm…

I knew he wasn’t talking about sultry sous vêtement for him…in a sexual, lingerie-wearing kind of way. He was talking about me wearing things that make me feel as beautiful on the outside, as I do on the inside, from tits to toes.

I think I’ve always sort of categorised fabulously fun bras and panties as “uncomfortable” while cotton and plain with comfort. But…when I really stopped and thought about how my constant companion Calvin’s and brutal beige bra made me feel, I wouldn’t have exactly equated them with sexy, fun or fabulous. More like beige blaze.

I “save” my fabulous knickers for those special occasions, which just so happen to come around about twice a year. And although I’ve written about my realizing that no matter my size, I can wear clothes that make me feel uber hot, I don’t think I translated that lesson into my intimate drawer. I’ve told hubby time and time again that when I drop 30 pounds, I’ll expand my bra and panty repertoire.

Huh? What does being smaller have to do with it? Don’t chubby girls have the right to feel fabulous underneath their curvaceous clothes?

The scene from The Devil Wears Prada comes to mind.

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I am definitely more like Anne Hathaway right now but I am realizing I want to transform into those sexy undergarment wearing models…only a plus size version (or real size as I like to call it).

I want to break out my “saved” fancies for every day wear. I want to find gorgeous, cute, sparkling bras and undies that are ALSO comfortable. I want to feel hot in my business suit and underneath it.

I set out on a mission this weekend. I hit the local intimate apparel store and tried on 20 or 30 bras in search of those that I could meet my criteria of A) comfortable and B) fabulously fun. And you know…I found a bunch! I stepped up my game with a palooza of matching panties in a variety of styles (no bikini) to experiment with what styles I find comfortable.

I came home and gave my intimate apparel drawers a total overhaul. Now when I open them, I see a cluster of color and sparkle. I am excited to embark on this new journey and will keep you posted on how I make out.

I do want to put a call out to the intimate apparel stores like La Senza, La Vie en Rose, Victoria Secret etc. PLEASE adopt a REAL-size line of products and marketing that reflects today’s REAL women! Come on people…full figured women like to feel pretty underneath their clothes too.

What does your panty drawer look like? Is it in need of a total overhaul? Do you think your under garments play a role in how hot you feel, no matter your size? Do you believe sexy and comfy can co-exist in intimate apparel? Do you save your fabulous knickers for those special occasions? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Worlds collide: pajamas and jeans

I am all about fashion and comfort colliding. At home on the weekends, I live in yoga pants, a variety of sweats, ball caps and sneakers or flip-flops. When I head out to catch a movie or see friends, I toss the comfies aside and although I don’t go high fashion, I usually shower, toss on some make-up and fix the hair, whip on a pair of my favorite jeans, cute top and some heels.

But what if these two worlds COULD collide?

What would I give to have my favorite jeans FEEL like yoga pants?

Does such a world exist?

Apparently it does. Hubby fired me a cryptic text on Saturday that said “blog post…pajama jeans…” I was stumped but my fav gal pal knew exactly what he was talking about.

OMG I’ve totally heard of those,” she said. “They are jeans that fit and feel like pajama bottoms.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR?!?!

Online I went and lo and behold, there is such a thing as Pajama Jeans (US site here & Canadian site here).

Creaters claim that Pajama Jeans are the most versatile jean ever; made for work, play, working out, travel, and even sleeping. Wrinkle resistant they are tailored with high contrast top stitching, brass rivets, and back and front pockets that give them a “European designer” look. They have a mock fly, no buttons and a hidden front draw string.

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Ummm…these are sounding a lot like the comfy jeans that my bestie mistakened for maternity jeans.

They are made with a cotton-spandex-denim blend and lined with Dormisoft that not only stretches (my fake maternity jeans do that) but is also super soft on the skin. Ummmm…tempting!!!

In Canada, they come in boot cut and cost around $50. In the US you can get them in boot cut or skinny jean and they cost around $40. They are available in sizes from XS to 3X.

Unfortunately, they only come in 31 inch inseam (for all sizes) so that sort of sucked the excitement out of me. I don’t buy a pant, comfy or not, that has less than a 34 inches inseam. I might be comfy and able to roll out of bed and onto the runway in Pajama Jeans but with a 31″ inseam, I’d be looking like I was prepared for the next great flood. No thanks.

