So y’all know that hubby and I beat ourselves up weekly in Death by Swimming. After a summer of overindulging in bountiful BBQ and beers, come September through April we actually voluntarily sign-up for an hourly weekly fitness swimming class (the class is actually designed with triathletes in mind…please note, we are NOT even close to triathletes). Every Monday evening, we drag our summer pudged bodies to the local indoor swimming pool where our militant coach issues swimming orders like a well trained captain! Up and down the pool we go as if being chased by sharks. Wheezing, weak and weary, we battle the bulge, foggy goggles and skin-tight swim gear does nothing for the gunt…it’s no Spanks…just sayin’.
Another glorious part to Death by Swimming is the pool walk of shame. Since our class takes place along the far end of the pool, we are forced to trudge our flabby folds past the toddlers and teenagers in training. But that’s not the worse part, because they could care less. It’s their fabulous folks all sitting high up in the viewing hall that makes this a walk of shame.
I try to hold my head high and “work the runway” as always but I gotta say people…wearing the swimsuit from hell and my latex swim cap that’s earned me the nickname “Foreskin”, it’s tough to feel high fashion.
But fear not, I have found the solution.
Meet, the swimmer’s treadmill, by Hammacher Schlemmer.
Now I realize here in New Brunswick, the outdoor pool season is a bit short given that fall and winter weather make it near impossible to be outside, let alone in a pool. But…at only 65 square feet, we could set the swimmer’s treadmill up in our garage (I didn’t want to park the car there anyway…I actually enjoy cleaning off 10 feet of snow every morning) meaning YEAR-ROUND swimming people.
With a harness that wraps around a swimmer’s waist (22 to 42 inches) and flexible elastic tether, the contraption suspends the swimmer in the water so he/she can actually swim laps…all in the space of an SUV. How uberlicious is THAT?!
This means year-round, any-day-of-the-week swimming. And no more pool walks of shame. I mean hell; I could even train in the buff if I wanted to. A new tune comes to mind: it’s my garage and I’ll swim in the nude if I want to.
At 4 and 1/2 feet tall, it can be filled with 1500 gallons of fresh, chlorinated or saltwater and it comes with a pump and filter which maintains optimal water cleanliness. A built-in ladder provides easy entries and exit. Although I’m hoping hubby could hook me up with some kind of jungle rope so I could have some real fun getting in and out. Or maybe rig something up with the garage door opener?!?!?
Wait…it gets better. It also provides varying resistance for stronger strokes or kicks with more resistance. I mean…we don’t get THAT at Death by Swimming!
The swimmer’s treadmill is supported by a sturdy powder-coated steel frame, the pool’s liner is made from rip- and tear-resistant PVC-coated 2,000-denier polyester fabric and the included floor mat provides further protection for the pool’s bottom. Not to mention, if it’s in the garage and we have a little leak, just open the door. Voila! And…it requires no special plumbing or electrical.
As a little bonus, THINK of the garage parties we could have with this. Pull out the harness contraption, toss in the floaties and the remote control hostess and BAM…it’s pool party time in December!
I mean…where else are can you get an indoor pool for $1400?!?! After 14 swimming classes (about 3.5 years), it’d be paying for itself. Hell, we could even rent it hourly to friends and family to recoup cost.
I say brilliant! Who’s with me?
What kind of in-home fitness equipment do you have? Would you consider a swimmer’s treadmill? Help me convince hubby this is a must have for us. Come on…share the wealth…
It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!
More blog deliciousness here:
- Got a ton of great first steps on writing from Janice Hardy.
- Read Raelyn Barclay’s post on her Scrivener love affair, which rocked and brought me to the Ruby-Slippered Sisterhood’s post on using Scrivener for plotting and….Murder She Writes’ post about Gwen Hernandez Scrivener for Dummies book. After all that…I am LUSTING for Scrivener.
Wow! I love how you can turn just about anything into a party!
That harness thingy looks kinda weird, like an instrument of torture. (Maybe it’s just me; it’s early in the morning and I’m still a little sleepy). What about heat for this pool? Is there a heater? If I’m coming over to your garage in December, I don’t want to freeze my fanny off! (Yeah, I just invited myself over, LOL).
If you really get into the swim thing and want to go all-out, here’s something to check out: http://www.endlesspools.com/products.php
Have fun,
Kathy
I want the endless pool!
I KNOW…OMG!! Endless pool….sigh!!! When doing research for this post, I came across the endless pool. Actually, the endless pool SPA! And of course, it’s what I WANT! But I figure the price point is a wee bit higher than $1400 and therefore a harder sell to hubby. LOL!!! I went with the cheaper, perhaps more likely option?!?! Can’t blame a girl for trying. LOL!!
