Hubby’s corner: the elusive and cunning mastermind…the ruffed grouse

Hubby attempting to hunt partridge

By Hubby

After hunting with my father for most of my childhood years, in my early twenties I decided to hang up my guns and ammo for hiking boots and a camera after being “scoped” out by another hunter. For you non-hunters, that means another hunter was using the scope on his rifle to watch me walking through the woods (meaning his quite likely loaded gun was pointed at me – not cool). I always missed hunting but felt the hunter to game ratio was way too high for my liking.

At 38 years old, Natalie and I purchased a hunting camp in an area where we enjoy ATVing. Very quickly I started getting the “hunting bug” again. I completed my Hunter/Firearm Safety Courses, acquired my Possession Acquisition License and for the first time in 17 years, I was a licensed hunter again!

Now what do I hunt? Well, I am not crazy about deer meat so I opt out of deer hunting. I do take part in New Brunswick’s annual moose draw but with 65,000 people applying for a license and only 4,300 actually issued a license; I don’t see moose hunting in my near future. BUT I do enjoy partridge meat (aka: ruffed grouse). So for the past two seasons, I’ve been hunting partridge in the fall…much to the comedic pleasure of my darling wife.

My hunting style is what we like to refer to as Hollywood Hunting. This is where a person drives around either in a truck or an ATV and if they happen to see their intended game; they take a shot at it. This works well for partridge hunting because in the fall, they waddle around on the edge of ATV trails sunning themselves so it’s nice and easy hunting.

It was on one of these Hollywood Hunting trips with my wife, my partner, my rock where I found a huge gaping black void where her support and loyalty used to reside. It was replaced with a pair of pink pompoms and a huge foam finger that read “Go! Partridge Go!” My darling, loving, and supportive wife was now cheering for my enemy – the partridge! 

Every missed partridge became an opportunity to play a game I like to call “Mock the Hunter.” Videos with sarcastic commentary were made as I took shots and missed. Photos of my defeated face were documented as I returned to the ATV empty-handed.  The smirks, the comments and the cheering for the partridge were almost unbearable. 

 Phrases like:

  • “Those partridge are very cunning creatures aren’t they sweetheart?”
  • “Those partridge are so wildly aren’t they honey?”
  • “It’s sad when a chicken on steroids can outsmart a man with a gun isn’t it babycakes?”
  • “Man, those partridge are some flexible and fast to avoid that spray of bullets!”
  • “Is there something wrong with your gun darling?”
  • “Are you sure you’ve hunted before my love?”
  • “Maybe you should get Brent to show you how it’s done?” (Stay tuned for a future Hubby’s Corner on Brent where I will elaborate)

In case you’ve never hunted partridge or met one face to face in the wilderness, this video will quickly display the common traits of the elusive and cunning mastermind I’ve been sparring with on the battlefield:

 

So last year I went empty-handed until the last day. It was the day I went out hunting alone (without the Camp Heckler) and I was determined NOT to return without a partridge. And at the last minute the forest Gods granted their finest gift ever.

Hubby is victorious!

I finally got one – YES! VICTORY! Because at this point, with a seasonal scorecard of Scott = 0 Partridge = 15, it was going to be a fountain of comedic wealth for my wife and a fountain of ridicule for me at all upcoming get-togethers with family and friends.

This year’s hunting season was practically a repeat of last year; several partridge were missed throughout the season which ensued many hours of mocking, degrading empty-handed returns to the camp and being labeled a “wildlife conservationist.”
 
But alas, two of the elusive, cunning creatures were bagged on the last day of hunting again this year! Victory is mine! I finally took a page from the enemy’s playbook – Bullet Dodged!!!!
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Comments

  1. LMAO. Poor Scott. I can’t feeling sorry for your bad luck (skill?!) at killing innocent birds, but I thank you for so graciously making fun of yourself for everyone to read.

    And I grudgingly say congrats over this years win. Poor things!

  2. ahahahahaha…that video put me away….lol……and sorry, I’m with Natalie cheering on the bird!!! =)

  3. ROFL – that video is hilarious. Do you promise it wasn’t staged? Scott, I don’t want to take away from the manly triumph of your last day of hunting but, if the bird in the video is typical of those in your forest, are you certain those two you bagged didn’t have a suicide pact?

