I am so excited to welcome Jessica O’Neal to my blog digs while I am on vacation. Jessica’s blog ROCKS with her vlogs (yes…she does VLOGS….how uberlicious is that…) and her bow and arrow (yes…she has a BOW and arrows and she knows how to use them)! I know y’all will just adore her. Thanks so much for swinging by and hanging out here Jessica – I hope you enjoy yourself! Take it away…
Hey y’all! I am super excited to be hanging out here at Natalie’s fahhhbulous blog, I even painted my toenails pink for the occasion (you can’t see them, but I promise they are pink). I was beyond honored when she asked me to come up with something for you guys, and then I instantly got nervous. Let’s face it, Natalie is a hilarious act to follow. The antics that she and the hubby get up to always make for some entertaining reading and, try as I might, I couldn’t think of a story of my own that even came close to measuring up to one of theirs. In fact, for the majority of my life I was pretty sheltered and most, well all, of their stories would have been quite shocking to my innocent little self. This got me thinking. When did that change?
Growing up, it was just me, my mom, and my sister from a fairly young age. I went to an arts school for middle school and high school, so the girl to guy ratio was about 4:1 and the guys that were there made sure to show their well-behaved, tame sides around me. The only other boys I was around were from church youth group, so they were always on relatively good behavior, too. All of this meant that when I started dating my future husband, who also happened to be the first guy I ever dated, I was incredibly naïve as to the world of boys. Sure I had heard rumors of their crude natures, but based on all that I had ever witnessed, I believed those tales to be vastly exaggerated. Ha! Oh, how so very wrong I was.
I’m not really sure what changed when I started dating my husband. Maybe it was because I was off the market, so there was no pressure to impress me in the hopes of winning my heart, but whatever the reason, I began to be treated as one of the guys. My husband’s friends, and there were a lot of them, welcomed me into the inner sanctum of The World of Male and, oh my goodness, it was quite the culture shock. Every construct I had ever built up in my head about boys was shattered as I learned that all the jokes I believed to be just that, jokes, were indeed true.
They really do behave like they are still children with one another. This may not seem like much, but it was shocking to me. My husband and his friends were all in their early to mid 20s, yet they still tormented each other like they were little boys. There were a select few that tended to be picked on the most, and the rest would spend hours coming up with practical jokes to play on them or ways in which they could embarrass them, such as throwing things on them while they were taking a shower or getting on an IM chat with their girlfriends and pretending to be them.
Then they also did things that were just dumb. I remember one time we went to a party where all the guys thought it was hilarious to throw mouse traps at each other. Another time they decided to play “shopping cart chicken,” which involved two guys sitting in two shopping carts being pushed towards each other at full speed. And don’t get me started on holidays that involve fireworks – let’s just say that my fear of being burned by fireworks no longer seems irrational.
They really do like to be naked, or close to it, as often as possible. I had always heard the boys in youth group joke about “naked time,” but again I thought that it really was a joke. I was wrong. Generally speaking, boys have no problem getting naked and they think it is funny. I went from never having seen a naked male to seeing way more than I ever wanted to. Thankfully, whenever they got naked it was to be funny, so there was usually something hiding the *goods*, such as a basketball. One of our good friends was particularly fond of wearing plastic bags. The memory that always sticks out in my mind is the time we were watching TV and he suddenly came out in nothing but cowboy boots, a pink tie, and a strategically placed Target bag. Sometimes there would be a short supply of cover-up objects, but that didn’t stop them when the naked mood struck. Nope, on these occasions they opted to preserve their modesty with the good ole tuck, or as they called it, the “man-gina” (there’s an urban word for you, Natalie!).
They really do think about sex. All the time. This one, I think, surprised me the most. Before my husband’s friends, boys did not really talk about sex around me, so I never believed the idea that boys thought about sex every 3 seconds. Well, I can now tell you with confidence, that saying is true. Oh. My. Goodness. I have heard more stories, most of which are even too dirty for this blog, than I ever cared to know (thankfully none of which involved my husband). I don’t know if it was just because most of my husband’s friends were in bands and had a ton of tour experiences to talk about (“tour goggles” are a real thing too, by the way, as the nicknames “pig-frog” and “man-face,” the nicknames given to two girls one guy fooled around with on tour, can attest) or if it is this way with all guys, but it is seriously out of control how much they think about women and sex. I am pretty sure the entire first year of my relationship with my husband was spent with me gaping at the things that came out of his friends mouths. It was definitely an educational time period for my innocent little mind.
Going from a world comprised almost exclusively of women to one almost exclusively of men was the biggest culture shock I have yet to face. Once I got over the shock, however, I was able to develop an appreciation for this world that had been kept secret from me for so long. As dumb and gross as they can be, those boys always make me laugh.
What about the rest of you? Did any of you experience a culture shock when you learned the truth about boys? And what about you men out there? Were there things that shocked you when you learned the truth about women? Go ahead and dish in the comments.
Squeeeee…man-gina!! I am TOTALLY going to do a post on that Jessica – love it! Thanks again for swinging by and sharing your story with us. I can only imagine what a culture shock you’ve gone through but it also sounds like you’ve had a ton of laughs and have adjusted beautifully!
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