I’m sure I could get NATSMAN on the job of making sure she’s nice and toasty for you…hehehehe…
As with most exercise equipment – it’s only designed for smaller people that are in shape…at an alarming three bills and a 44 inch waste – I’d have to lose about 40 pounds before I could even get into the harness. And when I say most gym equipment – I’m talking cardio machines – most have a 250lb weight limit – if I weighed 250 I wouldn’t be at the gym!!! SO ONCE AGAIN – I have to drop 40-50lbs to use a cardio machine – the gym equipment industry needs to assess it’s target market – fat people!
***sad sympathy coming your way***
It looks like you’ll have to continue going to Death By Swimming outside the house and Nat will get the garage pool all to herself.
Girl…I like the way you think!!!
LOL!!!!
I say Jenny presents a very valid argument. Have fun at the public pool…I’ll be in the garage swimming in the buff. LOL!!
Actually, that is very cool! And speaking of cool, you didn’t mention a heater…no way in winter I’d put my fluffy butt in cold water! Hey, if I was good with privation, I wouldn’t be fluffy – right?
Very true Laura and a valid concern. I assumed I’d get ol’ NASTMAN on the job of keeping er’ warm and snuggly in the garage. I don’t want cold to be a deterrence – for sure.
That would be fun! But, really, I’d just be excited to have a pool at home. Practicing in the bathtub doesn’t exactly work.
Me, I have to leave the house to workout. I’m not sure why, but that is how I am.
I know, eh?!?! A pool….at home…OMG! I’d take kiddy pool at this point.
Yes, the bathtub is somewhat restrictive for this kind of training. LOL!!!
I actually know a number of people who are like that and thrive leaving the house, hitting the gym etc. Very common. It’s hard to say if I’d use it long after we had it. I’d like to think I would but…I do tend to be a lazy ol’ thing. LOL!
Hey, your ‘walk of shame’ past all the folks sitting in the bleachers … well, guess what, you’re ahead of all of them sitting on their butts probably clutching their mocha, skinny, extra-whip, frapp-crap. Walk PROUD!! Also, for Hubby — interesting perspective on weight limits on cardio machines. This makes me extra happy with the CrossFit philosophy that our bodies are our machines. So much you can do with your own body and weights. You and Nat are doing great with the swimming. Just keep it up and maybe mix it up with other stuff. Those 40 pounds and more will be history!
You know what Ginger…you are SO RIGHT! I am not going to let them intimidate me any more. I’m gonna own that walk….I’ve earned it!
Yes, hubby definitely has a bone of contention to pick with a lot of fitness equipment. And you are right, that is one of the fabulous things about CrossFit!!!!
Girl…I am mixing it up for sure! Swimming, hip hop, walking the dog and Bowflex….I want to die. LOL!!
First off…C’mon, Hubby. I mean really. That pool has so much potential…and not just for winter parties either. It can help you to drop the weight you need to get off for the belt to fit. Jogging in water is fun, and easy on the joints. Resistance training (with paddles and foam stuff) is good, too. And I can’t believe I’m the one to suggest this but…hey!…sexercise??? Right in your own mini pool in the garage??? That alone would be worth the money, I’d think.
I just have a boring treadmill, resistance bands, and hand and ankle weights.
BAHAHAHAHA! I’d love to hear the results of an exercise experiment with the boring treadmill, resistance bands, and hand and ankle weights. ROFL.
I meant to say “a sexercise” experiment. IYKWIM.
Hmm. I’m thinking a sexercise experiment that includes a treadmill might be a painful experience…unless the power was off…and then I see at least two really fun possibilities. I can even see some uses for the bands. Not too sure about the weights though. I’d have to give that some thought.
OMG you two are INSANE!!! Get your minds out of the gutter. There will be no sexercising in the pool. I am just not that type of girl.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
BAM! Whatever gets hubby to agree to buy the pool, I’m in for! I think we could have a ton of fun sexercising in it. And I believe at some point on this blog we talked about a little FUN on the Bowflex. Possibilities are endless….LOL!!!
Awesome idea! But ya know what?? Those parents that are sitting in the bleachers looking out over the pool…they’re sitting there thinking, “Damn, I should get my ass off these bleachers and DO something like those people.”
At least that’s what I like to think when I do the walk of shame to our end of the pool.
