The truth about boys – a guest post by Jessica O’Neal

I am so excited to welcome Jessica O’Neal to my blog digs while I am on vacation. Jessica’s blog ROCKS with her vlogs (yes…she does VLOGS….how uberlicious is that…) and her bow and arrow (yes…she has a BOW and arrows and she knows how to use them)! I know y’all will just adore her. Thanks so much for swinging by and hanging out here Jessica – I hope you enjoy yourself! Take it away…

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Jessica O'Neal

Hey y’all! I am super excited to be hanging out here at Natalie’s fahhhbulous blog, I even painted my toenails pink for the occasion (you can’t see them, but I promise they are pink). I was beyond honored when she asked me to come up with something for you guys, and then I instantly got nervous. Let’s face it, Natalie is a hilarious act to follow. The antics that she and the hubby get up to always make for some entertaining reading and, try as I might, I couldn’t think of a story of my own that even came close to measuring up to one of theirs. In fact, for the majority of my life I was pretty sheltered and most, well all, of their stories would have been quite shocking to my innocent little self. This got me thinking. When did that change?

Growing up, it was just me, my mom, and my sister from a fairly young age. I went to an arts school for middle school and high school, so the girl to guy ratio was about 4:1 and the guys that were there made sure to show their well-behaved, tame sides around me. The only other boys I was around were from church youth group, so they were always on relatively good behavior, too. All of this meant that when I started dating my future husband, who also happened to be the first guy I ever dated, I was incredibly naïve as to the world of boys. Sure I had heard rumors of their crude natures, but based on all that I had ever witnessed, I believed those tales to be vastly exaggerated. Ha! Oh, how so very wrong I was.

I’m not really sure what changed when I started dating my husband. Maybe it was because I was off the market, so there was no pressure to impress me in the hopes of winning my heart, but whatever the reason, I began to be treated as one of the guys. My husband’s friends, and there were a lot of them, welcomed me into the inner sanctum of The World of Male and, oh my goodness, it was quite the culture shock. Every construct I had ever built up in my head about boys was shattered as I learned that all the jokes I believed to be just that, jokes, were indeed true.

They really do behave like they are still children with one another. This may not seem like much, but it was shocking to me. My husband and his friends were all in their early to mid 20s, yet they still tormented each other like they were little boys. There were a select few that tended to be picked on the most, and the rest would spend hours coming up with practical jokes to play on them or ways in which they could embarrass them, such as throwing things on them while they were taking a shower or getting on an IM chat with their girlfriends and pretending to be them.

Then they also did things that were just dumb. I remember one time we went to a party where all the guys thought it was hilarious to throw mouse traps at each other. Another time they decided to play “shopping cart chicken,” which involved two guys sitting in two shopping carts being pushed towards each other at full speed. And don’t get me started on holidays that involve fireworks – let’s just say that my fear of being burned by fireworks no longer seems irrational.

They really do like to be naked, or close to it, as often as possible. I had always heard the boys in youth group joke about “naked time,” but again I thought that it really was a joke. I was wrong. Generally speaking, boys have no problem getting naked and they think it is funny. I went from never having seen a naked male to seeing way more than I ever wanted to. Thankfully, whenever they got naked it was to be funny, so there was usually something hiding the *goods*, such as a basketball. One of our good friends was particularly fond of wearing plastic bags. The memory that always sticks out in my mind is the time we were watching TV and he suddenly came out in nothing but cowboy boots, a pink tie, and a strategically placed Target bag. Sometimes there would be a short supply of cover-up objects, but that didn’t stop them when the naked mood struck. Nope, on these occasions they opted to preserve their modesty with the good ole tuck, or as they called it, the “man-gina” (there’s an urban word for you, Natalie!).

They really do think about sex. All the time. This one, I think, surprised me the most. Before my husband’s friends, boys did not really talk about sex around me, so I never believed the idea that boys thought about sex every 3 seconds. Well, I can now tell you with confidence, that saying is true. Oh. My. Goodness. I have heard more stories, most of which are even too dirty for this blog, than I ever cared to know (thankfully none of which involved my husband). I don’t know if it was just because most of my husband’s friends were in bands and had a ton of tour experiences to talk about (“tour goggles” are a real thing too, by the way, as the nicknames “pig-frog” and “man-face,” the nicknames given to two girls one guy fooled around with on tour, can attest) or if it is this way with all guys, but it is seriously out of control how much they think about women and sex. I am pretty sure the entire first year of my relationship with my husband was spent with me gaping at the things that came out of his friends mouths. It was definitely an educational time period for my innocent little mind.

Going from a world comprised almost exclusively of women to one almost exclusively of men was the biggest culture shock I have yet to face. Once I got over the shock, however, I was able to develop an appreciation for this world that had been kept secret from me for so long. As dumb and gross as they can be, those boys always make me laugh.

What about the rest of you? Did any of you experience a culture shock when you learned the truth about boys? And what about you men out there? Were there things that shocked you when you learned the truth about women? Go ahead and dish in the comments.

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Squeeeee…man-gina!! I am TOTALLY going to do a post on that Jessica – love it! Thanks again for swinging by and sharing your story with us. I can only imagine what a culture shock you’ve gone through but it also sounds like you’ve had a ton of laughs and have adjusted beautifully!

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Comments

  1. Hey Jess, you did yourself proud here in Natalie’s beloved blogland! Your observations about men’s behaviours are hilarious and so true.

  2. You are so right about this! I have two brothers so I know first hand about boys. They really don’t mature in some ways even when they grow up. Maybe that’s why I still think farts are funny. I’ll blame it on my brothers! I think you may have just inspired a blog post in me. :)

  3. I’ve never spent this kind of time with men, but it sounds like fun. i wonder how they are as fathers of daughters?

    • Ooh, that will be interesting to see if any of them have daughters one day. Most of the guys we know either don’t have children or have boys. Hmmm….

