Urban Word Wednesday: Port-a-Hover

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Port-a-Hover: the hover position women take when using a port-a-potty so that their ass cheeks don’t touch the seat of the port-a-potty.

Examples Of Use:

As you know, hubby and I recently took a little mini-vacation to Shediac, New Brunswick: beach/cottage country. As it so happened, the Lobster Festival was in full swing during our stay which meant tons of neat things to see and do; daily entertainment, concerts, and a full exhibition with rides and games galore.

On Thursday evening, after a long day at the beach, we headed over to the beer gardens to see a great Bon Jovi tribute band, Keep the Faith.

Since it was a beer garden, there weren’t any seats. So before the band came on stage, hubby and I copped a squat just outside the tent on a side walk. The port-a-potties just behind us.

We enjoyed a beer and the cool breeze. There were people all around us, sitting, standing, smoking. That’s when hubby and I had the following convo much to our neighbor’s chuckles.

Hubby: you gonna check out a port-a-potty before the concert?

Me: yeah, probably a good idea.

Hubby: make sure you do the port-a-hover.

Me: Nah, I’m just gonna sit right down in the urine.

*Hubby snorts his beer – girl next to him (who was obviously eavesdropping) has her jaw dropped*

Hubby: what?!?!?

Me (with a straight face): my hamstring is still sore from golf so I don’t think I can manage the port-a-hover. Whatever. It’s only urine right? I mean…in emergency situations, people drink it so how bad can it be to get some on my ass? A GoGirl would totally come in handy right now!

Hubby: I’m speechless!

*we fist pump*

Do you practice the port-a-hover? Ever had to just sit down (and shudder to think what’s beneath you)? Share the wealth…

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Comments

  1. Hubby aka The Blog Heckler says:

    That’s my lady!!! I’m a lucky man….lucky man!

  2. If I use a port a potty, which is rare, I definitely hover. I also have to leave the door open & have a friend talk to me in order to use one. I’m terrified that someone is hiding down there to murder me. Strange fear, I know, but it’s very real. So I don’t often go to places that don’t have real batheooms. Lucky for me I can hold it for over 24 hours. :)

    • ROFL!! I hear ya. I wasn’t afraid of someone lurking but I was definitely afraid of the entire thing falling over and covering me in….grossness. LOL!! I WISH I had your bladder control – girl – wow! :-)

  3. prudencemacleod says:

    Ok, it won’t be any fun, but I’ll be serious here. sigh “The trick is to carry a sandwich bag with a few Lysol wipes to wipe down public toilets before use. You can also carry a small flashlight to make sure nothing is hiding down there. (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)

  4. Can I tell you how glad I am that your choice of pic for this post was that of the beer going IN? LOL! Won’t ask how it turned out, but glad you had so much fun on your trip!

  5. winnwords says:

    Okay, Natalie – that was LOL funny! Glad I wasn’t drinking coffee when I read it. Don’t you resent the fact that women have to have thighs rivaling Ben Johnson’s just to pee in a sanitary fashion in public?? I know I do!

  6. I only use a port-a-potty when in despair, but I’m definitely a port-a-hover when I do! LOL

  7. God, I wish I could be a fly on your wall for these conversations. I’d love to see the expressions on other people’s faces!

  8. It doesn’t matter to me what sort of bathroom it is, if it’s public, I hover. Heck, I’ve hovered in some bathrooms that are in houses. I’d have loved to have seen the expression on the girl sitting next to you. Especially when you mentioned that people drink urine in an emergency (please, please, please never let experience an emergency THAT bad).

    So I was trying to find a story I read a few years ago, about a woman using a public restroom (and everything that could go wrong did). I couldn’t, but did stumble onto this. I particularly loved the ‘spruce the place up’ part. Never know why something is going to strike me funny, but that did. :)

  9. Ugh, this has brought back memories! When I was in high school we lived deep in the bush with no electricity, running water or telephone while my father built our house, and yes a port-a-loo was our toilet. Boy did I perfect the art of the hover, both for fear of what lay beneath and because those black seats absorbed heat like tar in the summer. Yeow!

  10. I’m scared of being locked in a port-of-john after I, um, locked my friend into one. Oops! It was meant to be a joke. . . but, well, the handle jammed and THIRTY minutes later she emerged. We were at Girl Scout camp too. Yep. Two decades later I’m petrified that if I enter one of those things she’ll spring up and lock me in. I do my bladder all kinds of harm to avoid those things!

  11. I’m thinking I should have an open invitation to you and the hubby to come visit because y’all are a RIOT! I might end up on the floor clutching my sides and hiding under the table at the restaurant, but we would have a good time. Port-a-hover is a posture all women should have in their repertoire.

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