Sooooo true Elena!! That they are. I am definitely going to hold my head a wee bit higher when I walk and be proud that at least I am getting IN the pool!!! BAM!!! Let’s be PROUD girl!
Oh, you definitely need this little baby. You rig up your garage door opener with a zip line and you could sell tickets to the neighbors. You could throw in some plastic fish and snorkel for a while at the same time.
Oh the hours of entertainment I envision you having. You snorkeling in the nude while the snow flies. Love it!
Please invite me over when it’s all set up and ready to go. I’d love to come watch you treadswim. I’ll bring my own wine and a lawn chair.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
ROFL.
OMG OMG OMG!! ZIP LINE!!!! Selling tickets!!!!
Jansen, you are GENIUS!! Love it…and absolutely…consider this an OPEN invite to swing by for some garage pool party fun any time! LOL!!
That. is. hilarious! I always wanted a pool and now I can! Thanks for the big laugh
LOL!! I am so glad you enjoyed Pleun!! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Means a lot. Here’s to much continued laughter!!
Awesome–if the hubby adds that heater! The walk of shame would be why this body has not worn a swim suit in many years. Well, that and gravity. She’s a b*tch! LOL!
Yeahhhh!! Heater is a must have!!
Gravity is a low-life, pond scum sucking douche!!! LOL!!
It is!!! LOL! (Though I do like the part of gravity that keeps me from floating off into space, but other than that? NO!)
I agree…the whole space thing is a must-have but seriously…must it be so HARSH?! My land…surely it could keep us on the planet while not wrinkling us into prunes and shoving our tits to our toes?! LOL!!!
LOLOL! Truth!!! I’m trying to figure out why its SO bitter. I mean, we’re all there for it. All the time, well, except for the dudes in space, but otherwise its got all of humanity. Why does it need our muscle tone, too????
My point EXACTLY Pauline!!! GREEDY bitch….
LOLOL! YUP!
In-home fitness equipment…um…does running after the wee beasties, picking up after them, and being dragged around the neighborhood every morning count? :LOL:
Thanks for the fabulous shout out doll!
Absolutely it counts!!! LOL!!! HELL YES!!! LOL
My pleasure…
Bring that baby down here to Texas. We have the weather for it! It could sit right out in my back yard. Or better, right on my front yard. Throw out a BBQ grill, a few lawn chairs, a beer cooler, and it’s block party time.
Of course, you could avoid that $1400 with a blow-up pool, a rope around your waist, and hubby pulling that harness from behind to keep you from advancing in the pool even as you stroke and kick like you’re keeping pace with Michael Phelps. It’s the cheap person’s version of that Hammer-Schmammer thing, or whatever you call that fancy brand. LOL.
I am soooo moving to Texas Julie.
It’s always good to have a plan B and this might be a more doable option that I could sell ol’ hubby on. LOL!!
As usual, this group has gone crazy over this. And rightly so. Forget the walk of shame Natalie. Who needs it? An indoor pool in your own garage. That’s a year round deathly experience. That’s the way to roll! Wahooooo!!!!
Absolutely Karen! It’s totally the way to roll!! Squeeee!!!
Wohoo I will definitely have to move to the neighborhood now Forskin. Not only just for the death by swimming lesson but the convinent pool parties in January!
Yes I could do one in my garage but as you know this Queen doesn’t clean off the car in the winter months! hahaha
Sweet. It’s gonna be one hell of a party in our neighbourhood. Wine nights will be at my place now. LOL!!
Queen of clean….love it!! As you know, our garage has always been full so I’ve never been able to use it for the car anyway…why start now?!?! I say January pool parties are a warranted exception. LOL!!
Thanks for swinging by and commenting. Can’t wait to rock the pool runway with you soon. Just gotta get you a cap so we can be Foreskin twins. LOL!!
Okay, Natalie – I was reading everyone’s comments and realized if I wanted to get more work done (as in I’m just starting today) – I best get with the business at hand. Anytime you want something from Hammacher Schlemmer (and the bulker the better, i.e. indoor swimming pool) remind the man that if you don’t like it – it can always be returned. Additionally, all of their products are guaranteed for life. Now, we don’t want anything to happen to Handsome Natsman – but – say if it did – well, instead of walking the walk with your new shapely body to get in the deep end of the pool and having all the men doing cat calls – - you’d be able to stay home and gaze upon his picture while you swim your ‘laps’ in your indoor garage pool. After all, it is going to last you a lifetime.
Well Sheri that is a very sound argument! How can hubby refuse me and the swimmer’s treadmill now? I mean…it’s really all for him!
ROFL!!