All too often I hear the super sad tale of fellow writers not having their own office space in which to write. A couple of kids and BAM, there goes your writing room. Bestselling authors and potential bestselling authors being relegated to writing at the kitchen table, the island, or worse yet, the couch. Trying to tune out hubby’s fifty zillion questions “what’s that…what are you writing…who’s that for…what channel is that news program on…what good shows did Tiffany and Amber just review…where did my socks go???”
Oh I know all about it.
Or how about the kids? “Mom I’m hungry, Mom Billy hit me, Mom I need to pee, Mom I just peed myself…” The list goes on and on.
Without a room or a dedicated writing space to close off the world and get some quiet or crank up your latest book’s playlist, how’s a successful author to concentrate? I mean…you are doing this for your family for land’s sake?!?! Don’t they understand? You are the next BESTSELLER. On the cusp of millions of dollars, movie deals, book signings…if only you had a proper writing space to make it all happen, right?! Well…something like that anyway.
And typing at the kitchen table or on the couch…no no no! If you want a 20-year writing career, you can’t be risking carpel tunnel with insufficient or improper wrist and finger support. I mean…these are your money makers people. You need to treat em’ right.
As always, have I got the solution for you!
O.M.G (and not Jenny’s new OMG definition either – this is for the ol’ Oh MY GOD one we all know and love – Jenny you are such a perv – I love it) now that’s what I am talking about!!!
For a measly $6200 US (I know this might seem like a lot right off the bat but THINK about your lifelong earning potential as a successful author. I mean…a couple of books and this bad boy is paid for – it’s an INVESTMENT people), you can get yourself the all-encompassing, self-contained Emperor 1520 home office.
Hand built in Canada (and you know we Canadians build good shit), it boasts a comfy, immersive and aesthetically unique environment for the long hours you are going to spend as an aspiring author on your way to uber success in the literary world.
It comes with tilt (and you thought that was just for your car…hah!), an integrated audio system (cause you are going to need to wear headphones if you put this in the living room – gotta tune out your partner and the kiddies when you are working on makin’ the moolah), LED lighting, and strategically positioned monitors (not included) and accessories. Not to mention, it’s ergonomically optimized, a must-have in today’s successful author’s writing room.
Just think about how much your imagination will soar, characters will come alive and plots will thicken when you feel like you are powering a small air craft in your KITCHEN no less??!? I mean, if you are going to write about spaceships and other worlds, why not feel like you are IN one. Talk about an immersive creative experience. This thing breathes inspiration, ingenuity, and originality. It’s gonna lite a spark in your muse’s ass! You’ll be on FIRE!
But wait. Maybe this isn’t enough? Maybe this isn’t technie enough for you? Maybe you feel like I’ve dropped the bar? Maybe you want more…more comfort…more high-end…more gadgetry…your muse DEMANDS it! Your muse is a diva and the diva demands LUXURY. I know all about it people – got me one at home.
Well hold onto your panties and strap on your jock strap…meet the Emperor 200. Don’t let the small number fool you, for a mere $49,150 US (I’ll admit, you’ll have to write and sell quite a few books to have this one pay for itself) you too can have yourself the ultimate computer workstation. Or as I like to call it, Author Only Area (you’ve heard of Area 51, the most famous secret military installation in the world…well like that but for Authors!)
It has features like a TOUCH SCREEN CONTROL CENTER (it’ll be like flying the Starship Enterprise people), air filtering system (gotta put your health first), light therapy (really get your muse working overtime), electric powered leather seats (beam me up Scottie) and up to three 27” LED screens and a blow-the-lid-off-your-ears Bose sound system. The website says “be bold and unique” – no shit!
I think they should change it to “make your muse your bitch”.
With the Emperor 200, no more waiting around to see if Miss Muse shows up for work today or if she’s in any kind of a mood to give you the good stuff. Nuh-uh, no way, I don’t think so HO! Miss M will be to work, on time, dressed to kill, and ready to deliver you the bomb of all writing. This shit’s gonna make you weep it’ll be so good.
What’s your writing space look like? What spaces fire up your muse? Come on…share the wealth…
It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!
More blog deliciousness here:
- Very timely linky love. I loved the post by Writers in The Storm about what your writing space says about you. The variety of spaces was wild.
- Great tips on POV basics that will ensure you aren’t looking like an amateur by Jody Hedlund.
- I enjoyed Elizabeth S. Craig’s post on how much she takes into account what readers think. Do you agree with her approach?