Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME, hubby…and…the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!
Fartriliquism: the art of farting near someone in a large group and making it appear that someone else in the group is the farter.
Examples Of Use:
Hubby and I were grabbing a healthy lunch at Pita Pit on Saturday when we enjoyed the following conversation.
Me: hey hubby, remember when we saw Jeff Dunham last week?
Hubby: yeah! Why?
Me: well you know how he was an amazing ventriloquist?
Hubby: yeah, he was amazing, why?!?!
Me: well I have a talent similar to Jeff’s.
Hubby: oh yeah, what’s that?
Me: I am a master in the art of fartriliquism!
Hubby: what in the god’s name is that???
Me: well…do you smell that???
Hubby: yeah….
Me: well that was me. But everyone in here thinks it was you! Heehee
Me: I can throw my farts. In large groups of people, I add in a “nose turned up” disgusted look to someone two or three people over from me to really make the throw authentic. No joke; I’ve tried it and it works every time! Not to mention, no one ever suspects a girl!! I am a master fartriliquist!
Hubby: you are sick and demented!
Me: I wonder if Jeff will add me to his show???? EEEKEE!! I’ll be famous!!!
Hubby: I doubt it!!
Me: whatever! You are just jealous of my many talents!
Are you a fartriliquist? How do you cover fluffing in public? Do you make it look like it was someone else, ignore the obvious, or fess up with an “excuse me”?
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…and this was all taking place while you were EATIING!? OMG, you crack me up! I think women are particularly adept at SBDs – aka Silent But Deadly. That’s as much as I’m going to contribute to the conversation, LOL!
Oh yes – these conversations happen in the most interesting times Kathy. Hubby said he’s going to write a book about the insane things I spout out at the most unusual times. LOL!
What a great skill to have! I wonder how you learn that? I don’t know if I’m willing to practice. I have a thing about farting in public. I just can’t do it!
I practiced at home first Emma. Once mastered, I took it global!
LOL!!
Cool talent, but I don’t need it. I have four dogs to blame it on.
K “What in god’s name is that? My eyebrows are melting.”
Me. “One of the dogs just farted.”
K “Yeah, sure. Pass the gas masks.”
ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eyebrows are melting – priceless and I am totally using that! LOL!!
Fartriliquism combined wiht your mastered art of “crop-dusting” leaves you ina class of your own Sweetheart! LOL!
I do pride myself on being unique! LOL!
Crop-dusting?? Did I miss a post?!!?
You haven’t heard of crop-dusting?!?!? I haven’t done a post yet but obviously I must! LOL!!
Natalie, you have more talents than you can count. Imaginiation is your biggest talent. Don’t ever lose your sense of humor.
Here here to THAT Nancy!! Thank you! L0L!!
Natalie I request a modification to the word – Tootriliquism – because women don’t do the other one. Ever. It’s a biological rule.
WOOT WOOT!! Tootriliquism!! Love it!!!
Lol. Forgive me if I don’t share this with my teenagers. They have enough ideas already.
This would be deadly in the wrong hands! LOL!
It’s like my kids say, “If you smelt it, you dealt it.” They are master fartriliquists. LOL.
Skunk smells himself first…LOL!!!
You are hilarious! And that you and your hubby have these conversations in public?! Over food! ROTFL
The more unusual the conversation and place, the FUNNER!
Ha!!! I read this in a silent waiting room & busted out laughing. (No, not to hide any…sounds!) Too much, Natalie. Your urban wordyisms never disappoint!
That’s fantastic August!! LOL!!!
I’ve always had a serious problem with the subject of farts, toots, fluffs … whatevah. As soon as someone mentions the topic, let alone drops one, I start laughing! I can’t help it. So this post and the comments above have had me on the floor. Imagine my dilemma when I taught elementary school and those cute little six-year-old boys kept “tooting” and cracking up. Then Ms. Sands would, with a very straight face, have a kind chat with them. Oh. dear. My 4-year-old grandson asked me the other day if I tooted (I didn’t, honest!) and I assured him “Nana’s never do” so I may have to get some tips from you about this talent of yours.
p.s. Prudence, you are so right. Having a dog around is the best defence!
Yes! I have a giggle buddy!!
Oh no…HAHAHA!!! That would have been a real problem teaching elementary school. Eeekeee because little boys love to fart and laugh about it!!
“Nana’s never do…” You are definitely going to have to master fartriliquism if you want to keep up that charade as they get older. LOL!!!
I won’t lie. I’ve been guilty of partaking in fartriliquism before. LOL
SWEET!! Love it Tiffany…I am not alone in my sickness! LOL!!
My kids would LOVE you, and this conversation. No joke! Especially my youngest. She loves farts! You crack me up girl.
Awwwww!! That is soooo sweet!!! You tell em’ Auntie Natalie said to “let er’ fly!” LOL!!!