      I can honestly say that time spent with the boys is rarely ever boring!

  4. This is hilarious! I grew up very naive about the man-world too, and I think my biggest shocker was how they don’t see the need for pants. I used to think it was just my brother, who’d come home from school and hang around the house in his boxers or who’d get up in the morning in the summer and just not bother putting shorts on over his boxers. And then I got married and found out my husband did the same thing. One day I mentioned it to a friend of mine only to learn her husband did the same thing. Her husband even answers the door wearing nothing but his boxers. I think I will never understand the aversion to pants :)

  5. LOL. I grew up pretty sheltered, too, but my husband clued me into the ways of boys. They are just overgrown children, and the naked thing is so true. My husband lives for the moment he can strip down to his undies. I don’t know what their abhorrence is with clothes, but I swear it starts as babies. The little boy I watched loved to whip his clothes off and run around naked, lol.

  6. I married one of the church boys – so other than the underwear thing not a lot of this goes on around me. lol I’m a little grateful for that :)

    • Hahaha! The funny thing is, I married a church boy too. My husband and I actually met at church and his parents spent years as youth pastors! Granted, most of his friends are not church boys and they are usually the ones getting up to the most mischief. It certainly makes life interesting!

  7. Great post, Jess. Thanks, Natalie, for having Jess in the house–and for the shout-out and blog love!!

    I can’t say that I was shocked by any truth about boys/men. You’d think I would be because growing up, it was pretty much my mom, younger sister and me. House-o-Girls! But I spent my summers with my dad and they were atypical. I performed in water ski shows. So, next to the girls locker room was the boys locker room and lets just say I learned what a bunch of boys do when they get together, clothed and unclothed! haha! And now I have 2 teenage boys in the house. My daughter and I are sticking together to keep some girly in the house. To keep the odds on my side, both dogs and the guinea pig are female. Not taking any chances. :)

  8. Shannon Esposito says:

    Great job being a guest poster, Jess! You had big pink shoes to fill! I have twin 6 yr. old boys who are “all boy” and think everything gross is funny and I can’t get them to wear anything but their underwear around the house. And of course, I consider my hubby my third boy. Tog ether the three of them are out of control, I can only imagine what it’s going to be like when they’re teenagers. Sigh…

    • Thank you so much, Shannon! Wow, I bet you do have your hands full with your three boys. I think it is hilarious that the common thread throughout all of these comments has been the naked thing. What is up with that?! Lol

  9. Karen McFarland says:

    Whoa Jessica, did you ever suffer from culture shock! But then again, I would’ve too had I been in your shoes. LOL! I can’t say that I have ever experienced such an initiation such as yours. Sounds like your hubby was the calmer one out of the bunch. I’d have to say that my experience was more like Lisa’s. I hung around the guys, but they always kept it piped down around me. Thank you very much! :)

    • Yes, my hubby is definitely the calmer one of the bunch…at least when it comes to being naked and sex stories. But he was usually in the middle of whatever crazy antics and practical jokes were happening! LOL

  10. A post truly worthy of Natalie’s blog. I was laughing so hard when I was reading the parts about how boys like to be naked. I am SO looking forward to the man-gina post!

  11. Wow, Jessica! That “naked time” cracks me up! I’m an only child who was cursed/blessed with three boys. That was culture shock, for sure! Lots of naked went on when they were little. My oldest (now 19) used to like to tie a cloth diaper around his neck and run around the house wearing nothing else! LOL! You did a fab job filling in for Natalie – Woot!

    –Kathy

    • HAHAHAHAHA! That is hilarious! I have two nephews who are both 3 and one in particular never has on clothing. I guess it really does start at a young age. Thank you, Kathy!

  12. I’m a preacher’s daughter and attended a Christian university, but I vouch for what you say too. I had many more guy than girl friends in college and got to witness quite a lot. I was also curious about what guys think so I asked questions. Guys are very frank if you ask them questions; it’s an eye-opener, I can tell you. Now I have two sons, and I am still amazed by some things. All that said, I think men are fabulous. Thank goodness God made men and women. It makes for a very interesting world, don’t you think? Great post!

    • Thank you, Julie! I absolutely agree that it makes for a very interesting world. And yes, I too learned that guys will be very frank if you ask them direct questions. Sometimes a little too frank, lol!

  13. Great post and thanks for the mention!

    So true. The truth I recently found out about boys is even if they’re married and 80, they still try and get in your pants. Ummm…. yeah. Nuff said.

  14. I’ve gotta say, I haven’t been treated to all that much purely naked time (thank the Lord)! And I’ve hung out with the dudes a lot (that last sentence really needs an *if you know what I mean*).

    I’ve always been shocked about how unshockable most guys are. I mean to see a guy tuck his magazine under his arm at work and just saunter into the restroom. A woman would NEVER do that! Just like we’d never pick up a butt cheek and break wind in the middle of a group of friends. Nope. Totally would never happen.

  15. I love that men love to be naked and, no matter how they really look, they think they look like gods! They make me smile. You did very well filling in for Natalie, Jessica. Really great post!

  16. Thank you sooooo much Jessica for the AMAZING post and all the comments. I’ve been reading them and laughing my BUTT off! Riot. You guys all ROCK!
    Man-gina – definitely a future post! LOL!!!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] have lots to share with you guys today. First, in case you missed it, on Monday I did a guest post over at the always fabulous Natalie Hartford’s blog. I discuss the rather severe culture [...]

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