Happy Halloween and welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME, hubby…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!
Pumpkin Goatse: A carved pumpkin made to mimic a real-life goatse, which a disgusting picture of a man stretching his butt extremely wide.
Examples Of Use:
Hubby’s family hosted their annual Family Pumpkin Day this past Sunday. On Saturday, hubby and I set off in search of the perfect pumpkins to purchase. We hit a local farmer’s pumpkin patch to scour through the hundreds of choices (along with many other families gearing up for Halloween).
As we were perusing, I turned to see hubby bent over, staring intently at a pumpkin while at the same time grabbing his ass cheeks with either hand.
Me: WHAT are you doing? Are you fart constipated again?
*said in a high-pitched hushed whisper*
Hubby: I am farting just fine. I want to do a pumpkin goatse this year so I am visualizing.
Me: what in God’s name is a pumpkin goatse?
Pumpkin Goatse Example
Hubby: you know…a picture of a guy holding his ass cheeks and spreading it wide for all the world to see.
Me: and you want to do this to a pumpkin?
*hubby is still bent over having this conversation*
Hubby: yes…I’ve showed you the pictures. They are hilarious!
Me: ok…but that doesn’t explain why you are bent over doing a clothed demo of a goatse for all these people to enjoy? I mean your ass is hot but I think you might be starting to scare the children.
*finally he lets go of his own ass only to start man-handling the pumpkin*
Hubby: the children are fine! They’ve likely seen worse. I am trying to get a sense whether or not this pumpkin has the right shaped potential buns and crack. I want them perfectly round and supple like my own so I thought a hands-on approach would help in the determination.
Me: good lord…well does that pumpkin fit the bill or not cause I think you are about to get arrested for sexually assaulting it.
Hubby: not quite what I am looking for. You may want to sit in the car. This testing could take a while. I do have a pretty perfect ass.
Hubby opted for a carving that was slightly more meaningful than the pumpkin goatse. At least our trick or treaters won’t be scared for life.
Your spouse ever embarrass you in public? What pumpkin shopping stories do you have? Got a great pumpkin carvings to share? How do you celebrate Halloween? Come on…share the wealth…
More blog deliciousness here:
- Near died laughing reading Jenny Hansen’s compilation of Hurricane Sandy tweets.
- Jenny Isenman’s marriage series is cracking me up. Her first post on her hubby’s parking (love the video at the end of nutrition drinks) and then her post on her hubby’s aversion to taking out the trash had me in stitches.
- I think I could highlight every post August McLaughlin writes. Can I help it if she rocks the blogosphere with uber goodness. Her post on how her pseudo-marriage prepped her for career decisions just rocked my world!
Haha…I can’t believe you used this as your word for UWW….who am I kidding? Sure I can!!
If I could have found the perfect pumpkin….It would have been the best Pumpkin Goatse around! Lol!
DAMN straight. Who can pass up on material like THAT?! I wish I’d have gotten a photo of you…now that’d have been sweet! LOL!
I didn’t even know what a “goatse” was till you two got ahold of me. (IYKWIM)
Me either….until hubby educated me…IYKWIM!!! LOL
Of course he did. ROFL…
KA-SHNORT!!!!!!!
This blog should have a preemptive warning. In addition to the traditional “put down your beverage before reading”, you need “take a preemptive pee.”
Start searching earlier next year. I want to see your own Pumpkin Goatse.
Sorry. I gotta go. In every sense of the phrase. IYKWIM
I start laughing every time I picture Scott bent over holding his buns. And, don’t play all innocent, Natalie. You’re the one who brought up the topic of fart constipation. Of course, that was probably the sanest thing you could ask — given the circumstances and view.
ROFL!! It was the only PG thing that came to mind. The rest were not appropriate mutterings in front of the pumpkin shopping youngsters. LOL!!
Gloria, I think Hubby’s pumpkin took the pre-emptive pee for the team…
Oh my! That first pumpkin is just gross!
I did laugh….
Hubby’s live imitation was way hotter. LOL!!
I seriously doubt that…
I’m sure the entire family was much happier with the final choice. I started to write that you crack me up before I realized the unintended pun. Seriously, you do crack me up!
LOVE it Diana!!! We do like to get a wee bit cracked around here. ROFL!!
Wow, I learn something new every day. Unfortunately.
That pumpkin is hilarious. I’m still laughing my (unstretched) ass off! (_*_)
I am here to spread the teachings…and entertainment, of course. LOL!! Glad you enjoyed Diane!! Here’s to keeping our cheeks together…LOL.
I guess I can stop blog heckling long enough to say THANK YOU for including my Hurricane Sandy post. It was amazing to see all the, um…creativity people came up with.
Blogjack away my darlin’ – highest form of blog flattery!
That post rocked. People have the best senses of humor!
LOLOLOL! (I’ve been enjoying Jenny I, too. Very funny!
So stinking funny!!
Sexually assaulting a pumpkin… LOLOLOL! I imagine that people were giving Scott a wide berth there. I can just imagine the parents hissing at them to stay away. Never heard of goatse before now…and I have to say that if I ever see one, I seriously hope it’s only on a pumpkin. That just sounds SO unattractive (not your best side, sweetheart). Love the one you did go with though. Happy Halloween!
People were avoiding him for obvious reasons but then we usually have that affect on crowds…LOL!!!
Yes, on a pumpkin, it’s not as “horrible” as it could be in real life…LOL!!
You just made my day with that sweet shout out. Thanks, lady!
As for the post, aye carumba! I was nervous about what photo was coming. LOL Perfect choices! You and your hubby absolutely crack me up. Whoops! No pin intended.
Happy Halloween!!! {8} (Is that close? LOL)
My pleasure dollface, it’s absolutely the truth!
LOL – we crack ourselves up most of the time…if you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at, right?! LOL!
A goatse emoticon…LOVE IT!!! {8}
I just added Goatse to the list of words I hope I never have to use! Thanks for the education.
And, ew.
Too funny, Emma! It reminds me of a ‘job’ I tried about four years ago. Working as a ChaCha guide (a Q&A service via text/telephone). Some of the questions we got stuck with. I got a warning from the company because I thought a certain kind of hot pocket was exclusive to Alabama (I think that was the state)…you know like GRITS, or something you’d find in the freezer department at your GROCERY store. Not even close! So a bunch of the other guides came up with a list…that I wrote out and taped to my monitor…of words we did NOT want to know the definition of (we sent them to other guides, lol). A relative saw the list and burst out laughing, wanting to know why “I” had it up where everyone could see it. I guess a lot of people knew what they meant. Anyway, it was a short-lived experience. And I still remember too many things I wish I’d never learned.
ROFL!! Luv it Kristy. You should send me a scanned version, if you still have it. Inspiration for posts. LOL!!!
Fortunately (for you entire reading audience) I threw that list away when I decided the pay was definitely NOT worth the aggravation. There are sexual acts that just make you go ewwww!!!! and OMG!!! It makes you wonder a lot about some of the people in the world, lol.
Girl…I’d have loved to have seen it. That’s how sick I really am. LOL!!!
I hear ya girl! LOL!!!
LMAO!
Glad you enjoyed! LOL!