Natalie. Tonight’s comment board definitely needs a guy whose been in those gassy trenches to sum things up. So here I am. As a REAL ‘guy’ I can attest that I am a seasoned veteran in the art of farting under pressure and in public. However, I do this for deliberate purposes. And I am never one to disguise. None of this clandestine wind for me. I DEMAND FULL CREDIT for the deed! On occasion while on the phone with my brother I will feel the urge and whisk the receiver quickly down to my buttocks just in time for a well placed and hopefully very trill sounding screacher. It warms his heart. And likewise he will return the gesture. It feels so right.
You’re killing me here, Roy. I totally laughed out loud over this comment.
LOVE it Roy!!! Love it…
You and hubby rock out owning your farts. There’s something…manly about it!!
O.M.G. I read the piece about your farting on the phone to your brother and I near spit out my water! PRICELESS!!!
Best. Talent. Ever.
If I could throw my toots, that would be awesome! Like Patricia, I’m a huge giggler. I think they’re hilarious, but apparently not when your son’s teacher is talking to you about what those crazy kids do and how she doesn’t use the ‘F’ word in her home. Um, because you don’t fart? I’d like to see the person who never does that. Seriously, they are messed up. Farts are funny. My husband can actually tell whose it is by the smell. He’s sick. I blame it on the dogs or the kids. Every time.
Oh my land Tameri, I would NOT have been able to keep a straight face during that conversation. I’d have had to ask her “soo…how would you have rated it on sound and smell? A 6 or an 8?” WAHAHAHAHA!! No “f” word in her home…ppppllleeeaaassseee!! Whatever…
Your hubby is GENIUS!!!
The blame game can be just as effective as fartriliquism!! LOL!!
I tell you, as the younger sibling to a much taller brother, I suffered at the hands of my sibling (aka the Fart Master). He would sit on my head and let it rip, every single chance he got. It is absolutely VILE to have someone vibrate against your forehead that way.
Ah…but then young Jenny’s mama enrolled her in gymnastics! Young Jenny grew stronger and able to leap sitting brothers in a single bound…
Young Jenny mastered the LEAPING fart, whereby she could run through a room, leap over her brother as he relaxed against the couch with his cereal bowl, and release a perfectly timed POOFTER OF DEATH.
After landing on the other side of him, I’d continue out the other doorway at a dead run. All the better to not get caught and tortured. It was a gift from God, that leaping fart. I’ve lost the talent since then, but at one point I RULED.
O.M.G!!!
Well, I have to say, your brother (dang bag whores – can’t trust them) left you NO CHOICE with fart attacks like those!! I mean seriously – did he think you wouldn’t eventually find a way to retaliate? Silly man! That was likely his first lesson in “never underestimate a woman!” Woot woot.
I can picture you landing poofters of death with military precision (likely, this is WHAT inspired him to join the Missouri National Guard’s engineering battalion – it all comes back to you baby)!
I am sure the spirit of the poofter of death lives on deep within you…LOL!!!
Too funny! And I like what Bridgette says above–it’s toots. For some reason, that sounds more ladylike.
Thanks for the link too!
I love toots and fluffing!! LOL!!!
So funny! Awesome word-thanks for the laugh Natalie!!
Glad you enjoyed it Coleen!!
I couldn’t do this if I tried and I make no apologies for my farts. If I’ve got air that needs to come out, I’m lettin’ it out
I love a gal who isn’t shy to let er’ fly if it must fly! Woot woot!!
I think you’ve taken blaming on the dog to a whole new level!
LOL!!! Oh yes….whatever it takes! LOL!!
She’s all mine people!!! Fruit in my bowl so to speak!
Greatest compliment ever! LOL!
Fruit in your bowl??? How is that a compliment? You two are SUCH newlyweds!!!
LOL!! That we are!!!
I need to NOT read posts like this in the middle of the night…
And yes, I did. ONE time. In a grocery store. And I’m sure everyone trapped inside that building was sorry they chose that day to do their shopping. No one was more stunned (or disgusted) than I was because any other time no one would ever have known. Talk about a bad judgment call. I threw a dirty look at an 8 or 10 year old boy a few feet away and hurried to another aisle. Never, EVER again, LOL.
WAHAHAHAHA!! Love it. I love how you threw a dirty look to the kid to shift the blame. Fantastic. Kids and dogs are easy targets (I know…I’m terrible for saying it…)!! LOL!!
My sister tells a great story of ripping one in the meat section while shopping with her boyfriend. Shortly after, a customer wandered up, grabbed a pack of beef, sniffed loudly and said, “Mmm, mmm, smells like some good meat up in here!”
Probably loses something in my rendition here, but your fartiloquism story reminded me of this. Funny stuff!
~Tui
O.M.G. RIOT!! LOL!!! That’s a fahhhbulous story – can you imagine? I would have been on the floor in a fit of giggles. LOL! Thanks so much for sharing Tui! :-