I am not so sure about the infomercials claim that they are“the fashion sensation that fits every figure perfectly” but the “smooth butt lifting design” is certainly appealing. Who doesn’t want their ass lifted while wearing something that feels like jammies?

Anyone try this “fashion sensation” yet and care to share a review? Would you be happy to combine fabulous jeans with comfy PJs? What’s your favorite multi-function fashion must-have? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

A girl needs her nest

Last week Jenny took over my blog and we all had a blast tearing it up in the comments section. If you haven’t stopped by for a read yet, I highly recommend it. But set your drink down first. It’s a definite snorter.

In part of the comments, Amy started a discussion about vajazzling (y’all know I am a huge fan…I’ll BeDazzle anything). Jenny did not like the idea of putting glue on her hooha and assumed she’d have to get a Brazilian (you know…wax the vajayjay bare…) to vajazzle. I assured her that a) with a little soak in the tub, those little gems would fall right off and b) in my humble opinion, there’s no need of a Brazilian to vajazzle (perhaps just a little tidy and trim before you dress up the kitty cat). Vajazzling isn’t just for bald girls.

Then Kathy drops a bombshell that had howling in laughter!

“Brazilian – those look like naked armadillos. A girl needs her nest.”

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. This is going to be my new life motto.

I do have a couple of gal pals who swear by and love Brazilians. They do them for a number of reasons. One finds that the lack of hair has reduced her yeast infections. Another just loves the look and feel. Both swear that once you get used to it, it doesn’t hurt. Another has gone so far as to have electrolysis to make her bald muff permanent.

And I say “you go girls!” Ya gotta do what feels right.

But for me, Kathy’s totally got my vote; a girl needs her nest. I think it’d feel weird to look down and see…no hair?! Mind you, I am all about keeping kitty clipped and snipped; all the better for vajazzling, right?! Just like a girl needs her nest…a girl needs a little glitter.

Now, if only someone had the solution to ingrown hairs, I’d be set.

What’s your vote?

Have you tried a Brazilian? Was it as painful as it sounds? What would ever prompt you to try one? Any secret weapons against the bikini line ingrown hairs? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Merry Christmas…hope you like your new roof!

Current roof shingles being removed

To all my friends and family who were hoping for fabulous Christmas presents from hubby and I, we have exciting news to share. Hubby and I decided that since you are all the BOMB we’d treat y’all right and go BIG! That’s right…as a token of our appreciation for your friendship, love and support and for all the glory you’ve shown us, this year we are treating you to….wait for it…a new roof!

I KNOW!! I am super pumped too!

We knew when we bought the house 3 years ago that the previous owner had experienced a leak issue around the dormer. But we thought we had fixed the issue last year….for $100 bucks no less.

And it rained all summer. And we stayed dry. We thought we were set!

The home ownership Gods teeheed at our ego….bastards!

A couple of weeks ago, we came home to find it raining in our house. After a long day at work, I came into the kitchen to set down my bags and heard it. I looked over to where our leather chair and Ottoman sit to find water pouring in from our once-gorgeous tray ceiling in the living room.

I cursed. A lot.

My house is only 9 years old people. It should not be raining in the living room!

After we got over the dread, hubby ventured into the attic to remove the wet insulation and to put some strategically placed totes to catch the water. While I handled clean up in the living room. Thankfully, the chair and Ottoman were saved but our hardwood floors did not fare so well with definite water damage. Dang!

We called the roofer.

He came later in the week when the sun finally came out. Turns out, our roof is boarded – not tongue and groove plywood. Ok, it is to minimum code but y’all know with my Mike Holmes obsession how I FEEL about minimum code?!?! Please…it would have cost the builder an extra couple hundred bucks to do it right. Douche!

But then…we also discovered that the builder had the audacity to not bother putting ANY tar paper under the shingles. Excuse me?!?! Isn’t that like a code violation or something? I’m going to try to find the guy who built this house and kick him in the bag…repeatedly!

Great…so we’ll tear off the shingles around the dormer and fix just that part, right?

WRONG!

It turned out that our current shingles were no longer manufactured (fabulous…more bag kicking!!!) so we had to redo the entire front part of the roof and the little roof that’s above the garage. Now we have different color shingles on the front and back of the house. Hopefully buyers (someday) won’t notice. Good grief.

The douche bagness doesn’t stop there! When the roofers tore off old shingles, they found the problem. The builder nailed the water barrier for the dormer with the nails about 1 inch from the seam – ummmmm – yes RIGHT where the water runs (more bag kicking required!!!!). The roofer told us it was a good thing we were redoing it; we’d have never found the leak.