  4. I’m going with Patricia on the suicide pact. That’s hilarious! And this would be the reason why my husband doesn’t hunt. He can’t even catch a fish. It’s very sad when your wife comes home with more fish than you do. So he doesn’t even bother anymore. Not good for the old ego I’d say.

    And Hubby, two in the hand is better than…oh never mind. Lord knows where you’ll go with that one. Anyway, I just know that next year you’ll hit four, then six, then eight, there will be no end to your success!

    Uh oh. Sorry Natalie. Forget what I said. You didn’t hear that. Down with Partridge killers! :)

  5. Shannon Esposito says:

    Guess there will be no partridge in a pear tree this year…sigh. *shakes pink pom pom’s* :-)

  6. LOL! That was awesome.

  7. Scott, It seems to me that poor partridge in the video was desperately trying to cheer you up :-)

  8. Ohmyfrikkingod, that is hilarious! I actually laughed so loud I woke up my dog and she barked at me!

    Those partridges are quite wiley ~ he almost hopped on the gun and shot himself for you!

    I’m afraid I’m with your beautiful wife on this one, Scott. Hunting grosses me out ~ when I eat meat I like to pretend it was never a real living creature or I get sad. Now, having said that, we are in the process of learning archery and now my son thinks he’s going to be some mad wild hunter and he wants, you guessed it, ME to go with him. Um, hell no.

    I’ll send him to Canada and you can hunt with him, okay? It’s an arrow, so if he misses and shoots you in the butt, it won’t hurt as bad as a gunshot. At least that’s what they say.

    When Michael gets home from school I’ll have to share your post with him. Soooooo funny!

  9. Editorial Note: Try as I might – I cannot claim to be the masked hunter in the video. This video is being used solely as an educational(comedic) tool to relay the evasive samari tactics of the New Brunswick partridge.

  10. My husband doesn’t hunt, but he has an ongoing battle with a mouse in his garage, we’re talking multiple traps, poison, and a dog. Pfft. He’s got nothin’ on the mouse. Actually, he did end up “getting” one, but every year I root for the mouse and let him know. Sorry.

    But, just so you know, mocking is our way of saying, “we love you.”

  11. Jillian Dodd - Glitter, Bliss and Perfect Chaos says:

    Love that Hubby finally gets his own post!! I have to say I admire your ability to continue your hunting in spite of your wife’s heckling. That takes a big man! We have good friends that have a saying in their family. “There’s women that do, and women that don’t.” Those that don’t – don’t clean their man’s game birds after hunting. I’m thinking Natalie is a women that don’t!

  12. Dude, ya gotta watch your back, them partridges ain’t to be trusted. Actually I have hunted off and on over the years, depending on the need. All I hunt now is rats. Far too many of the fat little bugger on my island. Maybe you could come up and give me a hand. :)

  13. Love the pom poms! While I understand the need to “cull” the herd and flocks, I’d probably be a vegetarian if I ever witnessed an animal being slaughtered or shot for meat. This stems from the trauma I still carry with me after seeing Dumbo and Bambi as a child.

    I still carry bugs and crickets found in the house outside. Spiders and ants are fair game if they’re found in the house, but a part of me feels bad about their predisposed lifespan.

  14. NEWS UPDATE –
    I’m convinced the feathery lilttle buggers have a recon platoon!
    This morning we were leaving the house and as I was locking the door I glanced over to the edge of the property – only to witness 2 of the “recon platoon” pretending to hen peck the edge of our property.

    Is it a coincidence that the day after my Hubby’s Corner post hits cyberspace that these crafty little bastards find their way to my property – I think not!

  15. OK, now that I’ve had my fun in the comments section…may I suggest that you invest in some trap shooting?

    • Har dee har har! – great idea!

      Here’s another great thought – maybe – could get Natalie to record all of the great “comment advice” I’ve received in the tone of sarcasm (that only she can do) and I can play them on the stereo as we are cruisin for chicks (partridge) – that way it’s not just her that’s heckling -but the entire world! (Blog world that is)

      That would be Ggggggreeeat!!!!
      I’m trying that idea on right now and it fits like a G-Knit!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] that knows me, knows that there is only one other creature that I battle with more than the elusive New Brunswick Partridge and that’s the ever-daring rodent called the Deer [...]

  2. [...] Happy Blogday to me!!!  Today’s post marks one full year since I posted my first Hubby’s Corner. [...]

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