Last week, Jenny and I embarked on uber Missed Connections fun; our latest discovery in free entertainment. On Friday, Jenny posted a poll where y’all had the opportunity to vote on your favorite of our Missed Connections. And today, hubby and I dish out some dating advice to your fav dud!
The Missed Connection y’all felt needed hubby and I the most – by a 58.82% majority vote:
You farted in Trader Joe’s – m4w (Danbury, CT) (NYC Craigslist “Missed Connections”)
“You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, “Was that you?” You quickly replied “No…Wasn’t me!” You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I’d love to meet up sometime.”
This post was written in 2009 and although it’s no longer on Craigslist, it is a real Missed Connection post, as seen here
I have to question your attraction to a bold-faced liar. I mean…this is what I’d call a major red flag. If she’d lie about something as putrid but petty as flatulence, what else would she lie about? I encourage all my friends to date people who aren’t afraid to owe their shit. Literally, if need be.
Take hubby and I as an example. Sometimes, I can’t avoid crop dusting deadly ass gas. It’s that or serious cramps. We’ll be at the mall and hubby will turn with a quizzical look to which I will giggle and nod…”oh yeah…that was me…” Now that’s honest love. No hidden gems here. We share everything.
You want a lady who’s not only beautiful and can fart like a Clydesdale, but one who can own it with pride. If she was a quality lady worthy of your time and effort, her response to your personal, yet warranted, question should have been “hell yes! Breath that bad boy in…” Any fart that elicits a scent worthy of waving the wheaties is something to be proud of.
You are obviously a chivalric gentleman trying to help her conceal her deal and your romantic loaf gesture should have been acknowledged with a wink, smile and some appreciative “thanks” instead of her storming off angry. Don’t be blinded by the beauty, this is obviously a short-tempered, high maintenance liar. Run my friend…run! Not to mention, if you started dating there’s no doubt she’d likely pin one of her smelly air biscuits on you at some point…think about it!
My advice to you, use this experience as a benchmark tool in your further quests. Ask any dating potentials right up front what their stench potential is and if they are loud and proud or a silent but violent liar.
If you happen upon a beauty that admits to having some serious anal acoustics don’t let that interfere with your relationship. Remember, there’s always Subtle Butts.
Set the bar higher buddy.
If your dates fart like a horse, there is a problem. This is not the quality you should aim for. Stand on your head and let the blood drain to your real head and then…give your head a shake. Pinch it off. You are obviously blinded by beauty.
Look deeper and for someone who, if she does fart like Clydesdale, does so in the privacy of a bathroom, not the bread line. I suggest you be more selective. Like selecting your bread, whether whole grain, multi grain or white, there are a whole slew of possibilities. But no matter what you choose, you don’t pick the loaf that looks the best ignoring the rancid smell. That would be a taste disaster. You choose the one that looks and smells fresh – picking a quality partner is the same.
Find a gal who is beautiful and smells wonderfully!
What advice would you give this Missed Connection poster? Come on…share the wealth…
More blog deliciousness here:
- I really enjoyed this post by Kathy Owen on Hedy Lamarr and how she was much more than just an actress. Reminds me to always look beyond the cover.
- LOVE Gloria Richard’s post on how old would you be if you didn’t know your age. Reminds us to not be held back by our own perspective and boundaries but to see ourselves as free and capable always – no matter our age!
- Love the fantastic tips that August McLaughlin outlines for carving out time alone. Great for creative artist but really…all of us need time to fuel the jet. Not to mention, her post on the power of daydreaming. I’m gonna set more time aside to let my dreams take over my inner world.