So, less than a week after the “raining in the house” episode, the roofers came and tore off the entire front half of the roof off. They put down tarp paper, ice/snow barrier and sealed that dormer up tighter than a nun’s “you know what”! They assured me (with a 5 year guarantee I might add) that it’ll NEVER leak again. From his lips to God’s ears.

$3000 later our Xmas budget is now totally blown…and then some…on a new roof.

That means every one is getting a card for Xmas…with a picture of the new roof and maybe a turn at kicking our home builder in the BAG!! What fun!!!

The joys of home ownership…I think I want my apartment back.

How do you prepare for unforeseen expenses? Do you have a savings account for home emergencies? What’s your funniest/worst/best home ownership story? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

  • I was swept away with Susie Lindau’s eye candy photo essay. Beautiful!
  • I lose myself every day on Patrick Latter’s Canadian Hiking Photography blog. The photos are spectacular and so deeply moving and inspiring. His pics from the Calgary Zoo were ahhhmazing! And his recent hiking trip to Moraine Lake…words cannot describe! Be sure to check him out!
  • Jenny Hansen’s post on missing her Mom was a beautiful tribute. I can see where Jenny gets her fabulous sense of humor. What an outstanding lady. Made me miss my Dad.

Dating advice to a misguided missed connection

Last week, Jenny and I embarked on uber Missed Connections fun; our latest discovery in free entertainment. On Friday, Jenny posted a poll where y’all had the opportunity to vote on your favorite of our Missed Connections. And today, hubby and I dish out some dating advice to your fav dud!

The Missed Connection y’all felt needed hubby and I the most – by a 58.82% majority vote:

You farted in Trader Joe’s – m4w (Danbury, CT) (NYC Craigslist “Missed Connections”)

“You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, “Was that you?” You quickly replied “No…Wasn’t me!” You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I’d love to meet up sometime.”

This post was written in 2009 and although it’s no longer on Craigslist, it is a real Missed Connection post, as seen here

My Advice

I have to question your attraction to a bold-faced liar. I mean…this is what I’d call a major red flag. If she’d lie about something as putrid but petty as flatulence, what else would she lie about? I encourage all my friends to date people who aren’t afraid to owe their shit. Literally, if need be.

Take hubby and I as an example. Sometimes, I can’t avoid crop dusting deadly ass gas. It’s that or serious cramps. We’ll be at the mall and hubby will turn with a quizzical look to which I will giggle and nod…”oh yeah…that was me…” Now that’s honest love. No hidden gems here. We share everything.

You want a lady who’s not only beautiful and can fart like a Clydesdale, but one who can own it with pride. If she was a quality lady worthy of your time and effort, her response to your personal, yet warranted, question should have been “hell yes! Breath that bad boy in…” Any fart that elicits a scent worthy of waving the wheaties is something to be proud of.

You are obviously a chivalric gentleman trying to help her conceal her deal and your romantic loaf gesture should have been acknowledged with a wink, smile and some appreciative “thanks” instead of her storming off angry. Don’t be blinded by the beauty, this is obviously a short-tempered, high maintenance liar. Run my friend…run! Not to mention, if you started dating there’s no doubt she’d likely pin one of her smelly air biscuits on you at some point…think about it!

My advice to you, use this experience as a benchmark tool in your further quests. Ask any dating potentials right up front what their stench potential is and if they are loud and proud or a silent but violent liar.

If you happen upon a beauty that admits to having some serious anal acoustics don’t let that interfere with your relationship. Remember, there’s always Subtle Butts.

Hubby’s Advice

Set the bar higher buddy.

If your dates fart like a horse, there is a problem. This is not the quality you should aim for. Stand on your head and let the blood drain to your real head and then…give your head a shake. Pinch it off. You are obviously blinded by beauty.

Look deeper and for someone who, if she does fart like Clydesdale, does so in the privacy of a bathroom, not the bread line. I suggest you be more selective. Like selecting your bread, whether whole grain, multi grain or white, there are a whole slew of possibilities. But no matter what you choose, you don’t pick the loaf that looks the best ignoring the rancid smell. That would be a taste disaster. You choose the one that looks and smells fresh – picking a quality partner is the same.

Find a gal who is beautiful and smells wonderfully!

What advice would you give this Missed Connection poster? Come on…share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

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